Because if he loved her, he’d include her in his life, and he wouldn’t keep secrets. But that wasn’t the case.
At least she wasn’t the only one being shut out. It sounded like after the accident, Joel had done his damnedest to exclude everyone in his family.
Joel took her hand in his and helped her up. His fingers were searing and awareness zapped over her. Every time he touched her, her skin burned. No man had ever made her so aware of her own body. But no man had ever kept her at such a distance either. She had to remember that.
“Tomorrow we’ll have a picnic on the beach, and I’ll show you where I grew up,” Joel said.
She nodded. “Okay, show me your beach. But I’m onto your game.”
“What game? I’m not playing with you.”
“The game is: show me your wonderful mother, make me like her. Then show me your stunning beach and all the while try to coerce me into marrying you.” She laid a hand over her heart.
He shrugged and didn’t have the decency to express any shame. “You need to get to know me, so you can see I’ll give you what you need.” He lifted her hand, pressed it to his mouth, running his warm tongue over her fingertip then with gentle teeth, he nipped until she shivered.
God the man had such power over her. Just one nip, and her breasts were aching, her nipples pebbling. Her deluded body didn’t care that he didn’t love her. It wanted the physical closeness. The out-of-control pleasure he’d given her.
But she needed to resist Joel. She had a life-altering decision to make, and she wanted to keep sex and chemistry out of it so she could decide whether Joel would be a good husband and a loving father for her child.
Yes, Ava had told him she wanted love. And she still did. But could she reach Joel enough to make him love her? Enough for her to hope that in time he’d fall for her?
If not, should she still marry him?
The moment Ava read the plus sign, things had changed, and it wasn’t just about what she wanted anymore. She needed to make the most informed decision in order to create the best life for her child. And her child deserved a father devoted to him or her.
But she didn’t want to give her baby a life of bitter hatred, one that came from divorce. She wouldn’t allow her child to suffer like she had, growing up in a family void of love and affection.
She followed Joel up a winding staircase, still thinking how this journey could prove to be the most important trip of her life. She’d come to Sicily with Joel to learn all she could so she could make a decision. That’s why she was being drawn into his family and uncovering small hints of his painful past.
Joel stopped and opened the door to an elegant, pastel suite. The room was pure luxury, but she missed the details because her gaze locked with his as he towered in the doorway. The room, the house, everything disappeared. Everything but his searing eyes.
“Until we’re married, you’ll have your own room. But the adjoining door remains unlocked. If you find yourself…
awake
tonight.”
She leaned back. “I’ll sleep like the dead.”
He smiled. Another actual emotion displayed. Progress? She could only hope.
He cupped her face with both hands and pulled her in close. She absorbed the warmth of his hard body, her curves pressed against his lean muscle, his scent intoxicating her. He leaned down, as she arched onto her toes, deciding to allow him only one kiss. Then she’d pull free.
He kissed her like she was made from spun sugar, and she’d crumble under the feathery pressure. He kissed her like a man in love, and she melted against him.
With a moan, she opened, needing him to taste her. Needing more. His tongue slid into her mouth, and she was lost. The world was spinning. Her temperature spiking. Her fingers threaded through the soft, dark hair at the base of his neck.
When he grew hard against her belly, her body responded with a hungry ache of its own. If she didn’t stop him soon she wouldn’t be able to.
She’d promised herself she wouldn’t make this decision based on sexual chemistry alone. She wanted to do this the old-fashioned way. She had to pull back like they’d never tasted each other, like they’d never made love. She should get to know him better first. Only if she agreed to be his wife would she allow Joel access to her aching body.
She untangled her fingers from his hair. With every ounce of will-power she possessed, she yanked free.
Unfortunately, his potent magnetism called to her, and her body responded. She wanted to lean back and surrender and invite him in. Their love making was the most exquisite pleasure she’d ever experienced.
But if she invited him in, she’d be too influenced. His love making was a drug, if she allowed him into her bed, it was possible, she’d say, yes, to feed her addiction. That wouldn’t be smart.
And her child would be impacted if Ava made the wrong choice, one based on physical desire. Her rational brain needed to be the one to decide.
Joel watched her for a moment while they both struggled for air and recovered.
“There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow, on the beach,” he said.
He zeroed in on her lips, and her mouth dried. Her heart galloped, and her fingers itched to stroke over his strong, rippled body. “No. No, Joel. We won’t be making love until I make my decision.” She held up her hand in front of him, like a stop sign.
“Then I better convince you fast.” He grabbed her hand, swirled his tongue over her palm until her knees weakened before releasing her. “Sleep well, my Ava, and dream of me, the beach, and saying yes.”
The villa had everything, including stables with horses of all different breeds. Ava watched with fascination as. Joel greeted each horse by name. Even though Ava knew Joel hadn’t been to Sicily in over a year, the horses hadn’t forgotten their master. Not hard to believe.
She watched as he spoke to one stallion and stroked its neck, giving her proof that Joel took loving care of what belonged to him. If she married him, she would be no different. She and her child.
But it was easy to see, Joel
loved
the horse. While he’d promised he’d never love Ava.
What about the baby?
She chewed her lower lip as she considered her question. Yes, he’d love the baby. She knew that deep in her soul, and every baby deserved his father’s love, the way she’d deserved it as a kid and had been deprived. Could she deprive her own child of what she’d coveted most as a girl? A father’s love. Would that be fair?
Maybe if she could get Joel to confide in her. If she could learn his dark secrets, then she’d marry him. Because that would prove she wasn’t making the same horrible mistakes her mother had made. Then she’d know she was giving her child the best and that she could trust Joel to do what he’d said he would.
“Have you ridden before?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“I think it would be best that we walk then, especially since you’re pregnant. I won’t do anything to risk the baby.”
After a thirty minute hike, they found the beach and unpacked the blanket and picnic lunch Joel’s staff had prepared for them.
The spot they picked was lovely. She couldn’t imagine working in New York if she had this paradise waiting for her. Joel was lucky. A private Caribbean island waiting for him and now this, a family villa in Italy, a short walk from a dazzling beach. The sand was baby powder under her feet. The water was a bright aqua and the sky, cloudless, sunny and inviting.
Even Joel acted more human out here. Everything seemed more welcoming as she dug into the picnic basket to find freshly baked bread, a variety of meats, cheeses, olives, and garden grown tomatoes. She drank grape juice while he was lucky enough to sip wine made from a local vineyard.
During lunch Joel entertained her with stories of his brothers and his poor picked-on youngest sister. His tales made her laugh and made him seem approachable. He gave her hope that maybe Joel was letting her in.
“I can’t imagine growing up here. Horses to ride, a beach to swim, hills to climb. Must have been heaven for a boy.”
“It was. I had an incredible childhood.” He leaned in and popped a tomato slice into her mouth. “But it wasn’t all play. I was the oldest, therefore, I was the one groomed to take over the business. My father had me working at an early age.”
“How early?”
He lifted his shoulders. “Six, maybe seven.”
“Working in the business at only six? Responsibilities that early?”
“I didn’t see them as a bad thing. I loved to learn, and my father loved to teach me. Being one of four kids, and having alone time with him was an incredible gift. He challenged me. God knows my tutors and teachers never could.”
She’d thought of Joel being forced to stop playing with his siblings to work. But he’d said he liked it. Maybe it had been a good thing. Joel had been given the gift she’d always wanted. He’d had his father’s undivided attention and his love.
Thinking about love made her wonder about his parent’s relationship. “Were your parents in love?”
He nodded. “Yes, Mom still loves my father. She will until the day she dies. My grandparents were the same way. My grandfather mourned my nonna’s death for ten years, until his heart gave out, and he joined her in death.”
She sighed at the perfection of true love and devotion beyond the grave. Too bad Joel didn’t pick that up from his father and grandfather.
Or had he? Had Joel fallen into that forever kind of love, and the accident took his one-and-only? Would Joel be in love with a ghost until the day he died? Ava’s throat tightened.
Joel must have sensed the gloomy direction her thoughts had taken because he sought to lighten her mood by taking her hand and squeezing her fingers. “Let’s walk on the beach.”
They wandered the coastline together for the next hour, the cool wet sand squishing between their toes, the hot sun sinking into their skin, the rush of the cresting water in their ears.
It was a perfect day. Gorgeous countryside, a picnic lunch on a pristine beach, Joel finally sharing some of his past with her. Now they were strolling on the sand, holding hands and she felt her skin tingle and her tummy buzz from their connection.
If she wasn’t careful, she’d say this felt like a real date. The kind of date that could lead to a future. But she had to remind herself this was Joel Stanfield, the man who isolated himself from others.
But he’d been letting her in. True it had been a slow process. But slow was better than nothing. Maybe this hope bursting in her chest wasn’t crazy. Maybe she could marry Joel.
A few minutes later they picked a spot of soft sand to sink into, and let the surf lap at their toes. This time Joel had released her hand, only to wrap his arm around her shoulder and snuggle her against his warm, rippled body. She laid her head between his shoulder and neck and drank in the sandalwood scent of him.
“Ava, I know after spending hour after hour with you as my assistant, I like you. After taking you to my bed I know we’re sexually compatible. I promise to make a good life for you and our child. Marry me.”
She lifted her face from where it nestled, so she could read his expression. His eyes were dark and serious.
He lifted a blue Cartier box, and flipped it open to expose a gargantuan diamond of flawless color and quality. Simple yet stunning. The kind of ring any woman would covet.
And he was the kind of man any woman would desire, and oh, she wanted to fling her arms around his corded neck and say, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
But he hadn’t said, “I love you.” And he hadn’t shared his grim, secret past. Because he hadn’t, she had to assume he didn’t want to be as close as she needed in order to trust him.
And if he didn’t trust her with his past, he’d never trust her with his heart. Joel hadn’t changed his mind about falling in love with her—he still wouldn’t.
“I need more time to know you.” She should have said no, but she wanted the impossible and prayed more time would make it happen.
Joel frowned, shoved the ring into her hand, and let go of the box. She was forced to either hold it or let the priceless jewel fall to the sand to be swept out to sea. She held it with trembling fingers.
“We have been talking about me all day. You’ve said nothing about yourself, yet I’m willing to marry you. I can trust you. Why can’t you do the same?” he asked, his tone getting harder, huskier.
If she didn’t know better, she’d almost say her answer hurt him. But Joel didn’t allow anyone close enough to feel pain. That was their biggest hurdle. “What do you want to know? See, unlike you, I let people in. I don’t let past secrets block my future.”
“Okay. I know you have a brother and a match-making sister. But you’ve never talked about your mother or father. I assume you had a mother and father?”
“I did.”
“And you’re going to tell me nothing? You say I don’t let you in, yet I’ve spent the entire day letting you dig into my past, and all I get from you is ‘I did.”’ His tone was a challenge.
He was right, she hadn’t told him anything, because talking about her mother and father opened old wounds. But since she’d already told him she didn’t have secrets and she let people close to her, she felt compelled to tell him something.
Before she could speak he filled in the silence, “There are other ways to get to know to me.” His eyes glinted as he released her arm, and with one finger he lifted her chin. He held her gaze until the world, with its picture-postcard beach, faded.
Did his eyes have to be so dark and dreamy? After seconds ticked by, he moved his hungry gaze to her lips, and her breath caught. She knew what came next. If she didn’t reveal her past, he was going to kiss her and she was going to let him. If that happened, soon they’d be making love, here on the sand, in the middle of the day. And she’d say yes to his proposal because she’d be thinking with her needy body and not with her analytical, planning mind.
“Fine, you win. Ask away.” Her tone was huskier than intended, their sexual chemistry heating her skin.
“Were your parents in love?” he asked.
She swallowed. “No.”