A Sexy SEAL Novella Anthology (16 page)

“We’re good together,” he said when he faced
her again. “There’s a passion between us, a history. We deserve to
give it a chance.”

Her eyes locked on his face, Gwen absently
adjusted her dress, tugging here, pulling there until everything
was in place and presentable.

He was right. They were great together, and
not only because of their passion and history. They had so much in
common. From their taste in food to their way of thinking and
approach to life. Once, they’d liked the same movies and voted for
the same leaders. They’d shared music and books and hobbies.

Once.

And that probably hadn’t changed.

But that was the problem.

Three years ago she’d thought they had
enough. She’d believed they were meant to be together. She’d even
offered to wait.

Gwen’s chin quivered.

She’d almost begged.

And he’d walked away.

Gwen ran her fingers through her hair,
trying to comb through the passion-knotted tangles.

She couldn’t live through Noah hurting her
again.

She wouldn’t be able to survive the pain of
a second time.

So she did the only thing she could.

She angled her chin, straightened her
shoulders and tilted her head to one side.

“Three years ago you told me that you had to
sacrifice everything to be a SEAL. And I was a part of that
everything. You made your choice, Noah. Now we both have to live
with it.”

“And the fact that I’ve changed my mind?
That I’ve decided that I can be a SEAL and have a relationship?” A
scowl flashed across his handsome face before he arched his brow.
“You’ve never been small-minded, Gwen. Since when do you believe
people can’t learn and grow?”

Since believing means I’ll be hurt
again
.

But she didn’t say it aloud.

She couldn’t give him the opening to try to
convince her that they could make it work. If she did, he just
might succeed.

And then what?

Gwen’s heart wept, but she forced herself to
shrug.

“I still believe all of that. I know people
can change, and I have faith that you’ll be happy with the changes
you’ve made. But not with me.” She offered a bittersweet smile.
“Because however well-learned, sometimes lessons come too
late.”

“You’re forgetting something.”

Her heart? Her belief that she’d ever be
happy with another man? Her faith in love?

Nope, she wasn’t forgetting them.

She was simply leaving them behind.

And walking away with dignity.

Sometimes that’s all a girl could ask
for.

“I won’t forget anything,” she said quietly,
giving in for both of their sakes and leaning forward to brush a
kiss over his cheek before reaching for the doorknob.

And forcing herself to twist that metal and
open the door to the rest of her life.

She’d made it a few steps down the hall,
grateful it was still empty.

“Gwen.”

Something in his voice stopped her. Unable
to help herself, she glanced over her shoulder.

Heat washed over her cheeks at the sight of
her panties dangling like a filmy black flag from his fingers.
Fingers that just moments before had shown her heaven.

But she couldn’t go back.

Not even one step.

She knew if she did, she’d grab ahold of him
and promise anything.

Give him everything.

But he’d hurt her once and she couldn’t
believe he wouldn’t again.

So instead of turning around, she
shrugged.

“Keep them.” Her smile was shaky, but she
offered it anyway. “Something to remember me by.”

Noah had once taken a shot to the thigh
that’d sent him into a dive off a three-story building. The landing
had jarred his body, dislocated his shoulder and put him in a dizzy
fog for hours afterward.

He’d still completed his mission.

Something he kept reminding himself of as he
made his way through the ballroom filled with relatives,
acquaintances and strangers. Talking to them, putting on a good
face to celebrate his brother’s happiness was his current
mission.

Gwen’s rejection on the heels of their
lovemaking?

He’d rather take a bullet and a few broken
bones.

But he’d get through by focusing on the
mission, by ignoring the pain.

Listening with half an ear to his uncle
expand on his views of the military situation in the Middle East,
Noah deliberately turned his back on the east side of the room. He
knew she was over there somewhere. He didn’t have to see her to
pinpoint her location. Hers and Russell’s.

His gut clenched along with his fists. But
Noah ignored the former and shoved the latter into his pockets.

Sam had told him that Russell was going to
propose tonight, which meant that announcement could come at any
time.

Knowing he couldn’t stop it, but unable to
stand witnessing Gwen commit to spend her life with someone other
than him, Noah excused himself.

He wanted to leave. He’d rather be on an
aircraft carrier, heading to a battle, the uglier the better. But
he’d promised Sam he’d stick around for the toast. And he always
kept his promises.

Including the stupid ones. Like the blood
vow he’d made with Eli when they were fifteen, planning to join the
Navy and dreaming of being SEALs. They’d learned everything they
could about the Navy, including what it took to be the best. Then
they’d cut their palms and promised that if they ever made it into
the SEALs, they’d go into it unencumbered by emotional ties.

A promise was a promise, after all. Even
when it hurt.

So Noah headed for the balcony.

Outside, he welcomed the chill as the foggy
air wrapped around him. Relieved that nobody else had ventured out,
he made his way to the railing to stare out at the mist-shrouded
Golden Gate.

It was a beautiful sight. One he’d seen
hundreds of times over the years. He’d always appreciated it in a
vague sort of way, probably because he’d always known it would be
there.

Just like he’d figured Gwen would.

Noah leaned his elbows on the stone rail,
contemplating that realization.

He’d known Gwen had a thing for him when she
was in high school. But been able to walk away because she was too
young for him. So he’d followed his dream. He’d joined the Navy,
pursued his goals and lived his life. And told himself he was
better off. Because he’d always known if they got together, she’d
get so deep under his skin that he’d never get her out of his
mind.

Then she’d come home from college while he
was there on leave. And just like that, all of his resistance, and
most of his good sense, had disappeared. He’d had to have her. He’d
known the timing sucked. He’d just been accepted to BUDs. His
chances of completing the training program and making the SEAL team
were high. From the first time he’d touched her, he’d known he’d
have to walk away.

When he’d left her three years ago, he’d
been honest when he’d told her not to wait for him.

But somewhere inside, he’d figured she
would. That if he ever decided that he was ready to combine a
relationship and his career, she’d welcome him back with open arms.
He gave a humorless laugh at his arrogance.

He knew the odds were against military
marriages. But over the last year or so, he’d found himself
carefully watching his teammates, the ones in relationships. It
wasn’t until he’d heard that Gwen was about to be off limits that
he realized he’d been tucking away all of those observations,
memorizing all the advice from the guys who managed to have it all.
He’d dubbed it relationship recon in his head, figuring he’d put it
all to use now that he was coming back for Gwen.

Nowhere in his mind had he figured that when
he came back she wouldn’t want him.

Noah leaned is head on his hands, his sigh a
misty fog.

No. She wanted him.

But she didn’t trust him.

And there wasn’t a damned thing he could do
about that.

“Yo, Noah. What’re you doing out here? The
party is inside.”

Trying to suffer in peace.

Since he wouldn’t actually admit that, he
shrugged instead.

“Chilling.” He looked at his brother.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in there, practicing your husband
face.”

“What’s that look like?” Sam asked with a
laugh, letting the balcony door close behind him as he joined
Noah.

“You’ve seen it. Wide smile and glazed
eyes.” Thinking it over, Noah leaned back, his elbows resting on
the rail. “Maybe a slight stoop to your shoulders from being
weighed down by all that marriage stress.”

“Don’t forget the twitchy lip from having a
hook pierced through it,” Sam chuckled. His grin faded when Noah
nodded, though. “Wait a minute. You’re serious?”

“About you being in there with your bride to
be?”

“About marriage being a boring stress-fest.”
Sam crossed his arms over his chest so the ornate overhead lights
glinted off the medals on his chest.

Noah debated.

Sam cared enough about Bryanna to want to
marry her. Was a party commemorating that the right time to point
out the reasons why it might not be a good idea?

But the tight knot of misery in Noah’s gut
said a warning might be in order.

Except Sam hadn’t dumped Bryanna when he
joined the SEALs like Noah had. So maybe he wouldn’t face having
his gut kicked in over eventually losing her.

“Where’s Eli?” he asked instead.

“Cairo.” Sam pulled a face. “He’d tapped out
his available leave.”

“Uh huh.” Noah jerked his chin in a nod that
was as full of sarcasm as his words. “Because he used it all up
trying to talk you out of marrying his sister?”

“That Eli’s a protective SOB.”

Noah couldn’t help it. He had to laugh. And
damn, it felt good to let go of that miserable knot of pain for a
little while.

“That he is. I’d have to say he’s probably
more protective of some things than he is of others, though.”

“Like archaic vows of emotional abstinence
and knight-like commitment to purpose at the expense of anything
resembling happiness?”

Noah grinned. That’s what he loved about his
brother. Things never had to be spelled out for Sam to get
them.

“He’s one hell of a SEAL, though. He’s got a
rep that they talk about even in BUD/S.” Sam frowned, but Noah
didn’t see any doubt there. Just consideration. “I guess the vow
worked for him. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be one hell of a
SEAL, too.”

“I hear you’re good enough that you beat my
record,” Noah pointed out with a grin that was both proud and yes,
a little irritated. After all, that record had stood for three
years. “So, yeah. I’d say you’ll make one hell of a SEAL.”

Tilting his head, Sam’s eyes narrowed as he
arched one brow.

“But?”

No point denying there was a but.

“But, training and doing are two different
things. You’re a Morelli. That means you kick ass. But out in the
field, in the middle of an operation when you could be kissing that
ass goodbye at any second?” Noah shrugged even as images, vicious
and ugly, filled his mind. It was stubborn determination as much as
training that set those images aside. “It’s different. That’s all
I’m saying.”

“You don’t think I can handle it?”

“I don’t think there’s any way for me—or
you, for that matter—to have any real idea how you’ll do. You could
be victorious in the field of battle, come through with a chest
full of medals and a big ass smile. You could cave after one
mission, realize that it’s more than you bargained for.” Noah
paused, then because it had to be said, added, “Or you could come
home in a flag-draped box, leaving your pretty new bride a
widow.”

Sam’s expression didn’t change. He didn’t
blink, he didn’t wince, he didn’t frown. He simply dropped his arms
to his sides, widened his stance and considered.

Since his brother was near his weight and
height, and because Noah knew he had a wicked left hook, he shifted
his own stance to match. Even as he did, though, Noah had to admit
he was proud. His brother took the hit of reality on the chin and
handled it like a man. Maybe better than Noah himself had a few
years back.

“So in your opinion, I shouldn’t marry
Bryanna?” Sam asked in the same neutral tone he’d use talking about
the weather. “You’re of the same mind as Eli? That being
successful—or to your point, alive—as a SEAL can only be done if a
man is single and unattached, therefore able to commit completely
and only to duty?”

“Does it matter what I think?”

Sam did frown now, as if he were looking for
the trick in that question. Then he shrugged.

“Yeah. It does. But only as much as you’re
my brother and I respect your advice. More, you’re already a SEAL,
and I respect your experience.” Before Noah could respond to
that—hell, before the glow even faded—Sam continued. “But caring
doesn’t mean doing.”

“So you want to hear what I think you should
do, but won’t do it. Figures.” Relaxed enough to laugh now, Noah
leaned against the railing again and shook his head before
continuing.

“Okay, here you go. Advice. I think you
should do what you know is right. You’ll know it’s right if it
clicks in your head, in your heart, in your gut. Not one or two,
but all three. If you become a SEAL, you make sure you’re the best
SEAL you can be. If you marry Bryanna, you make sure you’re the
best husband you can be. If you do both, you make damned sure you
give both one-hundred-percent.” He shrugged. “Pretty typical as far
as advice goes.”

“And the pledge?” Sam prompted.

Noah let out a slow breath and wondered how
to answer that. To Sam, or to himself.

“You’re going to find yourself on missions
where you’ll have to make split-second decisions. Decisions that
could seem to fly in the face of your orders.” Noah stared,
unseeingly, at the far wall. “When you make those decisions, you
need to do it with the mission objective in mind. You’re taught to
think because blindly following orders can get people killed.
Always remember the objective.”