A Walk in Heaven (9 page)

Peter clenched his fist. “There’s no reason for you to talk that way about her. She’s more of a lady than we’ve ever met around these parts, so she deserves more respect from you.”

“Exactly.”
Joshua nodded. “She’s a
lady
, which means she won’t be going with us on the cattle drive.”

Silence took over the group; only the grunts of the cattle disturbed the hush. He glanced at Peter, who didn’t appear as angry now. Gage knelt on the ground with a rope as he softly whistled. Joshua couldn’t believe how the arrival of their sister-in-law had turned his brothers into love-struck fools. That girl was more trouble than she was worth.

The problem was…she wasn’t a girl. Joshua figured her to be in her early twenties. And he still couldn’t figure out why such a pretty woman would advertise herself as a mail-order bride when she could have married easily.

“We got another runaway,” Peter said, pointing to the calf run
ning in the opposite direction.

“I got him.” Joshua sprinted to his bay gelding and slung his right leg over the saddle. “Ha!” He urged the animal into a run even before his feet found the stirrups. A good fifty feet ahead, the calf kicked out little clouds of dust, weaving back and forth along the trail. Joshua quickly snatched his lariat from the pommel, readying it as he closed in on the animal. On instinct born of years of practice, he raised the rope, expertly flicked his arm and sent the line sailing through the air. Despite the calf’s erratic movements, the loop settled easily around
it’s
head. Joshua immediately tightened the loop, drew alongside and drove onto the angry beast. Struggling to subdue the animal’s flailing limbs, he pinned the calf to the ground, quickly tying off his front and back legs.
Now to get him back to the herd.

As his horse trotted back and he struggled carrying the insistent calf, Joshua realized how mundane his life had become. He pretty much did the same thing every day from sunup to sundown, from the first of May through the end of October. Even the months in between were the same as he spent them with his daughters. Perhaps that’s why he felt like he’d been in a rut lately. If given the chance, would he break and run for freedom for a new life like this calf had done? Like Matthew had done?

Joshua dismissed the thought. He was not his brother. He wasn’t restless. He didn’t need to do anything else. Ranching was in his blood and what he loved. Sometimes he just wished something else would come along and make things a little different. Perhaps it was time to search for a wife. Chuckling to himself, he shook his head. That would definitely shake up his world. Regardless, his daughters needed a mother. Joshua’s own mother couldn’t raise them, although he knew she would if circumstances came down to it.

When he’d been in town picking up his sister-in-law the other day, Joshua noticed an announcement for a barn
raising
. It had been a while since he’d attended one of those. It was a good way to meet the single ladies in the area as well as giving good Christian community service. He would definitely have to think about going.

He brought the calf back to be branded, which Peter and Gage did quickly. Just as Joshua moved to pull in another calf, a scent drifted through the air. Both of his brothers stopped, lifted their noses and sniffed.

Smoke.

Joshua spun toward the house. A cloud of black smoke billowed from the chimney and out a window.
My daughters!
Panic coursed through him and set him into action, his brothers following.

Careen stood back, coughing, gasping for air, as she stumbled to the bed. She’d tried to start the fire in her hearth, but for some reason, the smoke decided to come into the room instead of going out the chimney. Betsy dashed down the hall, calling for the
Graysons
. Careen hurried to the window, threw back the curtains and pushed the pains wide open.

Within seconds, William rushed in with a bucket of dirt and poured it on the fire. Taking the poker, he moved the logs around, trying to break them up. Elizabeth ran in the room, holding two plates. She hurried to the window and helped circulate the smoke using the objects in her hands.

“Oh, Mr. Grayson,” Careen said then coughed as she moved back to the bed.
“Please forgive me. I thought –” She coughed again. “I thought I knew how to start a fire.”

“You did a good job, so I wonder why…” William reached inside the chimney, then a second later the screech of metal grinding ripped through her ears. “The flue wasn’t open properly.”

Groaning, Careen covered her face as embarrassment filled her. She hadn’t even been at the ranch a full day and already she had caused mayhem. Because of her mistake, she could have burned the house down.
Or at least her bedroom.

She should have realized she needed help, but building a fire shouldn’t have been hard since she’d watched her parents’ servants – then her aunt’s servants – start them all the time.

Elizabeth turned from the window and smiled. “Are you all right, dear?”

Careen nodded. “I’m not hurt, except for my pride.”

“Now, now,” William said. “There’s nothing to worry about. Things like this happen.”

“Thank you for trying to make me feel better, but things like this don’t usually happen.” She shrugged. “Then again, Betsy usually starts the fire for me in the hearth. Today I didn’t want to trouble her. I definitely learned my lesson, didn’t I?”

Both Mr. and Mrs. Grayson chuckled.

From down the hallway, heavy boot steps clamored up the staircase and within seconds all three of Matthew’s brothers were inside her room. Careen’s face grew hotter than the fire she’d tried to start.

“What’s wrong?” Joshua asked, his gaze moving from one person to the other before ending at the fireplace.

“Nothing to worry about, son.”
William nodded toward the hearth. “The chimney flue wasn’t opened.”

Peter rushed to Careen’s side and touched her arm. “How are you? Did you get burned in any way?”

She smiled at him for this thoughtfulness. “Thank you, I’m fine now that your parents are here, and no, I didn’t get burned.”

“Boys, there is no need to worry,” Elizabeth said. “We have this under control.”

Careen chuckled. “And you don’t know how much I appreciate that.”

“Is there anything I can get you?” Peter asked her.

She stared at Peter. Matthew’s face flashed through her mind. She shook her head, vowing not to get too close to this particular brother. It felt too strange. Since she had arrived at the Grayson Ranch, Peter had watched her closely, and he always had to stand by her. Joshua, on the other hand, kept himself as far as he could get, it seemed. That suited her just fine!

“No, thank you, Peter.”
She moved away from him and to the window beside Elizabeth, taking one of the plates from her hands. “Here, let me do that.”

“We can both do it.” Mrs. Grayson winked.

“Well, if everything is under control here, then we’ll be getting back to our branding,” Joshua said, turned and followed his brothers out of her room.

“Joshua, hold up a minute, please.” William stopped his son with a hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, Pa?”
Joshua leaned against her bedroom door, hooking his thumbs in the belt loops of his jeans.

“Son, I’ll need your help with moving Careen’s trunks to the bedroom next to yours.”

Joshua’s eyes widened and his jaw hardened. “Why?”

“We need to air this room out.”

“But why
there
?” Joshua ended in a whisper.

“Joshua –” William’s voice was stern.

“Oh no, Mr. Grayson.”
Careen quickly hurried to his side. She didn’t need Joshua to hate her even more than he already did. “You don’t need to do that. I’ll be fine right here.”

The older man gave her a smile and lovingly patted her cheek. “My dear, until we’ve washed the curtains and carpet, and scrubbed the walls from all this smoke damage, this room isn’t fit for anyone.”

Releasing a deep sigh, Joshua straightened and stepped back into the room. “Which trunks are ready to move, Careen?”

His tone of voice made her cringe. Could the others hear it as well? If so, they didn’t act like it. “They all are ready to move. I haven’t quite unpacked, and the clothes I have unpacked, I can take to the other room myself.”

Joshua nodded, effortlessly lifted one of her trunks, and walked out and down the hall. She snatched her satchel and followed. With each step, irritation boiled inside her. What could she do to make him like her? Even though she tried to convince herself it didn’t matter, it did.

In silence, she followed him up the hallway, turned and climbed another set of stairs, then down another long corridor. It still surprised her how large this house really was. Joshua led her past several doors and finally stopped at the last one. He opened it and strode in, setting her trunk in the center of the room before moving to open the curtains.

As soon as she stepped inside, her heart sank. Now she understood why Joshua was so upset.

* * * *

Joshua grumbled under his breath. Why would his parents want her in Matthew’s room? True, she married his brother, but the man wasn’t yet in the grave! The pain…the memories…it was all too fresh for anyone – much less some mail-order bride – to be invading Matthew’s room. To Joshua’s knowledge, no one in the family had ventured into the room until this very moment.
She
should not be the first.

He gazed about the pleasant clutter. Not a single thing out of place. Everything exactly as Matthew had left it. A combination of sadness and anger roiled in his gut. He grasped hold of the anger – an emotion much easier to deal with than grief. Anger gave him the strength to hold his head up and go through the motions of his day.

He faced Careen, the source and subsequent target for his frustration. He opened his mouth to say…say… Well, to the devil if he could remember, but the moment he caught sight of her crestfallen face, words fizzled on his tongue. It was obvious Careen realized exactly where they were, and it was more obvious she had mixed feelings about it.

Joshua shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t know what exactly he’d expected to feel when he confronted her…
Satisfaction?
Righteousness?
But as his gaze wandered over Careen, he felt…
bad.

The rosy pink drained from her cheeks as she moved to the bed and ran trembling fingertips along the brown quilt. Her wide eyes wandered through the room, nostalgic and wistful, taking in Matthew’s essence, and Joshua acutely sensed she’d forgotten his presence altogether.

Suddenly,
he
was the intruder in this room.

He didn’t particularly enjoy the sensation. Restlessly, he shuffled, stared down at the floor, and finally strode toward the door. He’d fetch her other trunk and whatever else she’d left in the guest bedroom. That would give him a few moments to collect his thoughts and
breathe.

“Joshua,” Careen called softly.

By the powers…
He’d almost escaped! He momentarily contemplated continuing on his way, but ground to a halt in the end.

“I’m…sorry,” she murmured, voice tight.

Wordlessly, he turned back to face her, meeting her serious gaze.

“You were right when you said I couldn’t possibly love your brother as much as you did. I didn’t know him that well, but in the time I did know him, I can honestly say I loved him,” she said the word simply as though offering up her part, but not in a way meant to be convincing or false. “I’m sorry you didn’t approve of Matthew marrying me, but he’d been my hero, and he always will be.” She gave a hard swallow, still maintaining direct eye contact. “I don’t want to feud with Matthew’s brother. I want to honor all he did for me, and I want to know the people who raised such a kind and giving man.”

Joshua stood before her at a total loss. Words…emotions…tender moments…he’d never been good at any of those things, and the longer Careen stared at him with those huge, pleading eyes, the more helplessness grew inside him.

He averted his gaze, knowing he should say something.
But what?
He’d despised Careen from the moment he’d learned his brother would marry, because Joshua knew the folly of marriage to a stranger all too well. The prospect of Matthew being sucked into a similar trap – of binding himself to a woman like Joshua’s own wife – had left him physically sick.

Except that Careen wasn’t Emma, and for the first time, a hint of doubt that he’d misjudged his sister-in-law wiggled into his brain.

Tears trembled at the base of her lids and began slipping down her cheeks. Joshua’s heart twisted. There was nothing contrived or theatrical about these tears. She appeared truly heartbroken.

Inwardly, he groaned and rubbed his forehead.
I’m such a cad!
In his father’s book, there was no greater sin than making a woman cry.

A harsh sob wracked Careen’s slender frame, sparking him to action. He crossed the room and gingerly touched her shoulders. She jerked away, but he couldn’t just stand there while she bawled! And he couldn’t leave her like his this, either. He’d love nothing more than to bolt.

On pure, male instinct, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She stiffened and he expected her to pull away again, but at the last moment, she relaxed, and – it was the strangest thing – because she
fit.
Her shoulder snuggled perfectly beneath his, and the top of her head brushed his chin. Never had such a sense of perfection and rightness overcome him while embracing a woman. On impulse, Joshua drew her closer, resting his chin atop her hair. She surrendered further, nestling in, and his heart softened just a little more.

“
Shh
…please don’t cry,” he said softly.

Careen lifted her head, eyes overflowing with emotion. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I don’t mean to be like…like
this
. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling right now or how to behave. I became a wife and a widow all in the same day, and…and…” A fresh rush of sobs burst forth.

Joshua wrapped the other arm around her as well, tugging her into the circle of his arms. He didn’t know what else to do, and after a few moments, her cries quieted to soft sniffles, and finally to hiccups.

“I suppose it’s my turn to apologize,” he said gruffly. If he was lousy with emotional moments, then he was downright terrible when it came to apologies. “I haven’t handled my brother’s death very well, and may have, uh, judged you unfairly.”

She shrugged, shifting away. “That is understandable. Matthew’s death was all so sudden.” She met his gaze. “Is there a right way to grieve? I’m terrible at this.”

His lips quirked in a wry smirk.
“That, I couldn’t tell you.” He ran the pad of his thumb over her cheek, catching a few tears.

Careen wrapped her arms around herself and stepped back, gazing around the room. “I wish I’d had more time to know him.”