She didn’t want him reporting it to Scott. Throughout this process, she’d determined she would not use emotional blackmail on Scott, would not play angry games, would try to hold the fact that she loved him and wanted the best for him, and for him to be happy, as the predominant thoughts in her mind.
Not always easy to accomplish.
“Thank you,” she said. “But I didn’t think you worked on Saturdays.”
“I don’t, usually, but I do have some extra stuff I can get done this Saturday. I don’t mind going in for the day.”
What was left unsaid and hanging in the air, that Scott would be working all day Saturday anyway.
Don’t pry open the horse’s mouth and start examining its teeth, for chrissake…
“Thank you,” she said. “I’ll take it.”
Keith wasn’t sure if this was a good idea or not, but at least it would be a temporary solution for Noel, if nothing else. Until she could secure another job.
The good news was Noel could still get another teaching job somewhere. That she’d opted not to fight the nonrenewal of her contract meant they’d give her a good recommendation.
He hoped.
At least with him living there, even if it did take her a while to get back on her feet and find another job, she wouldn’t be out on the street. He and Scott could shoulder the monthly bills and absorb the loss of her teaching income for up to a year, easily, before things came to a head. With her working at the marina, that would stretch the time out even longer.
She didn’t say much as he drove them to the marina Saturday morning. He didn’t want to try to force her to have a conversation with him, and frankly, he was used to a quiet morning drive anyway, able to sip his coffee and get his mind into work mode.
They were close when she finally spoke. “Thank you,” she quietly said. “I appreciate this. I don’t remember if I told you that already or not, but if I didn’t, thank you.”
“No problem. I’m glad I could help you out.”
“And thank you for trying to make everything easier with Scott,” she said. “I appreciate you not rubbing my face in things.”
He set his travel mug back in the cup holder. “I’m sorry you’re caught in the middle of this. You’ve been very kind to me when you didn’t have to be, and for that I’m the one who is appreciative.”
“Well, we have something in common,” she said, still in that same soft, quiet voice. “We both love him.”
* * * *
Keith parked in front of the office, took Noel inside, and introduced her to everyone before driving around back to where he normally parked. At lunch he walked down to the office to check on how she was doing and was stopped by Murray the parts department manager before he got there.
“Who’s that new cutie in the office?” he asked Keith. “Joe said you brought her in.”
“She’s a friend of mine. Why?” Keith didn’t understand the sudden tendril of jealousy swirling through him.
“She single?”
“Why?” The tendril became a choking jungle vine threatening to cut off his oxygen.
He was
not
a jealous man.
Ever.
“Just asking. I overheard Porter talking to one of the salesmen. He loves her already, said by the end of today he’s going to probably beg her to stay on full-time if she keeps this up. Maybe even with a raise. Said she’s ten times better than Maria is, and this is only her first day. Heh. Don’t let Maria know that, though.”
Of course Noel would be better than Maria. Besides that, half the salesmen acted like adolescent children, anyway, including Porter, the owner. Noel was a teacher. It was a perfect match.
Not to mention Maria had been barely competent to do anything other than answer phones and adjust her boobs if she thought someone was getting too snippy with her.
“So?” Murray asked.
“So, what?”
“Is she single?”
“You should ask her that question.”
“Man, that’s that sexual harassment crap, isn’t it? I don’t want to get in trouble for that.”
“Then I don’t know what to tell you.”
Other than keep your fucking hands off her.
Mentally, he pulled himself up short.
Now where the hell did
that
thought come from?
Keith finished his trek to the office, trying to push the stray thought out of his brain. But now that it had taken root, it was like steroidal kudzu, spreading through his brain and body at an impossible pace.
What the
hell
was going on? Why was he feeling like this?
He stopped short of the office door to give himself a moment to think about it.
Protective, perhaps? She was Scott’s wife, and he did feel somewhat responsible for her losing her other job and felt he should try to help take care of her. Especially since he was the one who’d gotten her this job in the first place, and Murray could be a class-A schmuck without even trying very hard at it.
Okay. Sure.
But…jealousy?
He normally wasn’t a jealous person. Territorial, absolutely. Especially about something or someone he considered his.
But that bolt of emotion hadn’t been plain and simple territorial.
It’d been the neon green of outright jealous indignation.
I’m going to have to think about that for a while.
He reached for the door and opened it, a wave of cool AC air hitting him.
* * * *
Other than Murray the parts department manager creeping Noel out a little, the job was wicked easy. She bit her tongue every time Maria showed her something and prefaced it with, “Now, this might be confusing at first, because I had a hard time with it when I first started…”
Usually it was very simple procedures involving an Excel spreadsheet.
That Maria wasn’t the brightest bulb on the branch had become glaringly evident before the second hour ended. Noel was doing her best not to show Maria up and make her look like an idiot, but by hour four, Noel had already identified several key areas where procedures could easily be simplified, streamlined, and improved.
And she planned on doing it as soon as she had the reins, so to speak.
When Keith’s head popped around the corner of her doorway, she couldn’t believe how happy she was to see him.
“Want to go get some lunch?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you.” Maria had just returned from her lunch break.
Noel grabbed her purse and hurried out of the office after him, following him back through the marina’s yard to where he’d parked.
“You sick of her yet?” he asked when they were safely inside his truck.
“Oh, holy cow. How the
hell
has she managed to keep her job this long?”
He smirked. “You didn’t look at her chest, did you?”
“Those damn things nearly poked my eye out more than once when she turned around. Of course I saw them.”
“Question answered.”
“I really do appreciate this, Keith.” She sat with her purse in her lap, her arms around it for something to do, to keep them still.
To keep her from inadvertently reaching across the seat and resting her hand on his thigh, the way she used to always do with Scott.
“I’m glad I could help,” he said. “I’m sorry the circumstances came to this, though. I feel really badly about that.”
“It was bound to happen anyway. Me changing jobs, I mean. Not the way it happened. Maybe it was for the best. I was close to burnout. They were going to be instituting a bunch of new changes to the FCAT tests and core curriculum over the next couple of months. It was going to be a bitch and a half, and then listening to all the other teachers bitch about it, too, on top of the changes.”
“Look, seriously. Don’t be in a hurry to move out or move on, okay? I would prefer we all live together and Scott and I pay the bills so you can go back to school, or do whatever it is you need to do. I owe you that much.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“I mean it, Noel. Please? I know I’m not your favorite person in the world, and believe me, I get it. I don’t blame you in the slightest. But I want to make this as right as I can.”
She sensed he was being sincere.
Somehow, that almost made it worse. “You’re not responsible for me or my well-being. What happened, happened. It’s been two years in the making—or longer, depending on how you want to look at it. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else. I just appreciate that you’re not being an asshole about this. Scott’s a lucky guy to have found you. I’m honestly happy for you two.”
* * * *
Her genuine sentiments made Keith feel even worse. Sure, he and Scott got what they wanted, but what about her? She’d gone out a few times with some of her friends, but for the most part she sat at home, usually in her room, when Scott wasn’t with her. Sometimes she sat out on the lanai if it wasn’t too hot, but even when he and Scott made a conscious effort to stay in their room so she could feel more comfortable going to the living room, she wouldn’t.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.” He glanced at her. “But I
am
buying you lunch. This is my treat, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Then I guess I won’t argue with you.”
It felt like an uneasy truce on both their parts as they sat out on the dock of a nearby restaurant and ate fish sandwiches in the shade of a patio umbrella. The breeze washing in off the Gulf helped cut the heat of the sunny afternoon.
They fell into silence as they ate, so her quiet question several minutes later startled him.
“You
do
love him, right?”
He’d just taken a bite of his sandwich and was trying not to choke on it or spit it out. He slowly nodded as he chewed, giving himself time to figure out exactly what and how he wanted to say it.
“I’ve honestly never felt about anyone the way I feel about Scott,” he said. “I feel like I’ve met the missing piece. I mean, I’m a whole and complete person on my own. But it’s like my world was kind of skewed by a few degrees, and adding him to it evened everything out to where it’s supposed to be.”
“You won’t cheat on him, will you?”
“No. I don’t play around. I know there’s this mythos that all gay guys are manwhores, but it’s not any more true than for the het population.”
He watched her face as she stared down at her plate, her sandwich still in her hands. “I can’t promise you there won’t be times I’m a complete bitch to either or both of you over this,” she said in that same quiet, sad, resigned tone. “I’ve promised myself to take the high road and try not to be like that, but I’m only human.”
“I know. I don’t expect you to shut down your emotions. I can’t say I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. I do feel badly that I’m the cause of it.”
“You’re not the cause of it,” she said, setting the sandwich down. “No one’s to blame here. I don’t think he woke up one day and said, ‘Hey, I’m going to choose to be submissive and gay and divorce my wife.’ That’s bullshit. I love him for loving me as many years as he did, and for trying as hard as he did. When we had that conversation two years ago, the night he finally admitted everything to me, he begged me not to leave him. That he wanted to try to see if we could work something out where maybe I could fill that role for him. And I wanted to. I really did. But even then there was this tiny little voice in the back of my head telling me to let him go. To give him his freedom to be who he needed to be.”
She laughed, but it held no humor. “I bitch-slapped that little voice, shoved it away into a mental closet of my own, and locked it in. I was scared. I loved him. I didn’t want to lose him. I was hoping that maybe I could be good enough for him.”
“It’s not that you’re not good enough for him.”
“I know. I didn’t mean it like that.” She still studied her plate, not meeting his gaze. “I guess it’s more I was hoping I could be
enough
for him. Even though I knew from that night it wasn’t a matter of if, but when. When he asked me a few months ago if he could try dating guys, I knew I had to agree. Not that I thought he’d go behind my back, because I knew he wouldn’t. But it wasn’t fair to him not to let him try it.”
She took a bite of her sandwich, but he didn’t interrupt, sensing she had more to say.
And she did. “I told myself when he asked for permission to go up to St. Pete for the weekend that I needed to let go. Detach. That this wasn’t going away, it wasn’t just some fad. It wasn’t fair to him to try to guilt him into staying just so I didn’t hurt. That would only equal two hurting, unhappy people. I knew if I found Scott and loved him as much as I did, maybe I’d be able to find someone else who’d love me more if I started looking.”
“Have you?”
“I can’t bring myself to even think about that right now. I need to take care of me first. I don’t want to make a mistake and jump into something and realize later it was another bad decision.”
“He really does love you. You didn’t make a bad decision by marrying him. This is tearing him up inside, hurting you like this.”
“I know. That’s another reason I know I have to let him go. Because he’s not being an asshole about this. I know he could have snuck around behind my back, or simply came home one day and announced his news and left without a look back. But he didn’t. I know that means he loves me. He wasn’t just using me, trying to make me his beard or something.”
When she fell into silence again, Keith didn’t interrupt or try to make small talk that only would have accentuated the widening gulf between them.
* * * *
Despite the topic of conversation, Noel did feel a little better when they returned from lunch. She was able to throw herself into the work, since Saturdays were pretty busy at the marina, and focus on learning her new job. By the time she was finished for the day, she realized she’d spent most of it, other than lunch, focused on what she was doing and not what was going on in her personal life.
It was easier to dodge Maria’s nosy personal questions, too, like about how she knew Keith.