“Of course it doesn’t sound reasonable. If it was Sadie or Ian doing something like that I would have kicked their asses.” Paige turned and continued her trek to the shop, acutely aware of Carter’s presence half a step behind her. “But I also know myself. It may have taken me a few years to figure it out, but I have. If I hadn’t done that on my own, I would never feel like I was free from him.”
Carter’s hand on her shoulder had her slowing down until she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, her gaze locked on the store ahead of her.
“Paige, I’m not him.”
The seemingly out-from-left-field statement made complete and utter sense to her. “I can’t know that. Rick wasn’t like that when I first met him either. You’re…you do things that make me question myself. Sure it feels amazing at the time, but I could easily find myself going too far and getting hurt again. If I hadn’t dealt with Rick once and for all, how could I trust myself to deal with…?” She swallowed hard, suddenly feeling guilty.
“How could you deal with me?” Carter’s hand disappeared. “I guess you’re right. How could you ever trust yourself with a man who wants to push you to your limits and help you get over them? How could you let yourself go and be happy when you’re always second-guessing the other person’s motivations?”
“Carter, I—” She turned to face him, but he was already backing away from her.
“It’s fine, Paige. I guess we did things a bit on the fast side. I’m glad you’ve worked things out in your head and dealt with Rick.”
“Where are you going?”
“Back to work.”
Panic ripped through her, turning her stomach sick. “Look, we can talk this—”
“I don’t think so. Sorry.”
Carter walked away almost as fast as he’d arrived. Paige couldn’t move, stuck fast, watching his retreating back. It wasn’t until he turned the corner out of sight that the tears threatened to spill. The last few feet to the shop were painful to walk.
She was about to open the door when Blue Eyes came flying out. They bumped into each other, equally anguished expressions on their faces.
“Sorry,” he said in a voice that had none of its normal spark. “Wasn’t looking.”
Paige smiled weakly. “Neither was I. You okay?”
“Not really. But then again, that would be par these days. Take care of yourself.”
“Wait.” She caught his arm as he tried to step around her. “That sounds like you’re not coming back.”
“I won’t be.” His gaze drifted over her to the store window. “You have a good night.”
And with that he was gone.
Paige entered the store to see Ian frantically cleaning the espresso machine. “I just saw Blue Eyes leave. What the hell happened? He looked upset.”
“He’s married. To a woman.”
“What?” Would this night never end?
“Well, they’re separated actually. The divorce is almost finalized.” Ian jerked the drip tray out of the bottom, sloshing old coffee over the side as he threw it in the sink. “That’s not the issue. A woman!”
“Ian, stop cleaning and look at me.”
His shoulders slumped forward as he dropped his chin to his chest. “I don’t know how I read him wrong.”
Paige flipped the lock on the door, turned over the Open sign to Closed and marched toward the back. “I have booze in the office. Come on.”
“We can’t close up, we still have another hour.”
“Booze. Now.”
She knew he wouldn’t be far behind her and quickly grabbed a few coffee mugs before heading back. It had been a long time since the two of them simply talked, and tonight seemed like the best night for it.
“I take it things didn’t go well at Mavericks tonight?” Ian leaned against the doorframe as she filled the two mugs halfway with the rye. “And I’m not drinking that shit straight.”
“Then get some ginger ale and come sit down.”
Ian snorted and pulled a can out of his apron. “I come prepared. Fill mine higher, will ya.”
They sat in silence as they nursed their drinks. Paige couldn’t get the image of Carter’s pained expression out of her mind. All she’d wanted to do was prove to herself that she wasn’t weak for wanting the things she did. That she could handle herself if she let herself go back into the lifestyle. There was nothing wrong with that. Was there?
“So,” she said with a frown. “A woman?”
Ian groaned, letting his head fall into his hands, sending his drink sloshing close to the top of his mug. “She called while he was here. They had some sort of fight, I don’t remember what about, and he ended up hanging up on her. In the eight months that he’s been coming here to…to get coffee, I never once suspected he wasn’t gay. Straight men don’t flirt with me.”
“Just because he was married doesn’t mean he’s not interested in men.”
Ian downed the contents of his mug in several long swallows and stood up. “I refuse to be some sort of experiment for a straight guy with a broken heart. Fuck him. Fuck…” He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Shit, I never did learn his name.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I think I screwed things up with Carter tonight.”
“Jesus, Paige. What happened?”
Getting sympathy from Ian was a bizarre twist in Paige’s life, one she wasn’t sure she knew how to feel about. She finished half her drink, adding to the alcohol already in her system and making her buzz pick up strength.
“How much do you know about what I did with Rick?”
“As little as possible. I know you’re a…you like…” He waved his hand. “Yeah, don’t make me say it, okay?”
“I swear to God you stopped maturing at twelve.”
“Sadie says the same thing.” He smiled softly, almost like his old self. “What happened with Carter that makes you think you screwed things up?”
“I went and talked to Rick tonight when I knew Carter was working.”
“You did what? After what that asshole did to you?”
She knew she’d regret telling Ian the truth. “Will you relax? I met him where there were lots of people around. I told him there was no chance of us ever getting back together and if he was smart, he would cut his losses and run.”
Ian pulled his chair up beside hers and sat down once more. “Well, that’s positive.”
“Except Carter showed up when Rick had me up against the wall outside. I had the situation under control but then Rick called me a cunt and things went downhill from there.”
“Bastard’s lucky I wasn’t there. I would have clocked him.”
Paige could feel the blush heat her face. “Carter did.”
“Good for him.”
“Then I ran away. He caught up to me but I bitched him out for interfering.”
“Brilliant, Paige.”
She punched him on the shoulder. “You don’t get it. I had to do it by myself.”
“I do get it, but that doesn’t mean Carter did the wrong thing. Did he tell you why he showed up tonight? I thought he was working?”
Ignoring the creeping feeling of dread, Paige shook her head. “I never gave him a chance to say.”
Ian sighed. “You do seem to enjoy making it hard for anyone to get close to you.”
“It’s not…I’m not like that.”
“Bullshit. You like to play at having this hard shell, but you’re too scared to let anyone see that you’re as human as the rest of us.”
“I’m not scared.” But she was and for once, Paige wasn’t going to be able to hide this from Ian. “It’s…I don’t think I can trust myself anymore. I screwed up bad with Rick. I should have been able to see the kind of jerk he was and done something earlier. What if…I mean, what if Carter is exactly like him? I don’t think I could handle it if he tried to…”
Ian slipped to his knees in front of her and rested a hand on either of her thighs. “Paige, look at me.”
She tried, but when she realized she was crying she shook her head.
“Please?”
It struck Paige as odd every time Ian came across as the man he’d become and not her annoying little brother.
He smiled at her and gave her legs a squeeze. “You’re one of the strongest people in my life. And even though I know I don’t show it sometimes, I trust your judgment on more things than I’d ever admit to. You’re the most stubbornly logical person I know.”
She smiled, wiping away her tears. “Thanks.”
“Did you ever once feel Carter was a threat? That he would do something that you wouldn’t like, or wouldn’t stop if you’d asked him to?”
“No.” Even when they were together for the first time at Mavericks, she’d never once experienced the pain or fear like she had when she’d been with Rick.
“And you’ve already proven that you know how to handle yourself if things get bad, right?”
“It’s not that easy.”
Ian sighed. “I know it’s not. But then again, sometimes it is. Sometimes we need to take the chance and put ourselves back out there to see what will happen. If it means anything, the last few weeks that you’ve been around Carter, you’ve been the happiest I remember seeing you in a long time.”
Paige hated the feeling of dread coiled up in her stomach. “I thought I was.”
“You were.”
Shit.
“I doubt he’ll want to talk to me again after tonight.”
“Women.” Ian got to his feet and kissed the top of her head. “Go to bed and think this over. Then first thing tomorrow morning, go down to the station and find him before he goes home. Talk to him. I think you’ll be surprised.”
Could she do that? Put herself out there and lay herself bare to Carter like that? With her luck, he’d turn and run the other way the second he laid eyes on her.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Excellent.” Ian grabbed the bottle of rye and tucked it under his arm. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going upstairs to my humble abode and get shit-faced. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Ian!”
He poked his head back into the office. “What?”
“For what it’s worth, I got the impression Blue Eyes really likes you.”
“Thanks.” Ian’s smile seemed painful. “But sometimes that isn’t enough.”
P
aige stood at the edge of the walkway leading to the fire station, staring at the front door and coming up with twenty reasons why she should turn around and never show her face here again. The shift wouldn’t have changed yet, which meant unless he went home after going to Mavericks last night, Carter would be inside. The early morning air was cool, making her shiver as she tried to convince her feet to take the last few steps necessary to get herself in there to apologize.
God, she hated this.
“Can I help you?”
She turned to see Garry coming up behind her.
“Hey, you’re Carter’s girl, right? From the coffee shop?”
“Hi, yes, that’s me.” It was hard to ignore the shop-girl title, but the last thing she needed now was to get into a pissing match with a friend of the man she currently needed to grovel to.
“He should still be in there if you’re hoping to see him. Shift’s not over for another hour.”
“I know.” She was five kinds of fool, but she couldn’t back out now. “Mind if I follow you in?”
“Not at all. If you want, we can surprise him a bit. I got a call from the boys earlier to say he was being a right bear last night. It will do him some good to see you.”
Paige somehow doubted that. “I’ll do my best.”
With no way to gracefully retreat now, Paige followed Garry into the station. Heat from the vent chased away the chill on her skin and helped to settle her nerves. Carter wasn’t the type of guy to lose it on her, let alone do it in front of his buddies. If anything, she was expecting his reception to be as chilly as the morning air.
“I’ll tell you what,” Garry said as he hung his coat on a hook in the small office near the lobby. “We can do this right if you’re up for a little fun.”
In for a penny.
She smiled. “I’m game.”
There was something slightly evil in Garry’s smile. “This is going to be awesome. Follow me.”
The echo of distant male laughter grew louder as they made their way through the station until they reached the truck bay, where Garry pointed toward one of the suits.
“I could get into tons of trouble for this, but it’ll be worth it. Why don’t you slip into one of those and climb up into the truck. I’ll send Carter in for something and you can surprise him. How’s that sound?”
Like a bad frigging idea.
“Is there someplace I can change?” Paige already had her jacket off and her purse in hand.
“Washroom right over there. I’ll give you a few minutes before I’ll send him along.”
“Why do I get the impression you’re far too excited about all of this?” She asked as she took the heavy jacket and pants from Garry.
“Let’s just say this is payback from my birthday party last year.”
“Do I want to know?”
“Nope.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“Ten minutes,” Garry called back over his shoulder as he jogged from the room.
With no time to think about every way this could spectacularly backfire on her, Paige pulled her shirt off and stepped out of her jeans, leaving herself clad in only her black bra and panties. Then she got into the too-large fire pants and pulled up the braces before slipping her arms into the jacket. Gary hadn’t given her boots, which left her with her sneakers. She gathered up her clothing and jogged over to the truck as quietly as she could manage in the heavy gear.
The damn thing was huge. It took some careful maneuvering to get up on the running board and into the front seat, before she could slide her way into the back. It was weird sitting up high. Even as she pressed her body down low in the seat, the feeling of being visible, exposed, was overwhelming. Time slowed and she was left with nothing to do but count her own breaths as she fought to maintain her control.
She ignored the list of
what ifs
racing through her mind and tried to relax her muscles one by one. Her pounding heart slowed and she stretched out to fill most of the small back seat.
“Which truck?” Carter’s loud yell echoed in the bay.
“Two,” came Garry’s answering call.
Paige closed her eyes and listened to Carter’s footsteps grow closer. A burst of cool air had her nipples standing on end and her eyes flying open as Carter hauled himself into the driver’s seat, muttering under his breath.
“Lose something?” she asked, hoping to sound coy and not freaked out.
To his credit, Carter didn’t startle. He turned around, eyed her sprawled out on the back seat and quietly closed the door. “Garry?”
“He mentioned something about a birthday party last year.”
Carter’s soft sigh was the only clarification she received on the matter. “What are you doing here?”
“I…” She sat up, struggling under the weight of the protective jacket. “I wanted to ask you a question.”
He frowned. “Ask away.”
“Why did you show up at the club last night? I knew you were working, but you never told me what had brought you there.”
Carter seemed lost in thought even as he tapped out an uneven beat on the steering wheel.
“I called your cell phone, but you weren’t answering, I tried the store when I was on my break. I got Ian and he told me where you’d gone but didn’t say what you were doing.”
Paige beat down the urge to kill her brother. He had his own issues to deal with. “I wasn’t trying to deceive you.”
Carter finally looked at her. “I know. For half a second I figured maybe you wanted to go play without me. But after, I remembered our conversation the other night about you wanting to deal with Rick your way. It was a public place and the type of spot where I figured you’d want to talk to him. And while I’m a domineering prick some days and need to learn when to back the hell off, I also couldn’t stand the idea of you being alone with him. I took a supper break and came to check on you. I was concerned.”
The guilt of the previous night came back with a vengeance. “I’m sorry. I’m stubborn and stupid sometimes. I’ve had to be the one to take care of Sadie and Ian for years now. I think I’ve forgotten how to let someone look after me. I did need to deal with Rick on my own, but what I said to you wasn’t fair. You’re nothing like him. Not once have I ever been concerned for my safety with you. Just the opposite.”
Paige bit down on her bottom lip and let her gaze slip to the floor. “I haven’t been this attracted to anyone in a long time. I think I scared myself, and when I get scared I try and put as much space between me and that thing as possible.”
“I happened to be that thing?”
She smiled. “No, that would be my own chicken tendencies. I’m sorry you bore the brunt of my stupidity. I hope you can forgive me.”
Turning fully around to face her, Carter hesitated for a moment before nodding toward her chest. “What’s this about?”
She shrugged. “Make-up present? It was spontaneous and I didn’t put any planning into it.”
The weight of his stare bored into her skull, making Paige feel as though he could see every thought in her head. It was a challenge not to squirm as she realized the Dom in him was trying hard to come out and play. It was hard not to want that, want
him
when he was like that.
“If I told you to come over here and get on your knees in front of me, that wouldn’t be an issue? Because after last night I got the distinct impression you wanted nothing more to do with me in my Dom capacity.”
The time for words was officially gone. Paige got to her knees and shuffled as best she could in the confined space and got as close to him as she could. For good measure, she let her gaze fall to his chest and she put her hands behind her head. “No issue, Sir.”
He let out a growl, low and animalistic. “We can’t do this here.”
“I’ll go where you want, Sir.”
“Get out of the truck. Don’t forget your things.”
“Sir?”
“I’m not going to fuck you where the others can see, or have my boss walk in and fire me. Get your stuff because I’m going to take you home.”
Paige moved like she’d been given a shot of electricity. Grabbing everything she could, she tossed the clothing down to Carter and climbed down the truck to the floor. Before she had a chance to say anything, he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder. Squealing, she struggled for a moment before he landed a slap to her ass. Not that she could feel the contact through the pants.
“Garry, mind covering the last part of my shift for me? I have an emergency at home that requires my immediate attention.”
The chuckles that answered announced their audience. At least Paige could blame her red face on being upside down.
“No problem, I’ve got your back. We’ll see you later.”
Her head spun as Carter carried her out to his truck and tossed her into the passenger side. “Don’t move.”
“No, Sir.”
Excitement built at the idea of seeing Carter’s place. She knew he lived close to the station, but that was the extent of it. She pulled the jacket closed, ensuring no one would be able to see her bra. “Should I get dressed, Sir?”
“I said don’t move. That includes getting dressed. I have plans for you.” The small, devious smirk took years off his face.
“Oh.” This was going to be fun.
“Yes. Oh.” Traffic slowed them down as Carter navigated toward the Gartner Expressway. “Actually, I’ve changed my mind. What are you wearing under there?”
“My bra and panties.”
“Perfect. I want you to play with your nipples. Tweak and flick them until they are nice and big.”
Paige’s breath caught. She slipped her hand inside the jacket, letting her thumb graze over the lace-covered nipple.
“Open the jacket. I want to see what you’re doing.”
With her fear and guilt now gone, it was easy to relax and follow Carter’s lead. She arched her back, thrusting her breasts into the air and letting the jacket fall open. Even though he didn’t turn his head, Carter watched her using the rearview mirror.
“Pinch it harder, Paige. I want you so worked up you’ll be begging me to let you come.”
Unsure if she should be vocalizing her pleasure or not, Paige decided to err on the side of caution and let out a soft moan as she canted her hips in time with her pulsing squeezes. The stiff material of the pants rubbed her in the right place, making her pussy clench from want of being filled. Traffic opened up and Carter managed to catch the next three green lights, speeding up their journey.
“Take your other hand and put it down your pants. You’re not allowed to come, but I want you to play with your clit. I want those panties nice and wet.”
“Fuck,” she muttered as she did exactly what he wanted. “I’m already drenched.”
“Good girl. That’s what I want. Pinch your clit a bit to help take the edge off.”
“Hurry.”
“Almost there. My place is up here.”
They turned down another side street, lined with older brownstone houses. Carter pulled into a small driveway, shoved the transmission into park and practically kicked the door open. “With me.”
Paige let him pull her across the seat to come out his side of the truck. Carter scooped her out of the truck and into his arms. She pressed her nose against the side of his throat to lick his skin.
“I have the bottom apartment. Nice and insulated.”
Under normal circumstances, Paige would have admired the nice stonework of the stairway leading down to his front door. She would have loved the simple yet elegant iron grating on the window of the heavy wooden door. Over time she would grow to appreciate the hardwood floors and the way the walls seemed to absorb the noise from the outside.
But right then, in that moment, the only thing she could think about was Carter.
He set her down in the middle of the living room, and she got to her knees without being told. The controlled in-out of his breathing had grown more ragged, and Paige knew it had little to do with any exertion he’d expended while carrying her.
“Take the jacket off.”
It fell easily to the floor, pooling over her feet.
“Look at me.”
Carter fumbled with the front of his pants, pulling his cock free from the confines of his underwear.
“First, I want you to know that I accept your apology. Second, I’m not even a little sorry for what I did to that asshole. I’ll punch him again if he comes within half a city block of you. Third, if we are going to make a go of this I need to know that you trust me. Trust that I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. And trust yourself to know when to stop me.”
“I do.”
“It might take some time for us both to believe that, but I’m willing to give it a go if you are.” Without releasing his cock, Carter reached over and cupped her cheek. “Because I can’t stop thinking about you, and the idea of you not being around would drive me nuts.”
A warmth Paige never remembered feeling before spread out from her chest and touched every part of her being. Tears welled up, but she refused to cry, not now. Instead she eyed his cock and licked her lips.
“Please, Sir.”
Carter stepped closer to rub the tip of his cock across her bottom lip, growling when she stuck out the tip of her tongue to tease him. “Open up.”
The head of his cock breached her lips, and the heady taste of his sweat and skin made her mouth water. Moaning, she lapped at the underside of his cock, teasing the bundle of nerves as he slowly pumped in and out of her.
She went to reach for him, but Carter pulled away. “No hands. Put them behind your back and keep them there until I say.”
He didn’t move close until she did as he’d asked. The angle of her head and the stretch of her arms behind her made everything that little bit uncomfortable. Her muscles ached and it was hard to swallow but she relaxed her throat as much as she could, giving Carter room to thrust deep.
“All fucking night I wanted to leave the station again and come find you. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since I walked into your shop.”
Paige let her teeth scrape along his shaft. She wanted to tell him she’d been the same way, but she wasn’t willing to release her prize. Instead, she pulled back, releasing his cock, only to dive back in and run her tongue from his base to the tip.