“You have to tell me what happened, Papa. What made her change? Was it...was it childbirth? I have read that sometimes pregnancy and childbirth can cause a woman to change.” Post-partum depression it was called. Only recently recognized as a real disorder, those women unfortunate enough to suffer from it sometimes suffered even more at the hands of unsympathetic doctors and family. She thought, too, the disorder could be hereditary. Instinctively Sophie placed her hands on her abdomen. Lord, she hoped that hadn’t been it. “I need to know, Papa. I don’t
want
to be like her!”
“Like who, Sophie?”
“Maman. I don’t want to turn into her!”
She nearly fled at the look of pain that crossed her father’s face. She’d never wanted to hurt him. She was the most ungrateful child to hurt him.
“Oh, Sophie, no. You could never be like her.
Never
.”
“But everyone says I am exactly like her. I have always thought so all my life. That is why I was never going to marry or have children. I thought I would never fall in love. Always, I believed I
couldn’t
fall in love, and that love was something I was unable to feel. But I have, and I do, and I need to know—”
Her father sighed, weariness and regret chasing each other across a face that suddenly looked older than she had ever seen it. “Your mother never changed.
That
was the problem.”
* * * *
Alex walked around his desk. Gently wiping the tears from his daughter’s face, he said, “I thought I had done the right, the
honorable
thing. I can see now that I was wrong. Come, sweetheart. Come sit with me.” He guided her to the small couch and sat beside her, taking both of her hands into his.
He wasn’t certain where to begin, how much of his own personal disappointment he should share with his daughter. Hannah had been right, though, when she’d told him of Sophie’s fears and their cause. And because he’d had a hand in it, too, he set aside his own discomfort. Right now, only his daughter mattered.
“I met your mother for the first time about a week before we married. She was, at that point, the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. I thought, when we were first introduced, that my parents had finally done something right in choosing her for me. Liana was reserved during that first encounter, saying little. Shyness, I believed.
“But I was wrong. The day before the wedding, she informed me—via her attendant who later became your nanny—that she had no intention of sharing a bedroom with me. She would, of course, submit to me and ‘do her duty’ to produce children. But once the requisite number of children had been born she would consider her duty complete.”
“That’s...awful, Papa. And very sad. Not just for you, but for her.”
“Indeed. I tried very hard, those first few years, to reach her. I thought that perhaps she had been raised to be that way, and that with enough time and patience and caring, she would change.
“But the truth is, Sophie, she never did. And though I never gave up trying, the truth is your mother simply didn’t have any interest in developing a relationship of any kind with me. There was nothing maternal in her either. As each of you was born, I discovered that, and it broke my heart. I guess that some women simply aren’t...wired that way. Then, when you were about four, your resemblance to her became obvious. I thought, when she began to show real interest in you, that it was a sign things were getting better. At this point, I knew in my heart there was no hope for the two of us. But if she could at least begin to become a real mother...” He sighed again, briefly bowing his head, for a moment unable to meet her gaze. Rubbing his thumbs gently over the backs of her hands, he resumed his explanation. “Anyway, when she moved you into her wing, when she seemed to devote herself almost completely to you, I did have hope. Though a part of me was concerned when I only got to see you once a week, you seemed content. I’m afraid I convinced myself at the time that everything was fine.
“Until she died, I had no idea the sort of agenda she and Celeste had planned out for you. To this day I cannot imagine what they did to you, psychologically. I am very sorry to say that at the time, I didn’t think their influence would be long lasting. That viper Celeste came to me a week after we lost your mother, to inform me of their plans, fully expecting that being a man I would have no concern and would allow her to continue to have free reign over you in your mother’s place. My God, you weren’t yet twelve and they’d been about to arrange a marriage for you.”
Alex’s heart lifted when Sophie offered him a smile. “I only just remembered that very recently. And something else I was grateful for at the time, but didn’t know how or why...whatever happened to Nanny Celeste?”
Alex’s expression turned hard. “I dismissed her that very afternoon. At the time, I was certain that whatever bad influences you’d suffered, my love and attention, and the company of your siblings, would cure. After your mother died I made a conscious decision to speak of her to you and your brothers and sister only in a positive light. She was gone, and regardless of how much or how little affection you children had received from her, she
had been
your mother. And I also determined that my relationship with the four of you would take a more prominent role in my life.
“I am sorry, Sophie. So very sorry that I let you down. My own arrogance had me believing that I could make everything right for you. But I never looked deeply. I never realized the way you felt about yourself.”
Sophie felt fresh tears welling up in her eyes, but the cause of these was different. “You didn’t let me down, Papa. I should have come to you sooner. I think...I think that at some point, I simply accepted what Maman and Nanny said because it was easier for me. And it became so ingrained that I didn’t think about it. I never had to think about it, really.”
Sophie smiled, and then her smile turned into a chuckle. Alex was damn glad to see that sparkle. “What has you laughing?”
“I had a plan of my own. I did go along with Maman and Nanny Celeste, on the surface, but there was a tiny rebellion within me. I never wanted to do to a child what had been done to me, and I came up with plan—the perfect plan—that would guarantee I never married or had children. It was a decision I made, and I know I would have gone through with it if I’d had to.”
“What decision did you make?”
“I decided to join a convent.”
Alex opened his mouth to respond, but someone else beat him to it.
“There is no way in hell you’re joining a convent!”
Stephan couldn’t believe what he’d just heard her say.
He’d known she felt unsure of herself, but he never could have dreamed she would react to that by making such an irrevocable choice. It no longer mattered if he had the right words or not. In three long strides he was in front of her. Unable to keep his hands off her, he set them on her shoulders and squeezed.
“If you think you’re going to run away and hide yourself behind cloistered walls, woman, you can think again. It is not going to happen. I forbid it!”
“I beg your pardon?”
The frosty tone of Sophie’s question sent a stream of panic into his heart. Apparently, laying down the law was entirely the wrong tact to take, even if it had felt good to say those words.
My God, for a moment there I’d sounded like my father.
As he looked into Sophie’s eyes, his love for her drowned every other emotion, even pride.
“How can you ever believe that you’ll turn into a cold and unfeeling woman? My God, look what you’ve chosen to devote your life to! You could do anything, or nothing, and instead you spend your time with orphaned children. You love those children, Sophie, with all that is in you. I was there when Anna finally had that breakthrough and began to heal. I saw the joy on your face, and the tenderness with which you held her. You cried for her! You may have kept to yourself all these years, but that was a choice made, I’m certain, at a time when you were vulnerable and needed to defend yourself in the only way you could.”
“Stephan—”
He wouldn’t let her interrupt. He’d have his say, and say it all. “And how can you deny the way you melt in my arms? From the first time I ambushed you and laid my lips on yours, you’ve been hot for me. You love me. I know you do. Loving me, how can you sentence yourself to a lonely, sheltered life?”
“Stephan, you don’t understand—”
Desperation welled up in him. He was losing her, and he didn’t know what more he could say to make her understand. His hands gripped her shoulders, but even in his anxiety, the shake he gave her was gentle. “Damn it, Sophie, you could be carrying my child. There is no way in hell I’m going to let go of you. Not now. Not ever.”
“Well now, I think we’re going to have to talk.”
Alex’s voice cut through the emotion running hot in his veins. Someone else made what sounded like a strangled laugh. Stephan had completely forgotten about the other men in the room, too focused on convincing Sophie of his love that he’d ignored everything and everyone else around them.
“I can explain,” Stephan said slowly. Unwilling to let Sophie go even in the most simple, physical sense, he put his arm around her and turned to face his honorary uncle.
“I don’t believe that’s necessary. If you recall, I
am
a man on my honeymoon.”
“Yes, sir.”
“However, Sophie is my daughter, and I’m sure you will agree a father with a daughter may be excused if he’s somewhat overprotective.”
“Uncle Alex, you know that I would never deliberately do anything to hurt Sophie.”
“Do I? Hmm, let me think about that.”
Alex looked at him in a way that made Stephan feel as if he was being dissected. When the king turned to Peter, and that man stepped closer, Stephan’s face heated with embarrassment. He really had forgotten he and Sophie hadn’t been alone in the room.
Alex walked over to his desk, but remained standing as he opened the file folder that rested there. “First, you accost my daughter in her own home. I have witnesses to that effect. Something about stealing kisses on the sly and an interlude in a cloak room that caused a maid to blush and stammer when questioned about it. And then you appear in public, in my realm, in the uniform of another nation.”
“Uniform of another nation?” Stephan shot a look to Sophie, who appeared equally confused. Yes, he had participated in the tournament as the black knight, but he had been in full
armor, not a uniform
.
“Sir,” Peter interrupted, “he carried no flag into battle. On the high seas, a ship bearing no flag and taking up arms is considered a pirate.”
“Quite right, Peter. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. So far, then, we have assault and piracy.”
“Papa! What are you—?”
“Silence. I have not given you leave to speak.”
Alex’s tone made Sophie stiffen, and Stephan watched her cheeks redden. His words also called to mind his own father whose ire had been raised more than a time or two by his sons. It would be wise, Stephan thought, to keep silent. He gave Sophie a small squeeze in commiseration.
“Now, that brings us to the biggest crime of all. Kidnapping a member of the royal family of Boisdemer, and forcible confinement of a member of the royal family of Boisdemer.” He stopped for a moment and looked at his security chief. “Did I leave anything out?”
“Actually, in light of new information, I do believe there is still a statute on the books requiring any member of the royal family to seek consent from the king before attempting to conceive a child.”
“Is that one still there? Amazing. I don’t think it’s actually been used since the 1700s when one of my ancestors had to deal with a somewhat licentious son.”
Peter shook his head in a show of chiding disapproval. “You know, sir, you really should take some time one of these days to have a look at all the laws not yet repealed. If nothing else, the list makes for some very entertaining reading.”
Well, Uncle Alex and his chief of security seemed to be having a fine time, Stephan thought sourly. He didn’t appreciate their repartee, either. His world was coming apart at the seams, and they were having fun at his expense. His temper heated up.
“I’ll do that,” Alex answered him. “In the mean time, what on earth am I going to do about all these illegal activities?”
Peter shot a look at him, but Stephan didn’t particularly like his smile when he said to Alex, “Sir, you’re the king, ruler of all you survey. You can do whatever you like.”
Alex chuckled and said, “Yes, I really like that part of my job.” Then he leaned over his desk, both hands flat on the surface. All
humor
had left his face. “Sophie, running away is never the answer to any problem. From the scene I just witnessed, and the one that preceded it, it’s clear to me that the two of you need time, and peace to discuss matters. Any ideas on that score, Peter?”
“Well, sir, the dungeon isn’t being used at the moment.”
Stephan stepped forward, because Sophie had gasped, and the look on her face said that she believed her father was serious. The thought of Sophie being even a little frightened, even by a father he knew loved her, robbed him of diplomacy.