“It rained?” Not sixty miles away it hadn’t. “But Jared, you hate mushrooms.”
He laughed. “I know. I’m thinking of the children.”
“They hate mushrooms, too.”
“It’s time they learned to pick the things they hate,” he said. “Go tomorrow, if you want. Leave early, though, so you have all day. Go shopping. Get yourself a facial. Pamper yourself. Go to a movie, buy some sandals, have lunch. Have fun.” He brought her to him and kissed her, his amber eyes soft and affectionate. “I didn’t realize how hard this is for you. I haven’t been considerate. Go. I do this so rarely, it’s a treat for me. I’ll be mom for a day. I’ll put on your apron, bake brownies.”
“Jared,” she said, still in his arms, “I don’t own an apron.”
“Maybe you should get one tomorrow.”
With Jared’s blessing, she went. Kai called in sick, to both jobs.
They rented a room at Split Rock, the “Woodland Retreat,” on the ground floor, with a kitchen, a Jacuzzi, and a small patio overlooking the lake. Kai paid in cash. They bought baby oil at the hotel sundry shop, they ordered room service sandwiches, coffee, water, champagne. They put a “Do Not Disturb” sign out.
They had eight hours. It was like a waterfall.
2
Spilled Milk
“S
o how new is this life for you?” They were soaking in the Jacuzzi, sitting across from each other, their legs intertwined. She’d had too much champagne, was feeling woozy in the hot water.
“Which life?” Did he mean him?
“The house and all.”
“Oh, the house is over seven years new. A little older than the baby boy.” She probably should get out. They’d been in for a while. She was losing grip on her speech.
“The boy came with the house?” Kai chuckled, flicking water at her. “Why didn’t you stay in Hoboken? Continue to teach theater.”
“Why? This is a much better life.”
He said nothing at first, his hands moving in cliches, in circles. “Is it?”
“For the children, absolutely.”
He kept silent. “Did you do it for the money?”
“We did it for a better life, Kai. We were broke, fighting all the time, the kids were unhappy. And then our college friends Katie and Scott came over for dinner one night, and we found out that they paid their babysitter more per week
than what Jared and I made.
Combined
. And we had all been English majors. English, theater. We had all been in the same boat at NYU, yet there they were and here we were. Chris had an MBA, and was the head accountant for Shearson. And they didn’t seem stressed and unhappy like us. They were happy. Like they didn’t have a care in the world. So after they left we talked it over for weeks. We said we also have a choice. We can continue living Evelyn’s life, and our life, and Ezra and Maggie’s life, or we can try to build a different life. It was a joint decision. We both wanted it.”
“Did you?”
“We did.”
“No, that’s not what I’m asking. I’m asking, did
you
?”
Larissa tilted her head back. And slowly blinking, closed her eyes. Definitely too much champagne.
She was speedwalking down Henry Street in Hoboken, nine months pregnant with Asher and huge like an elephant’s ass, with Emily barely a year and in the stroller. She was carting a half-gallon of milk in a plastic bag hooked over the handle, because they had only one car and Jared took it into the city to look for work before he went to his night job, and the plastic bag broke, and the milk fell and crashed and spilled all over her shoes and coat and stroller—
milk
! All over everything, the small child in the stroller crying, hungry, and she cursed the milk and the stroller and the crying, and possibly even the small child, and resented Jared because he was out gallivanting in their only vehicle while she was rolling back the years, and stomped back to the store, wet with sticky milk, to get another gallon and this time she asked for a double bag, and it was a quarter-mile back home to the three-room apartment they were renting on the fifth floor, and when she got to the store, thinking it couldn’t get any worse, her water broke.
Three years passed. The MBA nearly all finished, one more
year to go, and they struggled insurmountably to make ends meet. They couldn’t afford to drop the milk because they wouldn’t be able to buy another gallon, and she diluted the milk a little bit with water for the kids’ cereal, hoping they wouldn’t notice, waiting, waiting until the day the MBA would change their life and make it all go away.
“Yes, Kai,” she said. “I really wanted it.” She didn’t sit up, didn’t look at him.
He splashed her. She came out of it. “Are you happy?”
“Of course.” She paused. “Though the Chinese food was better in Hoboken. But now I can afford it. And I can still get Chinese when I go visit Evelyn, but at least I get to come home to a house with a ping-pong table, a breakfast nook, a bills nook.”
“You need that.”
“Yes. Lots of bills to pay. Just like before. Difference is, now we can pay them.”
He was pensive. “House
is
beautiful. The dog especially.”
“Boy is beautiful, too.”
“The boy that came with the house? Yeah. Must be nice to have kids.”
She watched him carefully. Studied him. “It is.”
“Do you have a chandelier? Mood lighting?”
“Yes.”
“Fireplaces?”
“Three.”
“I know you have a pool.”
“With a diving board. And a movie theater room.”
“With popcorn?”
“A popcorn
maker
.”
“Drink holders?”
“And remote controls built into the arms of the reclining leather couches.”
Kai whistled appreciatively.
“Three years it took us. Three years of grad school, of eating pasta, potatoes, counting every nickel we put into the jar. Paying for our weekly groceries with change the kids were saving to buy a new game system. No one handed it to us. We worked very hard to get here.”
“It paid off. Look where you are.”
Thing was, she was bare in his naked arms.
3
Simi and Eve
“Y
ou wanna go do something?”
“Like what?” They were in bed, and she was less woozy but more raw. Cosily she was nestled against him, his body an ironing board, a stern taskmaster. He was the wire-mesh monkey mother, too hard for comfort, yet what comfort it was. The sheets were pulled over them, and he was tap-tap-tapping a fast beat on her back.
“Well, Larissa Stark,” Kai said in his tour guide voice, “this is the Split Rock Lodge and Resort. We have many different activities for your entertainment.”
“I think I may have already partaken too much of some of those.”
“Well, yes, I see you have enjoyed our daytime portion of the program, a Hacky Sack game for adults, and I commend you on wanting to play it time and again, and improving your speed in reaching the finish line, but I wanted to draw your attention to other things we offer in this resort for you and your eager and able partner. Would you be interested in attending our Motivational Seminar called ‘The Magic of Split Rock’?”
“Thank you, but I think I’ve already attended that. I’m sold.”
Tap-tap on her back, kissing her on the head, kissing her mouth, contemplating her, Kai continued. “In the Galleria Main Lobby we have a Scrabble tournament this afternoon.”
“I’m all scrabbled out.”
“A little later we’ve got one-on-one basketball. Perhaps your lover can play you?”
“He’s played me. One on one.”
“We’ve got indoor tennis courts, a bowling alley, a fitness center, or boating if you’re feeling outdoorsy and adventurous instead of sleepy and naked.”
“But what if I’m feeling sleepy and naked?”
“Well, perhaps you’d be interested in our nighttime entertainment calendar. We’ve got jackpot bingo, and a family dance party with a live band. In our Benchwarmers Pub, we offer Big Willie Live…” Kai mock frowned. “I don’t know if Live is his last name, or if Big Willie is being offered live.”
“I hope he’s being offered live,” she murmured, her hand caressing him up and down.
“Will you consider coming to the Family Sing-Along?”
“Coming to? Or coming at?”
“No, no, we do not allow hotness. This is a family establishment. What about the Newlywed-Oldywed Game? How well do you truly know your young lover? This may be a good time to find out. That’s at 10 p.m.”
“Hmm.” She was less sleepy, and he was less sleepy. She climbed on top of him, held him between her legs, kissed his face, his chest, kissed his eyes. His hands were holding her hips. “What about the Great Pocono Ping-Pong Challenge?” she asked. “The winner gets to have sex with the loser.”
“Done deal,” he replied, dancing rings underneath her. They kissed deeply. “But I want payment upfront.”
“Done deal.”
They played Miss Mary Mack, all dressed in black, and were lying on top of the sheets in a quiet room with the curtains drawn, the windows shut, in welcome air-conditioning, the hum from the wall unit soothing out the silence.
“Kai, we have time,” Larissa said. “We have a little time. Tell me things. Please.”
“I was about to drift off, so happily, too. What things?”
“Tell me things about my young lover…” she whispered.
Kai sighed. He was on his back, but his arm around her became less embracing. “What’s the point?” he said. “Is it going to make you want to come more?”
Was he being naughty? She peered into his face.
“Is it going to make you want me more?”
“I don’t see how that’s possible,” she whispered. “I can’t think of anything else but you.”
“But what if it makes you want me less?” he said. “What if instead of pity and compassion, you’ll be afraid, you’ll stay away?”
“Kai,” she said, “how in the world can I stay away from you? Please, yes, tell me
something
that will make me stay away.”
“What will do it? What if I was in prison like my dad, for drug dealing?”
Larissa was quiet. Was he testing her or hypothesizing? She didn’t think that would do it.
“I wasn’t, by the by.”
“Kai, you’re so young.”
“Only in body. I’ve been quite careless with things. You know how reckless you can be when you’re young.”
She knew.
“Look at the scar on my stomach. I went for a demon ride, but a girl was on my bike with me. I nearly lost my liver, but she broke both legs, a rib, and her front teeth. She could’ve been killed. But I wasn’t thinking about that. She wanted to go so I took her. That’s what I mean about careless. Slam!
Right into the side of a mountain. At night. I was going way too fast and came to a hairpin turn and couldn’t stop. With the lights off.”
Larissa rubbed him to soothe him. “But the girl went of her own accord. You didn’t force her to come with you.”
“I should’ve known better. I knew the risks. She didn’t.”
“She went of her own free will. You didn’t kidnap her.”
Kai said nothing at first. “Sometimes you have to watch out for people you care about,” he said at last. “Sometimes they make the wrong decisions. You have to try to help them.”
“You think she made the wrong decision?”
“Surely she did.”
Larissa cajoled him, but he remained reluctant to speak. Not angry, just withdrawing. She had not seen him angry.
“Is this not enough?” Kai asked, shying away from being tickled, probed. “We have it good. Why can’t we just leave it like it is?”
“Is this good?”
“You don’t think this is mad good?” His body was suddenly over her, his inquiring hand between her legs. “I don’t mean
this
. I mean us. You and me.”
“Will it be less mad good after you tell me?” Larissa moaned. Will
we
be less good? But she didn’t ask that.
“I think it might be, yes.” Kai pulled away, lay on his back again, his burst of energy spent. He did that thing she saw him do sometimes: when he was stressed, in traffic, or in a hurry, he would pull up, straighten his back, sit preternaturally still, frozen without motion, like a painting. He made himself a still life and dealt away with his anxiety. It was a Zen move and she loved it because it made her calmer too. She didn’t want him to be tense. She thought of stroking him, but the result of him being stroked would not make him less stressed in the end, and he might welcome the diversion and a stop to the unwelcome conversation.
“Tell me anyway.” Was she hoping somewhere in the recesses where a tiny breath of conscience entered that perhaps she might dim in her ardor? Wouldn’t that be loverly, to dim in her ardor. “You’re a kid. How much trouble could you have gotten into?”
“Plenty,” Kai said. “And real trouble. The kind that’s hard to walk away from.”
Larissa hoped, almost prayed, the trouble she was in now wasn’t that kind of trouble.
“I was a party boy. Lots of friends, lots of drink. Girls. My mom was working two jobs, and partying herself, my grandmother had raised me, but she was getting old, and my granddad had died. I was on my own, fending for myself since I was thirteen. Working, partying, whatever.”
Funny how from a different provenance that had also been Larissa’s life: her mother and father lovingly but deliberately hands off. “We want you to make your own mistakes,” they had told her. “That’s the only way you will learn. We’re not here to run your life.” Larissa always suspected that after strictly raising three boys they were done with serious child-rearing by the time they got to her and used the libertarian argument to justify their parental exhaustion. But the effect on her was the same: she had love but little guidance.
“One of the girls I met at a party,” Kai continued, “was Simi. She was sixteen. Had a crush on me.”
“Who wouldn’t?”
Leaning over, he kissed her lingeringly, kept his lips on her as if he didn’t want to continue. He sighed. “I hooked up with her one evening. With all that music blaring, I couldn’t tell anything about her except she was cute. It was nothing serious, just one of those things.”
“Have you ever had something serious?” Larissa asked tentatively.
“You decide,” Kai said. “After I tell you. I kept seeing her. But I had a few other things going on…”