Candace realized she'd have to handle things as best she could. She had her sister Lori there, who would help, and all the neighbors from Forest Hills had come forward, opening their homes, serving up meals, just filled with tears and sympathy. Candace had no way of knowing how many people would be attending Kathleen's wake, but from the sound of it, Kathleen had so many people who loved her, so many employees and friends, there could be hundreds. It would be impossible to tell how many folks might decide to attend the wake, especially with Kathleen's death being blasted all over the local news.
If nothing else, Candace was determined that the funeral would serve her sister's memory. She needed to do that for her sister. She needed to remain strong. Fighting back tears in her eyes, Candace wrote her sister a loving eulogy. That was another thing she had hoped Michael, the novelist, would have undertaken. But he hadn't. Michael was at such a loss for words, he couldn't put his grief on paper.
Candace wasn't sure about how she could handle all these people. Kathleen's children were devastated, her mom was sick at heart, and if that wasn't bad enough, Michael had become absolutely useless. He was basically hiding out in his house, refusing to face the world. Still, Candace knew that the family would manage, somehow, in the midst of such grief, to pull things together.
Unfortunately, there had been no advance planning on the part of Kathleen concerning her death. There was no cemetery plot chosen, there were no instructions about burial or cremation. And there was no last will and testament. Once the eulogy was written, Candace had to find the strength to look in the phone book and contact a funeral home. The rest of the family would be arriving, the arrangements needed to be in place. She wished Kathleen had left some instructions, something that would have reflected her own wishes, but nothing of that kind existed. Everything was falling on Candace's shoulders.
Once Candace contacted the local funeral director, however, things became a bit easier. The people at the funeral home were gracious and full of respect for Kathleen; they were full of remorse for the family. They were such nice folks, the people in Durham. It seemed everyone was so kindhearted in North Carolina. There was all that Southern charm, all that grace of yesteryear. And as Candace became more entrenched with the funeral arrangements, she almost completely forgot about her grief.
It was still a difficult time for her, the whole funeral and wake processâespecially because she had no one in the family to run things byâbut Candace had put off her own grieving, really, without even having realized it. The death investigation was clouding everyone's minds. The newspeople were snooping around. Their lives weren't private anymore. And then, Michael and his sons were so caught up in their anger at the police. They were furious that the Durham police were trying to make news out of Kathleen's death. In the Petersons' minds, it was all a publicity stunt by the Durham police, who had no regard for the family's feelings at all.
The Petersons were still outraged by the fact that the police had taken over their home. The police had spent almost two days executing their search warrants. In all those hours, in all the panic surrounding Kathleen's death, Michael and his sons had felt such outrage. The police were checking all of their cars, cops were rummaging through everything they owned. The Cedar Street mansion had been turned upside down, yet there wasn't anything to find.
With Michael finally free to move about the house again, Candace had made a point to go back to see him on Tuesday morning. By then, Candace and the rest of the family, including Caitlin, Margaret, and Martha, were all staying in Durham at the Washington Duke, a ritzy hotel on the Duke campus, not far from the Forest Hills home. Kathleen's family had been given a floor of suites there, compliments of the management, to make the first few nights of their suffering just a little less difficult.
It was a godsend, actually, that Kathleen's family was tucked away at a hotel, because over on Cedar Street, Michael was so upset, so beside himself with grief, there was really no reasoning with him. Candace had gone to his home to talk to Michael about making the final funeral arrangements. A short while after she got there, Candace noticed a couple of maintenance workers had been let into the house. They had plywood and other supplies, and Candace figured that Michael had hired the workers to paint the area. She was grateful for that. She felt a fresh coat of new paint was probably a good way to handle the horrific stairway.
But much to her surprise, the workers weren't there to paint at all. As Candace looked on in disbelief, the men started setting up a photography shoot. They were working on backlighting. Candace couldn't understand it. She thought it was the strangest thing in the world.
Moments later, Michael explained that, unfortunately, the photography had to be done. Because the police were trying to frame him, it had been suggested that Michael take photos of the scene. Michael said he really couldn't rely on whatever the police had done the night of Kathleen's death. The police were being obnoxious; they had been out to get him from day one. Michael felt their work efforts would certainly be slanted; the police work would be heavily one-sided. Michael needed to protect himself.
Candace didn't quite like the idea of her sister's death scene being preserved and photographed, but she realized that Michael was innocent. If he felt he needed to do certain things, if he felt the police were harassing him, it might make sense that he have his own set of photos. She figured that Michael's brother Bill, an attorney, might have suggested it, just as a precaution.
As soon as the photos were taken, Candace was happy to see that the stairwell was being boarded up. Candace felt there was no need for any of the other people in Kathleen's lifeâcertainly not her daughtersâto ever have to look at something like that.
As it was, the police presence around the house was unnerving. The yellow tape was causing extra grief for the family. Things were hard enough on them already, with Kathleen gone so suddenly.
With all the drama going on in that houseâamid the police, the tears, and the media beginning to callâat least the blood wouldn't be visible any longer.
Seven
It had been a typical winter day in New York, December 9, 2001, the day Caitlin received word that there were important messages for her from her sorority friends at Cornell. She had been out late the night before and had strolled in at noon after crashing at a girlfriend's house. She couldn't understand why she had so many messages waiting for her. She walked around her sorority house, looking to find one of her friends to figure out what was going on, when she came across her friend Becka, who took her into the piano room, looking very upset.
Caitlin could see her friend had been crying. Caitlin knew it was something serious, there was that bad feeling in the air. She started to think one of their friends had an accident. But Becka was refusing to tell her what the matter was. Her friend wanted Caitlin to wait for some other people. Even though Caitlin was becoming increasingly upset, Becka wouldn't talk. Then Caitlin finally looked her friend in the eye and pleaded with her.
“You can't do this to me,” Caitlin said. “What's upsetting you so much? What's wrong?”
“I can't tell you. I have to wait.”
“I don't understand. Why are you doing this? What is it?”
Caitlin was begging her friend to speak. After a long pause, after what seemed an eternity, Becka finally knew she would have to break the news.
“Caitlin, it's your mom.”
“What about my mom?”
“Caitlin, she's gone. There's been an accident. She fell down the stairs. Caitlin, your mom is dead.”
Becka's words whirled in Caitlin's head. This was the first time ever that the cheerful nineteen-year-old had suffered a real loss in her life. She never knew death. She never knew tragedy. Up until then, any bad news Caitlin ever heard had been followed by a silver lining. But not this time. This time, the news was completely final.
As Caitlin was trying to process it all, the grief counselors from Cornell arrived. When Caitlin looked over at the counselors, who had grim looks on their faces, she instantly broke down in tears. The counselors reiterated what her friend had just told her, but by that time Caitlin had tuned everyone out.
Caitlin and her mom were very close. They spoke on the phone every day. They loved each other; they were friends. Caitlin was Kathleen's treasure. Though she worked hard not to play favorites, Kathleen's other daughters were really Michael's girls, born in Germany to another woman, Liz Ratliff, and the Ratliff girls had a lot of issues. Even though they'd been “adopted” by Michael when they were children, the girls maintained their distance.
In the back of her mind, Kathleen always knew that Margaret and Martha had never totally accepted her. As much as Kathleen bent over backward for them, as much as she and Michael had hoped the Ratliff girls would adjust to their American apple-pie lifestyle, Margaret and Martha were never completely okay.
Kathleen did everything she could to treat Margaret and Martha as equal daughters to Caitlin. She did everything she could to make the Ratliff girls feel as one with the family, but there was always that separateness about them. Kathleen sometimes felt that perhaps, even though their mother died when they were just babies, the girls had never really gotten over that loss. For whatever the reason, no matter how hard she tried, Kathleen could never fill that gap. The Ratliff girls called her Mom, they loved her, but Kathleen knew she could never take the place of their true mother.
So it became natural for Kathleen and Caitlin to gravitate to each other, especially after all three girls had gone away to college, each to opposite ends of the country. Once they were all off on their own, so to speak, Caitlin had become Kathleen's special concern. Kathleen was able to confide more in Caitlin. The two of them shared a special bond together. They looked alike, they thought alike. They were as close as a mother and daughter could be, and Caitlin always knew that.
As the grief counselors continued to give Caitlin advice, letting her know that all her professors would be contacted, telling her that she didn't have to worry about her classes, promising that people at Cornell would always be there for her, Caitlin couldn't really listen. They were working on her plane ticket to return to Durham, they said, and they wanted her to know that she could call them anytime, that she could lean on them.
But Caitlin was numb.
She didn't want to talk anymore.
She ran up to her room to call her sisters, and was able to get Margaret on the phone. She and Margaret just kind of cried to each other, but they didn't have many words to say. Caitlin hung up after she realized she needed to call her father, Fred, who had been her background support throughout her life. Even though Caitlin's parents had been divorced for years, and even though Michael Peterson had taken on a father-figure role in her life, Caitlin had Fred Atwater. He was her real father, and he made sure they kept a loving relationship. To her credit, Kathleen had insisted that Caitlin remain close to her biological dad. Kathleen made sure that Caitlin had a good relationship with Fred. Regardless of her new family with Michael, she wanted Caitlin to remain close to her biological father.
When Caitlin dialed Fred, her father was anxious to get the call. He was on his cell phone. He told Caitlin he was already in the car, on his way up to Cornell to pick her up. He was driving there from Philadelphia, where he had been on a consulting job. He was dropping everything, and he didn't want his daughter getting on a plane by herself. He asked her to book him a hotel room and said he'd be there in a few hours.
Friends brought Caitlin little stuffed teddy bears and left them at her door. Her mom's death had been announced to her sorority, and they had canceled that Sunday's usual meeting, in honor of Kathleen. Girlfriends were sitting in her room, just watching her. People were bringing her food, but Caitlin wasn't really eating or moving. She wasn't functioning.
It wasn't until her ex-boyfriend stopped over that Caitlin really lost it. The two had a huge cry together; they still had a connection. But then Caitlin recalled him leaving, and the next thing she knew, her dad showed up. Everything was happening through a filter for her. She couldn't name a single person who had brought cake or coffee or a stuffed animal. With her dad there, Caitlin felt a bit safer for a while, but everything inside her just hurt. She felt lost. She didn't want her dad to go to his hotel room, even if only for a few hours, but then she realized she had to get a grip on herself.
The following morning, as Fred took his daughter back to Durham, in a very gentle way, he began to warn Caitlin. He wanted her to know that it was going to be a bad scene down there. Fred hadn't really told her all the details, but he mentioned that the house had police tape around it. He said that her mom's death was being reported in the news. He wanted Caitlin to brace herself.
By the time Caitlin's flight touched down in North Carolina, a few of her high-school friends had left messages on her cell phone. When Caitlin called some of them back, speaking to kids who knew her mom, all Caitlin did was cry.
Because she and her father had gone to Philadelphia first, to catch a flight from there, Caitlin hadn't landed until late on Monday evening. She and her dad had been met at the airport by his wife, Carol, and it was understood that, since the Atwaters would not be entirely comfortable with the Peterson clan, Caitlin would be dropped off to spend some time alone with them.
There had always been hard feelings between Fred Atwater and Michael Peterson. Kathleen had had a bitter divorce from Fred, and Michael knew that. Michael had been the man to rescue her from all her sorrow after Fred had filed for divorce. Fred had never been able to redeem himself to Michael, who never liked having Fred in the picture. Fred and Carol Atwater realized it would be best to drop Caitlin off with her siblings. They would remain nearby and available for anything the family needed. They wanted to respect Caitlin's grieving.
So Caitlin was the last of the Peterson household to enter Maureen Berry's house, the Monday after Kathleen's death, and everyone was there waiting for her. As Todd came outside to console her, escorting her out of Fred's car, Caitlin barely noticed the yellow crime tape around her home. She was in tears, but also in shock, and she fought to put up a good front, to wipe her tears away for a moment, only to have them come back all the more, the minute she and her sisters saw each other. As the girls hugged and cried, Clayton and Todd were at a loss for words. They wrapped their arms around all three girls.
But there was not much else anyone else could do.
At that point, Michael appeared. He wasn't crying, but he was all welled-up. When he saw Caitlin, he went into a deeper sorrow. Young Caitlin had Kathleen's mannerisms, Kathleen's features, Kathleen's body shape, which made his grief all the more painful. Seeing Caitlin seemed to be the most upsetting for Michael. He immediately took her upstairs, to one of the guest rooms, so he could speak with her in private.
With Michael looking across the street at their home, shedding tears, Caitlin began to think more about her mom. She wanted Michael to tell her about her mom's day on Saturday. She wanted to know every detail about what her mom had done. She wanted to hear what the last day of her mom's life was like. She asked Michael to give her every detail, about when they woke up, about what they ate, about how her mother was feeling. She just wanted to know everything.
Caitlin wasn't thinking about the yellow tape; she hadn't crossed that bridge at all. She just wanted to hear about her mom. She wanted to be assured that her mom was happy and in a good mood that last day. So Michael sat Caitlin down and told her all about how they spent their time.
On Saturday, her mom had gone to work for a little while in the morning, but then she had called him. Kathleen had decided to take the rest of the day off. They went to do Christmas shopping. He and Kathleen had gone to Costco. They had stocked up the house. They had bought a few Christmas gifts, some things for the house, some things for Caitlin and the other kids. Michael said Kathleen was excited about everyone coming home for Christmas. She had already put a few presents under the tree.
He said that he had gone to the gym in the afternoon, as always, and when he got home, the two of them had cooked dinner together. Michael said they had been celebrating his book option, his movie deal. The two of them had some champagne. They were just enjoying the evening. They'd watched a film he'd rented. At some point, Todd had dropped by. Everything was normal. They'd been drinking and talking, and had they stayed up late.
Caitlin knew about that routine. Michael and her mom would spend evenings alone like that sometimes, just having a quiet dinner, drinking wine, and getting into deep conversations. Usually when they would stay up after midnight, they would wind up outside at the pool. They liked to end their nights out there, under the stars, where Michael would smoke a pipe, and her mom would sometimes sneak one or two cigarettes.
Michael explained that he was outside with one of their dogs, he recalled that it was going on 2:00
A.M.
He said that because her mom had a phone conference in the morning, she had gone upstairs to get some sleep. He said that about twenty or thirty minutes after she'd gone up to bed, he came inside and found her at the bottom of the stairs.
As Michael told her of these events, Caitlin was increasingly upset. He was about to go into further details. He began to say he'd called 9-1-1, but Caitlin didn't really want to hear about anything like that. She told him she didn't want to know.
Caitlin had heard enough. She didn't need to know about the kind of shape her mom was in when Michael found her. With Michael becoming more distraught as he spoke, Caitlin could see he was reliving the horror. She started crying, as did Michael, and he gave her his shoulder to comfort her. The two of them were sitting on a twin bed in a guest room that looked over at their beautiful home. After Michael hugged Caitlin for a minute, he got up and went over to the window to stare at the big, old, empty place. The sight of it made him more tearful.
“Does Mom have life insurance?” Caitlin asked, as an afterthought. “Does she have a will?”
“I don't know,” he told her. “I mean, I have all kinds of life insurance policies that I've taken out. But I don't know that she had any.”
“Well, does she have a will?” Caitlin wanted to know.
“I don't think she had one. I know we had once talked to Mr. Egan, he's your mom's friend, you know, the lawyer. It was sometime last year. I can't remember. I know she was supposed to get to it. But I don't think she ever wrote anything out.”
She and Michael were rambling on about different things. They talked for about thirty minutes, jumping from one subject to the next, mostly talking about Kathleen, but also worrying about Margaret's birthday, which was, unfortunately, that very same day. And then, suddenly, before Caitlin had a chance to stop him, Michael brought up the unpleasant subject of the police.
“You know, they've been at the house for over a day,” he said. “The police are calling it a suspicious death. They're blowing this into a big thing.”
“I don't understand any of this,” Caitlin told him. “It doesn't make any sense.”
“Well, you know, it's because I was the last person to see her. Because I was the only one there. So, of course, they're looking at me.”
“But why?”
“Who knows? I can't really tell you. The police have never liked me around here.”
“But I don't understand why they would want to do this.”
“You know, Caitlin, how much I loved your mother.”
“Of course I know that.”