A Slow Burning Fire (12 page)

****

Arial blinked, startled. “What do you mean? Why do I care so much? Because you're my best friend. Of course I care about you and —”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Why are you so concerned with my reasons? It's like you're doubting I would be here for another reason besides wanting to be with you.”

She swallowed and lifted the brush again, needing the repetitive motion to distract her from spouting off something else before thinking. Finally, she found the right words.

“I only wanted to make sure you were getting the most of your visit. While you may be doing the chores with the rest of us, you are still a guest. I wasn't sure how long you would be gracing us with your presence.”

Bryce snorted softly. “I'll be here as long as you are.”

“I guess I'm trying to figure out what you're getting from all of this,” she admitted. She made sure to flash him a smile. “Outside of the pleasure of my company, of course.”

Laughing quietly, he ran a hand through his sandy blond hair. “Fresh air, sunshine, and privacy, to name a few. But I'm also getting to know my best friend in a whole new way. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like we've met for the first time all over again. Everything looks different here, including myself.”

She nodded. “Perspective basically.”

“My soul, Ari. I want to remember what it feels like to have one, and I am.”

“You've always had a soul. You're one of the most grounded people I've ever met in the business,” she protested.

“Remember what we talked about with people not understanding our way of life, and so it makes us come across as something we're not? Every time I put up a front to anyone, it eats away at my soul.” He tapped his chest. “Grounded or not, I want to be ready to feel again. Losing Katie made me see how much of my emotions I've pushed away. Because regardless of whether it was a good thing or not, I don't like how there's no hole left in my heart from the spot she used to claim.”

Arial wasn't sure how to interpret that statement. There was no way he could have been in a relationship with someone like Katie for long and not feel any kind of sadness over it being over. She remembered how he had expressed relief over the breakup, but he'd said so many things that were confusing to her.

“I see,” she said. The temptation to ask him about it further was there, but she held back. Bryce clearly had things he needed to work through emotionally. That must have been the point he was trying to make more than anything. Whatever was going on with his feelings for Katie wasn't Arial's business anyway. The woman was his ex, and the reasons behind the breakup might have been over some kind of misunderstanding anyway. A lot of details were being left out whenever he spoke about it. Not including his drunken ramble, of course, but he had said to ignore everything from that night to begin with. And for the most part she did, but when he started talking about his love life, that was easier said than done.

****

For a few seconds, he stared at her, his eyes narrowed slightly. “Yeah,” he mumbled.

Disappointment filled him. He'd just poured out a deep part of himself to her, one he was afraid of talking about with anyone. All she had to say was “I see.” Maybe he was wrong about the direction of their friendship after all. Perhaps they would always be just friends. There was a lot more he wanted to say to her about Katie, her, everything, but he kept his mouth shut. Instead he smiled his perfect smile and started to clean up after himself.

It was probably for the better they didn't talk then anyway. He didn't want to admit to having deep feelings for her while covered in cow poop.

Chapter Nine

At the end of the day, Arial was exhausted. Going back to a set schedule that involved early mornings would take a little bit for her to get used to. Thankfully, she wasn't too out of practice given all of the early set times she'd had for the show. Once the chores were done, she enjoyed a quiet day of reading out by the garden. Bryce had done a few more things around the yard to help her father out before going back to the Henderlites’ to help them with something or other. He hadn't been all too specific, and she had the feeling that he was purposely trying to avoid her. Ever since their conversation in the barn, he'd been off. She made a note to steer away from the topic of Katie for a while.

A roll of thunder pulled her away from her book. When she gazed up at the sky, she saw a mass of black clouds making their way towards her. It would be a big storm. Those were not something she was used to. Not when the weather was as close to perfect as possible while she lived in Los Angeles. She could barely remember the last violent thunderstorm she had been in. It had been a summer she spent on the farm almost ten years ago. Had it really been that long?

She shook her head and went back inside before the clouds were over her head.

“You seemed rather engrossed in that book,” Tiffany commented from the living room couch.

Arial hesitantly took a seat in a nearby chair. She had yet to try and bond with any of her sisters since she'd come home. They seemed to be so much harder to win over than anyone else in the house. Nadine was the one she got along with best. They were closest in age, and now that her sister was also out on her own she understood a lot more of how Arial felt about living as an independent adult. Caroline, on the other hand, seemed to hold the worst grudge, almost as if Arial had committed some kind of an unforgivable sin against her. Tiffany fell somewhere in between the two. Some days she was happy with Arial, and other days she gave her the cold shoulder.

Flipping the book in her hands, she glanced outside at the rain starting to pour down over the barn. “It's a good read so far. A good mix of all the things I like,” she said. “The animals are all inside, right? There's a storm.”

Tiffany changed the channel on the television with the remote. “They're fine. Kieran and Bryce made sure they got taken care of about an hour ago, as soon as Mama told them the weather report.”

Unsure of what to say, Arial nodded.

“Are you reading for pleasure or work?” Tiffany asked.

“Pleasure,” Arial said softly. It wasn't something she got to do often. There were talks of the book eventually being made into a film that might involve her, but she had wanted to read it long before hearing the news. That wasn't something she could share with her sister, however. The less she talked about work and California, the better.

Tiffany gave her a slight nod. Thunder cracked, startling Arial, which in turn caused her sister to laugh. “It's nothin' scary. Just some rain.”

“I know.” Arial glowered. “It can still surprise me if I'm not expecting it!”

Her sister giggled some more. Arial had to hold back from glaring. When was the last time she'd heard Tiffany laugh because of something she'd done? Had there ever been a time? Her interactions with Tiffany and Kieran were the most limited. They had been born after she started working in the business, and she'd been far too busy to bond with them when they'd lived out there, too. Plus it was hard for a young teenage girl to want to spend time with a couple of toddlers. She hadn't been mature enough to appreciate them. It made the disconnect that much greater. How was she supposed to make up for a lifetime of moments over one summer? It wasn't fair of her parents to put that kind of pressure on her.

Both of them fell silent, and Arial listened to the quiet talking coming from the television as well as the rain beginning to beat down on the room. She gazed out the window, watching the downpour and the occasional lightning strike off in the distance. Just as she was about to go back to reading her book, she noticed Tiffany staring at her.

“Hmm?” she asked, not wanting to let on just how uncomfortable the gaze made her.

Tiffany chewed on her lower lip. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why do you hate bein’ here so much?”

Arial blinked and stared. “I don't.”

“Yes, you do,” Tiffany insisted. “I just want to understand why. You're not the only one. Nadine does, too. We hardly see her anymore now that she's in college.”

How do I even begin to explain this?
she wondered. “The truth is, I feel like I've slammed on my brakes in the middle of the highway. My life is a car driving sixty-some miles an hour down the road, and then it stops suddenly. It jolts you, changes everything going on around you. Hate isn't the word I would use to describe how I feel when I'm here. Uncomfortable and unfulfilled, maybe, but I don't hate home.”

Tiffany pulled her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly. “At least you're honest. Mama keeps sayin’ you just have so much going on and that you'd love to be here more.”

“That's not a total lie. It is true. If I weren’t quite so busy, I'd come home more often. I have a significant chunk of time free, and that's why I'm here now. There are still some work things I need to do, but I can do them from my room upstairs.” Arial smiled softly.

“But you're not comfortable here. Why would you want to be here if you're not?”

Unable to watch her from across the room anymore, Arial stood up and sat next to her sister on the couch. “There are different kinds of uncomfortable. Some of them are good, and some are bad. The way I feel when I'm here is good.”

“I'm still not sure I get it,” Tiffany said.

“Have you ever thought a boy was so cute he gave you bubbles in your stomach?” Arial asked. Her sister nodded. “That's how I feel about being here sometimes. There are bubbles in my stomach, and it's kind of a culture shock, too. Because out in California, everything is so drastically different. I love both places, and just as you don't have to choose between loving a chocolate sundae or a cheesecake more, that's how I feel about home versus L.A.”

It was all true, so she hoped it all came across as genuine. Home was boring and slow, which made things frustrating on days she just wanted to go, go, go. She might not have been a party girl, but Arial did like to get out and do things all the same. At the farm, her free time activities were so limited.

Tiffany let go of her knees, stretching her body out again. “I wouldn't blame you for hatin' it here. Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning a little. Like there isn't more of the world than just this countryside. But then I remember you and Nadine, and I smile. I don't wanna be famous, but I don't wanna stay here for the rest of my life either. Caroline thinks it's a bad idea to leave.”

“She's also attached at the hip to her boyfriend. Mama told me Caroline is convinced they'll get married right out of high school and work his family farm.” Arial gave a small half-smile at the thought. She admired her sister's dreams and hoped she did get to have them come true.

“Yeah, she loves it here,” Tiffany said.

“It's okay to love it just as much as it is to want to leave,” she said. “Everyone finds home in a different place.”

“So home isn't here for you? Not anymore?”

Arial's smile sobered into a slight frown. “I'm not sure. L.A. doesn't feel quite right, but neither does here. Home is an obscure thing for me. It's wherever I feel safe and can be myself.”

“You don't feel safe with us?” Tiffany gasped.

“Not when Mama and Caroline like to pick on me.” She laughed, trying to make it a joke, but her sister didn't join in. “It's okay, Tiffy. I promise. Pretty sure it's their way of trying to come to terms with missing me.”

“You're probably right about that one. Someday they'll know you're just doing the things you were meant to do, right?”

Arial's gaze met her sister's. The wisdom the young teenager had was far more than anything she had ever expected. She was pretty sure she wasn't anywhere near as insightful at that age, but it felt like a lifetime ago since she was just a teenager alone.
And I'm not even that old. Maybe I grew up earlier and became more jaded than I originally thought.
Most young women Arial's age were only beginning to find out what they wanted to do with their lives. She'd known the minute she had first stepped onto the set of
Three Wishes,
even at fourteen. The passion of performing spoke to her soul. Tiffany saw it, too. Why couldn't the rest of her family?
Somehow we have to bridge the gap between us.

“Someday,” Arial whispered. “Until then I'm here, and I'm enjoying being back. There just aren’t as many things to do. Like this morning I wanted to go get some nice fresh pastries and what Daddy calls 'fancy coffee'. Since I have to drive an hour away to get those sorts of things, it discourages me from leaving the house.”

Her sister shrugged. “Make a date of it with Bryce!”

“A date?”

“Why not? Wouldn't he like to see more of the state than just our backyard? And there is the town, too, but there isn't a whole lot to do over there. Mama said they're thinkin’ about getting one of those fancy coffee shops in, though!” Tiffany's blue eyes lit up. “What's wrong with going on a date with Bryce? Don't you do that sort of thing all the time?”

Arial could feel her cheeks growing hot, and she hoped her little sister didn't notice. It was one thing for her mother to know about her feelings for Bryce, and a completely different one for her sister to notice. Little sisters meddled and talked a lot more than parents did.

She cleared her throat. “We spend time together, but I wouldn't call it a date. That implies something a lot more romantic than what's actually happenin’, kiddo.”

“But isn't there? Doesn't he give you the bubbles in your stomach? All he has to do is smile and I feel them.” Tiffany gave a lovesick sigh. “Don't worry! I know he's too old for me, so I won't try anything. If he gives me bubbles, I can't imagine what he does to you!”

“Tiffy!” Arial gasped. “We're friends!”

“Then why do you look like a tomato?”

Growling softly, Arial clenched her fists. She'd been caught. “Perhaps we'll go to the next city over sometime, yes. Or I'll show him downtown Columbus. It wouldn't be right to drag him out here and not let him have a little fun.”

“So what about the bubbles? Does he give you those?” her sister asked.