A Merry Little Christmas (11 page)

Marianne laughed again. ‘Thanks for that,’ she said, ‘seeing you has cheered me up. It’s been a lousy twenty-four hours.’

‘I wish there was something I could do to help,’ said Cat.

‘I don’t think there’s anything any of us can do, but wait,’ said Marianne. ‘And hope that everything will be okay.’

Cat looked at her watch.

‘Damn, sorry, I was supposed to get Ruby ten minutes ago. Send everyone my love if you speak to them,’ she said, ‘especially Pippa.’

‘Of course,’ said Marianne.

Cat made her way to the village hall where Ruby’s lesson was. Bloody hell, poor Pippa and Dan. It really made you think. She resolved to put more effort into renewing her relationship with Mel. Things like this made you realise just how fragile life was. She was lucky to have her children, and she should let Mel know it.

Pippa sat by Dan’s bedside while he slept. A week she’d been sitting here. A whole week, with the odd breaks in between to go home and check on the children while Dan’s parents took over. Mum and Dad were holding the fort at home, while Gabe was doing the work of two on the farm. The boys had been in once to see their dad, but had been so upset, Pippa had thought it better to keep them in their normal routine. It had disturbed Dan, too, who’d cried after they’d gone, then promptly forgot they’d been. Pippa wasn’t quite sure which was worse.

She had fallen into a routine of spending most of the day with Dan, because he became agitated when she was away from him, trying to get home for bedtime and be there first thing in the morning, for the boys. So far it seemed to be keeping the boys on an even keel, but she was conscious they were rattled by the disruption in the domestic routine, and worried that she wasn’t supporting them enough. But Dan needed her, and that had to come above everything else, even Lucy. Miraculously, the Sunshine Trust had found an emergency fund, so Lucy was staying with them for a couple of weeks till things settled down. Pippa checked in with them every day, and Lucy seemed to be cheerful enough, though Kim said she clearly missed her parents.

A week. How could it only have been a week? How could her whole life have turned itself upside down in such a short space of time? Dan’s physical injuries were recovering fast, although his foot was in plaster as he’d broken his ankle in the fall. But his emotional and mental injuries were another matter. The conversations they had were rambling and repetitive. Every day when she saw him, he’d forgotten what had happened, and she’d have to remind him. Every day he wandered in and out of consciousness, sometimes completely unaware that she was there, sometimes wildly enthusiastic and wanting to come home. No one could tell her if he would ever get back to his normal self. And she missed him more than she could say.

Dan stirred in his sleep, and then woke up looking slightly startled.

‘Hello beautiful,’ he said, a broad grin filling his face.

Pippa grinned back. That was more like Dan. His face was pale and wan, but at least he’d given her a glimpse of the man she knew.

‘Hey you,’ she said, tears springing to her eyes.

He held her hand and traced a finger down her cheek.

‘You’re crying,’ he said in surprise. He was her old Dan in that instant; kind, caring, compassionate.

‘I’m fine,’ she said, wiping the tears away, and trying to compose herself.

‘Where am I?’ said Dan, looking around him very confused, taking in the surroundings of the hospital bed, equipment and hard chairs, as if seeing them for the first time. ‘What happened? Why’s my leg in plaster?’

He often did this, forgetting that he’d been hurt.

‘You’ve been in an accident,’ said Pippa.

‘I don’t feel great,’ said Dan, slowly, as if testing out an idea.

‘You’re not very well,’ said Pippa, ‘but you’re getting better every day.’

‘Oh,’ Dan held her hand tight. ‘Is that why my head hurts?’

‘Yes, you had a nasty bang on it,’ said Pippa.

‘I did?’ said Dan, looking frightened. ‘What happened? How long have I been here? I don’t remember anything.’

‘You fell out of a tree,’ she said. ‘A week ago.’

‘A week, I’ve been here a week?’ Panic was in his eyes now. Pippa stroked his hand. She hated to see him so churned up and miserable, but all she could do was try and soothe his fears.

‘It’s all right, sweetheart, you’re on the mend now,’ she said. ‘That’s the main thing.’

‘Where are the kids?’ he said. ‘I want to see them.’

‘They’re at school,’ said Pippa. ‘They send their love and they’ll see you soon.’

She’d had this conversation before, and hated it. It seemed to cause Dan physical pain when he remembered the children, and she was almost glad when he forgot about them again.

‘You won’t leave me, will you?’ asked Dan, holding her hand tight. ‘I don’t want to be alone.’

‘I won’t leave you,’ said Pippa, squeezing his hand. ‘You know I’d never do that.’

‘Good,’ said Dan, ‘because I was dreaming you had.’

Pippa kissed his hand by way of reply, and Dan calmer now, laid back on his pillow, shutting his eyes. Soon he was dozing peacefully.

‘We’ll be okay, Dan,’ Pippa whispered fiercely, holding his hand tightly. ‘We have to be.’

Dan was a long way from getting better, but maybe, just maybe, she’d been offered a glimmer of hope.

Steven and Gabriel came in from the fields, as Marianne was cooking tea. Steven had been really helpful in the wake of Dan’s accident, going out to help Gabriel whenever he could. In the way of farming kids the world over, he’d been driving a tractor practically since he could walk, and now he was bigger he was getting to be very useful to his dad. Marianne often thought it was a shame that Steven didn’t want to go into farming, as sheep rearing came naturally to him, but certainly at the moment, singing was more important. It was a pity that Gabriel couldn’t see it quite that way. In the week since Dan’s accident, there had been little time to talk about Steven going to Middleminster. Steven’s pleasure at getting into the school had been marred by what had happened to Dan, and it had been forgotten about in the general chaos of trying to keep on top of things. But they were going to have to talk about it soon. They had to accept the place or risk losing it.

She was finding it difficult to raise the issue. Not only was Gabe preoccupied with the farm and Dan, his enthusiasm for Steven’s achievement had been muted, to say the least. Marianne could see how hurt Steven was that Gabriel hadn’t been happier for him, so she had unsuccessfully tried to pass it off as Gabe being busy.

‘You could have been more pleased for him,’ Marianne had said tentatively to Gabriel the previous night, to which he had shrugged his shoulders, saying, ‘But I’m not. And I don’t want to talk about it right now.’ Marianne knew he was hurting at the thought of losing his son, but it was clear to her that his approach wasn’t helping the situation, as it was just making Steven hostile. For all his good points, Gabriel could be very stubborn, and so could Steven. Marianne felt like banging their silly heads together.

Steven shot off straight upstairs without saying a word, no doubt to go straight on the Xbox or play some other violent computer game.

‘Well?’

‘Well what?’ said Gabriel sitting down at the kitchen table. He looked tired, so Marianne brought him a cup of tea and came over and ruffled his hair.

‘Did you find any time to talk about whether we accept the place at Middleminster?’

Marianne had been secretly hoping that spending some bonding father/son time in the fields would help Gabriel see things from Steven’s point of view.

‘He wants to go. I don’t want him to go. What’s there to say?’

‘I think you should let him,’ said Marianne. ‘If that’s what he wants.’

‘This is all bloody Eve’s fault,’ said Gabriel viciously. ‘Putting the idea in his head. It’s all right for her to swan in now and cause chaos. It’s not as if she’s ever been much of a mother to him.’

‘Woah.’ Marianne had never heard Gabriel express such bitterness to his ex-wife. ‘I know things haven’t been great in the past, but it’s good Eve wants to be involved now, isn’t it? For Steven, I mean.’

‘I guess,’ said Gabriel reluctantly.

‘And is it such a bad idea? Steven has such talent. Do you really want to hold him back? Think about what’s happened with Dan. We shouldn’t pass up a chance like this.’

‘You think I’m being selfish?’

‘A bit,’ said Marianne.

‘Thanks for the support,’ said Gabe. ‘I thought you at least were on my side.’

‘I am,’ protested Marianne, ‘but Steven–’

‘Is my son, and he’s only eleven years old,’ said Gabriel. ‘I think I know what’s best for him. You’re not his mum, and Eve’s never been much of a mum to him. It’s up to me to decide.’

‘But why let him even take the exam then?’ Marianne said. ‘You’ve made him think you’re okay with it.’

Gabe had the grace to look embarrassed.

‘To be honest, I didn’t think he’d get in,’ he said. ‘And now with what’s happened to Dan, I just can’t bear the thought of Steven going away. Life’s too short.’

‘You’re right, life is too short,’ Marianne seized on the idea, but she saw a familiar set in his jaw and knew it was hopeless.

‘Sorry, Marianne,’ said Gabe, ‘this is my decision and mine alone.’

Cat was back in front of the cameras, filming the Christmas edition of
Cat’s Country Kitchen
. They were filming it early to tie in with the book schedule. It seemed utterly absurd to be decked out in tinsel, slaving over a hot turkey, but it had to be done. She was feeling queasy, and the studio lights were making her feel hot and bothered. She kept fluffing her takes, as she was finding it hard to concentrate, and Les was getting quite irritable with her. A month ago, she would have imagined she was having hot flushes, but now she knew differently. Her body was showing all the tell-tale signs of early pregnancy – the heavy sickness, the swollen and sore breasts; the utter exhaustion. Cat thought she’d felt rough with Ruby, but eight years on, and this was hideous. There was a reason a woman’s prime time for giving birth was eighteen. Forty-two felt positively ancient. Cat wasn’t at all sure she was ready to go back to nappies after all this time, despite Noel’s growing enthusiasm. He was already talking about prams and cots in a way she couldn’t recall him doing in the past. He was far more enthusiastic about this baby than she was, but then again, he didn’t have to carry it.

Cat’s head was really hurting by the time Les called cut. She hadn’t dared yet mention to anyone on the production team, that she was pregnant. She had no idea how it would go down. But she had a feeling there might not be a second series of
Cat’s Country Kitchen
in the offing. Although, she could probably do a mini-series on feeding new babies if the worst came to the worst. It didn’t seem fair. It was all right for the men; Jamie Oliver could just leave Jools to produce away in the baby department while his career wasn’t affected a jot. But Cat knew that even if people were still enthusiastic about keeping her on, inevitably her time was going to be more limited than it was now. And the thought of going back to nannies and au pairs again filled her with dread. Oh God, she was having another baby. At her age. It was ridiculous.

‘You okay?’ Penny, the very lovely production assistant, came up as Cat sat wanly on a chair, concentrating on trying to feel better.

‘Fine,’ said Cat, then grimaced as she felt a familiar ache in her groin. It felt like period pain, but that wasn’t possible.

‘You don’t look fine,’ said Penny. ‘You look very pale. Can I get you some water or something?’

‘I don’t feel all that great,’ admitted Cat. ‘I might just pop to the loo. I’m sure I’ll be better in a minute.’

She got up to leave, and felt a spasm of pain. Something wasn’t right. By the time she reached the loos, Cat’s body was being racked by the most appalling pain, like the worst contraction she’d ever had. And there was blood. A lot of it. No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. Having just got used to the idea of the blob, she couldn’t be losing it. Not now.

‘Cat, are you okay?’ Penny knocked on the door. ‘Sorry to intrude, but I was a bit worried about you.’

‘Penny,’ she called weakly. ‘Can you call an ambulance? I think I’m having a miscarriage.’

FACEBOOK status )-: Crap

Kaz:
wassup babe?

Jen17:
You ok?

Ellie?:
What’s wrong?

Mel:
Bad day. Thanks everyone xxx

Mel:
Kaz MESSAGE ME Now

Kaz:
You ok?

Mel
:
Andy. I think he’s dumped me.

Kaz:
No!!! Why???

Mel:
We talked about you know.

Kaz:
AND???

Mel:
I said I wasn’t ready yet … I thought I was but then …

Kaz:
You’re better off without him, babes

Mel:
I knew you’d say that.

Kaz:
I’m only trying to help.

Mel:
Don’t.

Teenage Kicks

The Boy hasn’t rung. Or texted. Not since my birthday. He wanted me to have sex, and I said
I wasn’t ready. I fell out with Best Mate about
it. She says I’m better off without him. But how can I be, when I feel so bad?

And Mum’s had a miscarriage. She was really ill for a bit, it was so scary. We didn’t even know she was pregnant. Ugh. Mum and Dad. I didn’t know they still did it. That’s horrible.

I know I’ve been crap to Mum recently. I feel bad now.

Why is everything so miserable?

I worked at the caff today. And The Boy came in. With a girl. No, not a girl. A woman. She was older than him. And he kissed her on the lips. He didn’t see me behind the counter, and I ran in and hid in the kitchen till he’d gone. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I thought he loved me.

I went to see Mad Gran today and told her all about it. I tell her everything. It helps to talk to her, and I know she can’t remember or tell anyone. And I have no one else to talk to. My fault. Best Mate’s not speaking to me. I’d try and talk to Mum, but she’s so upset about the baby, I don’t think it’s the right time
.