C
hapter 17 –
D
avid:
Time for the truth
I
t had been hard to dry his tears. Traumatized by the story of his lover, David had wanted to take him in his arms and curl up against him, to soothe the pain and erase the memories. The part about him witnessing his mom’s murder had smashed his heart to pieces. And when he had asked for forgiveness?
Dieu tout puissant
…Dear Lord, how could he not? His past wouldn’t excuse everything he had said or done but it did explain why he had acted the way he had. He had trouble anticipating the future? David was willing to endure it. To demonstrate his feelings, he had taken him in his arms.
David only wished to take care of his lover, hold him tight against him and protect him from his sordid history. He needed him to feel secure in his embrace. Happy. They had taken their fondling to the bedroom and they
had
been happy. James had laid him on the bed and they had kissed ―slowly, desire flowing through their veins. Their clothes had disappeared one by one, unhurriedly removed between languid caresses. James’ hands and mouth had wandered along his body. He had prepared him oh-so seductively, lovingly, to make his first time all the more pleasurable. Then he had taken what David had never dared give anyone and he had felt like the happiest man in the world, whole for the first time in his life.
Without denying his own past, he had never lived anything as intense in his existence, emotionally or physically. Feeling another man’s body against him, anchored inside him was something he had never experienced, it was an incredible sensation. And James was his man.
Mon homme.
He could still feel his love floating on the male pheromone-filled air. He sighed deeply, a loud and content sound as he shifted in the arms of his —yes, he could say it now— lover. He dared think of him as his boyfriend.
Although, at his age, using the word seemed a bit inappropriate.
What should I call him? My partner? My lover? No, boyfriend will do for now.
He didn’t need to put a label on his man.
That’s it. He’s my man. Mine.
They showered together the following morning. It had been a moment full of tenderness and heat where James had rubbed all of his body, while the suds had reached every dark nook and cranny. David had loved to return the favor. He adored worshipping his lover’s body. He had kissed him everywhere, tracing the contours of the tattoo on James’ right arm. Since their first meeting, on the plane, he hadn’t had the chance to give it the attention it deserved. So he took his time to lick it, drawing the pattern of the tattoo with his fingers and tongue, the convolutions bearing no secret for him anymore.
James’ moans were a beautiful reward and they had increased David’s pleasure.
He had kneeled before James in the shower, eyes locked onto his, as he took his glistening shaft in his eager mouth. He had slid his tongue from root to tip, trying to reproduce what he liked. And when he had taken it almost entirely into the scorching cave of his mouth, he had definitely felt as the luckiest man on the planet.
He had done his best, slowly bobbing his head up and down as he swirled his tongue around James’ cock. It had seemed to work as James had come in his mouth with a harsh cry, the hot stream pouring down his throat, on and on. The best part came when James had reciprocated in their bed.
Our bed.
David sighed contently again.
The muscles in his bum burned as he moved. He hadn’t known his body could feel that way. He had especially been stunned by his reaction to his prostate’s stimulation. He whimpered remembering James’ fingers inside him.
The sound provoked James to stir beside him. David felt bold and dared push his buttocks against his man to finish waking him up. They moaned in unison at the sensation of James’ morning wood tucked between his ass cheeks. A hand made its way to his chest, pinching one nipple, caressing the other and then ventured down his stomach, fingers playing with the sparse hair on his lower belly.
James wrapped his tantalizing fingers on the growing erection that lay on his thigh and David’s heart missed a beat. The strong hand on the soft flesh woke up his libido.
Hmm, as if I need that. Seeing him works like a hair trigger on me.
He felt like a teenager since he had met James. Always up for anything…
After James bit him on the shoulder, David turned his head to kiss him on the lips but James pulled away.
“Sorry, morning donkey-breath!” He smiled. David chuckled at the comparison. He had never smelled a donkey’s breath but he guessed he wouldn’t like it. He turned to face James and his gorgeous body. Taking a few seconds to admire the honey skin covered by the golden fur, the tight buds of his nipples erect in the chilly morning, David took one in his mouth and sucked it hard, making James mewl and arch his back. Emotions submerged him as he listened in awe at the wonderful sounds he enticed from his lover. His chest vibrated against David’s mouth and James raised his hips, giving him a hint of what he would really like. Under the friction, his
Mini-Moi
almost wept in relief.
Not now! I need to get a fucking grip on myself…or… well, maybe not!
James got the bottle of lube from the nightstand and poured some where their bodies where joined. He put one of his hands on their trembling cocks, the intimacy of the contact making his hard-as-nails dick throb. David covered James’ hand and they began to write their own version of the Poem of Ecstasy. For love nor money, they couldn’t have stopped their lips meeting, bad breath and all, and soon they forgot why they even bothered talking about donkeys.
James flipped David on his back and, while he tried to keep his balance on one arm, he jacked them both off. The atmosphere was hot, partially because of the sex, more so due to the way they looked at each other; flames devoured their souls, igniting their darkest desires. When they were together, David wanted all he had never dared to ask. It was as if he was at the doors of Satan’s realm: hot, tempted and about to dive in.
He was almost surprised when stars blinded him for a second. James joined in the ecstasy as he closed his eyes, avoiding the brilliance of his orgasm. It took them a long time to catch their breath, lost in thoughts and each others arms. David loved the calm after the storm. But he hated to lie down on the wet spot…he needed to move.
“Sorry,
bébé
, but if I don’t move now, you’ll need a real jimmy to pry me off the bed,” he whispered, smiling against his man’s sweaty skin, his hand lasciviously stroking James’ back. James looked up at him, raising an eyebrow as he heard the endearment. It was the first time David dared call him “baby”. A slow smile pulled up the corner of his lips.
“You’re right,” he rolled over. “Better clean us up now than waxing our stomachs with dry-jizz later!” He chuckled, the rumble resonating in the otherwise quiet bedroom. James stood up and ambled to the bathroom. He came back with two hot wet cloths and, instead of giving one to David, cleaned his lover. David stared at James, wondering how he could be so lucky. Sometimes, he waited for the other shoe to drop. But it hadn’t happened.
Yet.
“We should buy some cleaning wipes, I guess.”
Random thought. Shut up!
But James smirked.
“Oh yeah, definitely.” He answered smugly. “Unless you want me to clean you up with my tongue. I could lap you clean, you know!” The heat was back in James’ eyes, passion and desire turning them the dark grey color David loved so much. Arousal turned them into two sharp pins that held him down, rendering his brain obsolete. Only his dick was still interested by the sight. The sudden, loud pop of David’s jaw when he yawned made them both jump and they burst in laughter. They covered the wet spot with a towel, knowing they’d have to change the sheets later, and dozed on and off for a couple of hours.
David kept thinking about his kids. He needed to tell them now. There was a time difference of six hours between France and Boston. So, aiming to speak with them no later than eight o’clock in the evening at their end, he would have to ring them at two p.m. local time. He exhaled slowly, trying to diminish the building pressure. How do you tell your kids you love a man? Even though he hadn’t dared say it out loud, he was sure of how he felt now. It wasn’t a fling. Never had been. He wouldn’t bury his head in the sand. He needed to practice, to roll the words on his tongue, before dropping them on James.
I’m in love with a man.
He suspired, letting the words sink in.
I’m in love with James. I love him.
“I love you,” he murmured.
Saying it out loud was like a bright ray of sun shining in his cloudless sky, after years of somber weather. It was relief. A sense of freedom, almost dizzying. He closed his eyes and saw Suzanne’s smiling face, vividly silhouetted against a circle of light. She was nodding, and the guilt he had felt ever since the car accident left him. She was accepting it. She was accepting
him
. Even if it was autosuggestion that she was freeing him, maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to be accepted by the kids.
Jules would probably be the calmer of his two kids, but he would also keep everything to himself. David hoped his children wouldn’t be too harsh in judging their father. He didn’t want them to think he hadn’t loved their mother. He had, but much more like a best friend than a lover. Jenny would be the impetuous one, as usual. He had absolutely no idea how she would react. He didn’t know how to say it either.
I like men. I fell in love with James. I fell in love with my neighbor? Or should I say my coworker? How about that? I made a friend and bit by bit, things have evolved between us and… Oh, I’m so screwed…Maybe a simple “I’ve met someone”?
God, he couldn’t do that. How do you say that kind of thing anyway? David groaned, the knot in his stomach tightening. All the calm brought by their lovemaking had disappeared, leaving him afraid and nervous. A barrage of questions threatened to crush him.
Will they still love me? Will they talk to me after that? Am I about to lose them? Oh Lord, what if they don’t want to talk to me? Would I be strong enough to let go of James for them? Will I need to? Let’s hope not!
It was only minutes before the alarm rang that David finally found some sleep. He slammed his hand on the clock to shut it off and got back to sleep for a few minutes. When he woke up with a start thirty minutes later, he saw that James had left the bed and the place at his side was already cold. He hurried to take a shower, grabbed a cup of hot coffee James had been nice to prepare and made his way down to the bar. He would do his best to keep both his kids and his man because he didn’t want to be forced to choose. He was a grown-up and he could make his own decisions. But some of them were hard to take. He tried to put his worries aside and began his day at work.
****
H
e left just before the first shift was over and left Danny to close for the afternoon. He left a message for James who he hadn’t seen since waking up. He needed to find the courage to call his kids. He’d try Jules first, the more level-headed of the twins.
He didn’t have butterflies in his belly, but a swarm of outraged bees. He wanted to puke and his hair was damp with sweat. He felt like his head was about to explode but he knew he had to do it. He couldn’t back off now. His trembling legs brought him upstairs without him even noticing. He switched on his laptop, checked his email just in case something important would come up, forcing him to delay his announcement. But no such luck.
Come on, courage! You can do it!
It was like a band-aid. You needed to remove it fast without thinking too much about it. In one go.
Hey man, grow some balls! Get a grip and make this phone call!
He dialed the number, his mouth dry as the desert. He couldn’t do it via Skype. He didn’t want to see his kids’ reactions. It would make the whole thing too real. The beep resonating in the phone made his head swirl. Suddenly, Jules picked up the phone. David almost fainted under the pressure. His heart was about to fail him. At the last minute, he managed to say a word.
“Hey big boy, how are you?” Even to his own ears, his voice sounded chocked.
“Hey Dad! We were talking about you!” Jules sounded cheerful.
“Who’s ‘we’?” David asked. “Is your sister there?” He was so anxious he was barely able to articulate.
“Yeah, she’s gonna go out in a few with Anna.” Anna was Jenny’s best friend and he was relieved to know he would only have one of his kids to deal with tonight.
“Okay then…when does she leave?”
The tone he had used must have alerted Jules because he took a few seconds before he answered. “Not long. Why? Is there a problem?” He asked softly.
Ah, my boy! Always one to pick up on my moods…
“No, no problem…just something I’d like to tell you first.”
“Okay, give me a minute.”
Ah, calm and collected Jules, the negotiator. His anguish diminished a little.
He’ll understand. He’ll still love me. Please, let him love me.
He overheard the twins speaking rapidly and Jenny saying from afar “Hey Daddy! Love you, gotta go, talk soon!” all in one breath. David smiled. Jenny was unable to stay still, always the will-o’-the-wisp. A few seconds later, he heard their front door slam and Jules came back on the phone.