A Wedding Quilt for Ella (26 page)

“But you will go to her, won’t you? Eli, don’t you know you can’t see her again. Not just here, but anywhere. If this comes out, even a whisper of it, it would take you years to live it down. And the other girls would quickly forget you and fly into the arms of the other boys.”

“Ella, don’t you believe in love,” Eli asked, “and that it comes just once in a lifetime?”

“Where on earth did you hear something like that?” she demanded. “Have you been reading love stories or something? Those
Englisha
books from the library? Where, Eli?”

Eli grinned knowingly. “Not from books, Ella…from watching you and Aden.”

His words froze her.

“Aden and me?”

“Yah, you had that kind of love. It just happened that you were both Amish. How can I know it won’t be the same for me?”

“That’s different, and you know it,” Ella said, gasping.

“I love the girl,” he said. “So, yah, I might see her after I’m well again.”

“Love,” she said slowly in search of words. “How can you tell so quickly? It doesn’t come all at once, at least ours didn’t.” Her face softened. “I guess I don’t know how you feel, or how she feels. But she’s
Englisha,
Eli. You must be careful. Can you be thinking of marrying her? What will this mean? Will she come your way? Rarely does anyone come to our faith from the outside. Think about that, yah? And I just can’t see you goin’ her way. Would you?”

He shook his head.

Ella was surprised how easily her anger had been tempered by Eli pointing to her and Aden as examples of being in love. “You must be wise, Eli,” she said. “Really wise even if you think this is love. The kind Aden and I had, I just can’t imagine this can happen with an
Englisha
girl. But don’t tell anyone of this, not till you’re certain. It will be an awful thing to break Mamm and Daett’s heart with such news. It could almost tear them apart. I guess only you can know whether that’s worth it. Can you really be loving someone and losin’ what you now love so much? That’s a hard question, I know. But I’m afraid neither of us may be wise enough to find the answer. At least not me. So what will you do now, Eli?”

“She left me her phone number, and I can call from the pay phone—once I’m well.”

“Then I suppose you must do what you think is right, but there will be much sorrow, Eli, when Mamm and Daett find this out.”

“You won’t tell them?”

“No, but you will have to eventually if anything comes of this.”

“I will tell them when I’m certain.” He settled back down on the bed, his face weary.

“You’d best sleep now. Do you want somethin’ to eat first?”

“Later,” he said.

Ella left him to work on her quilt again.

A little after noon, she made him a sandwich. He looked pale and offered no further comments about the girl’s visit. With a shudder she thought of what would happen if Eli did indeed love this girl, Pam. There would be many tears and great sorrow in the Yoder house. It would be even worse than the bull attack. A fear would grip them. It would be more than what they felt when they thought Eli had been fatally injured.

Life is a burden too difficult for a human to carry,
she thought.
Only God can help. I doubt silence about the girl’s visit is the correct choice, but I gave him my word. Perhaps Daett can persuade Eli better than I was able to. I will say nothing.

She wondered if she should try harder to persuade Eli to reconsider, but she knew it would be best to allow him to find his own way. If pressure were brought to bear too soon, it might push him further away. Eli was like that—stubborn. Fervently she prayed, hoping she had made the right decision.

After the others came home from the funeral and chores and supper were completed, Ella went upstairs and got her tablet out. She wrote to calm her mind.

I write this down carefully, but I must write it. If I don’t tell someone, it feels as if I will explode. My brother Eli has gotten the most foolish thing in his mind. He thinks he loves an Englisha girl.

I’m afraid that in the terror of the moment, I was way too hard on him
—
especially after he said such nice things about Aden and me. I had no idea he felt we were such an inspiration. The knowledge breaks my heart all over again, if that were possible.

I pray that God will help us all. There was another funeral today, and I know there is fear around that this is not the end. All of this make no sense to me, but then neither did Aden’s death. Perhaps God has a reason for it all. I hope so. It sure costs a lot on our end. I suppose He somehow takes that all into account. But then perhaps I am just trying to make sense again.

Please help us, dear God. We really need it.

Thirty-one

E
li’s body became stronger each day, but as the weeks wore on, he still required attention. Ella’s willingness to care for him provided the excuse she needed to avoid the youth gatherings.

In church on Sundays, Ella easily avoided any eye contact with boys. A proper period of mourning would be respected but might end sooner than she wanted it to. Avoiding contact was the best insurance against any young man misunderstanding.

One morning as Eli made his way gingerly to the breakfast table, he said, “I’m attending the school picnic.”

“You’re not ready yet,” Mamm said.

“I’ll sit in a chair in the yard, but I’m goin’,” he said. “I’ve recovered enough for that.”

“But why?” Mamm asked. “It’s just another day, and you’ve been there before.”

“I’m tired of the house,” he declared, “and I’m goin’ if I have to crawl down the hill to get there.”

There was no persuading him otherwise. Ella saw the stubborn look on his face, but she was suspicious of his motives. That evening during kitchen duty, she confronted him.

“You’re up to somethin’, Eli. I know it.”

“I just want to attend the school picnic.” he said. “I don’t need any other motive.”

Ella considered this, but as she sliced the celery for the evening soup, she figured it out. Glancing at the clock, she decided she had time and went directly to the bedroom.

“I know what you’re up to,” she declared. “It’s your first chance to be usin’ the pay phone. You plan to call that girl.”

“Shhh.” he whispered, his face giving him away.

“Why are you doin’ this to us, Eli? I thought you might give up the idea.”

“I can’t.” He hung his head. “I can’t get Pam out of my mind. It’s love—I know it. It’s the kind you and Aden had.”

The look on his face touched her, and she softened.

“Please! Don’t tell Mamm and Daett,” he pleaded.

“I’ll not betray my convictions,” Ella declared.

“I’m not askin’ that,” he said, and then with a grin, he added, “I’m not askin’ you to date an
Englisha
man.”

“Don’t be jokin’ about this, Eli. It’s serious.”

“Yah.” He sobered up. “It is serious. I don’t want to miss my chance at love, a love that will last a lifetime.”

“I don’t think you’ll find it with an
Englisha
woman.” Ella sighed and then felt the bitterness rise again. “I found love, and then
Da Hah
took it away.”

“I’m sorry,” he said and reached out to touch her hand. “I wish there was somethin’ I could do.”

“There is nothing.” She turned her head away. “I can’t go around blaming
Da Hah
for it. I know that. I just never thought it would be this hard.”

“I’ll never understand how you do that…or show such kindness to me—most sisters wouldn’t understand their brothers like this, especially if they sneak around and see
Englisha
girls.”

“You’re wrong about that, Eli. I don’t understand you,” she said. “I don’t think I ever will.”

“But you are patient,” he said, his voice low. “Ella, do you really think I’m wrong to love someone like Pam?”

She wavered as she faced that question and the pleading look in Eli’s eyes. Ella felt the worlds collide inside of her. She had no answer, and its absence frightened her.

“What’s wrong with me?” she asked, her face a contortion of conflicts. “I suddenly don’t know.”

“Dear God,” he whispered. “You really don’t know. Then I’m right!”

Ella caught herself, but the damage had been done. “Of course it’s wrong. It can’t be right.”

“There was a part of me that hoped you’d know for sure,” Eli said, ‘but you don’t, and now I know I have to call her. I have to find out for myself. Ella, I don’t want to lose what I have. I love our family. I was never plannin’ to leave the Amish. And I hope it never happens. It’s like you said—I’m not wild as some are. I’m easy. And yet I find a happiness in Pam’s eyes that’s unlike any I’ve experienced with our own girls. I can’t turn back now, Ella. Not till I know for sure. Can you be understands’ that?”

“No, I don’t think I can,” Ella said, “but I guess you’ll have to find your own way through this. I just hope you don’t do the wrong thing.”

“Thanks.” Eli squeezed her hand.

“My supper,” Ella gasped and raced for the kitchen.

When Mamm and Dora came in from the barn, she was late with the mashed potatoes. Her mom looked at her strangely. “Is something wrong? You’re never late like this.”

“I was talking to Eli,” she said, managing a smile, “and time got away from me.”

Mamm went toward the bedroom and quietly asked Eli something Ella couldn’t hear. Apparently the answer was satisfactory because nothing more was said about the uncharacteristically late supper.

They had just had prayer when a buggy pulled in and tied up at the hitching post by the barn.

“He must plan to stay,” Noah said dryly. “I wonder who it is.”

“Not more bad news surely,” Mamm said, getting to her feet.

“It’s the third death. I know it is,” Dora spoke up, her voice mournful. “At least this awful dreading will be over, then.”

“Would you quit this moanin’ and carryin’ on?” Mamm said as she headed for the front door.

They all heard the front door open and then shut as if whoever it was wished to speak outside on the porch. Long minutes went by, no one speaking, just waiting.

“No one has died,” Clara said. “If it was that, Mamm would already be back in by now.”

“You can never be certain,” Dora said. “She might be in tears, depending on who it is. It would take time to recover.”

“No one has died,” Noah said firmly.
“Da Hah
is a merciful God, and He does not give us more than we can be handlin’.”

The sound of the basement door swinging open beneath them reached the kitchen table. Dora looked at Ella with the strangest expression on her face but said nothing. Moments passed with the sound of faint noises in the basement. First they listened to the murmur of voices, and then they heard their mom’s footsteps on the stairs. She opened the door and joined them at the table again, all without a word. Her face bore no hint of expression.

“Well…who was it?” Daett asked. “And why did you take him to the basement?”

“Shhh, not so loud,” Mamm said. “I’ll talk to you after we finish supper.”

“So no one has died,” Dora asked as if she were disappointed. “This thing just goes on and on.”

“I told you to stop that,” Mamm told her.

Dora apparently hadn’t run out of ideas. “It’s Deacon Shetler come callin’. Monroe must have done somethin’, and he’s waitin’ in the basement for him. Eli couldn’t have done anything because he’s laid up, and it’s not Saturday night so it must be something awful to be in this big of hurry.”

From how white Monroe’s face turned, Ella considered Dora’s guess might have hit the bull’s-eye.

“So what did you do?” Ella asked.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said.