Authors: Tammy Robinson
“She’s fine mum.”
“Oh thank god,” Dot clutched at her chest and sank onto the couch beside Ray. She had in that moment of fear appeared twenty years older and as frail as a baby bird. “Then what is it?”
“I don’t know mum, I’m waiting for Geoffrey to hurry up and tell us.”
Three expectant faces turned to him and he farted nervously under the pressure. Dot and Maggie pretended out of politeness that they hadn’t heard but Ray openly smirked.
Geoffrey cleared his throat. “I’m not sure if
you’ve already heard - you know what this town is like for gossip, spreads like damn wildfire. I swear this one time, everyone knew that Bruce Jameson had assaulted his wife before he’d even laid a finger on her. And there was that time in the middle of the night when you would assume of course that everyone is fast asleep but I swear, it was all over town before I’d even had my breakfast that –”
“
Geoffrey,
”
“What?
Oh, sorry.” He farted again and coughed to cover it up.
“Earlier in the week a hunter stumbled across a body at the base of an old waterfall,” he told them. “We’re still waiting on official identification using dental records, but the belongings found with the body suggest it’s that of your husband Maggie.”
“My husband?” she was confused. It was so long since anyone had used the word in context to her that she was unaccustomed to hearing it.
“
You mean Jon?” Ray asked.
“Ye
s,” Geoffrey nodded. “Jon Tanner.”
Maggie leant back into the couch, speechless.
“I don’t understand,” Dot frowned, “you mean he’s been in this area the whole time?”
“
Oh I wasn’t clear, sorry. It was pretty obvious that the body had been there for a long time. Some letters and a newspaper in a bag he had on him date back to December 2007.”
Maggie gasped.
“Oh my god,” Dot put a hand over her mouth. “That means -”
“What?” Ray asked, looking from face to face quizzically.
“He’s been dead this whole time,” Maggie finished the sentence for her mother.
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry to bring you the sad news Maggie,” Geoffrey said. “It’s the only part of this job I really dislike.”
“No it’s ok Geoffrey, thank you for letting us know.
So what happens now?”
“
We should have the official identification through tomorrow, after that the coroner will release the body to you I guess, as next of kin. I can give you the number of the local funeral home, they’re pretty good at pulling together services at the last minute. I assume you want to organise it Maggie,” he asked delicately, “if not the state will take care of it.”
“Of course we’ll organise it,” Ray snapped. “He’s Willow’s father for god sake.”
“Dad,” Maggie placed a hand on his arm. “He’s only doing his job.” She turned to Geoffrey, “Yes, of course we’ll organise everything.”
“Thanks Maggie,” he smiled gratefully. “Are there any family I need to notify or will you take care of that?”
Maggie closed her eyes. Her mind was a whirl of thoughts and she was fighting the urge to get up and run from the room to somewhere quiet so she could sort her thoughts out. “No,” she finally answered. “I don’t think so. His mother died when he was only small and his dad remarried and left town when he was in high school. Last I heard he had moved to Australia for a new life, but that was a long time ago. Leave it with me; I’ll see what I can find out.”
“Ok, I appreciate that Maggie.” Geoffrey put his hat back on his head and pushed it down. “I’ll be in touch tomorrow. In the meantime you let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
Maggie nodded but her mind had already started to wander. It felt unreal, like she was having an out of body experience, watching while this happenned to someone else. Dot walked Geoffrey to the door but just as he stepped over the doorstep to leave Maggie stood and hurried over to him.
“Wait,”
she called. He turned back.
“
Yes?”
She stopped in front of him and bit her lower lip. She wasn’t sure how to ask the question she needed to ask.
“Maggie?”
“Was it quick? I mean, can they tell whether he suffered or not?” she choked off a sob with the last words and
Dot put a hand out to steady her.
Geoffrey shook his head.
“He didn’t suffer Maggie.”
“
But how can you tell? If he’s been just,
lying
there for so long?”
Geoffrey looked at Dot who nodded, “If you know something that can ease the worry then say it
,” she told him.
“From the looks of
it he broke his neck pretty bad when he fell. He would have died instantly.”
“Oh thank god,” Maggie squeezed her eyes shut. Then she opened them again, “That’s not what I mean,” she said, “I was, you know –”
“We understand,” Ray came to join them at the door. He put his arms around his daughter and placed his stubbly cheek against her head. She relaxed into him, wondering when the last time was that she had been hugged like this by her father. He felt and smelt so familiar, like an old jersey you can’t bear to part with.
“Mum? Willow’s voice startled them all. She had come up on the porch so quietly they hadn’t heard her. “Mum what’s wrong? Why is Geoffrey here?”
‘I’ll leave you guys to digest the news,” Geoffrey said again, “but please call me if there is anything I can do.”
“Thank you,” Maggie nodded. She reached an arm out for Willow who curled into her side.
“Mum?”
Maggie took a deep breath. “We need to talk
.”
Chapter
nineteen
Hours later, when Willow was tucked up in bed and asleep, Maggie poured herself a large glass of red wine and wandered barefoot out onto the porch. She sat on the step and took a large gulp, swirling the wine around her mouth as its slightly acidic taste set her taste buds on edge. She swallowed it and let out a breath. The sky was clear and massive, endlessly stretching above her, the Milky Way a playful streak through the centre.
Where to
even begin to process what she had learnt the last few hours?
Busy making sure Willow was ok, lying in bed beside her and stroking her hair while doing her best to answer the questions Willow
had, she hadn’t yet had time to process her own feelings. Listening to her daughter snuffle softly as she gave in to sleep had been heartbreaking. Her daughter might only have vague memories of her father and might have believed all this time that she didn’t miss him, but it was an entirely different matter to find out that he had died. The only slightly good thing to come out of any of it had been the realisation that Jon hadn’t abandoned Willow after all. That part had never made any sense.
Maggie had no words to describe the relief she felt, knowing that Jon hadn’t left his little girl by choice, that he would have been here in her life all these years if he hadn’t met the fate he had. It was like years of bitterness and anger had just peeled away like
the bitter layers of an onion, leaving only the sweet centre to remain.
She felt carefree and light, like she could dance across the grass and into the sky, tip toe from star to star
and be back again by morning.
Did she
feel guilt for feeling such relief when the cause of that relief was so tragic? Yes, but only a smidgeon. Because she also felt varying degrees of grief, and sadness for a life cut so short. For a father deprived of his daughter, and a daughter deprived of her father. Therein lay the most heartbreak for Maggie.
As for herself, w
ho knew whether her marriage would have survived all these years? If she was honest, she doubted it. They were young with no idea how to fight fair or how to compromise. They embarked into marriage with only romantic ideals in mind, no inkling of the hard work that would be needed to sustain it. She was sad for Jon, sad that his life ended so horribly and all alone. She had loved him terribly once, had felt him to be everything to her, but that love was long since extinguished.
If he had to have died, a
t least he had died in the place that he loved, they could be grateful for that.
The service was held
three days before Christmas. In the morning the sky was pale grey and a fine drizzle gave the land some much needed nourishment. At noon, as if a switch had been flicked, the sky turned blue and the sun appeared high above them.
Jon hadn’t been a particularly religious man so they held the service by the lake, under the shadows of the hills he considered home.
Maggie had managed to track down Jon’s father, retired and living in a hostel and barely able to walk as the result of a stroke, so he could not attend. He sent a card that Ray read out, it was neither emotional nor overly personal, merely words as if from a friend.
Maggie stood and read a brief eulogy. It was sketchy on details from his early life, as he had always spoken of it as if it were not much to speak of. Instead she embellished the happy years, the way he cried when his daughter entered the world, and how, in the
very early years at least, he was there every night to bathe her, read her a story and rock her to sleep. It had been their time, his and Willow’s, and no one but them would ever be privy to the loving words he had whispered as he kissed her and nuzzled her little face. Willow might not remember the exact words, but she had a fuzzy recollection of a voice in her ear and lips on her cheek, and she had the closure now of knowing where her father was and why he wasn’t with her. And that was the most important thing.
The small group of attendees sang Amazing Grace, and their voices glided over the water and bounced off the hills, as if a choir of one hundred were there and not just a few.
Afterwards, people were invited back to the house for refreshments. Harper and Wade headed back to the house to sort things out there so Maggie, Willow, Dot and Ray could attend a private cremation ceremony for Jon. They watched as the coffin was lowered into the floor and the minister read out the committal words. Maggie shed some tears finally, her first since the news had been delivered. Before the coffin was lowered she stepped up to place a flower on it, and she whispered an apology for all the ill thoughts she had harboured towards him for all these years.
Willow kissed the top of the coffin and placed an envelope amongst the flowers to be cremated with him. It was a letter she had stayed up late the night before to write, and its contents woul
d stay between the two of them for always.
Maggie was proud of her daughter and the way she had handled everything. If she had been in any doubt that her daughter was
no longer a child those doubts were long gone.
Outside the crematorium, the four of them huddled into a hug.
“It was a lovely service,” Dot said.
“It was,” Ray agreed.
“He would have been happy with that.”
“He would.”
“Thanks guys,” Maggie said. “And thanks for all your help. I couldn’t have pulled it together last minute without you.”
“Of course darling, it’s what we’re here for.”
“You ok kid?” Ray asked Willow, reaching out to ruffle her hair.
“Get off,” she ducked. Then when she was out of arms reach she
stopped and nodded. “I’m ok. Are you ok mum?”
Maggie smiled at her. “I’m fine sweetheart.”
They linked arms and walked back to the car slowly, each processing the last few days. Nothing really had changed, at least not in their day to day lives. It was still just the four of them, their little square family as Ray called them.
But also, everything had changed. They had knowledge now.
They knew where he’d gone and why he hadn’t come back. And they knew that he would never be coming back. The memories they had of him were all they would ever have, so they needed to polish them up, scrub off the tarnish that had accumulated and display them in a new light. He wasn’t a father who abandoned his wife and child; he was the victim of a tragic accident that had taken him away from them.
And that made all the difference in the world.
Chapter twenty
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
Maggie froze and closed her eyes. She had been sliding sandwiches from one plate to another in the kitchen when the voice spoke beside her ear and
its tones reached in and plucked her heart like the strings on a harp so that it vibrated in her chest. She waited for it to be still again before she opened her eyes and turned, her voice emerging calmly.
“Thank you
.”
She hadn’t
realised he was at the service until she’d stood and turned to read her speech, then she’d spied him, his tall hulk in the back row of white deck chairs, his eyes on her and her only. She’d faltered briefly, and the only way she’d got through the speech was to ignore him and pretend he wasn’t there.
“How are you going?” he asked.
“I’m fine.”
“
And Willow? How is she coping?”
“She’s ok, she’s handling it better than I would have
expected. I guess not seeing him in so long means it hasn’t affected her as much as it could have. She’s sad, but she’s coping.”
“That’s great. I’m glad to hear it.
” He smiled genuinely when he said it and Maggie pondered on how familiar that smile seemed to her already, and how much she’d missed it lately. It was the kind of smile you’d do anything to see. The sort that if you woke up next to it, it would put you in a brilliant mood for the rest of the day.
“Where’s Amy?” she look
ed behind him in case the pretty young lady was lurking back there.
“Amy? She’s at work.”
“Work?”
“
One of us had to hold down the fort. Not that she’d be any good in an actual emergency; the woman spends more time on the phone to friends than anything else.” He sighed. “I know I’m going to have let her go, but ‘m a bit chicken when it comes down to actually doing it.”
“She works for you?”
“Yes, the new surgery receptionist. The old one retired.”
Maggie
bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing out loud with relief.
Jack noticed.
“Wait, did you think -?”
And Maggie couldn’t deny it so she turned and bus
ied herself with the sandwiches instead.
“Well well,” he mov
ed beside her to lean against the bench and cross his arms over his chest. “So you thought Amy and I were an item.
That’s
why you acted like a mad woman at the carol singing – you were jealous.”
“I was not,” Maggie protested, but her flushed cheeks said otherwise.
“I guess this means you don’t hate me after all.”
“I already told you I don’t hate you. Hate is a strong word and I prefer not to use it unless absolutely necessary.”
“You don’t hate anyone?”
She pretended to think.
“I’m not overly fond of the tax department taking a huge chunk of my earnings but still, I probably wouldn’t say I hate them.”
“
So you like me.”
“
You could say that.”
“Even,” his tone turned serious, “
after all the things I said to you. I was way out of line and I want to apologise.”
“No, you were spot on.
Not with everything, but
most
of what you said.” She sighed dramatically. “I
suppose
I owe you a thank you.”
He pretended to clutch his chest in shock. “Wait, am I correct in thinking that not only
are you admitting that I was right about something, but you’re also
thanking
me? Without being prompted?”
“Don’t get used to it.”
He held up his hands. “Oh I won’t, believe me. I’m well aware you could flip and start telling me off again at any moment.”
She poked him
in the chest indignantly and he laughed, grabbing her hands and holding them hostage.
“Maggie where are those sandwiches? We’ve run out of sausage rolls and –
oh.” Dot stopped. “Hello Jack,” she said. “Nice of you to come today.”
“Hi Dot,” Jack pushed off the bench and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “It was the least I could do. I wanted to show my support for you all.”
“I’m sure Maggie appreciates it.”
“Here are the sandwiches mum,” Maggie passed over the plate she’d arranged. “
That’s the last of them though. After this there’s only the egg salad that Arihana brought with her, if anyone wants some of that.”
“I’m not serving
her salad. Knowing her there’s half a cup of curry powder in it. She’s never understood that the rest of us don’t have a cast iron gut like she does. Honestly, the last time Ray ate some of her egg salad he damn near sh-” she stopped suddenly as she realised where she was and who she was talking to. “Well, I don’t suppose we all need to know what happened next. It’s bad enough I do.”
“No mum, we really don’t
need to know.”
“
Actually I’m kind of curious,” Jack deadpanned.
“
Don’t be so gross,” Maggie elbowed him.
“
Honey, can I have a quick word in the other room please?”
“Sure
mum,” Maggie wiped her hands on a tea towel and followed her mother out to the bottom of the stairs. “What’s up?”
“You know I like Jack, and you know what I think about the two of you
together, yes?”
“Yes
.”
“
It’s just that
now
might not be the most appropriate time.”
“For what?”
“To you know, be seen flirting with each other.”
“What are you
on about? We’re just talking.”
“
I
know that, but others might not realise it’s as innocent as that. Just with it being the day of your husband’s funeral you might want to mingle with some of the other people here.”
“I wasn’t flirting for gods’ sakes.
And Jon hasn’t been my
husband
in any sense of the word for a very long time.”
“
Sweetheart, I know that, but the chemistry between you two is pretty obvious, even to your father who’s clueless when it comes to such things. People are noticing.”
“Since when have you cared what people think?”
“Oh honey you know I don’t care. I’m just worried that
you
might care. Or that someone might say something stupid that might upset Willow.”
She had Maggie there. Even though she was doing nothing wrong, she could
see how it might appear to others. “Ok,” she said. “Ok I get it.” She smoothed her skirt down over her thighs and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her hair. “Let’s just get this over with. I’m sick of the sight of people today. How small minded of people to think I would be so shallow? I’m not looking to jump into bed with anyone, and certainly not Jack Cartwright.”
“
I should get going,” Jack said from the archway behind her. Maggie spun around.
“
I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I didn’t know you were there.”
“
Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t eavesdropping, just thought I’d better get back to the surgery and make sure Amy hasn’t burnt it to the ground or lost an animal or something stupid like that.”
Dot shuddered at the mention of fire.
His tone had switched from earlier in the kitchen; then it had been playful, now it was serious.
“
Thanks again for coming.” Maggie knew he had heard what she’d said, hence the change in his manner, and she felt awful but unable to backtrack or bring the subject up again with her mother in earshot.
“You’re welcome.
Obviously I didn’t know your husband, but I’m sure he would have been proud of the send off you’ve given him.”
“
I’ll walk you out,” Maggie said, walking through to the lounge towards him, but Jack shook his head dismissively and backed away.
“There’s really no need.
You have other guests more deserving of your attention.” Then he nodded slightly and left, striding across the room through the throng of people without a backwards glance.
Maggie felt an overwhelming urge to
run after him, to explain that she’d just been angry when she said that last comment, but she could feel eyes upon her so she straightened her shoulders and turned to the room instead.
“Happy now?” she spoke to no one in particular, and the people nearest averted their eyes.
“Who are you talking to?” Willow came up beside her.
“No one
sweetheart. Have you had something to eat?”
“Ye
p. Arihana keeps trying to get me to try her egg salad, but I remember what happened that time granddad ate it so there’s no way I’m going near it.”
“Sensible girl.”
“Can I go play outside with Nick now?”
Maggie looked her
daughter up and down. Dot had taken her shopping for something to wear for the funeral, as Willow’s wardrobe consisted mostly of torn shorts and t-shirts. Maggie had been surprised with the result when Willow emerged downstairs that morning.
“Ok what gives?” she’d asked Dot quietly.
“What?”
“How much did you
have to pay her to get her to wear that?”
Dot looked at her grand
daughter proudly. “Not a cent. In fact she chose most of it herself.”
Maggie
didn’t believe her. Willow was wearing black tights, a neat little knee length pleated black skirt and a pretty little black three quarter length sleeve shirt, with ribbons that tied in the back and an embroidered lace collar. On top of that, she was wearing her hair in a long tidy plait, and, as far as Maggie could tell, she’d even polished her shoes. It was so far removed from anything her daughter had ever let herself be dressed in that Maggie couldn’t accept it was by choice.
“Come on
now,” she’d said sceptically to Dot, “you must have promised her something.”
“No.”
But Maggie remained unconvinced. Ah well, the truth will come out later, she had thought. It always does.
“Sure
you can go and play,” she said, “but change out of those clothes first.”
“Oh thank god.
I’ve been feeling like a bloody boarding school freak all day.” Willow darted off in the direction of the stairs and Maggie frowned. Definitely something must have been promised in order to get her daughter to wear those clothes. She would get to the bottom of it later.
“Don’t swear,” she called after her daughter.