A Sinful Calling (16 page)

D
illon knocked on Raven's office door at the church.

“Yes?”

“It's me.”

“Go away.”

Elder Freeman walked past, eyeing Dillon with curiosity, but he didn't say anything.

Dillon thought about leaving and going back to his own office, but he opened Raven's door and walked inside.

“Didn't I tell you to go away? Now, get out.”

Dillon hurried to close the door and went over and sat in front of her desk. “Baby, we really need to talk.”

Raven shot him a dirty look and flipped through some documents on her desk.

Unlike Dillon had expected, when he'd arrived home yesterday evening, Raven hadn't yelled, screamed, or started even the smallest argument. Strangely, she hadn't said anything to him, and he couldn't understand why. Her silence was sort of making him nervous because she'd gone from being outraged to acting as though the board had voted in her favor. She'd seemed calm and quiet, and it wasn't making any sense.

“Baby, I wish you'd talk to me,” he told her.

She still didn't look at him, but said, “About what?”

“Anything.”

“There's nothing to say.”

“But I know you're upset about what happened yesterday, and I just want you to know I understand.”

Raven flipped through more paperwork, ignoring him.

“Things won't always be this way,” he explained.

“Meaning what?”

“The board feeling that it's not the right time to hire you as co-pastor.”

“Is that right?”

“Baby, can't you at least look at me when you say something?”

Raven still ignored him.

“Look, I know you really wanted this, but everything is for a reason, and I believe it'll happen in God's timing.”

Raven scanned a sheet of paper with her finger, as though she was reading it line by line.

Dillon wasn't sure what else to say at this point, but then said, “You want to go out for dinner this evening?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because I don't.”

“Baby, come on. Let's go out to a nice restaurant and try to get past this.”

Raven sighed loudly and finally looked at him. “Dillon, why won't you leave me alone?”

“Because I love you, and I care about the way you feel.”

“If you cared so much, you would have vetoed the board's decision.”

“But I already explained why I couldn't do that.”

“Well, I'd really appreciate it if you would leave. I have work to do.”

Dillon got up and strolled around her desk. Then he leaned down to kiss her, but she tilted her head away from him.

“Oh, so now you don't even want me to touch you?”

“What I want is for you to stop talking to me. I want you to leave my office.”

Dillon stood there for a few seconds and finally stepped back.

“Oh, and by the way,” she said, “you have new sleeping quarters. So feel free to choose whichever guest bedroom you want. All I care is that you won't be sleeping with me.”

Dillon frowned. “Now, baby, you know I'm not doing that.”

“You don't have a choice.”

“This is crazy. All because I couldn't force the elders to do what you wanted?”

“No, it's because you never even tried. You never wanted me to be co-pastor, and I feel used.”

“How?”

“You know how. I taught you everything you know about running a ministry, and this is how you repay me?”

Dillon was tired of going over the same thing. He was tired of talking about this topic, period. “I've included you in everything. And any rewards I reap, you reap the same benefits.”

“Yeah, all except when it comes to being pastor. You want to run New Faith like some dictatorship, but if you think I'm going to sit back and play second fiddle, you've got another thing coming. When I told you the other day that I would take half of everything, I meant it.”

“You know what? I'll see you later.”

“Fine, but like I said, you're sleeping in a guest bedroom.”

Dillon tossed her an irritated look and walked out. Now he wished he'd gone to get himself another drink last night, because if he had, maybe he wouldn't need one so badly now. But after finishing the last of what was left in his flask, he'd told himself it was better to go straight home to talk to Raven. Then when she wouldn't respond to him, he'd changed into a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. Actually, as he thought back on things, it was probably good that she hadn't wanted anything to do with him, because he had felt a little drunk and last night might have ended up being a night when his gum and mouthwash wouldn't have masked his drinking. Nonetheless, he'd relaxed at home watching a baseball game and had fallen asleep on the sofa. He'd actually enjoyed doing nothing, what with his always being busy with the church. But had he known things were going to become this bad between him and Raven, he would have gone out last night and enjoyed himself in a different way. He might've even driven over to Benny's and then called Taylor. He'd purposely not contacted her because he'd thought it better to focus on Porsha for the time being, but he hadn't been able to get Taylor out of his head. There was something special about her, and he was going to call her as soon as he got back to his office.

But just as he passed by his administrative assistant's office, she stopped him.

“Hey, Pastor,” Brenda said. “You got a minute?”

Dillon walked inside. “Of course. What's goin' on?”

“Can you close the door?”

Dillon did as she asked, but he didn't like the look he saw on her face. “Is everything okay?”

“Well, it depends on how you look at it, I guess.”

He sat down. “What's wrong?”

“Remember when I told you I had a doctor's appointment last week?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I owe you an apology. I owe God one, too, because I wasn't being honest.”

“What do you mean?”

“I lied.”

“About what?”

“The reason I was going. When you asked me if everything was okay, I told you it was and that this was just for my annual physical. But that wasn't true.”

Dillon's heart dropped. “Then what was your appointment for?”

“To discuss my test results with my doctor.”

“What kind?”

“For ovarian cancer.”

Dillon gazed at her in silence, but he immediately thought about his aunt, Susan. She'd died from pancreatic cancer within days of being diagnosed.

“What stage?”

“Well, that's why I said whether I'm okay or not depends on how you look at it. I do have cancer, but it's only in the second stage. That's not great, but it's also a lot better than third or fourth. My chances of survival are a lot better than they could be.”

Dillon shook his head with disappointment. “I'm so sorry, Miss Brenda, and I hate hearing this.”

“Well, you know how strong my faith in God is, and I'm not claiming anything terminal. Death isn't even on my mind, and I don't want it to be on yours, either. But I still thought it was only right that I told you, because I'll be having surgery to remove my ovaries next week and then chemo.”

Dillon felt his whole body tense up. “Is there anything I can do for you? Just say the word, and it's done.”

“Pray for me. Pray for my strength, healing, and peace with this.”

“I'll be praying daily. You know you mean the world to me, and I love you like a mother.”

“I know that, and you're nothing less than my son,” she said. “And then there's something else.”

“Whatever you need.”

“This is more for you than it is for me.”

Dillon lowered his eyebrows. “Not sure I understand.”

“I want you to get rid of all the malice you have in your heart for your dad. I've tried not to say anything, but I can tell by the way you respond whenever anyone brings up his name or his church. I've watched you in meetings, and I've sometimes overheard you saying things to your wife, your sister, Elder Barnett, and a few others.”

Dillon was ashamed. Not for the way he felt about his father, but because he hadn't known Miss Brenda had been paying attention to anything he said about him, which meant he must have stressed his feelings and opinions about his dad out loud more than he realized.

“I wish things were different, but my dad has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me.”

“I understand that, but son, he has good reason. I'm not saying any father should cut off a son completely, but you did some pretty awful things before you left Mitchell.”

“Yeah, and I've apologized over and over and he still hates me.”

“I don't think he hates you. I just think he's hurt, and he doesn't trust you.”

Dillon thought about the last conversation he'd had with his dad, and how he'd talked about the trust issue. Curtis hadn't said anything about being hurt, though, and in all honesty, Dillon didn't think anyone could hurt Curtis Black. As far as Dillon was concerned, any man who could deny his own newborn baby didn't even have a heart.

“Well, I'm tired, Miss Brenda. I tried to talk to him, and I even called him last week, but that was it for me. I'm not going to keep begging someone who doesn't want a relationship with his own son. I just won't keep belittling myself that way.”

“Son, I hear you, but that's what we call pride. I know your dad was wrong for not claiming you, but when you first came to Mitchell you did some terrible things. Yet your dad forgave you, and he was willing to make a new start with you.”

“Not really. He gave me a large sum of money, but he never gave me his time or the kind of love he gave his other children. I was always treated differently than them, and I shed a lot of tears over it. That's what pushed me to try to blackmail him. I just wanted him to hurt like I did.”

“Doing things tit for tat never works. It doesn't get us anywhere, and I just think both of you went about things the wrong way. Your dad is stubborn, and you're just like him. So I'm asking you to please not give up on him. Please call him, or better yet, go see him. Pour your heart out to him and let him know that you forgive him for everything he's done to you, and that you're sorry for everything you did to him. And then, son, you have to pray about this as well. You can't just pray about your problems every now and then, you have to pray about them all the time. The Bible says to pray without ceasing, and that really does make a difference. Just last month, you taught one of our Bible study lessons from Philippians four, six. ‘Be careful for nothing; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.' Remember?”

Tears filled Dillon's eyes. “I'm just so tired. I just want to forget about my dad and go on with my life.”

“Well, you say that, but I can tell from the look in your eyes that you're constantly thinking of ways to get back at him. Even when you're quiet, it still shows. You're letting your pain control your thinking, and son, hear me when I tell you this…no good can come from that.”

Dillon wasn't sure how she knew what he'd been planning, but she did. She'd always been a wise woman; it was part of the reason he loved her and went to her for advice, but he didn't understand how she knew he spent every day of his life figuring out the perfect plot against his dad.

“Everything is going to be fine. Eventually I'll get over all this and that will be that.”

“I wish you would hear me on this. You need to go to your dad in person. Talk to him, and then if he still doesn't change the way he feels, you'll know you tried everything. You won't have any regrets, and if nothing else, you'll finally have some sense of closure.”

Dillon didn't want to tell her no, but he didn't want to say he would go to his father, either.

“Promise me you'll at least think about it,” she said, smiling. “You asked me if there was anything you could do for me, right?”

Now Dillon smiled. “Isn't that kind of thing called a guilt trip?”

“Yeah, exactly. But just do it, all right?”

“I'll think about it.”

“Good. That's all I'm asking. That's all anyone can expect.”

A
licia couldn't remember the last time she'd sat on the sofa in the family room, eating high-calorie snacks and watching old sitcoms. It had been one of the best afternoons she'd had in years, and now she knew sleep deprivation wasn't good for anyone. She'd known that all human beings needed a certain amount of sleep to function properly, but she'd learned to live with her situation. She wouldn't settle anymore, though, and she couldn't wait to take another sleeping pill tonight. However, this time she would cut it and only use one-half.

When her phone rang, she picked it up from the rectangular leather ottoman in front of her.

“Hey, Mel,” she answered.

“Hey, girl, how are you?”

“I'm great. How about you? You at work?”

“No, I left early today so I could go to my appointment with Dr. Brogan. Just leaving there now, and that's why I'm calling you.”

Alicia started thinking of a good lie to tell, just in case Dr. Brogan had told Melanie she'd tried to call her back. “Why, what's up?”

“I told her that I had a friend who was going to be calling her for a reference, and she told me you already had.”

“I did, and I left her a message.”

“She said she got right back to you, but you didn't answer.”

“I took a nap this afternoon, so I didn't realize I'd missed her call until a few minutes ago. I'll call her tomorrow.”

“You don't have to. I told her you needed someone who specialized in marriage counseling and grief. So she gave me the name of someone who could help you with both.”

“Oh, okay. What is it?”

“Her name is Janice Smith, and she's been counseling for more than twenty years.”

Alicia wrote her name in a notebook she had sitting on the table, and Melanie also gave her the counselor's phone number. Alicia went along with this whole scenario just so she could prove to Levi that she'd done what he asked. But she wasn't calling anyone.

“Why were you taking a nap in the middle of the day?”

“I took a sleeping pill last night, and I think it was too much,” she said, lying again.

“Are you sure you're feeling okay?”

“I'm fine, and I'm fully rested. I just needed some downtime today.”

“That's good, but you're definitely going to call Ms. Smith tomorrow, right?”

“Absolutely. Why wouldn't I?”

“Because I know how you are.”

Alicia picked up the remote control and pressed the Guide button. “No worries. I promise I'll contact her.”

“Oh and hey, have you talked to your mom since she got back?”

“I called her yesterday.”

“I'm glad they made it home safely.”

“They did, and they had a great time, too,” Alicia said.

“I'm sure.”

“Levi and I are driving over to have dinner with them tomorrow.”

“Gosh, girl, isn't it amazing how God can turn things around?” Melanie said. “And when you least expect it, too.”

“I know. This has been a long year, and I never, ever wanted to stop seeing my parents. But when I married Levi I decided that if a person didn't like my husband, they also didn't like me.”

“But you know that's not true. Your parents never stopped loving you.”

“No, but I'm making a point. When two people get married, they become one. So all I'm saying is that if you don't like Levi, you don't like Alicia.”

“I hear you on that. I felt the same way about Brad.”

“I really wish you would talk to him. I know he messed up. He messed up really bad, but I know you still love him, Mel. You can say whatever you want, but I know you do.”

“Doesn't matter. I can't live with the fact that he went out and got someone pregnant behind my back. He had an affair, and he had a baby.”

“But both the woman and the baby died in that car accident.”

“Yeah, and?”

“It's not like you've ever had to see them. I'm not saying that this diminishes what Brad did or that it makes it any less painful, but I do think it's different than most situations.”

“How?”

“When other women go through this kind of thing and they stay in the marriage, they still have to deal with the other woman and be a stepmom. But that's not the case for you.”

“No, but it still happened, and I can't pretend that it didn't.”

“I'm not saying you should, but if you love him…”

“Even if Brad never messed around on me again, I'm not sure I could ever trust him.”

“Not everyone who has an affair keeps having them.”

“Yeah, well, this is one of those times where you and I have to agree to disagree. I might feel differently down the road, but right now, I say once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Alicia flipped through the Guide again, checking to see what she could watch next. “I just don't like seeing you alone. You're a good person with a big heart, and you deserve to be happy.”

“I am happy. Being alone doesn't automatically mean a person is miserable.”

“No, but I also know how much you loved Brad and how much you loved being married.”

“I did, but since my divorce? Not so much.”

Alicia heard her phone beep and pulled it away from her ear. Her heart skipped what seemed like several beats.

“Oh my God, Mel, this is Daddy calling.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. I saw his cell number.”

“Well, answer it, girl. Bye.”

Alicia took two deep breaths, closed her eyes, and hit the icon on her screen.

“Hello?”

“Hi, baby girl.”

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Can you talk?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?”

“No.”

“Well, I'm sure you know I spoke to your mom.”

“Yeah, she told me she talked to you last week.”

“And she also called me again this morning. We were on the phone a whole hour.”

Alicia sat quietly, listening because she wasn't sure what to say or why he was calling.

“I'm so ashamed, I don't even know where to begin. But I guess the first thing I should say is that, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I was wrong about so many different things, and I never should have put my pride and selfish wants before my own daughter. I was being self-righteous, and you didn't deserve that,” he said, sighing. “But your mom took me way back in history. She made me remember things about myself that I had tried to forget about. She reminded me of the unspeakable things I did to her when we were married…things that you had to witness as a child. Then she asked me the million-dollar question.”

Alicia still held the phone steady but didn't say a word.

“Baby girl, are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“Well, what your mom asked me was how you were any different from me. She wanted to know why I'd expected you to love and accept Charlotte as your stepmother, but I wasn't willing to love and accept Levi.”

“I don't understand,” Alicia said.

“Your mom made the point that I got Charlotte pregnant while I was still married to her. I had an affair just like you did, and then I married Charlotte. I married my former mistress, which is no different than what you did, and you forgave me for it.”

Alicia heard every word he'd said, but what shocked her was that she'd never looked at things that way before. She hadn't even considered comparing her dad's affair with Charlotte to the one she'd had with Levi.

“So can you ever forgive me?” he asked.

“This has been so hard on me, Daddy. Harder than you could ever imagine.”

“I know, and I never should have put you through something like this. I kept telling myself that you were marrying the man that helped you kill Phillip, and that's where I made my mistake. I know you didn't physically kill him and neither did Levi, but that's how I saw it. Everyone knows I loved Phillip like a son, but I never should have let that cloud my judgment the way it did. I'm your father and a pastor, and I'm supposed to be better than that. I'm supposed to forgive others the same as I expect God to forgive me, and I didn't do that.”

“I never wanted to end my relationship with you, Daddy. Not with you or Mom, but I couldn't let you treat Levi like he was the enemy. He and I both made mistakes, but we love each other. We've always loved each other, and that hasn't changed even today.”

“I receive that, and I understand it. I would never allow anyone to treat Charlotte badly, either. You and I both know that.”

“I have really missed you, though, Daddy. I've missed all of you.”

“We've missed you, too, and I've already spoken to Matthew. He was angry because of what happened with Phillip, but he was more hurt over the way you and Levi joined Dillon's church. He forgave Dillon, because Matthew is a forgiving kind of person, but he doesn't want anything to do with him. And I won't lie, when you left Deliverance to become Dillon's chief operating officer, I resented you even more. It was wrong, but I'm just being honest.”

“But Daddy, Dillon isn't the same person. He's changed, and he wants to make things right with you. He just wants to be your son. He wants you to love him.”

“I hope that's true, the part about him being changed, because I don't want you to end up hurt.”

“With the exception of Levi, no one has been there for me more than Dillon. Not over these last two years. He even stood by Levi and me that whole first year before we got married, and he never judged us.”

“Well, I'm not saying that Dillon and I will never have a relationship, but it'll take some time. Trust has to be earned.”

“I really hope you'll try, though, Daddy. Dillon did do a lot of horrible things, but so have all of us. And you know that one saying, right?”

“What's that?”

“Don't judge me because I sin differently than you.”

“You're right, but this thing with Dillon is a lot more complicated than that. It's not just that he committed sins. He violated me and Matthew. His own father and brother.”

Alicia wanted to remind her dad about the way he'd falsified the DNA test he was supposed to take when Dillon was a baby, but she didn't.

“But enough about Dillon,” Curtis continued. “Can
you
forgive
me
?”

“I do forgive you, Daddy, but I want you to call Levi. I want you to welcome him into our family.”

“What if I told you I already have?”

“When?” Alicia said, but looked behind her when the doorbell rang. “Daddy, hold on a minute.”

“Okay.”

Alicia hoped it was only a delivery person because she looked a hot mess. She hadn't even combed her hair. But when she peered through the glass to the side of the door, she took a step backward. She opened the door, and tears streamed down her face. There stood her dad, Charlotte, Matthew, Curtina, little MJ, her mom, and James. But the person who warmed her heart the most was Levi, who stood at a distance, smiling. The only way any of her family could have known that she was home and hadn't gone to work was if Levi had told them, which meant he'd orchestrated this entire reunion. She was so overwhelmed, yet so happy. She couldn't love her husband more. She hugged each and every one of them for more than just a couple of seconds. She was reunited with her family and so at peace. Finally.