A Promise to Believe in (37 page)

“Our pa was what our grandparents called a restless spirit. My grandmother once told me that from the time he was born, Pa was a wanderer. She lost him on so many occasions that it became the running joke in town. People were always looking for him.

“Grandmother said that was just the way it was with some folks. She never figured he’d marry and settle down, so when he did, they thought maybe God had answered their prayers and taken away Pa’s desire to always be moving from place to place.”

“But He hadn’t?”

“No. They moved all the time before I was born and even after I joined the family. I was three when they settled in Texas for a time. Pa tried his hand at several jobs, and around the time I was nearly five he landed a job at a ranch, wrangling horses. That’s how I learned to ride so well. Sometimes he’d take me with him when he was breaking a new horse. The rancher took a liking to me and taught me to ride while Pa worked.”

“Then your mother died. I suppose it was too hard to remain there after that happened.”

“Yes, I suppose,” Lacy replied. “But if my memories of that time—what few there are—serve me well, I believe we were already making plans to move. I only remember bits and pieces. Arguments I overheard. Gwen would be able to tell you for certain. Anyway, after Mama died, we went from place to place, leaving dead relatives in our wake.” She laughed at Hank’s surprised expression. “Don’t worry—they died of illness or natural causes. We didn’t kill anyone.”

He laughed and paused to take in the glorious view of the mountains to the east. “I didn’t figure you had. It was just a funny way of putting things.”

“I’m that way. I always manage to shock folks. Truth is, I think I could be a lot like Pa. I didn’t mind moving around. Beth hated it. She used to cry and cry. All she ever wanted was for us to stay put.”

“What about Gwen?”

“I can’t really say. Being the oldest, I think Gwen felt she had to grow up and distance herself from Beth and me. Don’t get me wrong—we’re all very close. Gwen wanted to fill the void left by our mother, but she couldn’t. I remember telling her I just wanted her to be my sister, not my mother.”

“But she didn’t understand?” Hank turned from the mountains and looked at Lacy.

“I don’t think she did. I felt bad and stopped saying anything about it, because I thought she figured I was saying that nothing she did was good enough. It was never that. I always knew the sacrifice Gwen made. Like I said, our pa was never good at much of anything. From the time we were young, we girls knew we had to pull our weight and earn what we could to make things run smoothly. Gwen was always sewing for someone or doing their laundry. She wasn’t educated, but she was industrious.”

Hank pulled out his pocket watch. “I should be going. I have directions and instructions from Nick and Simon, and if I want to get to my first stop, I will need to get on the road.”

Lacy nodded. “I’ll miss having you around, Hank. I hope you’ll be back.”

“You can count on it. I’m not finished with your sister, and you can tell her I said so.” He grinned, and Lacy couldn’t help but laugh.

“I have a feeling you’ve both met your match. This should be one interesting marriage.”

Gwen was hard at work cleaning the house with Beth when Lacy returned. Gwen asked them to sit a moment so she could apologize.

“I need to tell you that I’m sorry. The way I acted was completely uncalled for. I’ve been foolish and prideful, and I never should have taken it out on you two.”

“We’re just sorry . . . that . . . well . . . things were so hard on you,” Beth replied, a slight hesitation in her voice. “I know you’re upset about so many things, but I also don’t know what I can do to help.”

“You can’t do anything. Patience was good to show me last night that I was being a spoiled child in many ways and simply prideful in others. I wanted to hide away from the world so I wouldn’t have to deal with anything, but that was completely unfair to you two.”

“It’s not like we aren’t grown women who can handle things for ourselves. You’ve put yourself in the role of being our caretaker for too long, and I think it should stop,” Lacy declared.

“I do, too,” Beth agreed. “You need to have time for yourself. In fact, Lacy and I have decided to take on more responsibility around here so you can have some time to enjoy yourself.”

Gwen was touched at their concern for her. “I don’t know what I’d do without either one of you. I hope when I apologize to Hank, it goes even half this well.”

“If you’re going to apologize to Hank,” Lacy said in an urgent tone, “you’d best get over to the stables right away. He’s leaving.”

“What?” Gwen looked at her sister and then rushed to the window. “He’s leaving now?”

“Yes. He and I were just talking, and he said he needed to leave right away in order to keep to some schedule Nick and Simon suggested.”

Gwen rushed for the door. “He can’t leave without me telling him I’m sorry. I’ve been so foolish, and now I may have lost the man I truly care about.”

She hurried down the porch steps and hiked her skirts. She ran as fast as she could to reach the Lassiters’ place. A prayer was on her lips that Hank might still be there—that he might forgive her and listen to what she had to say.

“Where’s Hank?” she asked Nick.

“He’s gone, Gwen. He rode out just a few minutes ago.”

“Saddle my horse, please, Nick. I have to catch up with him. Which way did he go?”

Nick let her know Hank’s planned route before hurrying to do her bidding. As he brought her saddled mount, he shook his head. “How are you going to ride? You aren’t wearing a split skirt.”

“There’s no time to change,” Gwen told him. “I’ll just have to be a bit inappropriate.” She pulled her skirt over her knee in order to fit her foot in the stirrup. It was probably the most unladylike pose she’d ever struck, but she couldn’t stop now to worry about it. Goodness, but she was glad she’d chosen to wear a short corset today.

Nick looked politely to one side as Gwen revealed the laced edges of her bloomers and petticoat. She hoisted herself quickly into the saddle, then hurried to arrange her skirts.

“I’m decent now,” she said. Nick looked up to reveal his reddened face. He held the leather reins up to her and quickly looked away to avoid eye contact.

Gwen took the reins from him and kicked the horse into action. Poor Nick had probably been completely scandalized by her lack of decency in mounting, but she knew she could always apologize later. Right now the only thing that mattered was finding Hank and letting him know she still cared—that she’d been wrong.

The horse easily handled the dry road at a full gallop. Gwen began to worry when she didn’t immediately spot Hank on one of the first straightaways. Perhaps he’d pushed his horse to make up for lost time. Maybe she’d end up riding all the way to Ennis before she’d find him. Her mind whirled with thoughts.

I have to let him know how stupid I’ve been. I have to tell him that I don’t want him to release me from our engagement
.

She rounded a bend in the road and saw dust whip up ahead on the trail. Not far beyond this she could see a black horse and his rider. They were moving fast. Urging her gelding to pick up speed, Gwen bent low against the horse’s neck and gave no thought to the way the wind whipped at her gown.

Apparently, the sound of her horse approaching at such a high rate of speed caused Hank to stop and turn as if to make way for more urgent traffic. Gwen pulled up just short of sending her horse into the side of the black. During the ride, the wind had wreaked havoc with her hair, and the pins had pulled out. When she straightened in the saddle, waves of golden curls fell over her shoulders and down her back.

Hank shook his head and grinned. “And I used to think you were the more demure of the Gallatin sisters. Clearly, I was misled.”

Gwen smiled and relaxed her grip on the reins. “I came to apologize.”

“Funny way of doing it.”

She could hear the amusement in his voice and knew he’d already forgiven her. It made the situation a little easier. “I’m sorry, Hank. I’ve been a fool. I was so worried about looking silly and being thought naïve that I took it out on you.”

He sobered. “I hated having you push me out of your life like that.”

“I know. I was wrong. I’m so afraid, and it got the best of me.”

His eyes narrowed. “Afraid? What are you afraid of?”

Drawing a deep breath, Gwen found the strength to be completely honest. “I’m afraid of caring too much about you, only to find that you don’t care about me. I’m afraid that I’m so vulnerable and dim-witted that I can’t possibly know when people are being honest with me or playing me for a fool. I don’t like feeling like that, Hank. I don’t like knowing that the man I thought loved me—who married me and shared the stories of his life with me—had been lying all those years. Do you know how that feels?”

“I think I do. Even though he never told me the same lies, in a way I was just as much a victim of his stories as you were.

But, Gwen, I don’t think Harvey lied about loving you.”

“Why? Why would he have stopped there?” She shifted in the saddle, and the horse nickered softly.

“Because if he felt even a fraction of what I feel for you, then he couldn’t have lied about that. Gwen, I’ve waited all of my life to find a woman like you. My mother despaired of me ever marrying, but the women I knew were simply not suited to me. Now I know why. I belong here—I belong with you. I can’t lose that. Not after a lifetime of trying to find it.”

Gwen nodded. “I feel the same way. I can’t lose you.”

Hank stepped down from the horse and came around to hold Gwen’s mount as she slid down. He embraced her and held her as if he would never let her go. The strength of his arms around her left Gwen no doubt that this was where she belonged. She buried her face against his neck and sighed. For several minutes they simply stood there holding each other.

Finally Hank loosened his grip, and Gwen looked up to find her face only inches from his.

“I love you, and I will come back to you.”

She nodded. “I know you will. Take the time you need. Your mother will need you to strengthen her once she learns about Harvey.”

“I’ve a feeling my mother already suspects the worst, but you are kind to care about her needs. If she can’t bear to be without me, I’ll simply bring her along.”

“Gallatin House will always have a place for her,” Gwen replied.

“I hope there will be a place for me, as well,” he said softly.

Gwen took hold of his face and touched her lips to his. It was the first time she’d initiated a kiss, but it felt right. “There will always be a place for you,” she whispered against his mouth.

That night as Gwen sat alone in her room, she warmed at the thought of Hank’s parting kiss. She touched her lips and smiled. A lifetime in the arms of such a man would never be boring or without its pleasures.

She climbed into bed and pulled the lamp closer on the nightstand. Taking up her Bible, she turned to a passage Patience had once shared with her from Romans eight.

“ ‘There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit,’ ” she read aloud.

Patience had told her that curses and condemnation ended when Gwen gave her heart to Christ.
“God has set you on a new path,”
she had told Gwen the morning after the fire
. “If you choose to go back to the old path, how is that His doing? Instead of blaming God for somehow letting you down or allowing you to be cursed, why not just get back on the right path?”

She was right, and Gwen could finally see it for herself. There was truth in the Word of God. Truth that would never let her down and never leave her to wonder if she was being deceived.