A Perfect Gentle Knight (20 page)

As she approached the shabby grey house she realized how little she wanted to go in the door. Home wasn't a refuge any more. She didn't have Sebastian. She didn't even have the Round Table. And now she'd lost Meredith as well.

T
HAT FRIDAY, ROZ
was spending the night at Joyce's. Harry had gone to Victoria for the weekend with Peter's family. Fa was at a meeting until nine o'clock.

Sebastian didn't turn up for dinner.

“Where is he?” Corrie asked as Roz got ready to leave. “Was he at school?”

“I saw him at lunch. He must have gone to the library as usual.”

“But he always comes home for dinner!”

“He's probably just late. Look, Corrie, I'm sure he'll be here soon. I have to go—Joyce's parents are taking us to see
The Ten Commandments
. Make sure the twins have a bath. They buried their dead turtles and they're filthy.”

By eight o'clock Corrie was frantic. She had looked all around the back yard and peeked into Camelot, but no one was there. She gave the twins a hurried bath. “Where's Sebastian?” asked Orly.

“I don't know,” said Corrie. When she saw how worried he and Juliet looked, she forced her voice to be calmer. “He's probably still at the library. He'll get home after you're asleep.” She put them to bed without a story, ignoring their protests.

Then she sat at the bottom of the stairs.
A knight is brave
.
A knight never cries
.

What should she do? Phone someone … First she tried the library, after a great deal of trouble finding the number in the book.

There was no answer. The library was closed.

Trying to stay calm, Corrie dialled Joyce's number. No answer there, either. They must still be at the movie.

If only Fa would get home! Corrie tried his number at the university, but she knew no one would answer—his meeting was downtown. She hung up the phone and paced around the house. Now it was eight-thirty. At least Fa would be here in half an hour. But what was Sebastian doing? Was he all right? Had he been in an accident, like Mum? If anyone found him, they wouldn't know who he was.

A knight is brave. A knight never cries
… Corrie sat on the stairs again, clenching her fist. She watched the hands on the grandfather clock inch their way to nine o'clock.

Then it was 9:10 and 9:20 and 9:40, and still Fa didn't appear. Now it was dark.

Was there anyone else she could phone? Meredith's parents. Corrie dialled the number with shaking fingers, but they weren't there. Aunt Madge … she was far away in Winnipeg, but at least she could tell Corrie what to do.

Aunt Madge didn't answer either. Mrs. Oliphant? Corrie didn't know her number.

She went upstairs and checked on Orly and Juliet, envying their deep, unknowing sleep. She went into Sebastian's room and curled up like a pretzel on his bed. Everyone had abandoned her. There was no one to help.

A knight never cries
. Corrie gazed at all the pictures of knights and their paraphernalia on the walls. What had happened to Sebastian?

Sir Lancelot would expect her to be Sir Gareth. Corrie sat up and tried to remember what to do when you needed help. This wasn't a fire, but surely it counted as an emergency.

She ran downstairs to the phone and tried to muster the courage to dial the operator. What would she say and what would the operator answer? Would she call the police? Would everyone think she was overreacting? Maybe Fa and Sebastian would come home after all.

It didn't matter what anyone thought. It was more important to find Sebastian.

Just as she lifted up the receiver the front door opened. Fa!

Corrie flew into his arms. “Oh, Fa!” she sobbed. “Sebastian has disappeared and I don't know what to do!” She began crying so hard she almost choked.

“My dear child!” Fa sat down in the hall chair and took her into his lap. “Whatever has upset you so much? Sebastian isn't here? Could he be at a friend's?”

“He hasn't g-got any friends! He didn't come home for dinner. And you didn't come home either and I was so scared!”

“Oh, my poor child …” Fa held her closer. “I'm so sorry. The meeting went longer than I planned, but I've often been late before. And where are the others?”

“Roz is out and Harry's away! I'm all alone, except for the twins. And I've been so worried! Oh, Fa, there's something
wrong
with Sebastian!” Slowly, in between sobs, Corrie poured out all that had happened. She wept and wept on Fa's shoulder, limp with relief. Finally someone could help.

Fa looked astounded. “But why didn't you tell me this? My poor boy, I had no idea he was in this state!”

“Because you were working on your book! Because you don't like us to bother you! And Roz said he'd get better, but he didn't. And now he's disappeared!”

“My book …” Fa shook his shaggy head as if he were waking up. “As if my book was more important than my son.” Tears filled his eyes. “Oh, my dear Cordelia, I am so sorry you felt that way. I'm so very sorry.”

Gently he wiped her wet face with his large handkerchief and let her blow her nose. Then he kissed her and set her on her feet. “Now, what are we going to do, eh? Do you have any idea where Sebastian could be? Could he be somewhere outside?”

Corrie thought hard. “I've looked in the shed and all around the yard. Maybe Joyous Gard …”

“Joyous Gard?”

“That's what we called our fort on the golf course. It's Sir Lancelot's castle.”

“We'll go there right away. I'll get a flashlight.”

“But what about the twins? We can't leave them alone.”

Fa seemed to come even more awake. “Of course we can't. What am I thinking? I know—we'll get Betty Tait from next door to come in for a while.”

He phoned Mrs. Tait, who said she'd come right over. The neighbours … Why hadn't Corrie thought of that? She could have phoned one of them for help, even though they had hardly spoken to the neighbours since Mum died.

In a few minutes Mrs. Tait was there. She stared at them curiously, but Fa didn't explain any more. He got a flashlight and told Corrie to put on her jacket.

“What if he's not there?” Corrie asked fearfully, as they walked down the sidewalk. The streetlights made pools of light on the pavement.

“Then we'll phone the police,” said Fa. “Don't worry, my dear, we'll find him.” He sounded as if he were trying to convince himself as well as Corrie.

The golf course at night was just as spooky as it had been at Hallowe'en. Dark trees loomed over them, and something large scuttled into the bushes as they went by—probably a raccoon, Fa said. His flashlight beamed a long tube of light that lit up the rough grass ahead of them. Corrie gripped Fa's dry hand tighter and he kept her from stumbling.

“There it is!” Corrie let go of Fa's hand and raced over the grass to the clearing. “Sebastian!” she called.

No one answered. Corrie led Fa into the bushes and held open the blanket they used as a door. Fa lit up the inside of Joyous Gard.

Sebastian was crouched in a corner of the fort, his arms around his knees. He was naked, except for a strip of cloth around his waist. His face and arms and legs were scratched and muddy. He shrank away from the beam of light and moaned like a trapped animal.

“Sebastian, my dear, dear boy …” said Fa, going in. He handed the flashlight to Corrie. Sebastian stared as if he didn't know who they were. His eyes were wide and blank, like black holes in his white face.

“It's all right, my boy. We've come to take you home.” Fa's voice was gentle and calm. He squatted in front of Sebastian, who kept staring at his father. Then his eyes focused and he gave a short, anguished cry.

Fa held out his arms. Sebastian unfolded into them. His thin bare shoulders shuddered with sobs. “I want
Mum
…” he croaked. “I want her so much!”

Fa began to cry as well. “Oh, my sweet son,” he whispered. He stroked Sebastian's hair. “So do I … so do I.”

T
HEY TOOK HIM HOME,
Fa half carrying him.

“Oh, my goodness, what's happened?” cried Mrs. Tait as they pushed through the front door.

“It's all right, Betty,” said Fa gruffly. “We can deal with this. Thank you so much for coming over.”

“Can I help?”

Somehow Fa managed to get her to leave. Mrs. Tait had looked so concerned and kind, Corrie almost wished she could stay.

Fa led Sebastian to the bathroom, and Corrie listened to him tenderly bathing her brother as if he were a little boy. Then he gave him some aspirin, put him to bed, and sat beside him until he fell asleep. Corrie put on her pyjamas, then waited outside Sebastian's room on the hall rug, clutching her knees and leaning against the wall. Her body felt as if it were floating.

“He's fast asleep,” whispered Fa, coming out of the room. “Come along, my dear child, you must go to bed as well.” He picked up Corrie as if she were a baby and tucked her into bed. He kissed her, then stroked her head for a long time. Corrie sank into sleep as if into a soft nest where there were no troubles any more.

17

No More Pencils, No More Books

S
ebastian had to go to the hospital for two weeks. He was weak from lack of proper nutrition, and he talked every day with a psychiatrist who worked with troubled teenagers.

Fa told them all this gravely. He went to see Sebastian every afternoon. The rest of the family wasn't allowed to.

They took refuge in one another. Juliet slept in Roz's room and Orly slept with Corrie. He curled into her like a comma, and his earthy little-boy smell soothed her. Harry had Hamlet to sleep with.

Fa ignored his book and sat with them in the den every night after dinner. He told them that Sebastian was doing as well as could be expected.

“He's eating more and getting lots of sleep. And he's crying a lot … so am I,” said Fa sheepishly. “Dr. Samuel says that's good for both of us.”

“
I
cry all the time!” boasted Orly.

“That's because you're a crybaby,” said Harry. “A knight
never
cries. That's what Sebastian always said.”

“Did he?” Fa said. “I think he's wrong about that. Sometimes even knights have to cry.”

Sebastian was due home the day after school finished. Corrie dreaded it. She couldn't get out of her head the image of his grimy face, his haunted eyes, and the deep sadness in those eyes.

On the Monday after they had found Sebastian, Corrie marched up to Meredith and blurted, “I'm sorry!” She had to get it out quickly.

“Oh,
Corrie
, I'm sorry too! Can we be best friends again?”

“Of course!” Corrie tried to tell Meredith about Sebastian.

Meredith looked puzzled. “Did he actually think he
was
Sir Lancelot?”

“I guess so,” said Corrie. “I don't really understand it. The doctor told Fa he had ‘lost his grasp of reality.' Fa says Sebastian flew too close to the sun.”

“What does
that
mean?”

Corrie tried to explain about Icarus, but it was too complicated.

“Will Sebastian be
okay
?”

“I hope so. They say he needs a long rest.”

Talking about Sebastian was embarrassing. With relief, they turned to the topic that was the rage in 6A—Sharon's approaching party.

Sharon was having their whole class to a party the evening of their graduation from Duke of Connaught. She was famous for her fancy parties, but Corrie had never been asked to one before.

“It's a
mixed
party,” said Meredith nervously. “I've never been to one, have you?”

Corrie shuddered. “No! Do we have to go?”

“
I
want to, but I won't unless you do.”

Corrie had no choice. “Okay, I'll go,” she sighed.

Meredith looked determined. “I think it will be
fun
. What should we
wear
, though? We have to get dressed up for the ceremony in the afternoon. Do you think my chemise is too plain? I
could
wear my yellow organdy, but it might be too small. Sharon said we should wear something more casual for the party.”

Corrie listened to this chatter with horror, deeply regretting that she had agreed to go.

The next day, the hottest day of the year, the new Second Narrows Bridge collapsed, killing nineteen people. All week Fa and the Coopers and Mr. Zelmach talked about the disaster, but their grave voices floated high above Corrie's head. She tried to feel sorry for the victims' families, but it was the same as when the grown-ups discussed the H-bomb or the Russian menace—it seemed to have nothing to do with her own world. Her head was full enough worrying about Sebastian—and about the party.

Then Roz took her in hand. She asked Fa for some extra money, and she and Corrie went to Oakridge. First Corrie got her bangs trimmed. Then Roz selected some red pedal-pushers and a matching polka-dot sleeveless blouse for her. The cuffs on the pants matched the pattern on the blouse, and they even found red runners.

“That's perfect for the party,” said Roz. “Now, what about the ceremony? I got really dressed up for mine. I wish you could wear my dress, but you're taller than I am now—it would be too short.”

“I am?” said Corrie in amazement. Roz had them stand back to back in the dressing-room mirror. It was true! Her head was about half an inch taller than Roz's. No wonder her legs had felt so long in the last few months!

“Fa said to spend as much as we liked. Let's find you something really nice.”

Before Corrie could protest, Roz had picked out a cornflower blue organdy dress and a stiff crinoline. Then she bought her black shoes with straps that swung back behind the heels to turn them into pumps, and new white socks. Corrie stared shyly at the stranger in the mirror.