A Touch Morbid (20 page)

She shook her head. “If I hadn’t kissed you that day, Luke wouldn’t have taken you, and Gabe wouldn’t have Fallen, and everything would be fine. You can’t make it without him, Az.”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” he said gently. He lifted a hand to her cheek. “Gabe can only do so much. I love you, Eden. It’s
you
who keeps me here, makes me want to stay. You.” Az moved his hands to her shoulders. “Don’t you get that? I’m trying to do what’s right by everyone, and it’s screwing everything up. Madeline was Gabe’s secret to keep. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

She didn’t answer.

“I was in a basement for hours before Luke took me up to the roof.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Eden broke in, but he didn’t stop.

“Every minute hurt worse and this voice in my ear, the whole time it kept whispering how easy it would be to Fall, how the pain would go away. Hour after hour,” he said, stroking her shoulder softly with each word. “But I wouldn’t listen. Because I knew no matter how much it hurt, it would hurt you more if I gave in.”

She sniffled.

“Gabe had nothing to do with me making it through that day, Eden. It was you. It’s still you. It’s always going to
be
you.” Her hand rested against his chest, his heart beating strong under her fingers. “If I made it through that day on the roof, I can make it through anything else. They can pressure me, they can try to sway me, but I’d never choose to leave you. Gabe knew that. He’s counting on it.”

She traced his breastbone down. “I really wish I could kiss you right now.”

“Personally, I think we got the better deal.” Fingertips stole under the back of her shirt, followed either side of her spine up. His hands wandered from her shoulders to her chest and then her hips, teasing her closer. “Jarrod can’t touch Sullivan.”

Eden paused. He was right. She looked down at her hand on Az’s chest, the feel of his skin under her bare fingertips. She and Az could have contact all the time, constantly.

He tightened his grip on her, bending back to lift her off her feet, and twirled her in a slow circle. She giggled. It felt silly, laughing in the kitchen with her face all splotchy and tears still drying on her cheeks.

And then Az’s smile faded. The fingers that had explored her skin with such need were tentative as he touched her cheek.

“What is it?” she asked, not quite wanting to know, to let go of the moment.

“It’s nothing,” he said, moving his hand down, but she grabbed it. He wouldn’t look at her as she pulled it back up.

The tips of his fingers were flecked black.

C
old night air. Gabe’s skin was slick so the chill felt good, almost sinful. In the distance, a drunken laugh rang out. From closer came a choked moan. Gabe’s hands cramped.

Fingers clawed at his, weakly.

Sweat coursed off him. Between his fingers, flesh. He squeezed tighter.
A death at my hands
. A dreamy smile drifted over his lips.

“Stop.” A hand touched his shoulder. “You need to stop.”

He winced. Shook his head.
Can’t stop
.

Everything fell away, foggy, and then…

Sudden awareness snapped through him. He gasped, yanked away from the boy’s neck, and stumbled.

“Oh fuck,” Gabe whispered. He watched horrified as the boy swayed, then dropped like a stone. His head hit against the building on the way down.

“Gabe?” He whipped around, panic seizing him. The girl behind him was a stranger.
She interrupted
. A petite little thing.
Needs to be taught a lesson
. He froze at the dark skitters threatening to overwhelm him, the punishments he’d dole out.
She knows your name. She has to die. She knows your name
.

She wasn’t a stranger.

“Who are you? Where am I?” He shot a quick glance up. Parking lot. Full. He stood between two cars parked nose first against a brick wall, the boy on the ground in front of him. The girl blocked his escape. He fought the urge to knock her aside and flee.

“My, my, lover!” Her eyes dropped to the curled body at his feet. No, it wasn’t a body; the boy was still breathing. Barely. “I let you out of my sight for two minutes.” She clucked her tongue, disapprovingly.

Gabe grabbed the hood of a car to steady himself. Everything blurred, the strength running out of his legs. “I’m not your lover.”

“Good,” she purred. “That’s a good start, Gabe. So who am I?”

He lifted his head, shaking it, his eyes squinted in uncertainty. “I don’t… I don’t know.” A name clicked across his brain, but it wasn’t hers. “Az?” His voice came out high and pleading. “Is Az here?”

She shook her head slowly, her eyes full of pity. “Let’s talk about the Sider, Gabe. What did he say? He made you angry.”

He spun, gravel grinding under his boots, staring down at the boy. He opened his mouth to say there was nothing, but then a ghost of a hazy memory drifted to him. “He came here because it’s where they always come to sell.” He winced. “Touch. He was selling Touch. The mortals. They’re getting addicted?” He looked up at her for confirmation.

She nodded approvingly. “More, Gabe. We know those things. You were Downstairs, checking on their paths. Do you remember if you found any of the mortals’ paths, Gabe?” A note of desperation crept into her voice, though he knew she didn’t want him to hear it. She needed to know what was happening to the mortals who were addicted. Needed him to find out.

“Their paths, they’re … broken … and I couldn’t find them sometimes. I couldn’t stay long enough.” His voice fell to a whisper as he began to remember more. “In and out. You always say in and out. I had to hurry.”

The scent of sulfur overwhelmed him. He gagged, dry heaving, and dropped his elbows to his knees. Flashes of memories crowded his head. “Downstairs. The Siders were all in cages.” The girl moved closer, put a hand on his back to comfort him. “Don’t.” He brushed her away. “You shouldn’t be so trusting. I’m Fallen, Madeline.”

He shot straight. Madeline. She was a Sider. He had known her Before, almost as long as Kristen. When he was different, when everything was so different. A mix of sorrow and terror brought tears to his eyes, everything flooding into him at once.

“Please. Please, I want to go Home.” His cry was sudden, ripped through him.

Madeline blinked hard. “When you knew you were going to Fall, that you weren’t going to be able to resist much longer, you wrote me a letter. Do you remember? You told me the things you couldn’t say out loud.”

They were coming to him, fast and clear. He nodded.

“You told me that if you were going to Fall, you wanted to help us figure out what was going on, that I should have you go Downstairs. Spy.”

Gabe gasped, her words calling up bits of memory. “Luke tricked the Siders. He has them in cages, and they can’t pass Touch. They’re going mad! All of them except… One. She’s sick, though. Something’s wrong with her.” He shook his head, trying to focus. “She’s falling apart.” His head snapped up. “Eden. My God, you have to tell Az it’s going to happen to Eden!”

“You told me about this, Gabe.” Madeline squeezed his hand. “I’m trying to help Eden. I promise.”

“It’s so hard to concentrate.” Gabe felt like he was being ripped in two. Dark thoughts bubbled below his consciousness. Pressure building like a steam valve. “Cold,” he whispered.

Madeline skidded back from him, suddenly cautious, digging in her pocket. “Give me just a second,” she said as she pulled out a small orange bottle. She uncapped it and shook out the contents. “We’re out of time. Here.”

She held out her hand, palm up. In the center rested a tiny white tablet. “Put it under your tongue.”

“You’re drugging me?” His confusion lasted only a second. “You’re the one giving me the blackouts?”
She dares cross you?
Rage crackled through him.

He slid closer to her, around her, until
she
was the one cornered against the bricks.
Doesn’t she realize what a helpless thing she is?

“Gabe, take the pill!”

He could smell the sudden fear on her skin, in the air. It fed his need, urged him on. He crept nearer. “You think I’m your puppet? That I’ll do your bidding?”

She turned her face from him, wincing as he pressed her against the wall. “Gabe, stop. You had a note that brought you here. I wrote it.”

His irritation blazed. He ached for her screams, to feel her struggle against him. She didn’t react, held perfectly still. Why wasn’t she fighting? He walked his fingers slowly across her throat, the tips sliding over the side of her neck.
Squeeze
.

“And before that, there was a note
you
wrote,” she said, her voice quivering. Her pulse jackhammered under his thumb. “It told you to remember what Az said.” He felt a twinge of hesitation but ignored it, curled his hand around her neck. “What did Az say?” she screamed.

“‘Trust only Madeline.’” The words left his lips instantly.

Gabe froze. A memory lurched to the surface, his hand aching as he scrawled the words over and over, imbedding them in his mind while he was still Bound. He would be too dangerous to be near Az, and Eden would be with Az. Kristen would be devastated, angry. But Madeline could be trusted. She’d gleaned enough experience through Luke to know how to work the Fallen.
Never run when they see you as prey
. Words he’d written in the letter.

He realized his hand was still on Madeline’s neck and dropped it, embarrassed.

She shuddered in a relieved breath. “‘Trust Madeline.’” She held out her hand again. “And I am Madeline. And I’m telling you to take this. Now.” She pinched the tablet between her fingertips, gave it to him. “Under your tongue, Gabe. You have to trust me.”

“What is it?”

She shook her head, the color starting to return to her cheeks. “I don’t know. But they’re from you. They came with the letter. You said you used to be able to catch thoughts when you were Bound. You didn’t know if the Fallen could, too, and we can’t let them find out what you’re looking for. The pill fades you in and out so you don’t remember me. Don’t remember being Downstairs. What you’ve learned.”

He stared down at the pill.

“It also helps keep you from being violent, Gabe. Please take it.” She swallowed. “You didn’t used to want to hurt anyone. Don’t you feel that way still? Even a little?”

“No,” he managed. But he wanted to. He lifted his tongue, nestled the pill underneath. Bitterness flooded his mouth, and he winced.

“It tastes terrible but dissolves almost instantly.” She edged past him, leery, as they walked out from between the cars. “Which means it works fast.” He looked back, at the boy he’d been choking. “He’s a Sider,” she said. “Better that you hurt him than a mortal. He’ll heal in a few hours.”

“How long have we been doing this? What am I looking for?” he asked, following her.

“Originally you were supposed to gather whatever info you could, but then you started talking about Luke holding the Siders captive. We started hearing about mortals being addicted, so you’ve been looking into what happens with their paths. I only get pieces from you. It’s not ideal, but it’s what we have.” She pulled her coat tighter around her.

“Madeline…”

She held up, trusting him enough to wait for him to catch up and stand beside her.

“How are they? Az? Eden?” Even their names shot a pang through him.

She paused as if debating telling him, and he knew it wouldn’t be good. “Az is struggling,” she said finally. “I’m worried about him. Especially if you’re right about what’s happening to Eden.”

“What’s happening to Eden?” he asked.

She laughed, the sound breaking across the parking lot like shattered glass, though her lips hadn’t moved.
No
, he realized. Someone had thrown a bottle. His brain felt numb, confused.

“She’s being stubborn.” Madeline’s voice was strange, echoing and distant.

Everything blurred, dim and unsteady.
Fingers wrapped around bars. Dirty blond hair. Ashes. So many ashes
. He blinked and felt leather against his cheek, a seat. The hum of tires. He moaned and raised his head.

A hand at his waist helped him along. He stumbled up a set of stairs.

“Almost there,” Madeline soothed him. “You’re home, Gabe.”