“Are you trying to seduce me on my wedding day?” he murmured.
“Yes,” she said. “I want you to have one last romp as a single man.”
He turned toward her and took her in his arms. “It’s still raining,” he said.
“It will stop,” she said. “It’s our wedding day.”
The rain pelted against the windows and the wind whistled. Brody kissed her neck, her chest, her breasts. She closed her eyes and breathed him in. Safe, she thought. He makes me feel safe.
But it’s an illusion. No one’s safe. Her daughter disappeared for a day and came back changed somehow.
“Be with me,” Brody murmured in her ear.
“I’m right here,” she said. “I’m with you.”
He always knew when she was lost in her thoughts. When they made love, he demanded all of her, her attention, her physical being, her presence. She looked at him and smiled.
“I’m going to marry you today,” she said.
“Damn right,” he said, kissing her.
And then she pushed her thoughts away and let herself fall into him. Take me away. She lost herself as his hands moved over her body. Sex with Brody was still new, even after a year of thrilling each other in bed. Now she found herself wanting him with a kind of urgency that surprised her. Take me with you. When he buried his head between her legs she let herself fly. And when he entered her and made love to her slowly,
holding her gaze in his, she felt herself land again. With him. Her new home.
When they were done they lay in each other’s arms.
“Marriage isn’t going to change that, is it?” Olivia asked.
“Not a chance,” Brody said.
“You won’t become bored?”
“With this body? Not possible.”
“This body is getting old.”
“So is this one,” he said, patting his slight paunch. “We’re going to do that together.”
They were quiet for a while, holding each other. Olivia started to feel herself drift off—she had been awake for too long in the middle of the night. Brody pulled her closer to him. Hang on, she thought. Keep me safe.
And then her eyes opened and she knew what had happened.
“She was with Gavin,” Olivia said.
“What? Who?” Brody peered at her.
“Carly. She spent the day with Gavin. Nell was furious with her—did you notice?”
“She fell asleep on the beach,” Brody said.
Olivia sat up in bed. “No. They were lying.”
“Why would they lie?”
“I don’t know,” she said, standing up. “But I know they’re lying.”
Brody pushed himself up in bed. “Where are you going? Come back to bed. Talk to me.”
Olivia sat down on the side of the bed and looked at him. He reached for her hand.
“I was up for a long time in the middle of the night,” she said quietly.
“You should have woken me.”
“You can’t make all my worries go away.”
“Why not?”
She leaned over and kissed him. “I wouldn’t mind making all your problems go away either. It just doesn’t work that way.”
“What problems? I don’t have any problems.”
Olivia shook her head. “I’m taking a shower. And then I’m going to check in on Carly.”
“First tell me what we have to do this morning,” Brody said. “To get ready.”
“We’re ready,” she told him. “We are so ready.”
Olivia stood outside of Carly’s door. She couldn’t hear any movement inside. She knew Carly needed her rest, but now Olivia felt rattled. She wanted to know what happened yesterday.
She turned the doorknob and stopped for a moment when the door creaked. Then she pushed slowly and poked her head inside. She could see Carly in bed, her back to the door. The room was dark, the drapes pulled tight. Olivia wanted to move through the room, opening the windows, letting in light and air. She could smell something sour.
Carly was always a light sleeper, even as a child. But now she didn’t stir. And Olivia couldn’t make herself wake her. She pulled the door closed.
When she felt a hand on her shoulder, she flinched.
“Sorry,” Emily whispered. “She’s still sleeping?”
“Yes,” Olivia said. “Come have coffee with me.”
“Good idea,” Emily said.
“Promise me you didn’t just come out of Jake’s room.”
Emily rolled her eyes. “It was a mistake. It was a crazy idea.”
“Who knew the guy would save you from yourself?”
“Jerk,” Emily muttered.
Olivia laughed.
“But it did help me figure something out,” Emily said. “I don’t really want to have sex with someone else. Even now.”
“Good,” Olivia said.
Emily linked arms with her, and they walked downstairs and into the kitchen.
“Where is everyone?” Olivia asked.
“Fanny went for a walk in the rain. Jake’s still sleeping, I think. Sébastien’s cleaning up some storm damage,” Emily said. “And Nell’s working on a surprise for you.”
“Really?”
“It’s very nice.”
“How unlike Nell,” she said.
“Cut your daughter some slack, O.”
Olivia stood up. “Hey. That’s not fair.”
“You’re a little too tough on her.”
“She needs a little tough in her life.”
“She did a good job taking care of her sister yesterday,” Emily said. “Sit down. Here’s your coffee.”
Olivia did not sit down. She glared at Emily. “People who don’t have kids think there are rules for how to do this. There
are no rules. Each kid is so different that you have to figure out what’s right for each one. What Nell needs is very different from what Carly needs. Always has been.”
“Thanks for the parenting lecture,” Emily said, passing her an espresso.
Olivia dropped onto her stool, all the fire gone from inside of her. “Sorry, Em,” she said. “I didn’t sleep well.”
“She’s back. Everything’s fine.”
“I’m not sure.”
“What do you mean?” Emily sat next to Olivia. They both looked out at the garden. The rain fell steadily. One of the chairs had toppled over and the umbrella was perched on its side.
“Doesn’t exactly look like a wedding day, does it?” Olivia said, warming her hands on the cup.
“We’ll have the wedding inside,” Emily assured her. “It will be perfect.”
“What happened last night?” Olivia asked. “After dinner.”
The guests had eaten a light dinner poolside. Paolo had prepared a pasta puttanesca and a salad, both delicious. But Carly had gone right to her room, assuring Olivia that she wasn’t hungry. She just needed to sleep and she’d be fine tomorrow.
After dinner Olivia and Brody had excused themselves and headed to their own room. “We need our beauty rest,” they had explained.
“Nell and Jake played
boules
against Fanny and Sébastien,” Emily said. “Jake and Sébastien drank too much. I was almost glad when it started raining. I think Jake went into town. Everyone else went to their rooms.”
“How are you and Sébastien doing?”
“I don’t know,” Emily said. “I’m still ignoring him. We’ll deal with our marriage after we’ve gotten you two hitched.”
“You could forgive him,” Olivia said.
“You want my lecture?” she said with a wry smile. “Unmarried people think they know so much about marriage. They have no idea that each marriage is different and there are no damn rules on how to make it work.”
“Touché,” Olivia said.
“The truth is that I love him and I’m in a rage. I keep imagining him in bed with that horrible woman. Naked. The body I know so well on top of that woman’s body. That penis I know so well finding its way into that woman’s body.”
“It’s awful. Push that image out of your head.”
“I can’t,” Emily said. “Sex is the most intimate part of our lives. Sébastien and I sleep wrapped in each other’s arms. Did he hold her like that? Did he stroke her breasts the way he touches mine?”
“Stop,” Olivia said. “You’re torturing yourself.”
“No. He’s torturing me. He did this to me.”
“But if it didn’t mean anything?”
“How can it not mean anything?” Emily said, her voice rising. “It’s what we do when we’re closest, when we’re most connected. It’s how we love each other without saying a word. You can do the same thing with someone else and it doesn’t mean anything?”
“Maybe it’s not the same thing,” Olivia said meekly.
“Sex is sex is sex,” Emily said. “You get naked, you take parts of yourself and merge them. You disappear into each other. My God, he used to tell me that we had better sex than he had ever had in his life.”
“Is that still true?” Olivia asked.
“Don’t turn this on me,” Emily said. “I know that argument. A guy doesn’t cheat unless he’s not getting it at home. Unless his wife ignores him or denies him pleasure. Wrong. This is not my fault.”
Olivia put her hand on Emily’s. “I know that,” she said, her voice soft.
Emily shook her head. “We don’t have sex as often as we did in the old days,” she said quietly. “We’ve been together a long time. And we’re busy with the inn. I’m running from one task to the other all day. I’m exhausted at night.”
“But you just said it: That doesn’t excuse him. That doesn’t mean he can go looking for it elsewhere.”
“I don’t know what it means,” Emily said. “I want my marriage back. That’s the stupid truth. I love him and I want him back.” She stood up and walked to the window. “I hate the damn rain,” she mumbled.
“Do you want a distraction?”
Emily turned and looked at her. “Anything. Get my mind off that woman’s fat naked ass.”
“I think Nell and Carly are lying about what happened yesterday. I think Carly might have gone off with Gavin.”
“Carly and Gavin?”
“I don’t know for sure.”
“That’s crazy. Carly wouldn’t do that to her sister.”
“Nell’s not talking to Carly. She’s not even looking at her.”
“Go ask her.”
“Nell?”
“I’ll go get her,” Emily said. “I don’t want you to see what she’s doing.”
Emily left the kitchen and Olivia stared out the window at the sheet of rain. Her wedding day. No matter what.
Olivia walked into the parlor of the inn, a room that was used as a lounge for the guests. There were a couple of seating areas with tables for board games and jigsaw puzzles. There were also reading chairs and a long side table that was set up as a bar.
We can do the wedding here, she thought. We’ll move the furniture and bring in flowers. We don’t need chairs—the few guests can just gather around. It will be cozy and sweet. Not beautiful like Emily’s garden, but that doesn’t matter. It’s about the ceremony and the guests.
“Mom,” Nell said, startling her.
“What do you think of this room for the wedding?” Olivia asked.
“Sure. Why not?”
“We’ll get all this furniture out of the way. It might work.”
“Is that why you wanted me?” Nell asked. “To move furniture?”
“No,” Olivia said. “Sit here with me.”
She gestured to two reading chairs in front of the fireplace. Nell walked over and dropped into one; Olivia sat in the other.
“Thanks for getting your sister yesterday,” Olivia said.
“Of course,” Nell said quickly.
“I don’t understand why Carly didn’t call me.”
Nell brushed her hair out of her eyes. She looked rumpled and unkempt. Olivia hoped she had brought something nice to wear to the wedding. Nell didn’t have much fashion sense. She chose to live in her yoga clothes or jeans and a tank top. Did
she own nice clothes? I should have taken her shopping, Olivia thought.
“Carly didn’t want to bother you,” Nell said. “She already felt so bad about missing the kayaking trip.”
Olivia leaned forward. “Nell, I want you to tell me the truth.”
Nell regathered herself in her chair, tucking her legs under her. She looked everywhere except at her mother.
“Sure,” she finally said. “About what?”
“Yesterday.”
Nell scrunched up her face. Olivia loved her daughter’s impish beauty. Even as a kid, Nell was the master of faces, always showing so much emotion by the lift of an eyebrow, the purse of her lips. No wonder she chose acting. She could be a mime with that face alone.
“What are you talking about?” Nell asked. She leaned over and put her elbows on her knees, then perched her face in her hands. She opened her eyes wide.
“I have an odd feeling about it,” Olivia said. “That she didn’t wander the beaches and sleep on a rock. That something else happened and you girls aren’t telling me.”
Nell rolled her eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it?”
Now Nell made an exasperated face. “You’re a drama queen,” she said.
“I was just thinking about your acting ability,” Olivia said, smiling. “It’s in every expression you make.”
“Nothing else happened yesterday. She needs to sleep more. And she needs a better boyfriend.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, he’s a bore.”
“Are you sure nothing else happened?”
Olivia watched her daughter carefully. Nell picked a piece of lint off her yoga pants. But after a moment, she looked up and held her mother’s stare.
“Nothing else happened.”
She’s still lying, Olivia thought. She’s a good actress, but not that good.
“How are
you
doing?” Olivia asked.
“Me? I’m fine. I’m great.”
“Wow. That’s a good way to shut me up.”
Nell smiled, a beautiful smile that lit up her face.
“I’m okay. Still missing Chaney. Still trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life. But I’m getting closer.”
Olivia nodded. “I love you, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, I know. It’s your specialty.” And then she rolled her eyes again. “Listen, Mom,” she said, jumping out of her seat as if she could no longer sit still. “Carly and I are going to do your hair and makeup. Before the wedding. We’re meeting you in your room at noon. Brody will be banished. He’s not allowed to see you until you walk down the aisle.”
Olivia felt a jolt of pleasure. “Wow,” she said. “Really?”
“Really. You’re lousy with makeup. And you can’t just wear your hair like you do every day. It’s a fucking wedding.”
“It’s a fucking wedding,” Olivia agreed, a smile spreading across her face.
N
ell had thought of the chuppah in the middle of the night. When the storm woke her, she climbed out of bed and stood at the window for a while, watching the rain pound the swimming pool. She felt sad for her mother that the wedding would have to be indoors—she knew how much Olivia wanted a garden wedding. Emily’s garden. She thought of the weddings she had gone to over the years—cousins, friends. And in her imagination something made Olivia’s indoor wedding suddenly beautiful: a chuppah.