A Penny for Your Thoughts (19 page)

“Tired?” he asked.

“Oh, no, just...ummm... Okay, yes, tired, I guess,” she finished with a half smile. She certainly wasn’t about to tell him she couldn’t keep her eyes off him.

Matt dished food onto plates and set a dish in front of Penny. He fixed a plate for himself and sat down at the table. Penny took a bite of the omelet. The fluffy egg and cheese melted in her mouth.

“Oh, Matt. This is delicious! Just the way I remembered.” She turned to him and caught his quick lopsided grin.

“I hoped you hadn’t forgotten.”

“I never did,” she murmured. “I never would.” She popped another tasty morsel in her mouth.

“I wasn’t even sure I could remember how to make them.”

She twisted her head toward him. “What? Are you saying you haven’t made these omelets since...?” How did one describe the end of love?
Since we broke up?
Too trite.
Since I left?
Too much guilt.
Since we were in love?
Had she ever fallen out of love with him?

His cheeks bronzed and he dropped his eyes. He took a bite of food. “No, I haven’t.”

“Not even when you were...married?”

Matt grimaced. “She didn’t eat breakfast. Wasn’t her thing.”

“Oh geez, she didn’t know what she was missing.” She grinned and finished off her food.

She waited while Matt finished his meal, and she took their plates to the kitchen to rinse them off before throwing them in the dishwasher. Matt followed her into the small area.

“More coffee?” he murmured.

“Sure.”

On his way to the coffee pot near the sink, Matt passed behind Penny who bent over to put the last plate in the dishwasher. The small area between the dishwasher and island left little room for two people, and he bumped into her. Hyper alert, Penny jumped up with a start and swung around, losing her balance. Matt tried to step back, but he bumped into the opposite counter. He grabbed her around the waist with both hands to prevent her from falling. She regained her balance and stared down at his hands.

“Thanks,” she whispered, her eyes locked on the front button of his shirt. Her voice shook as she realized that he hadn’t let go. Her eyes flew up to meet his softened gaze as he searched her face. She tried to veil her eyes again, but he bent his head and kissed her with warm, tentative lips. Penny put her hands against his chest and pushed against him for a confused millisecond, but Matt slid his hands behind her back, and he pulled her to him in a tight embrace. She closed her eyes and fell under the spell of his kiss...the ardent kiss of a man who rarely showed passion outside of the bedroom.

Matt raised his head and looked at her.

“It was a long night,” he said in a husky voice. “I’m not as strong as I thought.”

Penny’s bemused head lolled for a moment, and he raised a hand to support her neck. He scanned her face, and Penny knew what he asked. It was likely he would never actually say the words. She nodded silently, and he smiled and bent his head to kiss her again. He began to walk her backwards toward the bedroom. She buried her face in his neck and hung onto him, afraid he would change his mind, afraid she would panic and change her mind if she gave it any thought, afraid he had changed so much he might only want her for one insane moment and then let her leave once again. She squeezed her eyes shut and hung onto his safe and familiar body and wondered if he’d become a stranger.

Matt moved through the open door of the bedroom and brought her down on her large, unmade bed. She opened her eyes to look at the man she’d dreamed of for years, the man who’d elicited sensual, erotic dreams during long, dark, lonely nights, but she found herself inexplicably shy...as if a stranger hovered above her. She opened her arms to bring him near so she didn’t have to meet his eyes. He lowered himself to her.

The moment was shattered by the ringing of her phone inside the nightstand. Penny froze. The phone!

Matt raised his head and stared at her.

“Where’s your phone?”

“In the nightstand,” she whispered. “It could be my mom or Travis.”

“Let’s find out,” he said grimly. He sat up and opened her nightstand drawer. The phone rang insistently, and he handed it to Penny. She glanced at the caller ID. The area code showed a local Alabama number with no name. She held it out to Matt.

“I don’t know who this is.”

Matt nodded. “Answer it.”

Penny swallowed hard and opened the phone.

“Hello?” she asked in a throaty whisper.

“Penny?”

“Who is this?”

“It’s Kevin. You told me to call. I was wondering if you wanted to go get some dinner with me tonight. My grandparents are playing bingo tonight, so I’m on my own. Whaddya say?”

Penny’s eyes flew to Matt, and her face burned as she writhed under his scrutiny.

“Penny?” Kevin’s voice rose an octave.

“Hi, I’m here. Just a minute, Kevin.”

Penny covered the phone. “It’s Kevin.”

Matt stuffed his hands in his pockets. “So I gathered,” he said with a raised eyebrow. “You forgot to tell me you gave him your new number.”

She winced. She had forgotten. “I did. I forgot.”

Matt eased out a heavy sigh as if he’d been holding his breath. “Well, you’d better talk to him. It really doesn’t look like you’ve changed much.” He moved away and left the be
droom.

Penny’s stomach flopped as she watched him walk out.

“Penny? Are you there? Is someone there with you?”
“I’m sorry. Yes, I’m here, Kevin. I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t.” She tried to fight back a sob.

“Oh, well, shoot! I’m sorry to hear that. If
you change your mind, give me a call, okay?” He gave her his cell phone number, but she barely listened.

“Bye, Kevin.”

Penny shut the phone before she heard his farewell. She stood up on shaky knees and crossed over to the bedroom door. Matt stood in the kitchen staring transfixed at the coffee pot.

“Matt. It’s nothing. He’s just a kid I met.”

Matt turned toward her and crossed his arms as he leaned against the counter. Gone was all trace of the loving man she’d just kissed.

“You know, Penny, we went through this before. It’s one of the reasons I didn’t ask you to marry me. I wasn’t sure you could be faithful.”

“I was never unfaithful to you, Matt Williams!” she shrieked. 

He gave her a hard stare. “I don’t think you were, Penny, but who knows how it might have been down the road for us. You flirted a lot.”

She wrung her hands for a moment. He was right not to trust her. Her youthful efforts to make him love her had been full of impetuous and immature mistakes. 

“I know I did, Matt, and I tried to explain why the other day. I know how silly I was when I was young. I just wanted you to love me so much you’d say, ‘No more. I’m jealous, and I don’t want you to flirt with anyone.’ But you never did...and rightly so. I tried to manipulate you, and I lost.” Her voice broke.

Matt stared at the white tile floor near his feet. He pressed his lips together, and Penny recognized the look. He wasn’t going to discuss it any more. He would walk away within minutes.

“Please don’t leave, Matt.” She had no pride when it came to him. All her years of schooling in psychology failed when it came to Matt. She couldn’t understand herself, and she couldn’t understand him.

Matt glanced at his watch, and Penny cringed. The inevitable would occur. It always did.

“I’ve got to get to work, Penny. We’re still working on the bank job, and I’ve got to make some calls to Cliff and to Michigan.”

Matt moved toward the door, and Penny stepped forward with her hands outstretched.

“Matt, please talk to me.”

He turned and looked at her for a moment with a blank expression. “I don’t know what to say right now, Penny. I loved you so much back then, but you couldn’t just let us be together in peace. You had to try to stir everything up.”

“I’m not doing that now, Matt. I’ve grown up! I’ve changed. Kevin just called and asked if I wanted to go to get something to eat. He’s staying with his grandparents. They went out. I told him no.”

Matt gave her a crooked smile and turned toward the door. “Well, that’s up to you.”

Penny blinked. He sounded so distanced. Short of throwing herself between him and the door, she couldn’t prevent his leaving.

“I’ll talk to you soon, Penny. Call me or the station immediately if you get any more phone calls.”

“Matt, please--” The door shut quietly on her plea and her outstretched hands.

She dropped her hands and turned away from the door with a constricted throat. Her chest felt tight, and she forced herself to take deep breaths as she made her way to the bathroom. She shed her nightgown, turned on a hot shower and stepped into the steaming water. She raised her face into the full force of the water and relished the stinging of the spray against the hot tears that poured down her face. It helped to distract her mind from thoughts of Matt.

Perhaps it was time to go home...wherever that was. Michigan seemed at once lonely and frightening. Travis was gone, but her stalker flourished there.

Maybe she should return to Montana, to curl up on her mother’s couch and eat homemade soup while her mother fussed over her. Penny ran her hands through her hair. That hardly seemed fair to her vibrant and busy mother.

Where could she go? Where could she run to hide from the pain of loving Matt? She’d run to Europe once long ago, afraid to stay with a man who loved her. Penny sank down onto the floor of the tub.

Afraid to stay with a man who loved her...
What a strange thing to say. What was so frightening about being loved? She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face on her hands. She culled every book on psychology she could remember, but no reference material seemed to have the answer for her now. 

Penny raised her face and allowed the water to rain on her face.
Love. Loss. The end of love.
The thought turned her cold though the shower continued to steam. She was afraid of love and loss, and had always been. Her father died when she was sixteen, and her husband left her for another woman. Love terrified her. It seemed easier to run from it than to stay and look it in the eyes...or the eyes of a man who loved her. By leaving Matt so many years ago, she controlled when and how it would hurt. If she had waited for Matt to leave her, she would have had to bear the pain of a heartbreak she could not fix.

Penny relaxed and raised her face to the rain of her shower. Control. It was about control...something no one really had. She lingered in the shower until the water began to run tepid, reviewing some of the choices she’d made in life.

After what seemed like an hour but was probably only fifteen minutes, Penny thought she’d better get her hair washed and shampooed before the water turned frigid. Cleansed and relaxed, she turned off the shower and toweled dry before facing the mirror. She gave herself a watery grin and had a chat with her image.

“It’s up to you to change your life. It’s quite likely you will never have control over anybody or anything, so you might as well lighten up and try to take life as it comes.”

Penny dropped her lecturing finger with a rueful grin, picked up her comb and dragged it through her matted hair. She contemplated taking a nice, long walk on the beach, relaxing in her chair, then perhaps an early dinner, some television and bed.

Tomorrow was the beginning of Mardi Gras. She intended to hit every parade within a twenty-mile radius. The local paper showed one every day in various towns throughout the area. And apparently, she would be going alone. But that was okay. She was a big girl. She gave herself a thumbs-up in the mirror, flashed herself another cheesy grin and returned to the bedroom to get dressed.

An hour later, Penny relaxed in her small beach chair while she watched the activities along the shoreline. There seemed to be an unusually large amount of people on the beach for February, and she attributed the population growth to the upcoming Mardi Gras parades and festivities. Several silver-haired men flew kites while others kept vigil at fishing rods staked in the sand. Couples and families strolled the length of the beach; a festive atmosphere filled the air.

Penny leaned her head back, closed her eyes and soaked up whatever vitamins the sun was prepared to offer. The sand warmed her feet as she lazily dug her toes into its sugary softness. A gentle Gulf breeze blew against her cheeks and ruffled the curls of her hair. She drifted in and out of drowsiness as she basked under the toasty sun.

“Good morning, Penny.”

Penny almost jumped out of her seat. Cliff stood beside her, dressed in casual khaki shorts and a polo shirt. She straightened in her chair and peered up into the sun at his towering figure, one hand shading her eyes.

“Hi, Cliff.”

“How are you this morning?” He regarded her with a somber face that hinted of uncertainty.

“I’m fine. And you.”

“Good.”

Cliff lowered himself to sit on the sand beside her. He rested his elbows on his bent knees and stared out to sea.