Authors: Ella Celestine
Melanie couldn’t remember the last time that she’d enjoyed spending time with someone as much as she did with Kian. He was considerate, funny, spontaneous and he could discuss in detail just about every subject that she brought up. So, why did it feel as though he was hiding something from her?
No matter how much she tried to push the notion away, it kept roaring back. Maybe it was just because she was hiding something, she pondered. Whether it was real or imagined, Kian had been very close to telling her something the night after they’d danced in the jazz club together. However, he’d simply left her with a kiss and that was the end of that.
Now, another month had passed. With only five months left to go, Melanie was beginning to panic. She was supposed to be looking for new places to live, getting her birth plan together, but she couldn’t stop thinking about Kian and the fact that soon she wouldn’t be able to hide anymore.
The realization hit her like a truck when she rolled out of bed and slipped into a favorite cream blouse of hers. Her breasts had stretched the buttons, her belly protruding out. It had taken everything she had not to burst into tears. Without hesitation, she yanked the blouse off went back to going through her closet.
It was becoming a trend. Every piece of clothing that she tried on was too tight, too restrictive. Melanie had been prepared for this, or at least she thought that she had, but she was beginning to panic. She grabbed her phone, dialed in the number and tapped her foot impatiently as the other line rang.
“Hello?” A groggy voice answered.
“Tara, I’m busting out of all my clothes. I need to go shopping, it needs to be now and I need your help.”
There was a long moment of silence, punctuated by a deep sigh. “You really get on my nerves.”
“I love you too.”
“I’ll be there in thirty minutes.”
Tara came through her door an hour later looking refreshed as she sipped on a cup of coffee. Melanie narrowed her eyes first at her sister, then at the cup. Tara gave her a mischievous grin.
“I hate you and you’re late.”
“It’s not my fault you can’t have coffee. Besides, you’re the one who woke me up so early.”
“It’s almost noon!”
“That’s besides the point.”
Melanie rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Are you ready to go?”
“Let’s do it. I’ll drive.”
Melanie was more than fine with that. She was already tired, the energy she had when she woke up already turning into a desperate need of a nap. As Tara started driving, she wondered where she was going.
“The mall is the other way,” Melanie said quickly.
“Yes, but we’re not going to the mall.”
Melanie cocked her brow. “Where are we going?”
“The maternity store.”
“What? No! Tara, turn this car around, I am not going in there.” Tara sighed, but she kept driving. “Look, I know you don’t want to go in there because it means two things. This pregnancy becomes very, very real and it means there’s less time to keep lying to Kian. You can’t escape either of that though. You
are
pregnant and you need to tell him.”
Melanie folded her arms across her chest. “He doesn’t need to know.”
“Yes, he does.” Tara said pointedly. “Look, how would you feel if someone was just wasting your time for months and months? That’s what you’re doing to Kian. At least let him make an informed decision instead of dumping it all on him at once.”
Melanie deflated. “I know. Okay? I know, I really do. I just...everytime I start to say something, I clam up. I don’t want to lose him. He’s been the best part of my life.”
“So tell him that. If he wants to break up after that, fine he wasn’t the one for you. Then again, who’s to say that he won’t still want to be with you? I’ve been around you guys. The way he looks at you is not something to be taken lightly. Do what you got to do, but know that I’ll be here for you no matter what.”
Melanie smiled at her sister before she wiped at her eyes. “This is going to suck,” she said with a laugh.
Tara patted her leg. “You’ll be alright. I promise.”
One part of Melanie felt better, the other part was even more nervous. She couldn't hide it anymore. Soon, very soon, she was going to have to tell Kian everything. The only thing pushing her to go forward with it was the fact that she wanted them to work. She’d never felt about anyone the way that she felt about Kian.
Shopping seemed to take forever, but Tara was a genius at anticipating her needs. They stopped for lunch halfway through, Tara kept bottles of water nearby for her and she was brutally honest about the clothes that they picked out. By the time they were done, Melanie was satisfied with the clothes she carried out with her.
“See? Whole new wardrobe in one quick and painless trip,” Tara said, slamming the trunk.
“Thanks.” Melanie buckled herself into the passenger seat. “I really do appreciate it.”
Tara waved her off. “It’s what big sisters are for. Besides, the day isn’t over yet. Let’s go get you some shoes that don’t put you five inches off of the ground. Then we can talk about your plans to tell Kian.”
Melanie gave her a small smile. “Sounds like a plan.”
The time had finally come. Melanie had cleaned her house so many times that there wasn’t a speck of dirt anywhere. For the first time in a long time, she’d even cooked dinner, with Tara’s help of course.
Melanie ran her hands down the front of her clothes. She’d gone for jeans and a comfortable sweater and her hair was pulled up into a ponytail. A stray strand kept escaping onto her cheek, which she tucked behind her ear.
Setting the table, she was deep in thought. Melanie had no idea how Kian was going to react, but she hoped it wouldn’t be that big of a deal for him. Just as she was bringing the plates out to the table, there was a knock on the door. She set the plates down carefully, took a deep breath and opened the door.
Kian gave her a small wave before he placed a kiss on her lips. Melanie wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers running through his hair as she kissed him back. She could have stayed like that all night, kissing him, their bodies pressed together. Melanie contemplated skipping the chat and pulling him towards the bedroom.
The last few months, the only thing Kian had done was kiss her. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been putting out the signals at every turn, but Kian always found an excuse. For a while, it had stung. She thought she was undesirable, some part of her played up every insecurity she’d ever had. The more she was around him though, the more she knew that wasn’t it. She wondered if he was afraid to get her pregnant? Well, at least that would change.
When they finally pulled away from each other, Melanie’s face was warm. She slipped her hand inside of Kian’s before she pulled him inside of the apartment. Melanie locked the door before she led him over to the table.
“What’s on the menu tonight?” Kian asked. “Chinese, Thai, Italian?”
Melanie chuckled as she shook her head. “Well, it is Italian, but I made it.”
Kian’s eyes widened. “You cooked?”
“Don’t be so shocked! I can do things.”
“I think you forgot that time you tried to boil water and almost burned down your kitchen.”
Melanie slapped his arm. “It was one time.”
“I so doubt that.”
Kian pulled her chair out for her. Once Melanie was sitting down, she sighed. Beneath the table, she placed her hand on her belly gently. A slight fluttering made her smile.
“This is amazing,” Kian said as he began to eat the pasta covered with white sauce. “I take it all back.”
“That’s what I thought,” Melanie said quickly, dropping her hand from her belly before she began to eat.
Kian kept up most of the conversation through dinner. He was telling her about some technical problem his company was having, but she was a million miles away. Normally, she loved hearing him talk, but she couldn’t seem to focus.
“And I told Bill that his mother was a bitch. I quit my job and burned the building down.”
“What?” Melanie asked, confusion on her face.
Kian sighed. “That’s what I thought. Where are you tonight? You’re a million miles away. What’s wrong?”
Melanie gave him a tight smile. “I’m okay. Maybe a little tired.”
“Well, you relax,” he said as he stood up and began gathering their now empty plates. “I’ll clean everything up.”
She nodded. As he walked into the kitchen, she gazed after him. It was now or never. She was more than aware that if she continued to stall, she would never do it. The night would end with a kiss, he’d go home and she’d be left to wonder about how much time she had left with him.
Pushing herself up, she walked into the kitchen. Kian was rinsing off the plates before he picked up a towel and began to dry them off. She fidgeted, twisting her fingers as she cleared her throat.
“Kian.”
He turned to her with a smile. “Yes, Melanie?”
“I have something to tell you.”
Something on her face must have made him realize that she was being very serious. He wiped his hands dry before he took her hand. Melanie couldn’t look at him.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been hiding something from you.”
“Oh?”
“I’m pregnant. I have been since the day that we met. I’m almost five months now.”
There was a deep silence between them. Melanie’s heart was pounding against her chest. What was he thinking? Slowly, she looked up for him afraid to see his reaction. To her surprise, he didn’t look upset, horrified or even shocked for that matter.
“I know.”
“What?” She asked, the confusion clear on her face.
“I knew you were pregnant from the beginning.”
“How…?”
Kian sighed. She watched as he ran a hand over his face, over his face. Patience had never been one of her stronger virtues, but Melanie was trying not to rush him. What he had to say was obviously important, but it was also freaking her out a bit.
“Kian.”
The man looked up at her, the smile gone from his face. His expression was one of a child after they’d been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing.
“I don’t know how to tell you this,” he mumbled.
“Just say it. You’re really starting to freak me out. How could you have possibly known? I’ve never told anyone besides my sister, my mother and a few people at work. This doesn’t make any sense.”
“It makes more than you think.”
Melanie was beginning to get pissed off. She could feel the heat spreading through her body as she folded her arms over her chest and glared. Her heart was beating quickly, her stomach turning. She didn’t know what he had to say for himself, but she had the distinct feeling that she wasn’t going to like it one bit.
“Kian, tell me. Now.”
Kian sighed. “I don’t want you to be angry with me. I really care about you and this whole thing got out of control so quickly…”
“Just tell me,” she said through grit teeth.
“I know you’re pregnant, because I’m the father.”
Kian had let the words rush out of his mouth like a waterfall. He knew if he kept thinking it over, contemplating how best to say it, he would have just shut down much more than he already was. So, he pushed all of the words out, but they still hurt to say.
The expression on Melanie’s face was even worse. A mixture of anger, frustration and confusion kept coloring her face over and over. Kian wanted to explain more, but his throat was tight. How could he possibly explain any of it in a way that would make any sense to her?
“What...do you mean?” Melanie seemed to struggle to get the words out. “How could you possibly…?”
Kian watched her eyes go wide. The look in her eyes was enough to make him feel lower than he’d ever felt before. She shook her head slowly, disbelief written on her face.
“I’m so sorry,” he said quickly. “I found out that one of my donations had been used and I got the lab to tell me who had used it. I was so freaked out about the idea of having a child running around that I knew nothing about. I never wanted any kids and I donated in college. It was so dumb, but I panicked a couple of months ago. I was going to try to talk to you, get to know you, see if we could come to some kind of agreement-”
“Agreement?” She cut in, her voice sharp. “What agreement could we have come to? That I would give up my child, say forget it because you made a dumb mistake in college? You have a lot of fucking nerves!”
“I know!” Kian held up his hands. “I know. Look, I am completely aware that I was wrong. And I was wrong for not telling you. The more I got to know you though, the more I wanted to be a part of your life. I tried to tell you so many times, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words. Please, don’t cry.”
Melanie waved him away as he tried to comfort her. She went to the front door, unlocked it and yanked it open. Wiping her eyes with her sleeve, mascara bleeding into the material, she pointed to the door.
“Get the hell out.”
“Please, don’t do this.”
“Get out! You’re a liar and I don’t want to see you again.”
Kian could feel his heart breaking. He took a step forward and then stopped. He knew that he should do what she was asking, but he couldn’t give up, not like this.
“Melanie, please. We both lied to each other-.”
“That’s hilarious.” She scoffed. “I may have hidden my pregnancy and yeah it was a shitty thing to do, but you broke into my life. You stalked me. You followed me around and told me you cared about me when none of it was true. What did you think? If you got close enough to me I’d just pop over to the clinic and not have my baby?”
“No!” Kian said louder than he was expecting. “I didn’t want a child out there at first, but now I just want to be a part of your life. A part of the baby’s life. I never expected for any of this to happen and I never thought we’d be so compatible.”
Melanie laughed dryly. “Get out of my apartment. Now.”
Kian wanted to stay. Every bone in his body tried to fight and stay put because he didn’t want to lose her. Melanie had been more to him, meant more to him than any woman he’d ever met before. He walked towards the door, but stopped beside her.
“Don’t do this. I know you care about me as much as I care about you. I know that I screwed up. And I know that it’s entirely my fault, but I’m begging you, don’t do this. I will make it up to you.”
“I don’t want you to make anything up for me. I want you to get out and leave me alone. I can’t even trust you anymore,” her voice cracked as fresh tears began to run down her face. “Please,” she choked on her words, “just go.”
Kian couldn’t take the sight of her crying. He wanted nothing more than to run his fingers over her face, wipe away that tears that slipped down her ebony skin. He sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he said once more as he stepped through the door. “I really am.”
The door slammed after him so hard that it rattled the walls. Kian stared at her door for a long time before he slipped his hands into his pockets and made his way downstairs. The entire way down, he beat himself up.
If only he hadn’t been so foolish. If only he’d told her the truth from the beginning. The look on her face when she said she couldn’t trust him made his stomach drop all over again. How many times had he wanted to tell Melanie that he loved her? Too many times, but now it was over.
The realization of that thought hit him like a ton of bricks in the chest. He struggled to breathe as he made his way to his car. Slipping inside, he buried his face against the wheel and for the first time in so long that he couldn’t remember there being a previous time, he cried. The sobs racked his body so badly that he shook and with each intake of breath there was a stutter and pause.
Kian’s phone began to go off. He reached into his pockets, fumbling with the large cell before he could hold it steady. In his heart, he knew it wasn’t Melanie, but he was praying that it was.
Jack.
Kian almost didn’t answer. He wasn’t in the mood to hear Jack’s “I told you so.” However, Jack was his friend and he needed to hear a friendly voice right now. He slid the green button over and took a deep breath before rhe said anything.
“What?”
“You told her, didn’t you?” Jack said right away, startling Kian.
“How did you-.”
“Every time I’ve tried to call you in the past few months you either don’t pick up the phone or you sound completely ecstatic when you do. Right now, you sound like shit. Need a drink?”
Kian sighed. “Desperately.”
“Meet me at DeLuca’s. I’ll keep the alcohol flowing until you feel like yourself again.”
“Thank you, Jack.”
“Don’t mention it. Just hurry up and get your ass down here.”
Kian hung up the phone and threw it on the seat beside him. He glanced up at Melanie’s apartment, wishing he could just catch a glimpse of her. Even more than that, he wished that he could go back and do things all over again.
Forcing himself to stop thinking about it, he shoved the key into the ignition and started the car. Driving felt like torture at the moment, he just wanted it to be over with. Every red light felt like it was ten years long, every slow car in front of him made him lay on his horn in anger and frustration. The only thing he wanted, no needed, was to get drunk and forget any of this had ever happened.