—Come on, I said.—Let’s go lookin’.
I was five.
Four
H
e was Dolly Oblong’s faithful delivery boy.
Alfie Gandon
H
says Hello
. He carried the message all over Dublin. And he slept in a hole under a back stairs. He put his ear to the floor and fell asleep listening to the house. He guarded it while he slept. He gave his life to Dolly Oblong. He went back to her room only twice in those years and, once, he stepped aside as she left the house and went down the steps to a waiting cab. He was so overpowered by her magnificence, by the eyes made huge by belladonna, by the smell of peppermint that strayed from her mouth to his, he didn’t think of dashing down to open the cab door until the cab was a dying sound beyond the light of the streetlamp. And he cursed his stupidity. The chance to be of help, to touch her sleeve, and he’d let it go right past him. The fading horse’s hooves drove nails into his stupid, saturated heart.
The visits to her room were short. Once, she gave him two pounds and the name of a man.
—Mister Gandon does not like this man, she said.—He is not good for business.
The second time she gave him five pounds and two names, on a piece of paper. He didn’t look at the names; he knew that this, his first look at her handwriting, would make him weak.
—These men do not like each other, Henry, she said.—Mister Gandon thinks that this is what they would want.
Henry
. Her voice held up his name in front of his eyes. It caressed and slapped it. He took the fiver and fell out of the room. He stood outside and, again, cursed himself and his numb, useless tongue. It was too late to go back in, to start again. He had the money, he had the names. Two names on a small piece of paper. The perfect grease stain left by her fingers - it was heart-shaped; he could see it - where she’d held the corner of the paper, there for him to see and keep. And her writing - she was in the lines and dips, the ink was from inside her. He remembered the names, folded the paper and gently lowered it to the bottom of the pocket inside his coat, as near to his heart as he could estimate.
Two names. Two unmarried brothers in one house. An easy job. The Brennans. Desmond and Cecil. A very easy job. In the kitchen window, not a squeak or objection. Up the stairs. No secret creak or hidden toy. Into the bedrooms. He tied them fast to facing chairs, to let them watch each other bleed. He sawed one throat, and then the other. He wiped the blade on his sleeve and left the room so the brothers could enjoy their last moments together. He went downstairs and found some biscuits.
It took him three nights to get rid of the bodies. He dropped parcels into water all over Dublin. A heart went into Scribblestown Stream, a torso into the Little Dargle. He climbed down drains and into granite caves. He went further and used new rivers. Naniken River and the Creosote Stream. He was careful and fair. No river got too much. If an arm went north, another went south. It was a job of work, and he was tired. He felt like a man who’d walked all over Dublin.
He was on his way back, to the hole under Dolly Oblong’s stairs, when he turned a corner, into a huge crowd. Flags and bunting flapped above him, lots of red, white and blue, some green and gold, and there was a band off somewhere ploughing through
The Minstrel Boy
. The crowd stretched all along the road, through Ballsbridge, over the canal, on into town. There was a roar that was getting louder, as if coming nearer.
—They’re coming! They’re coming!
He saw hats being waved, hats thrown into the air. The flags became frantic.
The Minstrel Boy
was getting nearer, beginning to sound like well-played music. Henry didn’t venture into the crowd; tight crowds made him feel like a one-legged man. He stayed at the back.
God Bless Our King
: the banner across the road explained it all to him. Edward VII was in town. Henry had forgotten: it was a holiday. He’d be busy later, on the steps. He’d need some sleep.
He couldn’t see, but he could tell by the agitation running along the crowd that the King and Queen were on their way past. People got up on their toes, leaned on strangers’ backs for a second’s glimpse of the approaching carriage. There were children on their fathers’ shoulders. Servants hung from upstairs windows. There were more kids clinging to lampposts. There was clapping and cheering. The girls would be on their backs all night, raking it in for Dolly Oblong. Some of the older girls still talked about Victoria’s last visit; they still said God save the Queen every time they scratched themselves. He could see the plumes of horsemen. He watched the crowd as shoulders and heads turned with the passing carriage.
—Fuck off!
There were gasps. He saw people looking for the owner of the treacherous roar.
—Fuck off!
And he saw men grabbing at the legs of a small lad clinging to a lamppost, a small lad with an even smaller lad parked on his shoulders.
Who was the angry little man hanging on for his life?
—Fuck off with your hat!
It was me up there, ankles scratched, the trousers being yanked off me. It was five-year-old me - July, 1907. I kicked at grabbing hands and tried to bury my fingers in the green-painted iron of the lamppost. Victor kicked and spat; he was doing his best to save us. But, inch by inch, we were slipping into the crowd. The King’s loyal Irish subjects admired our guts but they still wanted to box the ears off us. We were sliding down into their hands.
—UCK, said Victor, and I loved him so much just then I let go of the lamppost to hug his legs. And we fell into the angry crowd.
Why had I done it?
We were under the feet of the crowd but I was far from ready to surrender. Victor already had his teeth, three tiny sharp needles, in a leg. I heard screaming above us. The socked leg went up and Victor went with it.
Why had I told the King of Great Britain and Ireland to fuck off? Was I a tiny Fenian? A Sinn Feiner? Not at all. I didn’t even know I was Irish. I saw the procession from my perch on the lamppost and I saw the fat man at the centre of it. I saw the wealth and colour, the shining red face, the moustache and beard that were better groomed than the horses, and I knew that he didn’t come from Dublin. I didn’t know that he was the King or that the floozy beside him was the Queen. I didn’t even know what a king was; no one had ever read me a fairy tale. He looked like an eejit, yet thousands and thousands of people were cheering and waving for him. I was angry. He didn’t belong. I looked at his carriage and thought of the cart that had carried us from house to house to basement. And they climbed over one another to get half a goo at him. And I remembered women, face after face, looking down at me in my zinc crib, smiling faces, all the smiles and love, and my mammy and daddy safely behind them. This picture lit up for a second, less than a second, then was gone. And they were still cheering and smiling for the fat foreigner. So I told him to fuck off.
And now I was paying for it. I protected my head with my arms and searched for Victor through the adult legs. I couldn’t see him but I could hear him far away. A metal-tipped foot scraped the back of my leg. Hands grabbed me. I was being hauled up by the scruff. Then I heard wood hitting the pavement, wood
tapping
the pavement. The tapping stopped and, suddenly, my scruff was my own again as the hands let go and I heard the one-note song of a mahogany leg slicing the air.
A thud and a yelp and I was standing on my own and looking at my father. He balanced without needing to hop and brought the leg down on the cap of a man who was standing next to me. I heard bone breaking and screams and a police whistle. My father’s leg went under his coat. He had it back on in a blink and me in his arms before he’d taken two steps. More police whistles.
—Where did you learn language like that? he said.
—Don’t know.
I held on to his neck. I knew the smell of his coat and I never wanted to walk again.
—You’re a shocker, he said.—Off we go.
—Victor, I said.
—Who’s Victor?
—Me brother.
Then I saw him and pointed. He’d been left behind on the road. He was lying on his back, holding a black shoe to his chest and a grey sock in his mouth.
There was little of the crowd left. I saw the rozzers coming at us, saw them over my father’s shoulder. I’d never seen so many in one place. They had their batons out and swinging. They pushed and charged through the stragglers. They were gasping to get at us, red and angry.
—See what you’ve started now, said my father as he picked up Victor.—You can’t be saying things like that to the King. He’s a visitor.
Victor let go of the shoe and put his arms around my neck, the way mine were around my father’s. I saw a baton rising up above my father’s head. And we were gone. I felt the baton’s shadow as it passed over my cheek. Then I felt the air get out of our way as my father made our escape. He took a crazy route through the gathering rozzers. The wooden leg sent him in mad circles and swoops, everywhere except straight ahead. Batons slammed the air and even other rozzers. I started to laugh.
—Good lad, said my father.—There’s nothing as slow as a fat D.M.P. man when he’s feeling hard done by.
And Victor started laughing.
—Good lad, said our father.—Good and loud. Let them have it.
We were through the last of the batons. He was still running, first back towards the rozzers, then away, down Elgin Road. But they were coming after us. And my father was slowing. There was a raw wheeze in his breath. His chest was aching; I could feel it through his coat.
—It’s the oul’ mahogany, he said.—It’s no good over long distances. Hang on.
He threw us onto one shoulder, and freed his right arm. He worked it like a piston as he ran and got back some of his speed. The free arm also gave him direction; he could now go straightish, away from the rozzers. We kept laughing back at them but they were gaining on us. We bounced on my father’s shoulder, and I hung on to his collar as he turned onto Clyde Road. He nearly tripped as he brought us off the path, under the shade of a tree and across the road. I looked around me. There was no crowd to get lost in, nowhere to hide. I was suddenly scared. Where was the life, all the people and carts? Where was the noise? These houses should have been packed; people should have been spilling out of them. The great steps to the front doors were crying out for women’s arses and chatter. But there was no one, except us and the rozzers. All I could hear was the leather and wood of my father’s feet, his fighting breath and the laughter that Victor was still spitting out as he bounced on the shoulder beside me. And the rozzers’ boots - I could hear them as well, louder and flatter.
We were going down a lane now, over uneven ground. There was no speed under us. I was slipping from my father’s shoulder.
—Hold on to the top, said my father, and, before I knew what he meant, we were off his shoulder and he threw us at a high wall. He took a trouser-arse in each hand and lobbed us together. I rose, sailed, hit the wall and hung on. My chin was grazed. I could taste blood and I felt Victor’s hands on my neck. A rozzer’s whistle came from right beneath us. Terror found grips for my feet. My fingers, then elbows dug into the wall as I raced to the top. The wall shook as my father hit it. I nearly fell back but his fingers grabbed a chunk of me and I was yanked up just as other fat fingers were closing around my ankles. I was pulled headfirst over the wall and we landed on top of the famous coat and my father who was in it.
—Jesus, lads. You’re like two bags o’ spuds. Get off me there till I get up.
We were in a garden. There was the house to the right, a palace of redbrick and glass. There was a slick lawn and what looked like a miniature bandstand. We’d landed behind a willow tree.
—Come on.
We could hear the rozzers on the other side trying to get over the wall.
—Try knockin’ it down, my da shouted.—Yeh fat bastards from hell.
He knew where he was going. We followed him out onto the lawn. I’d never felt anything as soft; I was in my bare feet, remember. I looked at the opposite wall. I dreaded having to climb it, and more walls after it. There was blood still flowing over my tongue. But I followed my father and he led us towards the wall. I saw faces at the windows of the house, staring out at us, indignant, frightened faces and one huge grin on a well-fed pup of my age in the clothes of a little important man. Victor saw them too and sent them the old Smart greeting.
—UCK OFF.
—Stop that this minute, said my father.—We’re trespassing.
He turned away from the wall, to the left, off the lawn, onto a patch that had been left deliberately wild. We went behind some bushes and trees and I couldn’t see the house anymore.
—Come here, he said.
The ground shook: rozzers were falling over the wall.
He lifted me and Victor. We sat in an arm each and hung on to his collar. More rozzers hit the ground. We were trapped.
—Laugh, he said.
And we did.
—Good lads.
He walked behind a big bush. He prodded the ground under with his peg.
—Grand, he said.
He gave the bush a good shove with his fleshed leg, pushed it back with his knee.
—Hang on now, boys, he said, and stepped into the bush.
And we fell.
We fell into darkness and nothing. The only things that existed were my father’s neck and coat. There was no other proof that I existed, nothing else to see or feel. We were falling out of our lives.
But we landed. There was the shock of stopping and I heard splashing. My father grunted. My feet were near freezing water; I could feel it under them. I scrambled up to his neck. I could hear other noises, but nothing that I could recognise. I was lying against my father’s head but I couldn’t see him. My face was pressed to his neck but my eyes still gave me nothing. I heard breathing, and hoped it was ours. My father’s sweat warmed my face. I felt his head moving.