Authors: Sheri Holman
Slowly, this impossibility walks to the ship's ladder.
And yet, what other sort of woman might she be? Mercifully, care of all the lady pilgrims devolved upon our rival, Augustine Contarini; for once one female pilgrim chose his cheaper antiquated bireme, no other dared explore our ship. Happy were we to read the ships' lists and see all the gossipy Maries and Giulias and Annes safely stowed on Contarini's galley. We aboard Lando's boat have become almost like a floating monastery of harmonious brothers, save for the cursing and brawling and lack of prayer.
Since I saw for myself no woman's name darkening our passenger list, I know she cannot have been aboard for long. What did that stranger ask in church today? Have any strange women joined your ship?
As I puzzle this out, the apparation lifts a leg and lowers itself onto the ladder fixed to the outside of the galley where pilgrims dismount to be rowed ashore. The rowboats have been hauled up and hung from the poopâdoes she not realize only bottomless Ocean rages below? I know what you would have me do, brothers. As you would command, I drop from the horn and follow her.
“If you don't stop me, I'll know this is what you want!”
I press my ear against the hand's-width of wall as her distraught voice, lifted on the waves and wind, sobs against the wood. She must be clinging there, arms wrapped tight around the iron ladder, her dark skirt lathered with foam. I hear a rung groan under her weight and realize she is descending, like a contradictory Venus, into the sea.
“Everything he said was true, then?” she asks plaintively. “We cannot do it without him?”
To whom is she speaking?
“Then you truly have forsaken me.”
What is happening, brothers? Is there some force upon this ship that impels its passengers overboard? Have we another Schmidhans, but deliberate in her tragedy, a woman come and gone, unknown, unseen by any save a sleepless priest? I cannot allow her to destroy herself on this, a holy journey.
“Lady! Stop!”
I scramble down the ladder and stretch out to reach for her. Only the brown feedbag she wore around her neck is visible, borne up like a beaver's carcass on a bloated river. Its strap twists around her thin throat, cutting off what little air she must have taken underwater with her. I lean over, and a frantic white hand reaches up, smacking at the bag, grabbing for the last rung.
Without thinking, I hook my foot through the ladder and grasp the hand, tugging until I can snag a fistful of cold flotsam hair. Her wild feet swing around, drum against the ship's side searching for
the ladder on which to anchor themselves. Only the bag still seeks the Ocean. Heavy and waterlogged, it snaps her head back, catching at her chin in its anxiety to rejoin the sea. I am pushing it up and over her head, freeing her of this baleful sack, when she realizes what I'm about.
“No!”
The apparition twists in my arms, clutching at the bag, tugging it back onto her shoulder. She pulls so hard I nearly go overboard with her but manage to right us both and heave her over my head up the ladder. When I follow, I find her prone on deck, coughing salt water across the floorboards, clutching the bag protectively.
“Madame,” I ask unsteadily, “did you fall in?”
“You do!” she cries, smothering the briny sack with passionate kisses. “You do still love me!”
Up close, she is all hollows and bone, far thinner than any self-respecting German woman would allow herself to become. Her dark eyes linger on the bag, as if she both fears and expects it will rise up and fling itself back overboard. Slowly, I reach out to take it.
“Shall I carry this back to your room for you, Madame?”
She is aware of me, I think, for the first time.
“You are her agent.”
She speaks perfect Latin but utter nonsense. I am about to lift the bag when suddenly she snatches it away.
“We owe you our lives,” she says solemnly, turning to leave. “We won't forget it.”
I watch mystified, brothers, as she trails the oozing sack behind her, stumbling wet moonlight across the galley. I watch her climb the stairs to the ladies' cabin, where, since we had no ladies on board, Captain Lando has stored his supplies and treasure. Above her door, a single lamp burns in the pilot's castle, illuminating his grid maps and compass, throwing light across the worried eyes of the pilot's companion, our ship's soothsayer. This soothsayer is a man so learned in his art he can read signs in the color of the waves or the flocking of fish together, in the glittering of ropes and cables at night, and the flashing of oars when they dip into the sea. What does he make of the madwoman below him, looking back over her shoulder
at the hungry water?
Madness
comes from
mene,
meaning moon.
Femina
comes through the Greek
fos,
meaning
burning force,
because of the intensity of women's desire. Even I, with no gift of prophecy, know that madness coupled with desire, glimpsed in moonlight, can only forbode disaster.
Let that suffice about what a pilgrim should be on his guard against while journeying at sea.
Unless a man knows how to redeem his time on shipboard, brothers, he will find the passing of hours very tedious. Witness: All around me, a hundred pilgrims strive to outdo one another in indolenceâsome nap with hats over their eyes; some, like Lord Tucher, pick splinters from the benches. Near the ship's kitchen, an especially dull pilgrim torments our poor livestock, running in circles around their corral, rapping it with his knuckles. Normally, I busy myself with prayer or observation or the making of this little book of travel; today, however, I find myself staring fixedly at the door to the ladies' cabin.
I've spent a night and a morning fashioning her a history from every account of madness I've read or heard whispered in confession. Most definitely, she is the woman sought by the stranger at the Franciscan monastery. She is his fiancée or, more likely, his new bride, gone mad upon the birth of their first child. Now she hears voices, she tortures cats, she hides in church lofts swearing she can't bear the smell of human flesh. I've frizzed her hair, ripped her clothes, and foamed the spittle around her lips, configuring the perfect madwoman: one part hysterical nun, one part seductress, her nails crusted with ripped nipple flesh from her frenzy of self-loathing.
I sketch this madwoman not in my normal, relaxed hand, for while I sat carefree among men I knew, the pen given me by dear Abbot Fuchs, that instrument which allowed me to hold a last bit
of earthly Swabia between my fingers and, if nothing else, feel orthographically still tied to you, brothers, was taken.
Lord Tucher, when I loudly made public this ill usage, magnanimously bestowed upon me his favorite quill pen, along with a knife to sharpen the nib and a stoppered pot of costly murex ink. The letters that flow off this instrument are far thinner than my normal hand; are, involuntarily, reedy and excitable, like my patron's voice. It is disconcerting to have Lord Tucher insinuate himself into my private correspondence. I feel he's eavesdropping.
“Felix, did you try to wake me last night?” John asks, bringing me back to myself. He tilts back his head and opens wide his mouth for Conrad, our barber, the fifth and last member of our party.
“No.”
Conrad scours his iron pincers with sea salt and wets the tip of his cloak with diluted camphor. Gently, he touches it to John's rotted molar.
“Yes, you did, Friar. I heard you get up.” Constantine, my neighbor belowdeck, has assumed that geography beneath translates to friendships above and, when he hasn't been seasick, has followed me around all morning.
“Perhaps I did. I was hot.”
“It's hot today, Friar,” Ursus whines over the Latin text I've assigned him. “I can't concentrate.”
I tap his book with my foreign pen and set him to work on the verb “to journey.”
“Peregrino, peregrinas, peregrinat.”
“You know, Ursus,” I say, “Latin is the language closest to God. It's the language of the Church and of all educated men.”
“Peregrinamus, pereginatis, peregrinant.”
“Demons are also capable of learning Latin.” I keep my eyes on his book when they want to stray to her door. “There's the story of the erudite demon who possessed an ignorant peasant. The parish priest refused to admit the demon was real unless he spoke the Latin he claimed, but the peasant's tongue couldn't form the words!”
Ursus squeals in delight.
“I know of a demon,” he starts, “that possessed a girl, and when he tried to read the âOur Father' he made all the same mistakes she usually made!”
“I know of a priest who lost his knowledge of Latin when he attempted suicide.” The voice is familiar, though petal thin without the sea beneath it. “It ran out with his blood.”
Conrad pops John's tooth from the socket and holds it up for us to admire. My madwoman stands beside our barber, dry and smiling, simply dressed with her hair tucked into a white cap; not a hint of the half-drowned creature I saved last night. Slowly, her eyes travel the deck, studying with a sort of fascinated awe the bald heads, the unkempt beards, the thick, corded necks that turn to watch her. Her smile falters. She realizes she is the only woman.
“I know another story of a priest who could only count in pairs. He walked through his pantry like this: âHere is a ham and its companion. Here is another ham and its companionâ'”
“Ursus,” I say, “be quiet.”
“Arsinoë!” The Greek merchant jumps up. “Darling, did you sleep well? Were you comfortable?”
“Yes, thank you, Constantine.” She bows to the merchant.
“And will you let me go to the kitchen and have the cook prepare you some lunch?”
“No, thank you, I'm not hungry.”
“Please, then. Let me introduce you to our new friends. Friar Felix Fabri of the Preaching Brothers, the Lords Tucher, Archdeacon John Lazinus with his tooth, andâ”
Our barber packs the extracted molar's socket with a piece of clean cloth and smiles shyly at the woman.
“Conrad Buchler,” John gurgles around his packing. “He speaks only German.”
“Conrad.” The merchant nods. “Please meet the lady Arsinoë. My wife.”
His wife? My elaborate construction felled like the walls of Jericho by the simple word
wife
? Can it be that she is no runaway madwoman after all but nothing more exotic than the depressed housewife of a Greek vintner?
“Friar Felix and I have already met.” She smiles at me.
“When was that?” The merchant asks obligingly.
“Last night when I tried to drown myself. The friar saved my life.”
In stunned silence, the entire party turns to me. What strange trick is this, brothers, to air so boldly her own mortal sins?
“It was nothing, Madame,” I say, my cheeks burning beneath my beard. “You slipped and I helped you back up the ladder.”
“No, Friar.” She holds up her hand. “I was despairing and angry and about to destroy myself. She sent you to stop me.”
“Darling, remember,” Constantine blurts. “We agreed not to discuss her.”
I have seen such simplicity in halfwits and the very young, brothers, but never in a woman learned in the ways of Latin and smiling so very proudly. She takes a seat beside her husband, calmly speaking of last night as if I'd pulled her stuck shoe from the mud. Perhaps this disconcerting honesty is but another facet of her madness.
“Why would you try to kill yourself, Lady?” asks Ursus.
“Ursus!” Lord Tucher gasps.
The merchant's wife opens her mouth to answer, but Constantine nervously babbles over her.
“It's a myth, you know, that Greeks love the sea. We hate the sea. Agamemnon and his men hated it; Jason and his Argonauts hated it; Arsinoë and I hate it, too.”
You know I don't like to jump to conclusions, brothers, but something seems suspicious about these two. The merchant Constantine is determined not to let his wife speak, and she can barely contain herself, even on the most inappropriate subjects. What could she possibly reveal that has him figeting on his bench, forcing his cap strings once more into his mouth? We sit in awkward silence.
“We've outrun Contarini, at least,” Lord Tucher says at last. He stands and paces between our benches, leaning, ultimately, where she stood last night, his back against the ship's ladder.
“Who is Contarini?” asks the merchant, relieved to change the subject.
“Captain of the other ship and bitter rival to our captain,” I answer. “If they beat us to Palestine, they will bribe the Saracens to
lock us out, just in sight of Jerusalem but not allowed to enter until they leave.”
For the first time today, the merchant's wife's eyes lose their witless shine. She turns anxiously to her husband.
“There's another ship?” he asks. “Going the same place?”
“And if they beat us,” Ursus moans, “I will have to wait weeks for my knighthood!”
“It's no matter,” the merchant says tightly, patting his wife's knee. “We've prepared for that.”
“Oh, no,” I say. I do not think he understands the loss involved. “If we are locked out, not only do Contarini's pilgrims get to fatten themselves on indulgences while we starve like beggars at the gate, but we might miss the caravans to Sinai. There are but few months that allow a safe passage across the desert.”
“Constantine?” his wife cries.
“I told you we should have gone overland.” He pulls abruptly away from her. “You've forced me into a dead man's spot, and we still might not reach Sinai in time.”
“In time for what?” I ask. What awaits this queer couple in Sinai?
“And what would have become of me if this friar hadn't saved you?” Constantine shouts.