Abby pictured their son the way he’d looked a few hours earlier, decked in his cap and gown and ready to tackle the world. No matter what the future brought she would never forget the image of him walking proudly across the football field to receive his diploma—the same field where he and John had built a lifetime of memories, a bond that would remain through all time. It filled her heart with misty, watercolored yesterdays and pictures of a happier time when Kade was just starting school and everything looked like it would go on forever.
She finished washing the last platter and began drying. This should have been a day when John would pour out his feelings to her, a day when they might have taken a walk or wound up on the pier, reminding each other of the times when they’d predicted this very thing. How Kade’s school years would fly by, just like Nicole’s had. No one, not even Charlene Denton, could know exactly how John’s heart felt watching Kade graduate.
No one but Abby.
She stacked the dried platters and wiped her hands on the dishtowel as her ear picked up Matt’s voice.
“Yep, we’re completely ready. Flowers, bridesmaids, color schemes, matching plates and napkins, little minty things so the guests can spoil their dinner . . .”
Nicole laughed at that. “Matt’s right. I can’t believe the planning.”
“Of course the planning’s half the fun.” It was Jo, and she sounded as though she were keeping a secret. Denny had been there little more than three hours and already the two of them were brushing shoulders and making eye contact like newlyweds. Jo was going on about the trouble and cost of big weddings when she paused just long enough to catch her breath.
“Okay, kids,” Jo said. “Don’t you want to know the news?” Abby would have loved to move into the room and fall in place alongside Nicole, but she stayed in the kitchen. Something about Jo’s tone told Abby she didn’t really want to be there, anyway. Not if the news was as good as it sounded.
“I’m moving here.” Denny sounded as though he was about to burst. “Packing up my things and getting a new job quick as I can.” Abby could hear Denny’s smile and a strange pang worked its way across her heart. It wasn’t right. How come two people like Matt’s parents could work things out and she and John—the couple everyone had always looked to as an example—couldn’t find enough common ground to hold a conversation?
No answers ricocheted in Abby’s heart.
“Dad, my gosh, are you serious?” Matt’s voice rang with hope.
“Yep, and something else, too . . .”
“Wait a minute,” Jo interrupted. “Nicole, where’s your mother? I want her to hear this firsthand.” Jo’s voice came closer, and Abby spun around expectantly as Jo and Denny entered the kitchen holding hands, with Nicole and Matt giggling close behind.
“Abby, I simply can’t tell the kids what me and Denny decided without telling you at the same time.” She glanced at the man beside her and shrugged her shoulders up and down like a high-school girl.
The towel in Abby’s hand hung limp. “Okay . . .” She chided herself silently for not sounding more enthusiastic. The fact that Abby’s life was a mess wasn’t Jo’s fault. The least she could do was be happy for the woman. She forced a smile.
Jo leaned forward, beyond excited. “We’re getting married!” The words spilled out as though Jo couldn’t hold them in a moment longer. A quick squeal escaped her lips. “Can you
believe
it? Me and Denny, after all these years?”
“My goodness, congratula—” Abby’s voice was drowned in the celebratory shouts and exclamations from Matt and Nicole, both of whom now had their arms wrapped around the older couple.
Abby stood on the outside, awkwardly looking in, waiting for the moment to pass. When it did, Jo drew a steadying breath, a smile taking up her entire face. To describe her as beaming would have been a vast understatement.
“You know what it was, don’t you, Abby?” Jo reached out and placed her hand on Abby’s shoulder.
Fate playing games with me?
“Not really . . .” She smiled again, hoping not to raise Nicole’s suspicions by acting less than enthusiastic.
Jo slapped Abby on the arm playfully. “Come on, Abby. You’re the one who told me about Him.”
“Him?” The woman was loony. Abby had never seen Denny until tonight.
Jo released an exaggerated sigh. “God. The Lord, God, Abby. Remember?” Jo shook her head and let out a hearty laugh. “I declare, you have the driest sense of humor this side of Arizona.” She poked Denny in the ribs and drew a small laugh from him, as well. “This here’s Abby who told me about heaven and God and all the rest.” Jo looked at Matt and Nicole. “Then at your granddaddy’s funeral . . . well, that’s when I first gave Jesus my heart. After that I knew He was gonna give me something, too. Not just eternity with Him, but my own sweet Denny back where he belongs.”
That said, Jo planted a lingering kiss square on Denny’s lips, causing a crimson glow to spread quickly from the man’s neckline right on up to his balding head. “Uh, honey, let’s say you and me take a walk outside where it’s quiet.”
Abby hadn’t thought it possible, but Jo’s smile spread even farther around her face at the suggestion. She bid the others good-bye, and in an instant they were gone. Matt and Nicole hugged in celebration of the moment, and then Matt excused himself, leaving Nicole behind, her face glowing, eyes full of hope for the future.
“Can you believe it, Mom? Isn’t God amazing?”
Abby’s gaze fell to the dishrag still in her hand and she began absently polishing the tiles on the counter. “Amazing.”
Nicole hesitated for a beat, her smile suddenly faded. “You don’t sound sure.”
Recover, Abby. Don’t give her a reason to doubt you . . .
She looked up, feigning ignorance. “About what?”
Nicole crossed her arms and moved her weight to one hip. “About God. I said isn’t He amazing and when you answered . . . you didn’t sound sure.”
Abby laughed as lightly as she could manage. “I’m sorry, honey. I guess I’m tired. It’s been a long weekend. Watching Kade graduate, throwing the party, getting ready for your wedding.”
A look of concern danced in Nicole’s eyes. “You’re not sick or anything, are you?”
Abby shook her head quickly. “Not at all, sweetheart. Just a little caught up in what’s happening around here.”
“But you’re happy for Jo and Denny, right?” Nicole’s voice still had an edge, and Abby was desperate to change the direction of the conversation.
Pour it on, Abby.
“Oh, absolutely. They’re just wonderful together. I mean, if that’s not how God loves to work, I don’t know what is.”
Nicole’s shoulders eased and the lines on her forehead smoothed. “Exactly. That’s what I was trying to say in the first place. I mean, those two back together is like . . . I don’t know, it’s like more than Matt and I ever imagined.”
Abby felt herself relax as she folded the towel and set it on the edge of the counter. She moved closer to Nicole and hugged her gently, pulling back enough to see Nicole’s eyes. “You and Matt have been praying for them, haven’t you?”
Nicole’s eyes danced like they had earlier. “Every day.”
This time Abby’s smile was genuine. “Then that, my dear, is absolutely amazing.”
They were still standing that way, face to face, Abby’s wrists balanced on Nicole’s shoulders when John walked in and stopped short. “Oh . . . I thought Nicole was with Matt.”
Nicole twisted around and smiled at John. “Hi, Dad. Why, where’s Matt?”
“Outside with his parents. I thought . . .” He looked preoccupied.
What is it now?
Abby felt her insides tighten, and she released the hold she had on Nicole. “Go on out and join him, honey. You should be together at a moment like this.”
Abby was grateful that this time Nicole didn’t scrutinize their faces or look deeply into the reasons why John might want to talk to Abby alone. Instead she grinned and bounced off in the direction of the backyard. “They’re probably down at the pier. Matt knows that’s where we celebrate everything.”
Abby felt her daughter’s comment as strongly as if it were a physical blow to her gut.
“That’s where we celebrate everything . . . that’s where
we celebrate everything . . .”
Abby turned and met John’s gaze. “Is everyone gone?”
He swallowed and had trouble making eye contact with her. “Yeah. Everyone but Jo and Denny.” He was quiet for a beat but Abby refused to rescue him.
You have something to say, say it. I can
wait all night.
John cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”
Abby shrugged. “Yeah, for about five years now.”
“Look—” John’s tone was suddenly impatient, tired and impa-tient—“ I don’t need your sarcasm, Abby. I’m serious. The wedding will be here before you know it and we need to . . . there are a few things we have to discuss.”
Abby stared hard at him. “I’m listening.” Her voice gave away nothing.
He let his gaze drop for a moment and then pulled it back up again. “The papers are ready. I talked to the lawyer again yesterday.” There was defeat in his voice—but something else, too. Something more determined and set that hadn’t been there before. “He wants you to stop in sometime this week and take a look before we sign.”
The corners of her eyes began to sting. “You’ve seen them?”
John nodded. “It’s just like we discussed. Everything’s split. You get the house. I get the savings and the truck. Child support until Sean’s eighteen. I keep adding to their college funds. It’s all spelled out.”
Listening to him was like hearing an autopsy report of their marriage. Abby tried to fight the sick feeling that welled up inside her but it was a losing battle. She let her head drop some. “Fine. Whatever gets us out of this mess.”
There was a distant sound of laughter, and Abby knew that Nicole and the others would be outside for a while. The evening was too nice to waste it inside.
Unless, of course, you had divorce details to work out.
John was staring hard at her. “The reason we’re in this mess is because sometime . . . a long time ago . . . we stopped loving each other. It wasn’t just me who stopped, Abby. It was both of us. You were busy with the kids, and I was—”
“Busy with Charlene.”
He angled his head in frustration. “No. I was busy with work. And before we knew it we stopped talking to each other. Maybe we were too tired or maybe we just ran out of things to say. But I can guarantee you one thing, Abby. This mess isn’t because of me alone.” He studied her, and for a moment she thought she saw a flicker of regret in his eyes. “I’ve made arrangements to stay with one of the PE teachers after the wedding. I’ll have my things packed so I can leave when the reception’s over.”
The stinging was back. Abby blinked twice and struggled to make her voice sound normal. “When do we tell the kids?”
“After Matt and Nicole get back from their honeymoon.”
Abby nodded slowly and walked over to the kitchen sink, staring out across the dark yard toward the lake and the pier and the happy voices that still rang out from that direction. “Okay.”
For a moment neither of them said anything, and Abby wondered if John had left the room. Her breath caught in her throat when he came up behind her and let his hands settle on her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Abby. This isn’t . . . I never thought . . .”
She was torn between jerking her body from his grasp and turning into his embrace. Instead she remained utterly still. “I know. I’m sorry, too.”
He withdrew his hands and cleared his throat. “I’ll keep my promise about Charlene, though. Nothing until after the divorce is final. You have my word.”
“You have my word . . . have my word . . . have my word.”
A silent, sad laugh started up Abby’s throat and died. She kept her back to him and blinked her tears away. “I’d like to be alone now, John, if you don’t mind.”
Without saying good-bye, without touching her again or asking if she was all right, John simply turned around and retreated. After a minute she heard the bedroom door close behind him, and she thought of the hundreds of times when that sound would have pulled her from a late-night task, beckoning her to the quiet intimacy of making love or whispering side by side under the covers or laying her head on his shoulder and merely listening to him breathe.
But tonight . . . tonight the sound marked the end of a business meeting between two coworkers who had gathered to discuss funeral arrangements for an associate. An associate whose imminent death was bound to be something of a relief.
I
N ALL HER LIFE
N
ICOLE HAD NEVER FELT
closer to God than she did during those weeks leading up to her wedding. Everything her parents had ever taught her about love, all that they had prayed for her and modeled in their own marriage, was finally about to culminate in the single, most glorious moment of her life.
It was Monday, an unforgettable summer morning, mere days from her wedding, and Nicole could barely wait another minute.
She opened a suitcase and set it on her bed. Maybe the camping trip would make the time pass more quickly. Nicole didn’t know if it would, but she was glad she was going all the same. It was something she’d always dreamed of: a chance to spend a few days with the women closest to her and glean all she could from them and from God about what it really meant to love a man, to be partners for life in a bond that would last as long as life itself.
A gentle breeze sifted through the screened window, and Nicole gazed outside across the lake. She had always loved the fact that her room faced the back of the house. How many mornings had she sat in her window seat and written down the feelings in her heart while gazing outside? Something about the way the sun threw diamonds across the water always made her emotions rise to the surface, and today was no different.
Nicole stopped and stared, breathing in the summer air. There was nothing like summer in southern Illinois, and she and Matt had talked often about having a house much like her parents’, a modest home with a lake view and plenty of room for . . . well, for children one day. Just last week they’d received news that Matt had passed his bar exam, and already he was receiving offers from two local firms and several in the Chicago area.