A Want So Wicked (15 page)

CHAPTER 25

I
keep my head on Harlin's back as he races through the streets toward my house. I can't believe I didn't see what was wrong with Lucy. How could I not know? Tears stream down my face, my heart pounding in my chest. I tried to call her before we took off, but there was no answer.

I need my sister. I need to find my sister.

The night has darkened around us as Harlin pulls into my driveway and cuts the engine. He scrambles to help me but I push him away and climb off by myself, nearly falling.

“Elise, wait,” he calls as I hurry toward the front door. I don't respond, but then he speaks again in a quiet voice. “Lucy doesn't want to go to the light.”

I take in a startled breath and then slowly turn, looking back over my shoulder. “Are you saying my sister is a Shadow now?”

“No, I'm just saying it's possible.” He holds up his hands, as if offering a truce. “And if she is, you understand that she won't be the same, right?”

“She'll still be my sister,” I murmur. “She'll always be my sister.” I turn and start toward the house once again.

The blinds are drawn, the interior dim as I push open the unlocked front door. The house is silent as I click on the lights, the living room empty. Worry starts to cloud my senses. It's like I can feel that something is off. Harlin walks in just as I move down the hallway toward the bedrooms, moving boxes still piled there.

When I get to Lucy's room, I'm startled by what I find. Her posters have been torn down, along with all the pictures of her friends in Colorado. I see them piled in the trash next to her vanity, her clothes ripped and strewn about.

Harlin enters, his hands in his pockets as he takes in the scene. He makes his way over to sit on Lucy's unmade bed. “Your sister's angry,” he says. “Has been for a while. She probably tossed out the photos when her image began disappearing from them. Trashed the rest in a rage.” Harlin leans to put his elbows on his knees, his interlaced fingers under his chin. “I'm no longer drawn to her, Elise.” He meets my eyes. “I think she's made the choice to stay.”

I almost can't digest his words. I spin around the room, searching for something. Anything that can give me hope that it's not true. I'm the one who told Lucy not to give up. I hadn't realized what she was. I would never have let her stay—not like this. Not like Onika.

“What does this mean?” I ask.

“She's lost, Elise. If she's a Shadow, she's lost. Consumed with hatred and temptation. Want. Your sister's gone.” He whispers the last part, and I have to lower myself to the floor, not sure I can stand anymore.

“How did you let this happen?” I ask, even though I know I can't fully blame him. But maybe if he would have told me, I could have done something more.

This isn't happening. None of this is happening. I'm going to wake up in my bed, and my sister will be next to me, whispering secrets, and our father will be making pancakes in the kitchen.

“The first time I met Lucy was a few weeks ago,” Harlin begins in a low voice. “I found her sitting near the office of my motel, crying. She'd been there fulfilling a Need, although she calls it being a Good Samaritan.” He smiles sadly. “I hadn't told her my name, just that I understood what she was going through. She was so glad. She was so alone.”

Harlin brings his fist to his mouth as he holds back his emotion. “We met a few more times after that. I told her about the destiny she had to fulfill, and it devastated her. She asked then about the Shadows. Said one had been coming to her, telling her that she didn't have to go. I explained what the Shadows were, but I could feel her slipping further and further away.” Harlin looks up. “And then I met you.”

I almost can't hold his gaze, the desperate way he watches me now.

“At first,” he says, “I didn't know you were a Forgotten. When I realized, I still couldn't stay away, even though I tried. Shadows were after you; I saw them myself. I wanted to protect you.”

“And my sister?” I ask.

“I didn't know she was your sister until the day I came here. When she saw me with you, Lucy was furious. She was afraid I'd tell you what she was, begged me not to. It's my duty. I keep her secrets, Elise. She was my Forgotten.”

“I could have helped.”

“Are you sure?” he asks. “Are you sure you could have sent your sister into the light? Could you have really let her go?”

I don't know the answer. Instead sickness washes over me, the devastation of the situation settling in, twisting my insides. My life—
my
life—is falling away. My sister may be gone forever, or really, something much worse. My poor father, who has dedicated his life to helping others, to loving us, will lose his entire family. It's too much for me to bear. It's all just too much.

When I'm calmer, I get to my feet and walk about my sister's room again. In the trash, I see a picture. It's when I pick it up that I know. I smile sadly at the photo of me and Lucy from last summer. We were up in Colorado Springs—hiking to a waterfall. My father had snapped the picture. We stand there dressed in tank tops and baseball caps, grinning madly with our arms over each other's shoulders. Her image isn't the least bit faded. She's a Shadow.

No one will forget her now, but she probably doesn't know the consequences. Know that she'll have to spread evil in return.

I tuck the picture into my back pocket. I turn to Harlin, feeling a mixture of anger and love for him. I hate to see him so broken, but at the same time I'm not sure I can forget that he kept this from me.

“We were supposed to be honest with each other,” I say. “We were going to tell each other everything.”

“I understand if you can't forgive me,” Harlin murmurs. “But I don't think I can survive you not loving me anymore.”

I nearly sway with the grief in his words. But I won't make him feel better right now. I need to wait for my sister—I need her to know that I'll be here for her no matter what she's become. “Get out of my house,” I say.

There is a hint of memory wanting to come out, but I don't let it. Instead it fills me with knowledge. I suddenly know that Harlin has always bottled everything up—the pain from his father's death, from my leap from the bridge. He never lets anyone see what's breaking inside, but I always could. There was a time when all I wanted was to take away his pain. But in front of me now is the remains of a guy who gave up—only to find a reason to go on again. Me. But I can't save him. I never could.

I walk out of the room then, forcing away my feelings. All I let myself think about is Lucy—and how I'll fix this somehow. I don't care what my destiny is. There has to be a way.

When I open the front door and wait, Harlin emerges from Lucy's room, his face blotchy, drawn. I think that it's dangerous for him to ride his motorcycle, but then decide that he's an adult. He can take care of himself.

“I'm staying with Monroe at the Sunset Motel,” he says quietly as he pauses in front of me, unable to meet my eyes. “If you need me—”

I step back, not acknowledging that I do need him, but won't have him. I think that maybe we love each other too much. That it causes us to be reckless and stupid. That in the end, maybe we're just not meant to be.

“Good-bye, Harlin,” I say. And when he walks out onto the porch, I slam the door behind him.

 

I wait on the couch for my sister. I don't call my father, unsure of what I'd even tell him. Now that Lucy's a Shadow, he'll remember everything about her. But what will he think when he sees her? What will she be like now?

The hours pass, and I glance at the clock. My father said he'd be working late, but I hope he stays out all night. I'm afraid of what will happen if he's here. When my eyes begin to slide shut, I go to my room.

I lean back into my pillows, trying to keep all of the misery out of my thoughts. But soon, I drift off to sleep. Unable to wait any longer.

 

* * *

 

I'm in the middle of Main Street. Santo's is to my right as a tumbleweed rushes past, bouncing out of my line of vision. My hair blows in the wind, and when I hear his voice, I look up to see Abe dressed in black—his hair slick—standing in front of me.

“I guess it didn't work, huh?” he asks.

“What didn't work?” I ask, taking a step back from him. I used to be grateful to see Abe, but his perfection frightens me now. Especially since I know what he is.

“Killing your boyfriend,” he says. “He must be pretty good on that Harley.”

“You caused his accident? Why?”

He scoffs. “Isn't it obvious? I called dibs.”

I move farther back, the cement ice-cold under my bare feet. “You can't claim me.”

“See”—he puts his hands casually in his pockets—“that's where you're wrong,
querida
. You're mine. Just because he's a Seer doesn't mean he can have you. You're not his Forgotten.”

I'm dreaming, I know I am. “I thought we were friends, Abe.”

His eyes soften. “Elise,” he says, shaking his head. “I'm in love with you. I want us to be together—for all time. You're mine,” he pleads.

“I'm not.”

The temperature around us is quickly dropping, goose bumps rising on my skin. Abe's expression hardens, as if my refusal has snapped him back into his twisted reality. “Come here,” he says, spreading his arms wide.

“Stay away from me,” I shout, continuing to back up.

He laughs. “No.”

“Please,” I say, but my voice cracks. Abe reads the fear there, and for a second, he almost looks sorry. He stops in front of me, his dark eyes searching mine as he reaches to run the backs of his fingers over my jaw.

“If you don't give in,” he murmurs softly, watching the trail of his fingers, “it'll get so much worse.” He meets my eyes. “I'll kill them all.”

The fear surrounding me is thick, suffocating. Abe slips his arm around my waist to pull me against him. “No more crying,” he whispers in my ear. “I'll take care of you. And I'm sorry that I have to kill your boyfriend. But he'll never go away otherwise.”

“Just leave him alone,” I say.

He pulls back to look me over. “No.”

“That'll do.” A sharp voice cuts through the air. Suddenly the wind stops dead and Abe stands motionless, frozen in time. I break free of him, but when I spin around, a scream catches in my throat. Onika stands behind us, her blond hair cascading over her black jacket, her smile cracking the skin around her mouth—skin that's gray and dead.

“I've looked everywhere for you,” she says, walking slowly toward me. “Or rather, I guess you were looking for me. Very rude to invade someone's dreams, darling.”

“I have to stop you,” I say, surprised by my own bravery when I'm so terrified. She laughs.

“I believe we've had this conversation before. And like I told you then, you're not nearly strong enough. Nothing is.”

Her flesh begins to wither, curling up and flaking off her face. But under my skin, I feel heat, growing and pulsating. For the first time in a while, I feel powerful.

“We'll see,” I say, and force myself awake.

 

I wake with a start, my room pitch-black around me. I hear murmurs from another room, the voice hushed. Haunting. Fear streaks through me as I slowly rise. I think that my sister has finally come home. And I don't know what to expect.

I ease open my bedroom door and peer out, the hallway too dim to see very far. A sliver of light escapes from Lucy's room, the moon shining in her window. I was right. She must have just gotten home.

My entire body shakes as I move toward her room. When I'm just outside her door, I pause.

“Come in, Elise,” Lucy calls as if she knew I was standing there. I swallow hard and step inside the doorway.

“Why are you creeping around?” she asks from her bed. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” Lucy is lying under the covers, her pale skin reflecting the moonlight. She's my sister, but . . . different.

“Sorry,” I say, trying to sound normal. I'm suddenly very afraid of her. “I thought you might need help sneaking in.”

She tilts her head, studying me. Lucy climbs out of bed, walking slowly in my direction.

“Oh, I don't need that kind of help anymore.” She smiles. “Plus I'm turning over a new leaf,” she says. “I think Dad will be pleased.” I tense at the mention of our father.

I don't respond at first, but when my sister pauses in front of me, I'm overwhelmed with grief. “I love you, Lucy,” I say softly, meeting her eyes, which are now a darker shade of blue. Her mouth twitches before she reaches out to hug me suddenly. I sag against her, but then I feel it—a slow, aching coldness. A shadow over my heart. I pull back.

“I think I'm going to take a shower,” I say. “I feel gross after working today.”

“You went to work?” she asks, her eyes narrowing slightly. Oh no. Does she know I'm lying?

I nod weakly, backing away. Lucy watches me, leaning her hip against the doorframe as she taps her finger on her bottom lip, as if thinking. I hurry down the hall, shutting the bathroom door tightly behind me.

Inside the locked bathroom, I'm not sure what to do. How to talk to her when she's like this. When she's so cold. Abe seems reasonable most of the time. But Lucy reminds me of Onika, and the idea is unimaginable.

I rest my hands on either side of the sink as I stare into the mirror. I take in my dark hair, my blue eyes. I think about the Needs I've had, about the things I've seen. I think about losing Harlin yet again. I can see now that there wasn't much he could have done for Lucy. The Forgotten have an impossible choice. Even Marceline couldn't save Abe.

Marceline told me to look inside my memories for a way to stop Onika. I found Monroe, but maybe there's more. Maybe I need to remember who
I
was. Filled with terror, I stare at my reflection, willing it to change. I stare at the image until my vision begins to blur, my fingers tingle. The reflection falls away and I see blond hair, a light dusting of freckles. I see . . . me.