A Promised Fate (13 page)

She pursed her lips at me.

“I
want
to be here. Just keep the
coffee on and strong and I’ll be good.”

“Is Max speaking yet?” she asked, and I took a seat
at her kitchen table.

“No.” My fingers pressed into my throbbing temple and
forehead and I tried ineffectively to rub the pain away.

“Nothing at all?” Worry etched small lines around her
eyes.

“He has not spoken a single word since Thursday
afternoon.”

“What did the pediatrician say?”

“That Max is still pretty young and since English
wasn’t his first language the docs aren’t too terribly concerned
yet. But they aren’t ruling out selective mutism. We were told to
give him more time and he's seeing a speech therapist this coming
week.”

“What
is
selective mutism
anyway?”

“It's when a person
can
talk but due to
anxiety or stress, fear or sadness … whatever the reason … the
person simply
chooses
to stop talking.”

“I don’t get it. How does a person just stop
talking?”

“I don’t know, Ma. Max woke up Thursday from what we
think was a night terror and he hasn’t said a single thing since
then.”

“How long can this last?”

“No clue.”

“What should we do for him?”

“Treat him the same as you always have. Keep talking
to him but don’t push him into talking back. The doctor said that
pressuring him could make the situation even worse.”

“Oh, Ari!” She covered her hand with her mouth.

“Deep breath, Mom. I need to have you try not to show
how troubled you are. Seeing you distraught is another thing than
can make things harder for him. And for Ava. She’s, umm … upset.
The doctor also said not to baby him but to just carry on as usual
and hope that he comes around.”

“Ok. So I should just talk to them both as if nothing
is different?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

My mug was empty. Mom pushed up from her chair to
pour more coffee in it as her house started to fill with the usual
Sunday guests.

Gianna and Thais entered the house, followed by my
parent’s friends, Ophelia and Pete, with their toddler, Stella.

“Maaaxxx?” Stella had just recently begun to walk and
talk. She had an adorable crush on Max and went on the hunt for him
as soon as Ophelia put her down on her own two feet.

Rory, Julia and Nick arrived together followed by
August and Collin. One of Gianna’s sisters, Cacia, arrived with her
husband Beryl and their daughter, Caliana. Caliana is Rory and
Nick’s other cousin and we used to tease Rory constantly about
having a crush on her. He denies it to this day, but I am pretty
sure he had a very serious fondness for his cousin at one time.

Every new addition to the group walked through the
door and scanned the room for Ava. No “Hey, Ari's” anymore, just
“Where’s Ava?”

“She’s on her way,” I said a dozen or more times
before she finally breezed through the doorway with Max at her
feet.

“Hi!” Ava said just this one word and the crowd
swooped in on her, kissing her cheek, squeezing her hand, palming
her belly. Women pushed outdated parenting advice down her throat
and she humbly listened, thanked them and smiled.

“Hey, Gorgeous.” I kissed the corner of Ava’s mouth
after she eventually maneuvered a path to me and then I scooped Max
up for a hug. “How was your morning?”

“Good. The extra sleep was nice, thank you.” She
smiled a pretty, white smile.

I pressed loud kisses into Max’s plump cheeks and he
squeezed me in a tight, warm hug. “Hi, Buddy. How was your
morning?” He nuzzled his face into my neck and took a deep breath.
“Stella is looking all over the house for you, Max. Better go find
her.” I set him back on his feet and he hid behind Ava’s leg.

“What’s wrong with Stella?” I asked him and received
no answer.

“Little girls make him nervous.” Ava eased him out
from behind her leg. She squatted down to Max’s level and talked to
him very sweetly. “She just wants to play with you. Could you show
her the toys in the playroom?”

Max pouted and fiddled with the fabric from Ava’s
flowing maxi skirt.

“Please, Max?”

He put on a really grumpy face and even though we
both wanted to baby him, indulge him and give in to whatever he
wanted, we knew in the long run that kind of treatment would only
make things worse for Max.

“It’s either you play with Stella or you’ll be put to
work in the kitchen. I won’t let you watch the baseball game on
TV.” Ava was stern with him and he stomped off towards the new
playroom that was equipped with the best toys available on the
market today, thanks to my parents who tend to go overboard on just
about everything.

“Did he say anything this morning?” I asked when he
was out of earshot.

“No. I thought he was going to talk to me when he
first woke up but he didn’t.”

“He will.”

She bobbed her head, unsure.

“How about you, are you okay today? You had a couple
of nasty ones last night.”

“I’m good. As long as I have you, I’m good.” She
kissed me gently and smoothed the crease in my forehead with the
soft pad of her thumb.

“Wanna hang with me? We can watch the game.” I
wrapped both of my arms around her and pulled her up close to my
body so I could breathe her sweet scent.

“I can’t. I told your mom I would help her in the
kitchen and she wants me to make the bread, too.”

“Bread duty?”

“Uh huh!”

“You’re in the big leagues now, Baby.”

She giggled cutely and my heart celebrated with a big
kaboom-like thud in my chest.

“You look exhausted. I’m sorry I kept you up all
night.”

“Mmm. I am tired, but don’t apologize. I would do
anything for you, even in your sleep.”

“Go pretend to watch the game with your dad and take
a nap.”

“OK. You’re the best Ava Zae.”

Securing my spot in the living room, I kicked back in
an oversized chair and propped my feet up on the ottoman. The White
Sox were playing the Angels and it sounded like a good game from
Nick and Rory’s constant shouting but my vision was blurry and I
was too tired to care about the score.

My eyes fluttered open when two little hands grabbed
on to my leg in an attempt to climb up my body. Max had managed to
sneak past Ava and the kitchen full of women and I helped him up
and let him curl up with me in the chair. His body sunk into the
space between my chest and my arm and his head eased into the dip
of my shoulder. The tips of his springy hair tickled my nose.

“Are you still sleepy?” I asked him and Max shook his
head no and then placed his palm on my scruffy cheek. “I love you,”
I said, pressing kisses into his open hand in between my words, “I
would do anything for you, Max. You don’t have to do this -- you
don’t have to be scared. I won’t let anything hurt you. Not ever.
The frightening images in your dreams have to go through me first.
I will always keep you safe no matter what.” He squeezed me harder
and I drifted back asleep.

****

“Ari!”

“Mmm.”

“Ari!” Nick hollered at me and shoved my
shoulder.

“Dude, what the heck!”

“Ari, it’s Ava…”

My eyes shot open wide and I sucked in a fast breath
of air. “What?”

“She’s having an anxiety attack.”

I jumped from my seat with Max in
my arms and all but shoved him into my dad’s lap.
My mother was hollering for me but I was already
shooting through the kitchen like an arrow, splitting the groups of
women to either side to get to Ava as quickly as
possible.

She stood at the oven with a broken
dish at her feet.
The color had drained
from her face, her breathing was heavy and labored and she gasped
for air as if she were drowning. She trembled and backpedaled away
from the women that were closing in on her to come to her aid. She
was most certainly having another anxiety attack and the panic was
hitting her fast and strong.

Max started to scream from the living room and my dad
slid out of the front door with him kicking and flailing in his
arms.

“Look at me!” Inside, I was already
beginning to panic but I remained calm and strong for her. Her eyes
were turning darker by the second. “Ava, look at me!” I demanded in
as firm a tone as I could manage.
“Listen
to me.” I talked fast, trying everything I could to keep her from
slipping away to a dark corner of her mind. “Breathe. You can
breathe. Take a breath and look at me. I know how scared you feel,
but you're safe. I'm here. I can walk you through this.”

Nothing. Fear moved in and pulled Ava away from
me.

Family members stared at us with gaping mouths and
the others looked at anything except the two of us in uncomfortable
silence.

“Look at my face!” I shouted at her and her head
snapped up to look me in the eyes. I held her cheeks in my hands,
keeping her head in place. “Ava, breathe. You are safe and I am
here.”

Her fingers dug into the fleshy scar on her left
wrist and she ripped at her skin, drawing blood.

“I’m fine.” She blinked her shadowy, vacant eyes and
turned to walk away.

“
Shit
.” The word pushed out with the
air that broke free from my lungs.

I hated her words. Loathed them. The pit of my
stomached churned every time I heard her say it. “I’m fine.” It was
a lie. A big fat lie. She wasn’t fine. She was the furthest thing
from being fine.

She had come face to face with a trigger and she
wasn’t at all ready to deal with the emotions that came with it.
The shock to her was as if she had taken a blind-side punch to the
face.

“
Ari
,” My mother whispered in
disappointment at my foul language.

I ignored her and went after Ava as she headed
towards my old room. My arm wrapped protectively around her waist
and together we escaped through the doorway and away from watching
eyes. I sat Ava on the bed, went to my knees at her feet and looked
up at her.

“I am here, talk through this with me. Don’t shut me
out, Ava.”

She hyperventilated, her hands trembled, and her skin
was hot to the touch. My worry was that she would go back down the
road of hiding her fear and sorrow and that she would lie to me
again, reverting to using damaging coping mechanisms. I couldn’t
and wouldn’t allow that to happen.

I curled my arms around her body and pressed my
forehead to hers. “I will never leave your side,” I whispered. “I
love you more than anything on earth and in heaven too. Together we
will get through this. You can’t shut me out … I won’t let you, not
even for a second. We are in this together. I know you aren’t fine.
You know you cannot lie to me, Baby.”

She nodded. The gesture was small
and brief but her simple acknowledgment gave me a flicker of
hope.
Her eyes looked into mine, dark and
haunting but she was in there somewhere.

Tapping a finger on her temple I said, “Don’t let
this claim you. You are mine. You are Max’s.” I moved my palm and
felt the baby hiccup. “You belong to this baby. I love you,
Ava.”

We stared back at each other in silence.

“You’re my rock,” her words inched quietly just past
her lips. The heaviness drained from her breathing and the tremble
in her fingers subsided. Ava blinked and there she was again, with
sea-green eyes. She pressed her palm against my chest over my
heart. “Your love is so great, Ari. You keep me sane. You’re so
strong.” Her voice was tiny and quiet.

“No. You are the strong one, Ava. Believe me.”

“Thank you for helping me. That was unexpected -- a
complete sucker punch.”

“What was it? What was your trigger?”

She lay back on the bed and I moved off my knees to
join her and hold her close.

“I love you, Ari.” She said, but she didn’t answer my
question.

“Love you.” I tucked a lock of silky hair behind her
ear.

“I don’t know how I will ever live without you.”

“You won’t ever have to find out.”

“I need you.”

“I’m here.” Her lips pushed against mine before I
could finish my word. She caught me by surprise with rushed and
urgent kisses and I was slow to react. She moved fast, her body
pressed against me, she straddled my legs and ripped fistfuls of my
hair, yanking my head back and keeping it place. Her teeth grazed
my lips and my mouth opened on command. My body responded to her
body on cue but my mind knew our behavior was wrong.

Ava’s fingers untangled themselves from my hair and
moved down my chest. Our kisses grew deeper and we were immersed in
one another. She was hot and did what she always did, and it turned
me on. Ava ran her hands all over me and frisked her way down my
body in search of the button on my pants.

“Whoa, no, no,” I breathed in her ear after the quick
zip sound came from her undoing my pants.

“
What?”
She panted and slipped her fingers under the waistband of my
boxers. The sensation of her touch was electrifying. I had to lock
my hands like cuffs around her wrists to put a halt to her pursuit
and give myself a moment to clear my head.

“Slow down. We can’t do that here.”

“Why not?” Her voice was throaty and sexy.

“I have too much respect for you, Ava. You are
fragile right now and it wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage
of you.”

“I want it.” She broke free from my grip and tugged
at my shirt in another attempt to undress me. “You want it, too, I
know you do.”

“I am a man. I always want sex.” I wrestled her to
gain control of her hands again.