A Street Girl Named Desire: A Novel (18 page)

The next day it was fifteen minutes before they were scheduled to start rehearsals and Tiah had yet to arrive at the video shoot. Desire paced back and forth, calling Tiah'scell phone for the hundredth time. Desire had corrected the flea problem that morning. She'd simply called each girl'shouse, posed as the director'sassistant and told them the shoot was postponed until the next day. Everything was perfect, she thought, except Dollar had been performing shot takes since 6 a.m. that morning. The crew was now ready to shoot the background singers' scene, and Tiah wasn't there. Desire was just about ready to give up when she heard Tiah call her name.

“Yo, Dee …”

When Tiah turned the corner, Desire'sjaw dropped nearly to her knees. She stared at the girl Tiah had at her side. It was Chanel, her worst enemy from back in the day, the girl who had taunted her in the lunchroom. The person who had been her arch nemesis during her high school years. She couldn't believe Tiah would actually bring her into the plan. She stared at Tiah, wanting to ask her what the fuck was going on, but she held back. She didn't want to ruin her chances of being in an actual music video by clowning. She decided to play the situation by ear. It could work out in her favor. They had less than an hour to learn the dance steps, the hook they would be lip-syncing and to get dressed. There was no time for arguing.

“ 'Sup, Chanel?” Desire asked.

“ 'Sup, Desire,” Chanel responded. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, a lot of things have changed. You still with Tony?” She
couldn't resist asking about the nigga who had stolen her virginity.

“Naw,” Chanel said. “I cancelled that nigga a long time ago.”

Desire knew that Chanel'swords were just a front. The way Chanel had let him dog her out back in the day, she was sure it was Tony who had cancelled her. Desire had no idea where Chanel was now in life, but her guess was that she was still trying to become a star in a storefront Harlem church. Desire, however, had moved into the big leagues. And she was bringing Chanel into her world now. Desire did not feel the least bit intimidated anymore.

“I figured Chanel would be down for being in the video. She has the voice to go on the road with us on this,” Tiah explained. Desire just put up her hand.

“You ain't gotta explain,” she said. “We got work to do.”

Desire, Tiah and Chanel were flawless as they executed every move, every harmony and every take without so much as a glitch. Toby commended them and added that they gave the video the class he'd wanted to achieve. Lil Dollar was even happier that his girl had satisfied the crew with her beauty and talent. After they finished, Desire pulled him to the side as the girls were getting ready to go celebrate with drinks at Midtown'sswanky China Club.

“Remember what you promised me,” she told him. She eased toward him and gave him the longest kiss she could muster without getting him so excited that he would want to take her into the bathroom and fuck her, as he had done before. She left him with her words and a hard dick on his mind.

At the China Club, the girls partied and drank. They talked
about how sexy they were and how men were going to drool over them when they saw them in the video.

“That'sright,” yelled Tiah. “When they see me, niggas gonna be creaming on themselves.”

They all lifted their drinks and tapped their glasses: “Here'sto creaming.”

Chanel jumped in. “Well, when they see me, they're gonna be dreaming about me.”

They lifted their drinks in unison: “Here'sto dreaming.”

Chanel asked, “So what they gonna say about you, Desire?”

Desire thought about it for a second. “Now, you know damn well what they gonna be saying … that bitch is my heart'sdesire!”

They raised their glasses.

“Here'sto desiring.” They laughed loudly.

As the evening dwindled, they reminisced about all the things that went on between them when they were younger. The girls were all grown now, and they saw that by putting past differences aside, they could all rise together. They talked about the good ole days when they all sang in the choir and how it had been such a good time in their lives. Right at the bar, they suddenly started singing “His Eye Is on the Sparrow.” They sounded almost angelic in three-part harmony, as Desire and Chanel switched up on lead. By the time they finished the song, everyone in the restaurant was standing. The people gave the mysterious singers rousing applause. As they exited the restaurant, an older white couple asked, “What'sthe name of your group, so we can buy your CD?”

The young ladies looked at one another, speechless. Then Tiah spoke up: “Desire, Cream, and Dream.”

Dollar'sboss was none other than Whip Daniels, record producer extraordinaire and CEO of Central Booking Records. He was the toast of New York City and had a lock on all the top hip-hop groups in the industry. Dollar'ssingle was number one in the country, and it earned him a spot to perform during
Dick Clark'sNew Year'sRockin' Eve.
He would be seen all over the world.

On the strength of making Dollar'svideo so scorching hot, Whip invited Desire, Tiah and Chanel to lip-sync and perform with Dollar onstage to keep the same vibe as the video. The girls were beside themselves with joy to be part of something of that magnitude. They knew that the New Year'sEve celebration in Times Square was a wild party, which was broadcast all over the world. They couldn't even imagine the number of people that would be watching. Like always, Desire was going to milk this opportunity for everything it was worth.

Once again, as she stood facing a pivotal moment in her life, Carvelas came back into her head. He was on her mind for more than a favor. She had not seen him since the Source Awards. And they had not gotten the chance to exchange information then. Desire had not meant to hurt him that night, just as she had not meant to hurt him three years ago. She needed to be able to explain that to him. She knew Carvelas had to be a full member for Local 571, the Sound and Lighting Engineers Union. She wrote him a letter and hoped he would write back. She was sure he
would, after she signed on an ending they had both avoided years before.b

Desire hoped and prayed she still had the same effect on Carvelas as she'd had in the past. Even more, she hoped that they still had a friendship. Her hopes were reassured when Tiah brought her a letter from Carvelas one day, which she had already opened.

“This got my name on it, but piano boy is talking to you!” Tiah exclaimed, as they spread the letter on Desire and Dollar'splush king-sized bed—it had a canopy flowing down on it from the ceiling.

They met up on a Sunday afternoon at Sylvia's, Desire'sfavorite restaurant from the old days. A small gospel quartet backed up by only a pianist and a drummer entertained the families and churchgoers who dined. Desire soaked up the warm, family atmosphere. She missed seeing this part of Harlem. After she and Carvelas caught up, she finally got to the point of why they had urgently needed to meet.

“Well, I got a chance to really make it big,” she told him, and he stared at her, waiting for the punch line that he hadn't suspected was coming. “I think you can help me out …”

“So that'swhat this shit is all about? You need my help again?” Carvelas looked disgusted, and he pulled his napkin off his lap so he could throw it on the table. He signaled for the waiter to bring them the bill. This was not the same Carvelas that Desire had been able to sweet talk back in the day.

“Just do me this one favor, Carvelas, and I'll owe you big-time!” she pleaded.

Carvelas curled his lip and said with sarcasm. “Gee, where have I heard that before?”

“Come on, Carvelas, I know I fucked up a long time ago, but we were kids then. Plus, I didn't do it on purpose.”

“Desire, you fucking dissed me at Radio City for that punk-ass Dollar.”

Desire quickly rebutted, “I just did that so you wouldn't get into the mix with him. You think I wanted something to happen to you?”

“Let me ask you something, Desire—why is it that the only time you seek me out is when you need something?” The waiter arrived, but Carvelas waved him away. He had a point that needed to be made. “You know I like you and always have. I ain't ashamed to admit it. But you never seem to give a fuck about my feelings—like I'm some piece of shit or something.”

Desire turned from him, avoiding his eyes.

“The more I try to show you how much love I have for you, the more you seem to push me away. Just answer this one thing for me truthfully, and I'll do whatever you want me to do.”

“What is it, Carvelas?”

“Why don't you love me back?”

Desire looked down at the ground for a moment and then lifted her head. Her face softened when she stared into his beautiful and caring eyes. She was bewildered that she couldn't find an answer to that question. Carvelas was everything a woman could ever want in a man, yet she had brushed him off since they were kids. She had no idea what she was still searching for, and could only conclude one thing, based upon the fact that she had kept searching for something else all her life, even during the times when she should have been content to be where she was:

“Because, Carvelas, I guess I just don't know how to love myself.”

Of course, Carvelas eventually caved in. He had a weak spot for Desire that amazingly had not toughened over time. After the meeting at Sylvia's, everything was set for the spectacle Desire knew she needed to create to put the spotlight on her—and keep it there. Desire was convinced that New Year'sEve was the ticket Desire, Cream, and Dream needed to hit the big time. They all knew they had to be flawless. This wasn't public access television. This was ABC, New York City and New Year'sEve. They rehearsed over and over for the New Year'sEve performance, until they harmonized and moved as one perfect machine. A huge stage for the performance was built right where Broadway split near 42nd Street. The stage'sbright neon lights illuminated the night as if it were midday. Desire, Tiah and Chanel stood in awe as they looked out at the million or so faces that had withstood the winter cold to be a part of the biggest, wildest New Year'sEve
celebration in the world. Despite the freezing temperature, they wore only all-black catsuits, and nothing else. No hats, scarves and certainly no jackets. Their hearts pumped rapidly, and inside they felt as if they were boiling in a sauna.