A Rogue of My Own (25 page)

R
EBECCA WOKE UP IN
an odd, hurtful mood that she couldn’t quite grasp the reason for, and it wouldn’t go away. The previous evening had turned out to be more exciting than she had anticipated. Not the party, that had been quite boring, but in the coach…

Rupert’s risqué remark and the look he’d given her on the way to the party still made her blush when she thought about it. But she felt he would have made the remark to any female companion, rogue that he was, so it hadn’t really been for her in particular. Even if he did mention it again on the way home! His other remarks on the way home reinforced that feeling. He’d just been being himself, an outrageous rake trying to seduce whichever woman was near at hand.

Her own feelings, though, had gone over the edge for a rogue. That was the problem. She’d fallen in love with a man who obviously desired her, and whom she desired, but a man who would never be able to tell her he loved her or be faithful to her. That was what was upsetting her and making her so dangerously emotional.

She almost stayed in her room because of it. But as soon as the morning sickness passed, she was famished as usual. So she went downstairs to have breakfast and simply hoped everyone else had finished, so she wouldn’t have to pretend she was the happy bride today, when she was anything but happy.

At least the late hour afforded her an empty breakfast room to eat in. And trying not to think about anything that would make her mood even worse, she paid a little more attention to what she was eating and stared aghast as she caught herself reaching for yet another sausage when she was already quite full! So she had thoughtlessly been eating more than she should. Well, that at least was a relief. She had begun to think she was going to give birth to an abnormally large baby because her pregnancy was showing so soon.

That didn’t improve her mood, though. Now she also felt disgusted with herself. So it certainly wasn’t a good time for Rupert to catch her as she was leaving the breakfast room and to put his hands on her waist. It was obvious that he was actually measuring her girth, which mortified her.

“Damn,” he said. “Have you been stuffing yourself with desserts just to prolong the suspense?”

She failed to note the humor in his tone. All she gathered from his remark was that he still didn’t believe she was pregnant.

“You’ve found me out at last,” she snapped. “I’m merely going to give birth to a pastry.”

“That’s not funny, Becca.”

“Neither was your absurd remark. Do you really think I like that my body is going to be disfigured? I hate it, but not as much as I hate you!”

She burst into tears before she managed to run up the stairs
and out of his sight, because she didn’t mean what she’d said about her body. That was an acceptable change to accommodate the baby she already loved wholeheartedly. She didn’t mean it about him, either. She’d never hated him. He’d made her more angry than she’d ever been in her life, yet it hadn’t brought her to the point of hating him.

He followed her upstairs and knocked on her door for a while. She didn’t answer, and he didn’t try the handle to see that it wasn’t locked. When he finally went away, she cried herself to sleep, but after only a brief nap she was awake again by noon—and famished again! Good grief, it was starting to be amusing. At least it lightened her mood quite a bit and allowed her to get back into the “happy” pretense when she joined the family for lunch.

Rupert refrained from saying a single word to her at this meal. After her earlier outburst, she wasn’t surprised by his reticence. His eyes kept returning to her, though, and while he kept his look perfectly inscrutable unless he was baiting his mother, she sensed his—concern? No, probably just curiosity over why she’d reacted so strongly to what had been a jest. A jest in poor taste, but still, she didn’t think he’d been serious.

He disappeared after the meal, so she was able to relax for a while with his mother in the parlor. She liked Julie. It was hard not to when the woman was so obviously pleased with her. And Rebecca seemed to be having a good influence on her. Each day, Julie’s tone got a little less gruff, almost as if the female was slowly emerging from the cocoon again. At least it seemed so until Rupert would begin his teasing again.

As was Rebecca’s habit, she went upstairs to change for dinner. Most households of the gentry treated the last meal of the day more formally than the others, even without guests to impress. She
left her room at the very moment Rupert was entering his. He stopped. She thought about ducking back inside hers.

“A moment, Becca,” he said, and moved quickly toward her, as if he’d read her mind.

She immediately went on guard, her defenses firmly in place. She didn’t want to answer any questions about her silly behavior that morning, which is what she guessed he wanted to discuss.

She was already forming an excuse when he said, “I’ll be gone most of the day tomorrow on business. I mention it because I’ll be leaving so early in the morning, I probably won’t see you.”

Hardly what she was expecting to hear, but with her defenses so tightly in place, her tone sounded a bit too stiff even to her ears when she replied, “You don’t need to give me your agenda when I’m merely—”

She didn’t get to finish. He was suddenly kissing her into silence. She didn’t know if he was preventing her from saying
wife
or
guest.
She wasn’t even sure what she had been going to say. A moment later as her arms slipped about his neck, she didn’t care.

God, how could he still do this to her, inflame her instantly like this? Famished again, this time for the taste of him! All of the doubts, the angers, the insecurities, and the strange moods gone with the simple touch of his mouth and the knowledge that he
wanted
to kiss her. Wanted it! Of course he wouldn’t be doing it if he didn’t want to! Would he?

Her hold tightened on him. Something like happiness began to rise, mixed in with such powerful yearnings she was overwhelmed by it. She heard his groan. She didn’t guess it had nothing to do with passion until he abruptly set her back from him.

“Stop looking so bloody fetching,” he said.

He might as well have knocked her over, she was that surprised. He felt he’d been enticed into kissing her because of the way she looked?! What sort of nonsense was that?

Hurt, and more than a little frustrated to have such a pleasant kiss end that way, she snapped back, “Excuse me while I go smear mud on my face,” and pushed him out of her way to stomp down the corridor.

“You’ll find some in the backyard!” he called after her in what now sounded suspiciously like
amusement
.

“Thank you!” she shouted back, not the least bit amused herself.

She continued downstairs, though she didn’t want to now. She didn’t want to see him again tonight, for the next week, actually forever! So she intended to tell her mother-in-law that she was going to take her meal in her room and retire early, but she wasn’t expecting to see the guest sitting beside Julie on the sofa.

“Mother!”

Lilly beamed at her and stood up for a quick hug. “I resisted coming as long as I could.” She laughed at herself. “This should be getting easier, but it’s not—yet, anyway. But I refuse to appear like the meddling mother checking up on you every few days.”

“Don’t be silly,” Rebecca replied, and joined them on the sofa. “Tell her she’ll be welcome anytime, Julie.”

“Already did, gel.”

So easily, Rebecca’s mood took a complete turn with her mother’s visit. Lilly represented comfort, security, love, the things Rebecca had been missing the most. She wasn’t so young to think anymore her mother could fix everything, but her mere presence helped tremendously.

They had a nice, if not private, reunion before Rupert joined them. He didn’t exactly ruin it, but if he insisted on enacting their pretense tonight, even for her mother, it surely would. Unfortunately, he entered the room wearing a horribly bright lime-green dinner jacket that had his mother immediately scowling at him. So even after that kiss upstairs, he’d decided on an evening of humorously baiting his mother again. Bad timing, with her own mother there, or maybe not. At least it kept Rebecca’s own mood light for the moment, since she knew why he did it.

Nor did Julie hold her tongue, remarking in disgust, “I see your taste is still beyond flamboyant. You’re a bloody peacock, Rue.”

He actually looked behind him as he replied, “I thought I had my feathers tucked away nicely.”

Rebecca had to put a hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh. Julie merely glowered at him. Lilly didn’t know what to think, of course. But this being the first time she was officially meeting him, he couldn’t have picked a worse time to tease his mother with his clothes.

And he
was
going to enact the pretense! Before Rupert greeted Lilly in the most gracious manner, he leaned down to give Rebecca a husbandly peck on the cheek that lasted a little longer than it should have. Then he bent over Lilly’s hand to kiss it.

“I must thank you, Lilly, for raising such a remarkable daughter,” he said.

Rebecca suspected that her mother had just been won over by that simple statement! Lilly was beaming with pride and cast Rebecca a loving look before she replied to Rupert, “She is, isn’t she? And I hope you’ve been taking good care of my daughter?”

“Not as often as I’d like to!”

All three women blushed over that risqué reply. So typical of him! But his roguish wink for Lilly confirmed he was only teasing, and Lilly took it in that light.

Rebecca could have wished he’d just stuck to being charming for this first meeting of theirs with her mother, but she was still able to grin when Lilly whispered at her side a few minutes later, “He has atrocious taste, doesn’t he? I’m so sorry, m’dear. That’s going to be quite embarrassing for you.”

“It won’t be. He just likes to tease his mother by letting her think he does.”

On the way to the dining room, Lilly even found a private moment to tell her, “The suspense was killing me. I know this was pretty much my suggestion, but I didn’t expect it to turn out this well.”

Rebecca groaned inwardly. If her mother would leave right then, she wouldn’t have to know. But Lilly wasn’t leaving. She stayed for dinner, and unfortunately Rupert took the seat beside Rebecca before her mother could. Her guard went back up, and not a moment too soon.

She’d barely sat down when he reminded her of that kiss: “Couldn’t find any mud?” He said it so casually, she couldn’t tell if he was teasing.

“Behave,” she hissed at him.

“Never.” He grinned at her.

That brought on a slight blush, which in turn brought back her earlier frustration. “If you’re trying to punish me by making me want you, I won’t fall for that again,” she warned him.

“
Do
you want me?”

What a ridiculous question. How could she not want him? But she wasn’t telling him that. For him to even ask proved his intent was wicked in some form.

“Be at ease, Becca.” Then he completely ruined that by
adding, “I’m not going to ravish you here at the table, though I confess, I’ll probably be thinking about nothing else.”

She could have melted off the chair right to the floor, and not just from the scalding blush that flew up her cheeks. She was seeing him in her mind making love to her on the table! She couldn’t look down at the table without seeing it now! Oh, God…

She had no idea how she got through that meal. She barely heard a word around her. Why was he doing this to her? It was mean, and petty. Was it revenge for putting the ball and chain on him?

Of course he went on as if he hadn’t put her into another turmoil, keeping the dinner conversation flowing, even making her mother laugh quite often. And her mother didn’t leave after dinner. She wanted a private reunion and asked Rebecca if they could go somewhere to have it. There was no point in hiding it. Rebecca took her upstairs to her room, the room she didn’t share with a husband.

R
EBECCA STARED OUT HER
window at a coach plodding down the street out front. A few flakes of early snow were flickering around its double-lit lamps. It wasn’t cold enough yet for the snow to do anything but melt as soon as it hit the ground, but obviously the weather was beginning to turn more wintery. Like her thoughts the last few days.

“I almost thought you were fine,” Lilly was saying behind her as she paced the floor. “You were certainly putting on a good show—at first. But I know you too well to be fooled for long. So what was all that pretense about downstairs? Are you two having a fight?”

“When haven’t we been?” Rebecca said with a sigh as she turned around.

“I don’t understand. The gossip is that
he
announced your marriage at some ball a few weeks ago. Usually if a man does that, he intends to make a go of it. So the gossip isn’t true a’tall?”

“It is, but that was just a silly reaction he had that night
because I hadn’t announced it when I got there. We called a truce for appearances, even for his family. It was his idea. But two weeks of him being so nice made me realize…I love him!”

Rebecca burst into tears immediately. Lilly, appalled, rushed over to gather her into her arms.

“What part of that
wasn’t
a happy statement?” Lilly asked carefully after the worst of the sobs died down.

Rebecca stood back to wipe her eyes with her sleeve. “What’s happy about a pretense? And now he’s not being so nice anymore. His roguish tendencies are showing up again. I’m surprised he kept them under wraps this long.”

Taking immediate offense on her behalf, Lilly demanded, “He’s being unfaithful already?”

“You expected it, too?”

“Well, he wasn’t exactly in the market for a wife, so it was a distinct possibility, considering his reputation.” Lilly sighed.

“I know, you prepared me well enough for the foibles of the male—”

“Only if they aren’t madly in love!” Lilly corrected her.

“Which he isn’t. But that wasn’t what I was referring to. I meant with me.”

“
You’ve
been unfaithful?” Lilly said, aghast.

Rebecca blinked, then couldn’t help the mild chuckle. “No, of course not. I was referring to Rue being roguish with me when he swore he wouldn’t touch me prior to seeing proof of my pregnancy.”

Lilly didn’t even blush and said matter-of-factly, “You’re living in the same house. You’re his wife. You should have expected him to behave that way, even if you aren’t sharing the same room with him.”

Rebecca blushed. “I didn’t mean that, either. He’s just being
entirely too risqué in his remarks again, and kissing me when he doesn’t even want to!”

“Well, he must want—”

“Really, he doesn’t want to. He even gets angry about it, when it happens, as if he really can’t help himself. It’s like I said, he’s reverting to form, his natural tendency to chase any skirt around—even his wife’s.”

“I see. And this is making you even more unhappy?” Lilly guessed.

“He doesn’t even like me, Mama!”

Lilly winced at the pain Rebecca had been unable to keep out of her tone. She put an arm around Rebecca and led her to the edge of the bed, where they sat.

After a few caught breaths from the earlier sobbing, Rebecca added, “My emotions are out of control, too. There have been such wild swings in my moods, some so inexplicable I’m not even sure it has anything to do with him.”

“They’re due to the baby. I couldn’t have been happier when I was pregnant with you, and yet I still snapped at your father occasionally for absolutely no reason. But coupled with this other—” Lilly paused to sigh. “This should be a quiet, happy time for you—well, at least reasonably peaceful. That it’s not is unacceptable. I never thought I’d say it’s a bad thing for you to be in love. I feel responsible now for suggesting you come here. Would you like to leave? Distance might help you to look at this sad situation more clearly.”

“But the baby?”

“It’s already been protected by the public announcement of your marriage. You accomplished what you came here for—unless you came here for more than that?”

“No! That was climbing over the wall of his fury to force
him to accept the facts. It’s still there, that fury. I’m sure it is. Anger like that can’t just disappear. And he’ll never believe that I didn’t trap him into this marriage. I came here for the baby’s sake and no more.”

“Then you’re going to stay for the same reason?”

“I didn’t love him then.” Rebecca stared at the floor, fighting against tears. “It’s harder, now that I do.”

Lilly knitted her brows. “Have you been crying a lot over this?”

“Not too much.”

“Becky,” her mother said in a warning tone.

“Only since I stopped denying what I feel for him.”

“Have you thought about telling him?”

Rebecca was appalled. “I can’t do that! He’s only putting a good face on it for appearances. We were fighting terribly those first few days and having trouble keeping it private. So he offered this temporary trace. I think it was easier being furious with him. It really was.”

“That settles it,” Lilly said in one of her more adamant tones. “I’m taking you out of here. This sort of emotional turmoil can’t be good for the baby. So pack your bags tonight. I’ll come for you in the morning. And I’ll deal with your husband if he tries to stop us.”

“Stop us? He’d probably hold the door open.”

Rebecca caught that note of bitterness. So did Lilly, raising a brow at her. Was her love going to turn to hate because it was unrequited? She could hope…

“As it happens, he won’t be home in the morning,” Rebecca remarked. “He mentioned that earlier today. Fateful, d’you think?”

“Perhaps.”