A Wild Fright in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 7) (19 page)

“My favorite!” She hugged Aunt Zoe. “What’s for dinner? You want me to whip something up?” She glanced around. “Wait, we’re missing a couple of kids. Did somebody ship them off to a French boarding school when I wasn’t looking?”

“Doc’s bringing dinner,” Aunt Zoe said, adding for Natalie’s benefit, “He took the kids to the Rec Center.”

“Really? What’s wrong with that man?” She tugged on my hair playfully. “He’s hot for your bod and he likes your kids. He must be one of those ‘others’ Zoe keeps talking about. There’s no way he’s human.”

“He certainly feels human all over,” I joked.

“When you say all over,” Aunt Zoe said, her face softened with mirth, “are you referring to when you give him a physical under the covers on the couch or up against the washer in the laundry room?”

My instant blush made Natalie and Aunt Zoe hoot in laugher. “I’m going to cram Natalie’s thick socks in Harvey’s bucket mouth.”

Natalie grabbed two hard ciders from the fridge, setting one down in front of me and joining me at the table. “Hey, I’ve been reading these books by Terri Reid. You ever heard of her?”

I shook my head. “In case you haven’t noticed,” I waved my hand around, “I’m a little busy raising twins while trying to make enough money to keep them fed and clothed.”

“You read. I’ve seen romance books next to the tub.”

“Those are therapeutic, along with the bubbles and the glass of wine. Their Happily-Ever-After endings give me hope that I will make it through raising two kids and still have a life after they are gone.”

“Addy insists she’s going to live with you forever,” Aunt Zoe said, shaking a couple of aspirin into her hand.

“We’ll see if she feels that way when she hits high school and I ‘ruin’ her life on a daily basis.”

“Anyway,” Natalie continued, “Terri’s books are about this woman who can talk to ghosts. She works with them to figure out why they are sticking around and helps them on their way.”

“Sounds fun.”

“They are,
and
there’s a handsome cop in the series, too.”

I wrinkled my upper lip. “Cops aren’t my thing.”

“I know, but this cop is really sweet and very charming.”

I thought of this morning’s moment of indigestion with Detective Hawke, and all of the ass-chewings Cooper had given me since we’d first crossed paths months ago. “A sweet cop? Oh, that is soooo fiction.”

“You need to knock that chip off your shoulder. Anyway, my point about Terri’s books is that I think they’ll help you deal with your real job.”

“The one where I’m supposed to kill nasty beings?”

“Yes, Ms. Executioner.” She used her Vincent Price voice.

I rolled my eyes. “My targets aren’t ghosts, remember?”

“Yeah, but Wilda is. Weren’t you saying last night when I called that you guys have to figure out a way at the séance to make Wilda go away?”

“Yeah, but—”

“No buts, no coconuts.” She used one of our childhood sayings to shut me down. “I’m going to study Terri’s series since it deals with the paranormal and see if there are any ideas that I can use to help you at the séance.”

“You want to be there when we talk to Wilda?”

Natalie nodded, her face dead serious. “You need me there.”

Aunt Zoe frowned.

I took Aunt Zoe’s side. “I think that’s a bad idea.”

“Didn’t Cornelius once tell you that you need four to make a stronger bond or something like that?”

Yes, he had, and I’d told Natalie about that when I’d filled her in on what had gone down during our séance at Ms. Wolff’s apartment. I was surprised that she remembered that detail.

“Well, I’m your fourth.”

“I don’t think—”

“I know you don’t,” she interrupted with a kidding smile and then took my hand and squeezed it. “Please, Vi. I can help you. I always have and I always will. Let me be part of this.”

The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get that,” Aunt Zoe said and left.

I stared into my best friend’s eyes, the same eyes I’d made promises to and shared secrets with for decades. The last thing I wanted was for something bad to happen to her, but how could I tell the woman who’d been there for me through hell and high water that she couldn’t help this time. For all I knew, maybe she could.

“Okay, but you have to do what Doc says. He’s running this show, and if he says you can’t be there for whatever reason, then you can’t.”

“Got it.” She squeezed my hand again. “We’re going to kick that little bitch’s ass.”

“Who’s kicking whose ass?” Cooper’s voice was like an icicle jammed into our heartwarming moment.

I flinched in surprise. What was he doing here again? And what had he done with Aunt Zoe? Locked her up in the back of his cruiser?

Before I could ask the detective why he’d shown up on our doorstep tonight, Layne came zipping around Cooper and made a mad dash for the fridge. “Hi, Mom,” he called in passing.

“What am I?” Natalie joked. “Chopped liver?”

Layne came back to the table and dropped a kiss where she pointed on her cheek. “Sorry, Auntie Nat. Doc said I needed to get drinks for everyone.” He eyeballed Cooper, as if measuring him by his khakis and black shirt. Cooper must have slipped off his tie before coming inside. “Are you eating with us, too, Detective Cooper?”

“When I’m in your home, Layne, and you’re
not
in trouble with the law, you can call me Coop.”

My jaw hit the table. I shot a what-the-hell look at Cooper.

He held my stare, his expression deadpan. “You’re always in trouble with the law, Parker.”

Layne giggled, apparently under the illusion that Cooper was joking. “So are you staying for supper, Coop?”

The detective’s gaze was still locking horns with mine. “I wasn’t planning on joining you for supper. I need to talk to your mom about something that occurred today.”

Ah, Hawke must have scuttled back to the station and tattled on me again.

“But now you’re here,” Natalie seemed to spring from her chair. She was at Cooper’s side in a flash, taking him by the elbow and tugging him toward the sink. “So you might as well join us.”

Join us?
Had the rats in her attic eaten away the rafters?

She shot me a pointed look over her shoulder, which only made me scratch my head more. “It’s your turn to set the table, Coop.” She opened the cupboard doors. “The plates are up here and silverware is in the drawer over there.”

Without waiting for him to agree, she returned to the table, pretending to brush crumbs off of it into her hand. Giving me that pointed look again, she knocked the Jaguar hood ornament into my lap.

Oh, crap! In my surprise at seeing Cooper walk into the kitchen, I’d forgotten about the jaguar Nat had swiped from Rex’s car. With a quick nod, I stuffed it in the front of my pants.

“I need to go grab some …” I started to say as I stood, but then I ran into Cooper’s all-seeing eyes as he carried plates to the table. Suspicion shined crystal clear in their silver depths. “To grab some … uh …”

“Underwear that’s fun to wear?” Natalie supplied, quoting an old marketing slogan for our favorite underwear as kids.

Layne snickered from where he was lining up glasses for lemonade.

When I nailed her with an astonished scowl, she made a production of acting innocent.

A sweep back in Cooper’s direction found his frown now bouncing back and forth between the two of us.

“Right, underwear.”

I turned to make a run for it and found myself staring at Doc’s chest.

The glint in his gaze confirmed that he’d heard the bit about my needing underwear. His gaze dipped down over my front side, one eyebrow raised as his focus returned northward. “Missing something?”

“Yeah, you.” I took the bags of takeout food he’d brought and set them on the table. Then I grabbed his hand, pulling him into the dining room. As soon as we were safe from Cooper’s view, I pulled the jaguar out from the front of my pants and showed it to Doc.

It took a beat for him to register what I was holding, and then he let out a bark of laughter.

I covered his mouth with my hand and then pulled him down to my level while pretending to kiss my way over to his ear in case we had an audience.

“Cooper can’t know,” I whispered, sniffing around his neck. I couldn’t help it. His cologne always distracted me into lusting after him. I was way too easy for this guy.

He nodded and then pulled back. His hand roamed down over my backside, his gaze darkening as he stared down at me. “So, do you need help with your underwear predicament?”

“You’re hopeless, you know that?”

“When it comes to your underwear, yes I am.”

Chuckling, I pushed him toward the kitchen and dashed up the stairs, hiding the hood emblem in my underwear drawer.
Screw you, Rex, and your fancy-schmancy expensive car!

How much money could I get for Jaguar car parts on the sly?

When I returned to the kitchen, the table was set and Addy was dishing up fried rice from a take-out tub. Layne was placing glasses of lemonade around the table. I grabbed Natalie’s and my hard cider and set the bottles in the fridge for later.

Natalie sat between Cooper and Aunt Zoe. The scene made me smile to myself as I took one of the empty seats between Aunt Zoe and Doc.

“Would you like some fried rice, Momma?” Addy asked in her sweetest voice. I knew it was her sweetest because I was usually on the receiving end of her most sour tones.

“What’s going on?” I asked, wondering if I’d passed through some invisible doorway into an alternate reality.

“We brought home Chinese food from that new restaurant up in Lead,” Addy explained, dumping a spoonful of rice on my plate.

“No, I mean what’s with you and your brother being so helpful?” I hit Doc with a wary look. “Did you take my kids to a cloning factory this afternoon? Where are the real Addy and Layne?”

He dished up some chicken covered in an orange sauce. “They’re your kids, Tiger. I just gave them a little motivation.”

“What is this black magic you speak of?” I took the container of chicken he handed my way and smelled it—sweet and tempting. My mouth watered. “You must teach it to me … or is this the dark side of the Force at work?”

“Mom,” Layne chided, carrying a chair in from the dining room so we could crowd seven people in at Aunt Zoe’s table. “Quit being so silly.”

I made room for him to sit next to me, but Layne parked his chair between Cooper and Doc; Doc scooted closer to me to make room. Layne sat up tall in his chair like someone had a helium balloon tied to the top of his skull. Then I realized he’d made a place for himself between the other “men” at the table. When he mimicked Doc by placing his napkin on his lap, a task I usually had to peck at him to do, my eyes sprang a leak.

Inconspicuously swiping away my sappy mom tears, I focused on Addy as she finished up with her rice-spooning duties. She planted herself on a chair that she’d butted between Aunt Zoe and Natalie. We were missing one—Harvey, who had another hot date tonight.

I glanced around the table. A surge of empowering energy washed over me. This was
my
family, and I would do whatever it took to protect what was mine from cold-blooded murderers, deranged ghosts, and other hellish beings.

Well, my family except for the hardheaded detective who was eyeing me suspiciously yet again.

I stuck my tongue out at him and then focused on the food on my plate. Those damned tears threatened to return when Layne reminded me that tomorrow was garbage day and insisted he’d take care of the trash duties tonight. Criminy, was I hormonal or what? The dead executioners in my lineage undoubtedly rolled over in their graves at my sentimentality.

For the rest of supper, conversation hovered around the kids’ school projects and Christmas wish lists. My tear ducts finally straightened up and stopped being big babies.

“What did you guys do at the Rec Center?” I asked, trying not to seem nosy.

Doc, Addy, and Layne all froze for a split second, exchanging looks over forkfuls of rice and chicken.

“Swam,” Addy said at the exact same time Layne spit out, “Exercised.” Guilt dotted their cheeks with pink circles. Both suddenly had an intense need to concentrate on their plates.

I hit Doc with a questioning glance. He was holding in a grin, I could tell. “What about you?”

“I swam and exercised, too.”

Something was going on with the three of them. A warning squint from Aunt Zoe convinced me to drop the subject.

A half hour later, the kids were upstairs working on science and math homework in their bedrooms. Aunt Zoe had returned to her workshop while Cooper helped Natalie with the dishes.

I kept catching myself staring at Cooper, unable to get over the sight of him with a dishtowel in his hands. The picture didn’t add up in my head. There should be a gun in place of the towel, maybe even a small cannon.

“Are you actually washing these?” Cooper asked, holding a plate out to Natalie, a smile hovering on his granite hewn cheeks.

She snatched the plate from him, dumping it back in the dishwater. “Smartass,” she muttered to him and then glanced over her shoulder at me. “Looks like Detective Cooper solved the Case of the Dirty Dish.”

I grinned. “And he didn’t even have his sidekick to help sniff out the criminal this time.”

“Who’s his sidekick?” Doc asked, finishing off his lemonade.

“Ol’ Red,” Natalie said the name of Harvey’s old yellow dog, and then flicked Cooper with dish suds in jest.

The detective wiped the suds off his cheek and started winding up the dishtowel, his smile widening, threatening to fracture his whole face. I stared, mesmerized by the sight of Cooper without a stick jammed up his ass.

“No you don’t,” Natalie warned him, holding up her finger.

Snap!

She squealed and danced out of reach when he wound the towel again. “Police brutality! Somebody call the tabloids.”

“That’s what you get for insisting I stay for supper.” He snapped again, purposely missing her.

Natalie’s eyes danced with mischief as she flicked soap his way again. I hadn’t seen her so comfortable with a man since my brother, whom she’d been friends with forever and a day, had been home last winter and horsed around with her.