Authors: Deborah Raney
Matt had kindled a fire in the fireplace, but the flames had dwindled to nothing and the house had grown chilly. Melanie brought in a log from the woodpile on the back deck and settled it on the fire. She pulled a sweater over her turtleneck and put the kettle on for tea.
She started a load of laundry and tidied up the kitchen. The kettle whistled, and she went to turn off the stove. While her tea brewed, she went to retrieve the newspaper from the driveway. She
was on her second cup of tea and halfway through the tough Saturday crossword puzzle when the doorbell broke the stillness.
The sudden noise startled her so that she broke the lead of her pencil. Then she remembered that someone was coming by the house. Legal paperwork of some kind, she assumed. She finger-combed her hair quickly and went to answer the door.
Joel Ellington stood in front of her, his gaze searching, piercing her heart.
“Hello, Melanie.”
Thirty-Six
Joel waited on the doorstep, hope and longing mingled on his face. “May I come in?”
The sound of his deep voice brought a sharp pang to her heart and assured her that this was not her imagination playing tricks. Unable to find her own voice, she put a hand to her mouth. Suddenly lightheaded, she rocked back on her heels, struggling to keep her balance.
He put out an arm to steady her. “Are you okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t want to frighten you.”
“Joel? What are you doing here?” Her breath came in a shudder, and she clasped her hands to keep them from trembling.
“Please, Melanie, may I come in?” He stood before her looking a little like a lost puppy hoping to be adopted.
When she remained speechless, he offered, “If it’s any comfort, your brother called me this morning to tell me I could find you here. He knew I was coming. We … we talked yesterday.”
“Matthew knew? I … I don’t understand.”
“Please, Melanie. I promise I’ll explain everything.”
“Yes … of course. Come in.” Her mind careened as she led him through the entry hall to the family room. The fire had begun to die down again, and she shivered involuntarily.
“Would … would you care for a cup of tea?”
“Um, sure. Thanks.”
Her hands trembled so badly she feared she would drop a teacup or spill the boiling water, yet at the same time she was grateful to have something to occupy them. Joel sat in silence in a corner of the sofa while she finished making tea. She came from behind the kitchen island and handed him the hot mug. Her hand brushed his in the transfer, and a little tremor went up her spine. He was very, very real.
“How’s Jerica?”
“She’s fine. Exhausted though; she’s still sleeping.” She eased down on the other end of the sofa, cradling the lukewarm remains of her own mug in her palms. “Why are you here, Joel? I don’t understand.”
“I know you don’t, Melanie. How could you? But I want to explain everything … from the very beginning. If you feel up to it.”
She merely nodded.
For the next hour she listened, transfixed, while he told her everything, beginning with the complete truth about Victoria and her tragic death. “I loved her so much, Melanie. When I met you it seemed impossible that I could have found love again. For a while I was afraid that I’d—” He hesitated. “Well,” he said finally, “that I’d fallen in love on the rebound. But as time went on, I knew that what we had was real. I hoped that you were the woman God intended for me. Then, when I realized I would have to testify again, I knew I had to leave. I could not drag you and Jerica into that mess …”
He reached out and touched her hand tentatively. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t honest with you from the beginning. It wasn’t fair of me to ask you to make a decision about marrying me without having all the facts. But you have to understand that there were rules … WITSEC—the Justice Department—was adamant that no one could know my past. I put myself at great risk by telling Tim when I first went into the program, but at that point, I didn’t care. I had to have someone to confide in, someone to help me deal with my grief. The loneliness, the isolation … It would have killed me. And I was the only family Tim had too.”
“I understand, Joel,” she said haltingly, struggling to absorb everything he’d told her. “I know you thought you were doing what was best by … deceiving me.”
He put up a hand. “Still … what I did wasn’t fair. I should have trusted you, Melanie. I’m ready to do that now. And … well, things have changed. I’m out of the program now. I want to explain everything … if you’re still willing to listen.”
His eyes pleaded for her permission. She gave it with a slow nod, not trusting her voice.
As the rest of Joel’s story unfolded, as the astonishing details of his life came to light, she found herself in tears for the agony he had suffered. How alone he must have felt, waiting all those months to testify again! How horrible it must have been for him to know that he had left her and Jerica feeling abandoned, devastated. And to be unable to explain any of it.
Yet with all her sorrow over the cruel events that had parted them, she felt an incredible spring of hope bubbling up within her. Joel was innocent after all. He
had
had a reason for leaving all along—a reason that was fully justified. Everything he had said in his letter was true. Every good thing she had believed of him was confirmed.
Thank you, Lord!
It seemed too amazing to be true. She was afraid she might be dreaming again.
Joel’s voice broke in on her thoughts. He put down his cup of tea and angled his body to face her on the sofa. “You know, I never realized how much our past forms our identity. Once they … took that away from me and I was living a lie, it was almost as though I didn’t exist anymore. Sometimes I was afraid you’d fallen in love with a fantasy … with someone who wasn’t even real. Do you remember when you and Jerica made me a birthday cake?”
She nodded, not sure where this was going.
“The day you were celebrating for me wasn’t the day I was born. It was … an arbitrary day the Justice Department picked out to put on my identification cards.”
“I didn’t know.”
“No, of course not. But do you see why I wasn’t even sure who I was anymore? So I had to wonder how
you
could know who I was. Does that make any sense at all?”
She nodded. “I think so.” But when he moved closer to her, when he laced his strong, warm fingers with hers and tenderly kissed her forehead, she could only whisper, “Oh, Joel. Every second of this moment in time is as real as anything I’ve ever known. I’m not in love with a name or a birthday! I’m in love with
you
. With the flesh-and-blood man sitting beside me now.” She moved closer to him on the sofa and put a tentative hand on his arm.
He looked at her with tears in his eyes. “When I saw you from the window of that taxi in New York, I thought my life was over. I saw you … with Matthew, and then when I came to the park when Jerica was lost, he was there, too. You were … in his arms both times. I … I was sure you’d found someone else.”
“Oh, Joel. No …”
“I realized then how much I had lost. And …” He pulled her into his arms, and she went willingly. His voice came muffled and ragged in her ear. “Oh, Melanie, when Matthew came to see me yesterday and introduced himself as your brother … you have no idea what a gift it was. What a relief.” He kissed her temple and whispered huskily, “It killed me to think of you happy with someone else.”
“There was never anyone else, Joel. Only you. Only you.”
A thought sprang to her mind, and she pulled away from him, jumped up, and ran to the kitchen counter where her purse sat. She reached in and retrieved the envelope and returned to the sofa. Taking Joel’s hand, she opened his palm and spilled the contents of the envelope into it. The scarlet cord coiled into the cup of his hand, and she asked the question with her eyes.
He closed his eyes, and there was such tenderness written on his face that it brought her to tears. “Yes, Melanie. I’m ready to explain it to you now.”
She waited, her thoughts swimming.
A faraway look came to Joel’s eyes, and he lowered his lashes and busied his fingers, twining the cord around his wrist, unwrapping and winding it again as he spoke. “When I first went into the program—became a protected witness—I hated living a life that seemed such a lie. I know this might sound ludicrous to you after all that’s happened, but … I’ve always prided myself on being an honest man. And suddenly it seemed as if everything that came from my mouth was some twisted variation of the truth. The rational part of me”—he looked up for a minute and smiled softly—“the self-preservationist, knew that the lies were a necessity. They didn’t just protect me, they protected the people who came into my life as well.”
“Even me,” she conceded.
“Yes. I didn’t want you to have the burden of knowing my situation. Even after I came to Silver Creek … after I was essentially out of the program … it was awhile before I felt safe. But even after I knew I loved you—after I trusted you implicitly—I didn’t want you to ever have to cover up for me the way I had to cover for myself. And I … told myself that I’d made a new life in Silver Creek as Joel Ellington. It was Joel you loved. After I fell in love with you … I was afraid that if I told you the truth, then it would all fall apart. I’d lose you. Maybe lose my job. I know it wasn’t fair to you, Mel,” he said. “I should never have dragged you and Jerica into this. I should have been honest. But I’d already decided never to go back. I was … between a rock and hard place, I guess.”
He hung his head and wrapped the silken cord tighter around his wrist, but she put the palm of her hand on his cheek and turned his face to look at her. “Oh, Joel. I would have gone with you. It would have been worth it.”
“No.” He shook his head, his tone rigid. “Not with Jerica involved. I never should have let our relationship go so far. But I was so lonely, Mel. And you were there, and … I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I just woke up one day and realized that I
had
.”
She took his hand and squeezed it, her heart overflowing.
Joel uncoiled the cord and ran its silken length along the inside of her wrist. “About this cord … I was sitting in church one day not long before I came to Silver Creek. The Scripture reading was the story of the prostitute Rahab from the book of Joshua.” He shrugged. “I know … it sounds like a strange story to find comfort in.” He repeated the story she had read from the Old Testament that night in her room. “When I realized that later, in the New Testament, God counted Rahab’s actions as an example of faith, it comforted me in a way I can’t begin to describe. I never wanted to deceive anyone, Melanie.”
He looked at her, his expression pleading with her to believe him. She put a gentle hand on his arm and waited for him to continue.
“I went out and bought this”—he held up the cord and let it coil back into his hand—“to always remind me of the reason I was living in the circumstances I was. I—I’m not sure why I gave the cord to you, Mel. I guess it was … cruel … when I knew you couldn’t possibly understand the meaning it had for me. But I … I wanted you to have something to remember me by.”
He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. “Oh, Melanie. Hearing my own words makes me realize what a terrible thing I did to you. I guess …” He sighed and held up the cord again. “I hoped this would somehow comfort you, too. That it would remind you that I did love you and that I would be praying for you.”
“In a way, it did. It did all those things. I found that same passage of Scripture one night, and I somehow knew that it meant something … important. I just didn’t know what.”
Joel took her right hand and entwined his fingers with hers. “Can you ever forgive me, Melanie?”
“Joel …” She choked on his name and swallowed hard. “I’ve … already forgiven you.”
“It’s all over now, Melanie. The trial … everything. I think I’ll still use some caution … keep the identity WITSEC gave me just for my own peace of mind. But I’m not afraid anymore. That’s all over.”
He stopped and stared into the fire. Melanie waited, sensing he wanted to say more. Finally he turned to her and reached out to place a tentative hand on her face. “Do you … Is there a chance that there still might be something between us?”
“Oh, Joel. What was between us never ended, as far as I’m concerned. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Joel took the scarlet cord and wrapped it tenderly around Melanie’s left wrist, then around his own, loosely binding their wrists together. “When I was reading my Bible the other day, I found a new meaning for this cord.”
She gazed up at him expectantly.
“In the book of Ecclesiastes it says that a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Smiling down at her, he told her, “Whenever I see this cord from now on, it will make me think of you and me and the way the Lord brought us back together … in spite of everything.”
“Oh, Joel.” She could no longer stop the tears that had welled behind her eyelids. They coursed freely down her cheeks. Joel leaned over and kissed them away. Then he slipped the cord from their wrists and drew her into his arms. They sat together, wrapped in each other’s embrace, basking in the knowledge that their long ordeal was over, and in the end neither of them had lost what was truly important.
Suddenly Melanie pushed away from him, an amazing thought fresh in her mind. “Oh, Joel. Just wait until Jerica finds out! She’ll be so happy … so happy to have her daddy back—” She couldn’t continue over the sob that swelled her throat.
“Shhh …” He put a finger to her lips and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. “Don’t cry. There’ll be plenty of time for tears later.”
She sniffed. “I can’t imagine ever knowing anything but tears of joy from this day on.”
“No,” he said soberly, shaking his head. Tenderly, he smudged the dampness from her cheek with his thumb. “There will be tears, Melanie. That is life. But I’ll be there to dry them for you. You and Jerica both … for the rest of our lives.”
Acknowledgments
For help with research: James Scott Bell, Terri Blackstock, Colleen Coble, Gene Cole, Jim Dailey, Sharon Fox, Angela Elwell Hunt, Martha Johnson, David Keazirian, Carla Long, Gerry Loomis, Crystal Ratcliff, Mary Rintoul, Maureen Schmidgall, Kathie Sprout, and Allison Wilson.