“You’re just trying to make up for that comment you made last night,” I finally said with a smile.
“What? What comment?”
“The one about me thinking that I wasn’t pretty enough for you,” I grinned some more.
He blushed, “I told you last night that I didn’t mean that. I just didn’t want you to think that.”
“And I told you that I didn’t think that,” I bantered with him.
He put the phone down and looked at me, “Yes, you do.”
His stare had me feeling slightly self-conscious, but I tried to answer confidently. “No, I don’t.”
He held my gaze as he spoke, “You know you aren’t ugly, Cami, but I don’t think you really know how beautiful you are. You don’t know what a man sees when he looks at you. You don’t know what he’s thinking when you smile at him, or the way he feels when you talk to him. You are that rare combination of beautiful and genuine.”
“What do you mean?” I asked quietly. I don’t know where the voice came from because I felt like I couldn’t breathe, much less form words.
He smiled, “You make a man feel like a man, Cami. You’re the kind of woman a man would fight for, the kind of woman a man would risk his life for. You’re the kind of woman a man would work eighty hours a week to provide for, as long as at the end of a hard day he got to come home to you. You’re the kind of woman a man can talk to and tell all his secrets to and not feel the least bit threatened in his masculinity.”
My head felt scrambled and dizzy. I was having trouble processing what he was saying, but somehow found myself speaking. “It’s a good thing I don’t hook up.”
His smile widened, “Why?”
“Because if I thought it would lead somewhere, I would totally kiss you right now.” I repeated his words from the night before. I seemed to be having some sort of out of body experience, because I couldn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t know how I was able to speak, much less think rationally enough to form the words.
Nick leaned forward and grinned, “First off, don’t steal my lines.” He reached up and touched my neck gently with the tips of his fingers. “Secondly, it would lead somewhere.” He leaned even closer to me and I responded with a lean of my own.
“Uh, did you order a pizza?” the cracking voice of a teenage boy broke through our moment.
Embarrassed, I quickly pulled away from Nick and stood up out of the hammock. “Yes, we, I, uh, ordered a pizza.”
The delivery boy smiled at me, “I’ll need you to sign this.”
I signed and handed the receipt to him in exchange for the pizza.
“Uh, sir? Would you mind if I borrowed that line?” the pizza boy said to Nick with an appreciative stare.
10.
We ate in silence for several minutes. The rain had let up slightly, but it was still pouring down from the side of the house. I’d found a spot on the floor, far away from Nick and any temptation to pick up where we’d left off. If the pizza boy hadn’t showed up, there’s no telling what we might have done. I’d known while it was happening, that I needed to stop it. Unfortunately, my body had not responded to the persistent shouting from the voice in my head.
“Are we going to talk about it or act like it never happened and just move on?” Nick asked as he sat back in the hammock with his second slice.
“That second option sounds good to me.” I stared out at the rain instead of looking at him.
“Okay, that’s what we’ll do then.” Nick shrugged and took a bite of pizza.
I glanced over at him and he looked completely content as he ate his pizza. He didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered by the shift in our relationship. Watching him casually eat his pizza, as if he wasn’t having any trouble at all moving on, made me angry. Was he just trying to hook up with me? Was he saying all those things just to get me to trust him and let my guard down? If he wasn’t feeling anything then why did he keep saying exactly the right thing to make me feel for him?
Fed up and unable to hold it in any longer, I groaned loudly and stood up.
“Something wrong?” he asked with a grin.
“Okay, here’s the deal,” I said with a frustrated eye roll. “I don’t think that all men feel that way about me. To be honest, I don’t think there is a single man on this earth who looks at me and thinks the things you said he thinks. If there was, then why am I single? If men really thought those things when they saw me, then why have I been alone for eight months?” I stopped to take a breath. “Also, part of me thinks that you are just saying these things to get me to hook up.” I looked down at my feet after the last statement.
Nick started laughing.
“What is so funny?” I asked, irritated.
“I knew you couldn’t just let it go. I knew you’d want to talk about it.”
I shook my head at him.
He stopped laughing and took a deep breath. “Alright, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you the truth about what I said and what I meant and, if you want, we can forget the whole thing and never speak of this again. What do you say?”
I glanced over at him. He was waiting expectantly for me. I studied his face carefully. He appeared to be genuine in his offer.
“Okay, I want the whole truth.”
He smiled, “The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me God!”
“Just say it!”
He smiled quickly and sighed. “I meant what I said about you. Men do think those things when they see you. I don’t know for sure why you’ve been single for eight months, but I’m guessing that it may have something to do with how you feel about yourself. You might think you’ve moved on from Jack, and to an extent, you have, but you haven’t forgiven yourself for making such a big mistake with him. You don’t trust yourself with men because you’re afraid you are going to make another mistake.”
I blushed and stared at my feet. “If that’s what you think then why were you about to kiss me?”
He laughed, “I have commitment issues, remember? According to you, I look for relationships with women that I know won’t work out.”
“Gee, don’t I feel special now,” I said in a sarcastic voice.
“I wouldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to,” he said with a grin.
I sighed loudly, “Have we reached the point where we can stop talking about this now?”
He smiled, “Whatever you want, Cami.”
I sat back down on the floor and grabbed another piece of pizza. With a loud sigh, I said, “If I feel this ashamed after
almost
kissing a guy, who knows what I feel if I’d actually done more.”
“Gee, don’t I feel special now?” Nick said with a smile and shoved the last bit of his pizza slice into his mouth.
“Sorry, but I did warn you that I’m not that kind of girl.”
“Fair enough,” he stood up from the hammock and came to sit next to me. “What shall we do with the rest of this wonderful day?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t look like the rain is letting up.”
“It’s a shame, isn’t it? I know you were really hoping to get back out there on the waves.” Nick nudged me playfully as he teased me.
“I have an idea.” Looking at the rain suddenly inspired me. “There is a wall of board games upstairs.” I turned to face him and flashed a cheesy smile. “How about we race up the stairs in the rain then sit down to a game marathon?”
Nick jumped up and said, “Last one in is a rotten egg!” He took off up the stairs, leaving me behind.
When I finally made it up the stairs and into the house, with my blanket and the leftover pizza, I was soaked to the core.
“What took you so long?” Nick said with a laugh when he met me at the door.
“I had to grab the blanket and the pizza since you took off without helping me!” I dropped the crumbling and dripping pizza box on the floor. My blanket fell limply to the floor at his feet.
He laughed, “Sorry! I was starting to get worried, though. I thought maybe you’d slipped on the stairs on your way up and knocked yourself out.”
“Ha ha!” I bumped into him on my way to the staircase. “I’m going to put on something dry and more comfortable.”
“Just out of curiosity, why didn’t you just wrap the blanket around you so that you wouldn’t get wet?” he grinned at me.
“Shut up!” I shouted at him and kept walking.
Up in my room I pulled my wet clothes off and slipped into the most comfortable thing I had. Rainy days were meant for comfortable clothes, and I was ready to enjoy the feeling. I headed back down to the second floor, where I knew Nick would be waiting for me.
“Oh,” he said with a disappointed voice when I plopped down on the couch next to him.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he said with a shrug and a bit of a blush.
I peered at him suspiciously, “What, Nick?”
He sighed, “It’s stupid. Don’t worry about it.”
“Just tell me, because you looked kind of disappointed. So, what were you thinking?” I tilted my head to the side.
He blushed, “Fine. I guess part of me hoped that when you said you were going to put on something more comfortable that it might be something a little sexier in its comfortableness. That’s all.”
I looked down at my outfit and laughed, “So, you were hoping that I would come down the stairs in something lacy and revealing? That seemed like a logical choice of clothing to sit down and play board games in?”
“I just said that I was
hoping
that you would come down in that.”
“Why would I come down in something sexy? We’ve clearly established that this isn’t going to happen.” I pointed between us again, like I had the day before when I brought the topic up. “Besides, I don’t care what those stick-thin models say. None of that lacy stuff is as comfortable as these old sweats and my favorite Columbia t-shirt.”
Nick laughed.
“What are we playing first?”
We played board games for the next few hours. While we played, we talked some more about our childhoods. He told me more about Mitch. He told me about the different beaches he surfed, and why Manhattan Beach was his favorite. He told me about working three jobs to put himself through school at UCLA. I told him about my classroom and the school I work in. I also told him about all the little things that I secretly hate about my job.
“Want to play Operation now?” he asked when he came back into the room with a new game.
“You keep asking me that, and I keep telling you no.”
“Why? What do you have against this game? Look at it.” He held the box up for me to see. “Doesn’t it look fun to you?” He flashed a cheesy smile from behind the box.