It was dusk as I approached the gate and I hoped that someone would be using the service entrance. The one thing I hadn't needed to do was climb over the wall and I didn't want to have to try it. I also didn't want to have to come back tomorrow. After what Ina had told me, it had been hard enough to not rush down here immediately. I'd needed to make preparations though. I couldn't just run in without a plan about what to do if Nami agreed to leave with me.
Not if, I told myself. When. She had to come. She couldn't just stay where she was and let Tanek beat on her until he finally went too far. As it was, I couldn't believe she hadn't left. I knew she had a sense of duty to her family and her country, but I never would have imagined that she would ever let a man hit her. If anything, I'd always thought she'd be the kind of woman who'd hit back. Then again, I'd never been able to imagine hitting a woman myself. Even Britni, at her worse, had never tempted me. Rebecca...well, we'd fought as kids, but that'd had nothing to do with her gender and everything to do with her being a bratty younger sibling. My gut told me, however, that something else was keeping her here.
I pushed aside thoughts of my family and everything else. I needed to pay attention. Getting caught trespassing wasn’t the best way to get to Nami. In fact, it seemed like a pretty good way to get kicked off of the island, and I couldn't risk that.
As I got closer to the gate, I heard voices. I couldn't make out the words, or even if they were speaking English, but that didn't matter because I could hear the gate starting to creak open. A minute later, a man stepped out and I pressed myself into the ivy, praying it would hide me. He didn't even look in my direction as he turned and walked the opposite way. I didn't know if he was doing some sort of patrol or if he was leaving for the night, but it didn't matter. The door was starting to close and it was my only chance.
I darted around, muscles tense as I waited for a shout to signal I'd been spotted. Instead, the shadows of the falling night kept me from being noticed. I sidled along the inside of the wall, keeping my eyes on the guard standing by the small security booth. His back was to me as he studiously examined something on the ground, but even from a distance, I could tell that diligence wasn't high on his priority list. If this had been the only time I'd come through, I might've thought he was new or just bad at his job. As it was, I thought his behavior was about on par with everyone else's. From what I'd read of Saja's low crime rate, I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised.
I headed towards the door to the maid's quarters. The first time I'd been here, Nami had used it to sneak me into her bedroom. I didn't know if she'd since hired a personal maid or if Tanek would be in Nami’s bed, but it was the best shot I had at finding her. If she wasn't there or if something kept me from getting inside that way, I would have to improvise and, while I'd enjoyed living for the moment when Nami and I had first met on the train, when it came to something like this, being spontaneous didn't seem like the best idea.
As I neared the door, however, I heard something. A low, sad sound that I instantly knew to be Nami crying. I wasn't sure how I knew it was her, only that the sound struck something inside me, pulling and twisting my guts. I abandoned my original plan to follow my instincts and immediately followed the wall to the left. Only a few feet away from where the building curved was a low garden wall. Even if it hadn't still been light enough for me to see glimpses of trees and flowers, the fragrance coming from behind the wall would've told me it was a garden.
The sound was coming from inside, so I made my way along the wall until I found an entrance and hurried inside. What little light I'd had was fading fast and the garden was shadowed. I could still make out a path and I kept to it until I found myself at a place where the path went to the right and Nami's cries came from the left. I stepped off the path and then realized that I was still on one, just one not well-worn. A few more steps and I found myself in a different part of the garden. The plants were wild here, made even more so in the waning light. I supposed it would've been quite beautiful in the daylight, but I only had eyes for the figure tucked behind what smelled like a rose bush.
“Nami?” I said her name softly, not wanting to startle her, but she jumped anyway. Her face was pale and I caught a glimmer of tears on her cheeks. Only now did I wonder how, if she'd been trying to hide, that she'd cried loud enough for me to hear her. I didn't take the time to try to figure it out though. It wasn't important.
I took a step towards her and she flinched. I stopped, pain and anger mixing with enough intensity to make my hands shake. “Nami,” I said her name again, as gently as possible.
“Who's there?” Her voice was strong despite her tears.
“It's me.” I shifted to the side so that the rising moon could at least give me a little light.
“Reed?” She pushed herself up onto her knees. She shook her head. “What are you doing here? You can't be here.”
I closed the rest of the distance between us and crouched in front of her before she could move away. “I know and I've come to take you away.”
“Know what?” The words were sharp.
I wanted to grab her, shake her, ask her how she could let someone hurt her like that, but I knew I wasn't truly angry with her. I was angry with myself for having let this happen. I should've seen Tanek for what he really was. I should've fought harder for her. I never should have let her send me away.
I swallowed all of those feelings. Blaming myself or wishing that I'd done things differently wouldn't change anything. “I know that Tanek is hurting you.”
She stood up, anger flashing across her face. “Get out.”
I stood as well, but didn't step back from her. “I saw the bruises on your arm at the beach. That's why I was trying to talk to you. I know you saw me.”
“I saw you,” she said. “And there was nothing for you to see. I'd been on the beach for hours. I had dirt smudges on my skin. That's what you saw.”
“You don't love him,” I kept going. “Why are you protecting him?”
She shook her head. “I'm not protecting him. You don't know what you're talking about. And I have accepted a marriage without love, not that it is any of your business.”
“It is my business.” The words came out more harshly than I'd intended. “I love you, Nami, and I'm not going to let him hurt you anymore.”
She stared at me and I realized what I'd said. I'd admitted it to myself, but I hadn't said it to her. I set my jaw, refusing to apologize or try to dismiss it.
“Reed...”
“I tried not to,” I continued. “I told myself that you and I came from two totally different worlds and that it would never work. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real, and when that didn't work, I told myself that if I truly loved you, I'd want you to be happy.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I do want that, Nami. I want you to be happy, but I'll be damned if I didn't say that I want you to be happy with me.”
“You can't love me.” Her voice was small, broken.
I cupped her face in my hands and felt her entire body trembling. “I do,” I said firmly. “I fought it because I didn't want to be in love, especially not with someone who I knew would only break my heart, but I couldn't fight fate.” I wiped the tears from her cheeks. “We're meant to be.”
Her face crumpled with a sob and I drew her against me. I didn't understand why she was crying, but she was in my arms, clinging to me rather than pushing me away, and I wouldn’t fight her on it. She would speak when she was ready. It was dangerous for us to be here like this, but if she was going to leave with me, she had to come to terms with it.
After a few minutes passed, she began to talk and I realized that it wasn't the idea of leaving the palace that had made her cry. Haltingly, she told me everything that had happened from the moment she'd told me to leave her bedroom. How Tanek had raped her, beaten her and threatened her sister. My arms tightened around her as I fought for control. I could feel the bile rising in my throat, threatening to choke me. I swallowed hard. If she could stomach telling me, I could stomach hearing it. One thing was for certain though. If I saw Tanek tonight, I wasn't sure I'd be able to keep from killing him.
When she finished, she looked up at me, face streaked with tears again. “I am so sorry.”
“For what?” I smoothed her hair back from her face with one hand, my other arm still wrapped around her waist.
“I should have known...stopped him...”
I put my finger against her lips and the words died off. “No,” I said. “None of what he did is your fault.” I ran my thumb along her bottom lip. “If it's anyone's, it's mine. I should have fought harder for you.”
She shook her head. “I told you to leave. I said that I'd made my choice.”
“And I should have gone straight to your parents, told them how I felt and then beaten the shit out of Tanek for good measure.” My voice darkened. “I should do all of that right now.”
“No,” Nami said. She reached up and put her hand on my cheek. “You can't do that.”
“I know,” I said reluctantly. “But I can do what I came here to do.”
“Which is?” She was looking down now, as if she wasn't sure she wanted to hear what I was going to say.
I hooked my finger under her chin and tilted her head towards me. “Look at me,” I said quietly. I waited until she did before answering her question. “I came to ask if you would leave with me.”
Her eyes lit up and she raised herself on her toes, pressing her mouth against mine. I closed my eyes as my lips molded themselves to hers, pulling her body even more tightly to me until I could feel every line of her fitted along me. We were still in danger and there was so much more we needed to do, but for the moment, everything was right and I was going to enjoy it for as long as I could. Even if things went to hell when we opened our eyes, I had this to hold onto.
Chapter 5
Nami
My broken heart was coming together and swelling with love so fast that I was sure it would explode. The physical pain I'd been through for the past two weeks had been nothing compared to the emotional pain. Part of it had been because of my own hurt, my own longing for Reed and for a life I knew I could never have, but more had been because I'd known how badly I'd hurt him.
For two weeks everything had been a giant loop. Tanek and his abuse, both what had been done and fear for what he would do. Fear for Halea and the knowledge that I had to stay quiet. The words I'd said to Reed and the expression on his face when he'd left.
Almost as bad were the memories of our times together. I'd told Reed at one point that I'd wanted to memorize everything about him so that when I was with my husband, I could remember Reed's touch, what it had felt like to have Reed inside me. After the first time Tanek had raped me, I'd known I could never allow myself to taint the memories I had of Reed by thinking of him when I was with Tanek. Instead, I'd held my memories of Reed close, but hadn't let them surface, not wanting the reminder of what I'd given up.
I'd told myself I'd accepted my life, that until I could figure out a way to make sure Halea was safe, I would bear whatever atrocities I must. Deep in my heart, I knew it was killing me, but I held on, my love for Halea the only thing keeping me going. I didn't have the hope of a rescue. I hadn't even allowed myself to hope when I'd first realized that the man in the shadows was Reed. He'd come for me, but I'd known that once he knew the truth, he would leave. I was broken and weak, not the woman he thought he knew.
Then he'd said he loved me. I'd known how I felt about him, even if I hadn't wanted to admit it, and I'd suspected that his feelings for me ran deeper than physical attraction or 'caring’. I'd told him everything then, face burning with humiliation as I'd admitted out loud for the first time that Tanek had forced himself on me. I'd made myself say it, with enough disgusting detail, that it would push him away for good.
Except it hadn't. He'd been furious, but not with me.
And he wanted to take me away.
As I kissed him, I let myself see it. Sneaking out of the garden and through the service gate. Following Reed wherever he wanted to go. Someplace in Europe. Back to Philadelphia. Somewhere else in the States. It didn't matter where, as long as we were together and free.
I knew it couldn't be, but for that brief moment, I let myself believe, and then I stepped back.
“What's wrong?” Reed asked, confusion plain on his face.
“I can't.” It killed me to say the words, but I had to.
“Yes,” he said firmly. “You can. We've had this discussion before and I'm not having it again.” Some spasm of emotion passed over his face and then was gone again. “It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way about me. I'm not letting you stay and be hurt.”
“If I don't...” My voice trailed off as I stared at him.
Was that really what he thought? His expression was guarded, but I could still read it. He really did think that my feelings for him weren't as strong as his were for me. I took a step towards him again. Even if I couldn't leave with him, I wouldn't send him away with a lie.
“I love you, Reed Stirling.” It was the first time I'd spoken the words and they sent a thrill through me. “And if I could, I would walk out of here with you, and never look back.”
“Then do it.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “Please, Nami, just come with me. Your parents and your people can't want you to live like this, and if they do, they don't deserve you.”