Authors: Andrea Grigg
‘
I
don’t know, habit, I guess.’ She looked embarrassed and when she actually giggled, his heart lightened even more.
‘You’re crazy, Lainey Sullivan. And you’re even crazier if you think I’m going to ditch you just because Malcolm said something to upset you.’
‘Good,’ she said, ‘although I think it would be easier in the long run.’
‘Easier for who exactly?’
‘I don’t know. Malcolm I guess.’
‘Forget Malcolm.’ He pulled her against him and kissed her, just once.
‘Who’s Malcolm?’ she asked.
He kissed her again.
‘Were we talking about someone?’
‘Shut up, Lainey.’
There was a knock on the door. ‘Everything alright in there?’
‘Everything’s fine, thanks.’ Nick smiled. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘Yes. But we have to talk about this properly.’
‘We will. On the long weekend. I know it’s important.’
‘Now you have to kiss me for every day you’re away.’
He was more than happy to fulfill her request. Even in a bathroom.
Nick let himself in the front door, dropped his bags and punched in the code to deactivate the alarm. He grabbed a bottle of cold water from the fridge before pressing the play button on the answering machine.
The last message was almost unrecognisable as Lainey.
‘Hi Nick,’ she croaked, ‘I’m still in Canberra and I’ve got the flu’. I won’t be able to come with you this weekend. I’ll phone you in the morning before we leave. I’m so sorry – talk to you soon.’
Nick listened to it twice more with a sinking heart. It had been several days since he’d spoken to Lainey and almost three weeks since he’d seen her. There was no way he was going anywhere without her. He had a vague memory of her saying there was a church camp on this weekend and most of her friends were going, including Lara and Kate. If she needed looking after, he’d do it.
Lainey rang at eight in the morning, barely able to talk. She’d even lost her appetite. Nick cut off her tearful apologies. ‘I’m taking you to the doctor,’ he said, ‘I’m not going to fly off and leave you behind.’
Nick waited in the school car park, as anxious as any parent, as two buses trundled in. Almost before the squish of the airbrakes had sounded the doors on the front bus opened. A familiar figure flew out and veered away from everyone else to lean over the bushes, clearly unwell. By the time he got to her, Lainey was propped up against the wire fence, watery-eyed and pale.
‘Hi,’ she said, or tried to.
‘You look awful.’ Nick put his arm around her and she leaned into him.
‘I feel worse than awful. Lucky I didn’t eat breakfast.’
‘Lucky you made it off the bus.’
‘Take her home, Nick. I’ll see to her kids.’ Carolyn came up, very sympathetic. ‘She’s been struggling since yesterday.’
Lainey slid down and put her head on her bent knees. ‘I think I’ll just stay here.’
Nick drove the car over and put her in it, while Carolyn sorted out her luggage. There were a lot of intrigued looks from the parents but he ignored them.
‘I’m so embarrassed. I threw up in front of everyone.’ Lainey pulled a tissue out of her pocket and blew her nose.
‘Well, it was better than throwing up on
top
of everyone.’ Nick patted her on the shoulder. ‘Make sure you tell me if you’re going to do it again.’
‘I’m alright now.’ She smiled wanly. ‘I’m sorry I’ve ruined our weekend.’ She was shivering even in her jumper and jacket.
‘You can’t help being sick. Let’s get you to the doctor.’
The receptionist at the doctor’s office took one look at Lainey and two at him before ushering them into a room where Lainey could lie down. Nick felt her forehead, remembering his mother doing it.
‘You’re really hot.’ He was quite worried.
‘Thanks. Glad you think so.’
‘Goose.’
The female doctor briskly diagnosed Lainey with tonsillitis as well as the flu and wrote a script. As she handed it to Nick, her eyes flicked over him properly for the first time, then widened with recognition. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be touring?’
‘We’re flying to Singapore on Tuesday.’
‘Right.’ She smiled and became quite personable. ‘No kissing. You don’t want what Lainey’s got.’ She fumbled around on the desk and found another piece of paper. ‘If you could please sign this for my daughter I’ll organise someone to get the antibiotics for you, save you going to the pharmacy. Deal?’
‘Deal.’ Nick wrote a message, signed it and handed it over. ‘Nice doing business with you.’
‘Believe me, the pleasure’s all mine.’ She even blushed a little.
Lainey gave a faint snort after the doctor had left the room. ‘You’re such a charmer, Cusack. That wasn’t for her daughter.’
‘Yeah, well, whatever works. It got you your pills.’
She dozed off again on the way home and he hated waking her. He made her take her medication then put her to bed as she was, minus her shoes. She still shivered, even while wrapped up in her quilt and blanket. Nick sat down on the edge of her bed and rubbed her back until she fell asleep.
‘Don’t even think about not going to camp,’ he said to Kate and Lara when they arrived home from work. ‘I’ll look after her. I’ll come back in the morning and I can always phone Rose if I need to.’
After rustling up something to eat he went back to watching television. At least the footy was on. He checked Lainey a few times, concerned to find she was still running a temperature. When she started talking nonsense in her sleep, he became worried enough to phone Rose. All he got was the answering machine. It was then he remembered Lainey had told him they were away for the weekend too.
There was no way he was going to leave her by herself. Nick found a quilt and some blankets; thankful the lounge was long.
Sometime in the middle of the night, he woke to the sound of the shower going. He sat up, hoping she wasn’t hallucinating and getting ready for work or something weird.
When she flicked on the hall light and saw him on the lounge, Lainey jumped. ‘Nick!’ Her voice squeaked and she put her hand to her throat with a grimace.
‘What are you doing here? It’s three o’clock in the morning! Where are the girls?’
‘They’re at camp so I’m looking after you. What are
you
doing?’ He leapt up as she swayed and helped her back to her room. She sat on Lara’s bed and gestured weakly at her own. ‘I thought I’d had an accident but it’s just sweat. It’s disgusting. I had to have a shower and wash my hair. And I need to change the sheets.’
‘Stay there, I’ll do it.’
This was new territory. He’d looked after hangovers in his time but never a girl with the flu. He stripped the bed, found new linen and remade it while she combed her wet hair, struggling with the effort of putting it into a plait.
‘I need a towel for my pillow; my hair’s too wet,’ she whispered. He found one, helped her off with her dressing gown and she crawled back under the covers. She was asleep in seconds.
He kissed her on the forehead despite what the doctor had said.
Nick woke to a very quiet Saturday morning. He presumed it was because everyone was at camp. From Lainey’s point of view, that was a good thing. She would worry if anyone knew he’d stayed the night and it was obvious with his vehicle parked outside. Well, that was easily fixed. He wrote her a note in case she woke while he was gone and gathered up her dirty bed linen. Rosa would be happy to take care of it.
It took less than an hour to shower, grab a few things in case he needed to stay again and have Angelo drop him back. He could use Lainey’s car if he needed to. Rosa gave him some frozen meals she always had on hand and promised to drop in some soup later on.
As he let himself in, he heard her coughing in the kitchen.
‘Hi, beautiful.’ He smiled. Her hair was coming out of her plait in all directions and her dressing gown was an old faded pink thing that had seen better days. ‘Not too good?’
She gestured at his bag and guitar. ‘What are you doing? You can’t move in.’
He took the kettle out of her hand and made her sit. ‘Sweetheart, you’re sick. If I need to stay another night, so be it. Someone has to look after you. Your flatmates aren’t here and your mother’s away so you’re left with me. Don’t worry, my car’s not here. Angelo dropped me back. No one will know.’
She nodded and winced at the movement.
He made her a cup of tea and gave her some medication then she went back to bed for most of the day. Nick read, watched television and worked on some songs, thankful she preferred to hibernate rather than moan her way through an illness. The weekend wasn’t going as they’d planned but in some ways he was glad. He’d had an ominous feeling for the last three weeks that things weren’t going to turn out how he wanted. He was grateful for the delay.
Lainey got up at seven in the evening and said she felt a bit better. She had another shower then sat on the floor so he could give her a head massage. She’d had a headache all day that just wouldn’t budge.
‘Just don’t ask me to do your feet,’ he said, and she smiled. He would if she needed him to.
They watched a comedy show and she lasted right through to the end although every time she laughed she had a coughing fit. He brushed her hair for her, clumsy at first but he got the hang of it. He loved the feel of the softness.
She climbed back on the lounge, put her head in his lap and lasted ten whole minutes. He woke her up, made her clean her teeth and take more painkillers. He didn’t mind this at all. They were like an old married couple.
‘Are you staying?’ she asked as he tucked her in.
He stroked her cheek. ‘Do you want me to?’
‘Yes, please.’ She sounded and looked like a child, curled up in a ball.
And, just like a child, she woke him sometime in the night. In the lamplight from her bedroom he could see she was miserable.
‘Are you okay?’
‘I’ve got another headache.’
Still half asleep, he moved on his side to the back of the lounge and threw back the quilt. She lay down and he rubbed her head.
‘That’s so much better,’ she sighed. ‘I’ll go now.’ And promptly began to snore.
Nick knew he should make her go back to her own bed but he didn’t want to. He shifted her on her side away from him and the snoring stopped. He placed the quilt over them both, put his arm around her waist and held her against him. Old married couple indeed. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in the clean smell. It was awhile before he could go back to sleep.
When she got up and left him it was still dark, but the birds had begun their predawn chorus. He missed her warmth but gratefully eased his cramped body into the space where she’d been, and slept again.
The next thing he knew, the love of his life was sitting on the lounge beside him with a cup of tea and a cranky face.
‘Wake up, Nick. It’s after nine.’
‘What’s wrong?’ He rubbed his eyes and tried to focus.
Her voice was raspy and uneven. ‘Don’t you
dare
tell anyone we slept together or I’ll … I’ll …’
‘Or you’ll what?’ He tried not to laugh.
‘I’ll think of something. Promise me you won’t say anything.’
‘I promise. I really don’t think we need to alert the media over it.’
‘We shouldn’t have done it, Nick.’
‘Lainey, we didn’t
do
anything. Anyhow, that dressing gown …’
‘What about it?’
‘It’s a passion killer if ever I saw one. You were safe with me, baby.’
She laughed then coughed and had to have a mouthful of tea.
They spent the day like the previous one. Lainey was a little better. She insisted he go home for the night but was happy for him to come back in the morning. When he let himself in she was still asleep.
He made a drink and sat on the lounge. On the coffee table was a soft leather case. Curious, he unzipped it and pulled out a Bible and a notebook. Despite his conscience ringing very loud bells, he opened the notebook to the first page. The heading read ‘Prayer Diary’, and began back in January. Each list began with a capital L but once into February, the letters N and L appeared together. Nick and Liam, he realised.
He flipped it open to June. Like all the other dates, N and L were at the top. At one entry, next to his initial, were the words, ‘
how much longer
?’ One of last week’s dates included an abbreviated scripture, ‘2 Cor 6:14’, and, ‘
What am I going to do?
’
Using the index, he thumbed through the Bible until he found the scripture. ‘
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers
.’
His stomach knotted, the implications obvious. God ten, Nick zero.
Nick had plenty of time to think. He would have much preferred not to, but a concert tour through Asia meant a lot of time spent in captivity on a plane.
His mind kept returning to Lainey’s notebook and things he shouldn’t have seen. Clearly, she was waiting for him to commit himself fully to God and she was giving up. And so she should. It wasn’t going to happen.
He’d seen it before. People who were on their way to making it big had become fully committed Christians and given it all away without reaching their potential. He’d worked long and hard for what he had and there was no way he was going to stop.
As far as he was concerned, there was no reason why he and Lainey couldn’t be together. She had her beliefs and he would never interfere with those anymore than he would with his mother’s. Why couldn’t she see that? There was no doubt they loved each other; they always had. What was hard to accept was the possibility that she didn’t love him enough to come to a compromise.
Compromise. Now,
there
was a word. Roger had influenced his stepdaughter in a big way.
He reached for the latest Jeffrey Archer novel he’d brought with him and took out the photo of Lainey from inside the front cover. She smiled out at him, leaning on a railing on the path below the Byron Bay lighthouse. He really liked it.
‘That’s a great shot.’ Simon had woken up in the seat beside him and held out a hand for the photo. ‘She’s pretty, isn’t she?’
‘Oh yeah.’
‘How’s it going with you two? Things working out?’
‘I’m not quite sure at the moment. There’s a bit of a bump in the road.’
‘You’ll be alright. Everyone goes through stuff from time to time. We do, but we’ve learned to compromise.’
That word again.
‘It’s only early days for you guys. It takes a bit of getting used to with all the travelling we do. Give yourselves time.’ Simon passed the picture back. ‘Lainey’s a teacher; doesn’t she have holidays soon?’
‘I think so. Why?’
‘Why don’t you ask her to meet us in Auckland? Organise a ticket and she could fly home with us.’
What a great idea. He’d phone Lainey as soon as he could and give her a chance to think about it. Mind you, she’d probably say no.
* * *
When Nick suggested she join them in New Zealand, Lainey didn’t know what to think. He knew her well enough not to expect an answer straight away and said he’d call again in a couple of days.
Half of her was raring to go. The other half was cautious and apprehensive. She rang her mother.
‘Please pray for me, Mum,’ she said, ‘I have a feeling that this is where I talk to Nick. It’s tearing me apart. He believes, but that’s all and I know it’s not enough.’
There was a pause. ‘We’ve been praying for you both, Lainey. What you’re going through is tough but you’re strong. Keep trusting in the Lord. He’ll show you the way.’
Her words brought a measure of comfort.
When Nick phoned, he sounded surprised to hear she was coming. He told her he loved her and somehow she managed not to burst into tears. The trouble was they should’ve already had their talk. It should’ve been all over by now.
She dragged herself through the last two weeks of work. Most people put her melancholy down to leftovers from the flu and she wasn’t about to enlighten them. As much as she wished it wasn’t so, Lainey knew she was doing the right thing and she dreaded it.
* * *
Lainey gave herself a severe talking to as she checked in. If breaking up with Nick was what God wanted, then she had to trust He knew what He was doing. He would provide all her needs, just like it said in the Bible. Those needs included emotional ones. If God said He would take care of her, then He would; it was that simple.
It was a quick flight over the Tasman but still too long for Lainey. Once through customs and the glass doors, she scanned the arrivals lounge to see who was there to meet her. Nick had said he’d try to be there, depending on their schedule.
‘Lainey, this way!’ It was Darren Cosgrove, armed as usual with his cameras and shoulder bag.
She waved and then frowned as he started taking pictures. ‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m here on behalf of Nick.’ He backed away as she got nearer, still clicking.
‘Where is he? Cut it out!’ She laughed, embarrassed. People were beginning to take notice.
‘I’m just messing with you. He’s over there.’ Darren grinned and pointed to an out of the way corner where Nick was leaning against a pillar. ‘See you round.’
Lainey’s heart nearly jumped out of her chest as Nick strode towards her. She hadn’t laid eyes on him for a month and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry and ended up doing both.
‘Are you germ free, Miss Sullivan?’ He held her face in his hands.
‘Completely.’
Nick kissed her hard. ‘Seven weeks,’ he said, still holding her tight. ‘I was away, and then you got sick, so it’s seven whole weeks since I’ve kissed you.’
‘Oh, Nick.’
He took her hand and smiled. ‘Come on, let’s go.’
They high-tailed it out the door. It was sunny but freezing, making Lainey’s nose sting. Nick leaned over mid-stride and kissed her again. ‘I can’t believe you’re here.’ He stopped beside a white limo and the driver opened the door for them, and then took care of Lainey’s suitcase.
Nick introduced her to Colin, then sat back with his arm around her and her hand in his all the way into Auckland city. She nestled into him, savouring the closeness after a month apart, but it was bittersweet, knowing what she was going to do.
She clung to the knowledge that her life was in God’s hands. She desperately wanted Nick’s to be there too.
* * *
Lainey sat back with a sigh, hoping she sounded contented. Italian food was her absolute favourite but she hadn’t been able to eat a lot. Nick didn’t seem to have noticed but then, he hadn’t finished everything on his plate either.
In the few short hours since her arrival, something had changed and shifted.
They were dining over the road from Mission Bay beach. Out over the water, the moon was rising, its silvery reflection dancing on the sea, the shadowy shape of an island looming in the distance.
‘Can we go and sit over by the water?’ she asked. ‘It’s beautiful out there.’
It was cold, each breath visible before vaporising into the night. They found a wooden seat facing the sea and sat shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. Nick was quiet, almost brooding and Lainey didn’t like it.
She turned and looked at him. ‘Nick, are you—’
A warm thumb on her lips cut her off. ‘This reminds me of the night I asked you to go out with me. I’ll never forget it. You were all silvery from the moon, just like you are now.’ Lainey thought he was about to kiss her. Instead, he backed away and stood up. ‘We should go. It’s not good for my voice to be out in this cold air.’
‘I’m sorry. I didn’t even think of it.’ Of course she hadn’t. She’d been so wrapped up in her own thoughts. Now she was worried about his.
They were silent as Colin drove them past the inky black water with its yachts and their skeleton-like masts, back to the city lights and harsh reality. Lainey wasn’t used to feeling uncomfortable with Nick but this ‘thing’ was hanging in the air between them.
She was relieved when he headed through the hotel lobby to the lounge where their entourage was dotted around the place. Nick went straight to the bar to join James and Malcolm, and she sank into a chair next to Mia, grateful to have someone else take her attention. She’d seen Mia only briefly that afternoon, just long enough to give her a hug and remark on her very slight baby bump. She was past the three month mark now, and had announced her pregnancy to everyone. She was glowing.
When everyone called it a night, Nick walked her back to her room on the floor below his. She thanked him for the dinner and they stood there looking at each other then glancing away. Lainey dug around in her bag and then swiped her card to open the door.
‘This is stupid,’ Nick said.
She wanted to ask him what ‘this’ actually was but she was too chicken.
‘I don’t suppose you’re going to ask me in, are you?’
‘No.’ That much, she knew.
‘Right.’ He raked his hand through his hair. ‘I’ll come for you at eight and we’ll have breakfast. I’ve got the day planned, until three anyhow. We have to be back for a sound check.’
‘What are we going to do?’ She didn’t really have to know but it might help this feeling of unease.
‘Going on the ferry to a place called Devonport.’ His kiss was a mere brush of the lips. ‘Sleep tight.’ Then he was off, striding down the hallway before she’d even gone inside.
Lainey closed the door behind her and leaned against it, thrown by Nick’s behaviour, his deliberate withdrawal. He couldn’t have guessed what she was going to do, could he? The possibility left her with a nasty sensation in her belly.
It was still there the next morning when Nick knocked on her door.
‘Good morning. Ready?’ He pecked her on the cheek, didn’t smile, and didn’t take her hand as they walked to the dining room. All the little things were adding up.
James and Mia waved from their table set for four.
‘Good morning,’ Mia chirped. ‘I am so enjoying eating without seeing it reappear half an hour later.’
Nick pulled a face. ‘Glad to hear it, seeing as how we’ll be on a ferry with you.’
So, they were coming too. Lainey had assumed they would be spending the day on their own.
‘Hope you don’t mind, Lainey,’ said James, ‘Nick invited us last night after you’d gone to bed.’
‘Not at all. It’ll be fun.’ She forced a cheery smile.
Despite the fact she was unsettled, her appetite was excellent. Almost like her body was telling itself to get ready to do battle.
James laughed when he saw her plate piled with pancakes. ‘Where do you put all that?’ he asked. ‘There’s nothing of you.’
‘She’s always been a good eater,’ Nick said. ‘Lainey is rarely off her food, only when she’s sick or stressed. She’s obviously not any of those things today.’
She looked at him, her fork halfway to her mouth, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. She said nothing, smiled at James and kept on eating. Then she cleaned her plate and helped herself to some fruit and another cup of coffee.
Mia giggled. ‘Imagine what you’d be like if you were pregnant and had cravings! You’d be the size of a house.’
‘Just imagine.’ This time Nick did look at her, his eyes steely.
His narky mood annoyed her. And for some perverse reason, a payback held a lot of appeal. What could she do? When she bent down to retrieve her wayward serviette from under the table and saw his size fourteen shoes, she knew.
She sat up, slipped off one of her own shoes, and wriggled her toes over Nick’s foot and up his ankle. His nostrils flared and there was a quick intake of breath.
‘Cut it out, Lainey.’
‘Sorry? What did I do?’ She thought her air of injured innocence was just right.
‘You know perfectly well.’
‘No, I don’t. Explain it to me.’
James and Mia stared.
‘What’s up with you two? Someone get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?’ James directed his question to Nick, Lainey noticed, not her.
‘No point in asking me,’ she quipped. ‘I wasn’t there.’
The other two laughed and Nick glared. He stood up so fast his chair almost tipped over. ‘I’m getting more coffee.’
Lainey popped the last grape into her mouth. ‘It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it? I’m looking forward to the ferry ride.’ She beamed at James and Mia. ‘I’m really glad you two are coming.’
If Nick was going to be like this all day, she could do with some good company.