Authors: DL White
"You hear yourself?" I shot over my shoulder, marching steadily toward our building, and thank God because my feet were killing me with every step. "We? I didn't agree to any of that. I had no idea I was about to be ambushed in front of all my friends. Our friends. Nate and Morgan's family and friends.
At their wedding
, you thoughtless, selfish asshole!"
I grabbed the hem of my dress and hiked it up so I could walk faster and stomped into our building, slammed my hand on the ‘up' button on the elevator and stepped inside as soon as the doors opened. I pressed the button to close the doors just as Preston arrived. With pleasure, I watched them close in his face. He would have to take the other elevator.
I made it to my room, swiped the key and tried to shut Preston out before he made it to my room but he caught the door before it could slam shut.
"If I knew it would make you this upset, I wouldn't have done it. I'm sorry."
"You're not sorry," I mumble, staring at the view. "You're happy. And I wish I could join you in your bliss, but I can't."
"I guess I don't get it," he says. I hear him settle onto the bed, then kick off his shoes.
Clunk. Clunk.
"Explain to me why I'm the worst person on the planet right now."
"Maybe I didn't want to spend all week being the center of attention."
"Most girls like that."
"Well, I'm not most girls, am I?"
"Guess not."
"Now everyone will be watching our every move.
Oooh
, they're holding hands!
Ahhhh
, they're kissing!" I clapped my hands, slowly and sarcastically. "Good show. Good show, guys."
"That would be better than the show we've put on all week. Sneaking around, not saying anything to anyone, ducking questions–"
"Ugh, the questions! The questions!" I spin around to face Preston, perched on a corner of the bed in his suit pants, shirt and socks. "I'm not going to have a moment's peace for weeks!"
"Well, don't you know the answers to the questions? You know,
how long have you and Preston been back together?
" He shrugs. "Oh, a couple weeks.
Why didn't you guys tell anyone?
Well, we wanted to keep it private for awhile, just between us." He shrugs a shoulder, calm and nonchalant. "Easy. You know how to work it."
"You're cute. How about this one: why
did you guys break up in the first place?
Because Angie spent twenty years being mad at something stupid. Because Angie has a hard time having to admit to all of her friends that she's been wrong this entire time. Because Angie can’t come to grips with how much time she wasted being angry. And not being with a man she's been in love with since she was seven years old."
The room is silent except for my occasional sniffle. Somewhere in the middle of my speech my chin started to tremble and the tears began to fall. Because that's what it all boils down to, for me. Having everyone on this island know that it was my fault we were broken up for so long. My fault they had to endure years and years of us bitching and snapping at each other. My fault that our best friends got so sick of our shit that they had to force us back together again.
"I didn't realize it ran that deep for you," Preston finally says, breaking the silence. "I thought you were being shy about it."
I shake my head slowly, quietly wiping tears from my cheek. Preston rises from the bed, then walks around it, grabbing a box of tissues from the bedside table. Cautiously, he approaches me with it, leading with the box. I snatch it from him and he rears back, then bends bends at the knee, bobbing and weaving as if he’s in a boxing ring.
"You want to hit me? Take a swing. Let out some aggression."
I snap two or three tissues from the box and toss it onto the couch. I wipe my face and try not to smile. "Shut up, you stupid ass. I'm not going to hit you."
Preston pauses, then stands straight up. "Okay. Well then it's not as bad as I thought."
"But it is bad," I remind him.
“It's very serious." He reaches for my hand and without thinking I offer mine and let him pull me toward the bed. We sit side by side. "You think people blame you for us not being together?"
"I know they do. They don't come right out and say it..."
"You're right, they don't. Because they don't know the whole story. No one knows the whole story but us. Me, you, and the big guy upstairs. And it can stay that way, because I'm not interested in impressing these people. The only person I want to impress is sitting next to me."
I sniffle and swipe at my nose.
"I think people blame me," says Preston. "You’ve been living your life and minding your own business, making something of yourself. Here I come, at every corner. Ready to pick a fight. Always had something to say, and it was not nice. Always had a judgment. I love to get on your nerves. You know that, right?"
"You think?"
"I loved pulling Housing Discrimination cases, because I knew the chances that I'd go up against you were 99 to 1. I'd work my ass off to beat you. Because it felt good. It felt like I was constantly showing you up. You were fine without me. Great without me, even. I wanted to be even better without you."
I fiddle with the Kleenex, watching the shreds fall onto the pretty plum dyed dress. I smooth the pieces of cotton away and brush wrinkles from the fabric. I want to stay angry and hurt and upset but the words... his words are wearing me down.
"You remember the night of Nate and Morgan's engagement party? I said Nate and I had a long talk." I nod. "I told Nate about that kiss that night at my house and about how I thought I might still be in love with you."
If Nate knew, Morgan knew. They probably
all
knew. Bastards. "What'd he say?"
"He said if I wanted you, if I really wanted to be back with you, I had to man up. To stop being a dick, come correct. Put all that past bullshit away, otherwise you were going to end up trying to get away from me."
“I was going to leave," I quietly admit. "After we got back from this trip I was going to tell everyone that I was moving on. Not too far away so I can still visit my parents when I need to. But far enough away that I didn't see you every day. Didn't run into you in every courtroom."
"You're not still planning that, though?" When I don't answer, he follows up with, "Right?"
I pause in thought for much too long. Then I shrug. "After today? I don't know."
The look that skates across his face is the opposite of his cool response of "Okay." Then, "Are you leaving me... and us... behind, then?"
I sigh a long, deep, loud breath, emptying my lungs. "That's a really, really good question, Preston."
***
I hop in the shower for a long hot soak... alone. As I step out of the shower, I hear his door open and then close. I brace for him to burst into my room but he doesn't. Instead, I faintly hear the ‘ding' of the arriving elevator.
I don't know if I am being punished or if he's giving me space but either way, I'm nervous about making my way down to the Cliff, where our friends have gathered for post-wedding festivities. Upon my entrance into the sun-lit bar, I spot our group in the back room near the pool tables. Everyone changed into cooler, more comfortable clothing.
Preston, dressed in shorts, deck shoes with no socks, a thin t-shirt and a ball cap doesn't acknowledge me from across the room. He practically turns his back to me, then turns up the amber bottle he's holding and pours the remaining down his throat.
"Hey, girl." Morgan loops an arm around me and redirects me toward the table where she's sitting with Brandy, Jackie and Jade. Great. Here goes the Inquisition.
I slide into a chair and order a drink from the waitress as she passes. I notice Jackie has a margarita glass in front of her. "That better be lemonade."
She nods, grimacing. "With sugar on the rim."
"Good girl."
She snorts. "Good girl my ass. As soon as I can, I'm getting shitfaced. I'm so serious."
I laugh. "Yeah well, you make sure to call me for that. I might be up for getting shitfaced."
"Hear, hear," Jade says, lifting her mojito. "Come to Prime and I'll do the pouring."
"Oh, are you going back to Prime?"
Jade lowers her bottle back to the table. "Yeah, I'm going to pick up some weekends. Uhm...." She fiddles with the bottle, absentmindedly spinning it. "Troy and I are talking about getting a place together. We both still live at home so we need to save enough to fill a house. Maybe in the Spring."
I make a concerted effort to bite back any judgmental comments that are sitting at the back of my throat.
Not my business. Let Troy be happy. But so help me God if she hurts him....
"That's great, good for you guys."
The waitress brings my drink. I grab it and guzzle a few mouthfuls.
"So Angie–"
"Jackie. Please don't start already. Please."
"I'm not starting. I was going to say I'm happy for you. And that's all. I promise." She sips from her margarita glass of lemonade, but her eyes don't leave my face. I know she has something else to say. "And my ears are open whenever you want to spill. That's it."
"So, I notice Preston is all the way across the room." Morgan nods toward Preston and Nate, deeply embroiled in conversation. Probably about me. "First time he's left you alone in twenty years."
"Surprise, surprise – we’re fighting or something. I think. I don't know."
"How do you not know?" Asks Jade.
"I mean... we fought, and we didn't really make up. And we talked about some other stuff and I don't think he liked what I had to say. He left and came down here without me. And now he's pretending I'm not here."
Jackie shakes her head and takes a sip from a fresh glass of lemonade with sugared rim. "Boys are such children sometimes. Matt will let something bug the shit out of him before he'll say anything."
"Nate doesn't let anything bug him. He's never, ever mad. It drives me crazy, because I can go from happy to sad to mad in seconds. He's so even tempered. It must be all those years of working with kids."
"And all those years of living with you," I finish, to a burst of laughter.
Preston and Nate finish their conversation and make their way over to our side of the room. I'm watching Preston's every move. He moves like he knows and doesn't care. He walks up to our table, sets his bottle down next to mine, bends over me and drops an amazing kiss on my lips. After a long, loud smooch, he pulls back and winks.
"See?" He says quietly. "No
ooh
, no
ahhh
. No show. I told you they’d be happy for us. Can
we
be happy for us?"
"Maybe."
"Maybe is better than hell no," he says. "Most of these people have never seen us be nice to each other. They've never seen us kiss. They've never seen us look at each other the way we're looking at each other right now. How we
used
to look at each other. That's a show I'm willing to put on. How about you?"
I nod, vigorously. Yes.
"You still mad at me?"
I shake my head. No.
He kisses me again, a light brush of his lips across mine but its sweet and meaningful all the same.
"So, do me a favor?"
"What?"
He straightens, then squats next to my chair. "I want to talk to you about our conversation upstairs. You know, your plans?" I nod. "I'm not ready to go into it right now, but... don't make any permanent plans until we talk. Promise me that?"
"Okay. I won't."
"You won't. You promise?"
"I promise. But why? What do you have to talk to me about? Is it the super-secret reason you left Perry?"
"Maybe," he answers, hiding a smile. Cagey and mysterious, this man. "I have an idea. And I want to talk to you about it but there are pieces up in the air. When we get back and I get some things settled, I can fill you in. Just... hold on until then. Okay?"
I stuck an imaginary pin into an imaginary piece of paper on the table. "Holding, right there."
"I love you. You know that right?"
"Yeah. I know."
"You know… you kind of said you loved me, back in your room. Something about not being with the man you've been in love with since you were seven."
"But I didn't
really
say it."
"So if I want to hear you say the words, I still have my work cut out for me."
"And after today, you're going to have to work really, really hard."
“I can handle that." Preston grins and stands, groaning at the popping in his knees. He twists back and forth, working out kinks. "I think this might have to be our last destination wedding. It's taking a lot out of me."
"Nah," says Nate, his arm around Morgan, not a ray of light between them. "I think we have one more in us. The question is..." Nate pauses and glances from me and Preston to a table a few feet down from us, where Jade and Troy are deep in conversation, fingers intertwined. Troy must have cracked a joke because Jade collapses into giggles and looks up to find the entire room staring at them.
“The race is on,” Nate continues. "between true love and new love. Which Reid brother will it be?"
I look up at Preston. He's staring down at me with the oddest expression. "All I know is I don't like losing. Especially to my kid brother. I'm not going down without a fight."