Because if it is, then I want no part of you!”
At that point someone touched Jillian's shoulder. She whirled around to see Mac's compassionate expression. He took hold of her hand very gently and pulled her toward him.
“Come with me,” he said softly.
She saw that her father had taken his place beside her mother. She saw, too, that Gwen had begun to cry, as had many of the other women in the street gathering. Jillian didn't care, however. They could have stopped this a long time ago, and now it had escalated to a fullscale war with the army still out hunting down Navajo men. Why should the Navajo want to send their children to the white man's school when the white man stood by and allowed such heinous acts to continue?
Mac rounded the Harvey House and headed for his office with Jillian, but she stopped him in midstep. “Let me go, Mac,” she said firmly, pulling away.
“I think we should talk and get you calmed down.”
“I don't want to calm down!” she said, her voice nearly as loud as it had been a moment ago. “They could have stopped it. You could have stopped it. Why didn't you, Mac? Why did you allow for someone like Cooper to keep walking the streets? Why do you tolerate people like Mrs. Everhart with her gossiping lies and prejudiced ways?”
“Jillian, you're upset and rightly so, but you don't need to take it out on me,” Mac said, reaching out for her again.
She jerked away and stomped her foot. “Don't touch me! You're just as bad as they are! You could have stopped Cooper a long time ago, but you didn't.”
Mac crossed his arms. “What would you have had me do? Shoot him? Mary and I have tried to get the law in the area to take notice, to care about the situation. We've written letters to the proper authorities and tried to go about this the right way. Short of killing the man, however, I don't know what else you would have me do.”
Jillian felt her energy draining rather quickly. Mac made too much sense, but she didn't want to admit it. She was hurt by Mrs. Everhart's insults. Hurt by her father's demanding ways. But most of all, she was hurt because she loved Mac and she was living a lie.
“Leave me alone!” she cried and ran for the back door of the 211 Harvey House.
“Jillian!”
He called to her several times, but she ignored him and closed the door tightly. Running up the back stairs as quickly as she could manage, Jillian locked herself in her room, mindless that Kate or Louisa might need to get in. Then, without checking her bed, she threw herself across the mattress and sobbed. With any luck at all, maybe something poisonous would bite her and she'd die.
Oh, God, I've done nothing right since coming here. What am I supposed
to do? How can I make everything right?
WITH FEELINGS OF SHEER EMBARRASSMENT for the way she'd acted, Jillian spent the rest of the day and evening refusing to speak to anyone. When Kate came to knock on the door in order to change her apron, Jillian reluctantly allowed her entry. But even when Kate applauded the way she'd dealt with Mrs. Everhart and Mr. Cooper, Jillian refused to comment on it. She couldn't believe that she'd so thoroughly disregarded her upbringing to make such a public spectacle of herself.
Kate mentioned before leaving that Jillian's parents were looking for her.
“Please don't tell them I'm here,” she pleaded with Kate.
“If they ask, I'll tell them I haven't seen ya,” Kate agreed.
“No!” Jillian declared, shaking her head. “No more lies. If they ask, just tell them I refuse to see anyone. That's the truth of the matter.”
Kate nodded and took her leave while Jillian took down her hair and began combing it out. The blond tresses were silky, having been freshly washed that morning, and Jillian couldn't help but wonder why blond hair was so acceptable and black hair so abominable. At least it was when it was accompanied by brown skin.
Having stayed in her room alone, Jillian was ready for company again when Kate and Louisa came to retire for the night. She was almost herself again until Kate reminded her that the following day was to be Jillian's wedding day.
Just as Jillian thought to reply, a knock sounded at their door and Gwen peeked in. “Jillian? Are you all right?”
Jillian nodded. “I'm fine but sorry for having made such a ninny of myself earlier. I just couldn't seem to stop.”
Gwen smiled. “I thought you were wonderful. Zack did too. He came and dispersed everyone and told me later that the general feeling among the townsfolk was that you did a good thing.”
Jillian sat down on the edge of her bed and shook her head. “Then why don't I feel better?”
“I don't know, but give yourself time. Oh, and here's a note from your folks,” Gwen said, reaching into her pocket. “I almost forgot that was the reason I came here.”
Jillian reluctantly took the piece of paper and for the first time in days felt as if she'd been given a reprieve. “They want me to wait on the wedding. Judith has telegrammed that she wants to be at the wedding and will arrive on Tuesday.” She looked up at Gwen, trying to seem disappointed, but inside she couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief.
“Tuesday? You can't get married with us tomorrow?”
“We are very close, Judith and I,” Jillian began. “I'd really like to wait for her.”
Gwen nodded. “Then Zack and I will wait too.”
“Nonsense,” Jillian replied, getting up. “You go ahead and get married tomorrow, and Mac and I can get married on Tuesday.”
“You sure you wouldn't mind? I mean, the double wedding sounded like great fun.”
“I don't mind,” Jillian said honestly. “But I'd better go fill Mac in on the details.” She looked at the clock and realized it was nearly curfew time. “I promise to hurry.”
“You go ahead,” Gwen said conspiratorially. “I'll leave the back door unlocked for you. We women in love must stick together.”
Jillian smiled. “Thanks. I shouldn't be too long.” She looked at herself in the mirror and shook her head. “I suppose I should pin my hair back up.” She reached to fasten the top buttons of her blouse with one hand while taking up her brush with the other.
“Nonsense,” Gwen said, interceding. “Just go.” She took the brush from Jillian and pushed her hand away as she worked with the tiny buttons. “You're covered better than you were in that gorgeous gown you wore last night. Just go!”
Jillian laughed at her encouragement. “I'm going! I'm going!”
She hurried down the back stairs, and suddenly pangs of guilt washed over her. What was she going to say to Mac? She'd treated him horribly. What could she say? She knew he hadn't deserved her tirade, but her nerves were raw and it seemed that her grief over Little Sister and her misery over her situation were all too much to take.
Creeping out the back door and across the street to where Mac's house stood gleaming in the moonlight, Jillian resolved herself to plead insanity and beg for mercy.
Knocking lightly so as not to alert the rest of the town to her actions, Jillian waited until she saw the unmistakable glow of lamplight appear, and finally, there stood Mac, rumpled and bleary-eyed.
“Jillian?” he questioned, setting the lamp on the stand beside the door. “Are you hurt?”
“Yes,” she said honestly.
“What is it?” he questioned, becoming fully awake. “Show me.”
“I can't,” she said softly. “It's my heart that's hurt.”
He instantly seemed to understand and nodded.
“Oh, Mac, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to say those horrible things. I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to me again, but please understand that I didn't mean a word I said.”
He reached out and pulled her into his arms. “Oh, Jilly, I know you didn't.” Holding her close, he stroked her waist-length hair and sighed against her ear.
She snuggled against him, grateful for his forgiving heart. “I feel like I'm walking against the wind,” she whispered. “There's so much in conflict right now. So much I can't resolve.”
He tilted her chin upward and gazed longingly into her eyes. “It's going to work out. You'll see. You just have to have faith.”
“In God?” she questioned.
“Yes, in God. In yourself. In me.”
Before she realized what was happening, Jillian found herself touching Mac's face. Oh, but he was handsome! He was loving and good-hearted and everything she had hoped for in a husband.
“Mac.” His name was the only word she managed to speak before he closed her lips with his own.
“I suppose you have a good explanation for taking these kind of liberties with my daughter,” Colin Danvers said angrily.
Jillian and Mac came apart like two kids caught with their hands in the candy dish.
“Father!”
“Don't even speak to me,” he said, holding up his hand. “I suppose you've spent the entire day and night with this man. Now I have no choice but to see you married to him. Is that how you planned it?
Is that why you were angry with that woman in the street today? Did her words hit too close to home?”
“Mr. Danvers, I'm a patient man, but I would advise you against insulting Jillian any further. She's innocent of what you suggest. She merely came here tonight to apologize.”
“And to show him your note,” Jillian said, grateful for her presence of mind. She held up the note as proof. “I needed to tell him that we weren't getting married tomorrow.”
“What?” Mac questioned.
“That's right,” Danvers said. “You aren't getting married tomorrow, you're getting married tonight!”
“But, Fatherâ” “This is how it's going to be, Jillian. Your mother would be appalled if she knew you were here with him like this. Why, the man isn't even properly dressedâand look at yourself. Your hair is down and you're not even properly buttoned! How do you expect me to believe this is something completely innocent?”
“I don't much care what you believe,” Mac said, taking hold of Jillian's hand. “We haven't done anything wrong.”
“Good. Let's keep it that way,” Danvers said, not sounding a bit as if he believed them.
“That's fine by me,” Mac answered.
“Now is as good a time as any,” Danvers replied.
“Again, that's fine by me,” Mac stated evenly.
“Get your coat, MacCallister.”
“Why?” Jillian asked, totally confused by the conversation that seemed to be taking place without her.
“Because you're coming with me to the preacher. You're getting married to this man tonight.”
Mac felt a sense of relief as Jillian's father pointed them toward the church. All day long he'd wrestled with the question of how to convince Jillian to marry him for real. Now her father was taking care of the matter rather neatly.
He wanted this wedding. He wanted Jillian for a wife. The only problem was, he couldn't be entirely sure that this was what she wanted. He wished they could have a moment alone so that he could talk to her and convince her of his heart in the matter. Maybe if she understood how he felt, how he'd only gone along with this in the hope that the truth might be born out of the deception they'd created . . . maybe then she'd share her heart with him.
Mac could feel her tremble. She clung to him so tightly that her hold was almost painful to him, but Mac would never have told her. He could see the kind of opposition she'd been up against her entire life. Danvers was not the kind of man to listen to his children or wife. He was the take-charge kind of man who would plow through a planted field if it suited his purpose. No wonder Jillian had felt the need to lie. Well, there would be no more need for that now. He would marry her, and one way or another, he would see to it that she was happy about the situation.
Jillian found she had no choice in the matter. The two angry men had taken the matter out of her hands. She marched obediently, clinging to Mac as they made their way to the tiny house where Reverend Lister lived with his wife. Unable to fathom that Mac was really going to go through with this, Jillian tried to force herself to calm. Mac would think of something once they were with Reverend Lister. He'd find some way to deal with Father, and everything would go back to normal.
Oh, why did I have to lie about all of this?
she asked herself. But in her heart, Jillian knew her feelings for Mac were in harmony with the evening's plan. She desperately wanted to marry this man. She loved him, but could a marriage work if only one person desired the union?
Mac would be legally bound to her, and it would take another legal act to separate them. Surely they needed to put a stop to this. But how?
“What about the license?” she asked, suddenly seeing it as her way out.
“Preacher already has it in preparation for the ceremony you planned for tomorrow,” her father sternly replied.
Desperate, she dropped her hold on Mac and took hold of her father's arm. “What will Mother say?” she questioned. “You know she has her heart set on giving me a wedding.”
“She can still do that on Tuesday. But no daughter of mine is going to spend the night with a man and not be wed to him.”
“But I didn'tâ” “Jillian, you know nothing of men. This man might tell you all manner of things, make you all manner of promises, but often what a man promises and what he actually carries through with are two different things.”
“But I didn't do anything wrong!” Jillian declared a bit louder than she'd intended. Lowering her voice, she added, “Go ask Miss Carson. I've spent the entire day and evening at the Harvey House. I only went to see Mac to tell him about the note.”
Her father shook his head, and for a moment, Jillian thought she saw a veil of sorrow pass over his expression. It almost seemed as if the moment brought him some unexpected pain. In the next minute, he stunned her with a totally uncharacteristic statement.