“But you don’t, do you, Sara?” asked Missy.
“I don’t know, maybe. After we made love, he told me he loved me.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Missy accused.
“What did you say?” Caitlin asked.
“I told him I loved him, too.”
Missy stared at me with a strange expression on her face. Maybe she was jealous because I had found someone and she hadn’t. That would certainly be a rational explanation for her behavior lately. The more I thought about it, the more I believed it.
I turned to Missy. “No matter what happens, we’re always going to be best friends, Missy. No one will ever replace you.”
“I know.”
“You know, it all goes out the window once you’re in love. Love trumps bad sex,” Caitlin said with a wistful sigh.
“You don’t have to follow our advice, sunshine. You’re closer than we are to finding true love. You must be doing something right,” Nina stated.
“Yeah, forget our advice. Just listen to your heart,” Ashley advised.
That was the problem. My heart wasn’t talking to me.
“Martha, I think you can start the bingo now.”
Even though Missy won a gift card in bingo, she didn’t smile the rest of the night. I tried to talk about it on the ride home, but she insisted there was nothing wrong. Instead, she wished me luck with Caleb and reminded me to ask him to be my ‘plus one’ to Jill’s wedding this Saturday.
I considered going stag, so Missy wouldn’t feel jealous, but I wanted to test out Caleb’s feeling toward marriage, and Jill’s wedding seemed like the perfect opportunity. Then after, we’d try out some of my newfound knowledge in the sexual arts.
MAY 26, 2012
DETROIT, MICHIGAN
WEIGHT: 183
STATUS: COMMITTED
After an emergency counseling session by phone with Dina, I had no energy left to fake my way through Jill’s wedding. Dina had spent an hour crying hysterically about her alleged best friend Christine’s betrayal yet again. I believed we had finally resolved that matter a month earlier, but apparently, she had intentionally kept the issue out of our weekly sessions because she assumed I was tired of hearing about it. Sadly, I couldn’t deny her claim, yet I also needed her to trust me enough not to hold back her feelings. If she couldn’t be honest with me, the therapeutic process would be compromised and I’d have to suggest another psychologist for her.
Tonight, I let her unburden everything she had been holding in this past month. How angry she feels toward Christine for dating the boy she knew Dina liked. How betrayed. How wounded. The one word she refused to use was jealous. She never admitted to being jealous over Christine for winning Robby’s heart. She refused to discuss the possibility, cutting me off whenever I brought it up to her. That’s how I knew I had hit the nail on the head.
I advised her to keep a journal she should write in every day, noting both her feelings and her actions. She should bring the journal to share with me in our sessions. My hope is her journal will provide me with additional information she might not even think to discuss with me.
Now I had an hour to make myself presentable before Caleb came to pick me up for Jill’s wedding. I didn’t want to spend the evening with a fake smile painted on my face, pretending it didn’t bother me that another one of my friends had found their soul mate. At least I’d have Caleb by my side this evening. Caleb could charm the pants off of the First Lady. I didn’t doubt he’d make the perfect companion for tonight’s extravaganza.
I didn’t have time to take another shower. I spritzed my hair with a water bottle to eliminate the frizz. One of the biggest dilemmas with curly hair is the inability to brush it while it’s dry. I can wet it, then brush it and add mousse, gel, and hair spray.
After feeling somewhat satisfied with my hair, I moved on to my makeup. I don’t do makeup as well as Ophelia, but I tried to apply it as she had taught me. The first time I put on my eye shadow, I looked like I had a black eye. So I started again, using less of the darker gray and more of the shimmering silver. Since my disaster at my brother’s wedding, I hadn’t used mascara, but I decided to attempt it tonight, applying a very light layer to my already naturally curly lashes.
I wanted luscious lips, you know, the ones no man can resist. I used a lip pencil and matte lipstick with a layer of lip gloss. As I scrutinized my work in the mirror, I decided my lips definitely appeared kissable.
Pleased with the results, I chose another sexy lacy bra to entice Caleb with later tonight. Then I contemplated whether to complete the ensemble with matching panties or go commando. I already had to wear pantyhose, although I decided to leave the restrictive Spanx at home, choosing comfort over the mirage of weighing ten pounds less than I really do. Panties seemed unnecessary this evening. Besides, I thought the idea of going without sounded rather sexy. Perhaps I’d even whisper in Caleb’s ear tonight with that tidbit of info. I wonder how he’d respond to that knowledge. Would it disgust him? Turn him on? There was only one way to find out.
I had just put on my black skirt and leopard print blouse when Caleb rang my doorbell. I slipped on my heels and ran for the door, tripping on the way and slamming my head on the wall. I sat there for a moment while stars flickered in my eyes. I shook it off, stumbled to my feet, then opened the door for Caleb. He stood there in a navy suit, his light brown hair newly cut, his blue eyes sparkling as the sun set behind him, and I threw myself into his arms, kissing him.
He pushed me inside and up against the wall where I had just hit my head, returning my kisses. All of a sudden, the stars returned and I felt a bit woozy. He must have kissed me good and proper to feel like this.
Then I fainted.
I’ve never fainted in my life, but I felt like I couldn’t stay awake anymore and the room started spinning and I had to close my eyes. The next thing I knew I was laying on the floor with my head in Caleb’s lap.
“Wow, Sara. That kiss was amazing, but something tells me that wasn’t what caused you to faint,” he said, sounding concerned. He brushed my hair off of my face, and I felt safe in his arms. I really did care for him. Maybe I even loved him.
“I hit my head on the wall right before you got here,” I confessed.
“You might have a concussion. We should go to the hospital to make sure you’re okay,” he advised.
“No, I can’t miss the wedding. I’m sure if it is a concussion, it’s only a mild one.”
“I don’t want to take the chance you’re seriously hurt,” he said as he kissed my hand.
“How about a compromise?”
He arched one of his eyebrows in puzzlement.
“I’ll call my doctor and if he says I have to go to the hospital, I will,” I promised, knowing full well my doctor wouldn’t advise me to go to the hospital.
“Deal,” he replied as he pulled out his cell phone.
I called my doctor and got his answering service. I was told if the doctor didn’t call me within a half an hour to call back.
“We might as well head out to the wedding. If he wants me to go the hospital, we’ll turn around. I don’t want to miss the ceremony if we don’t have to.”
Caleb helped me stand and put his arm around me for support. In that moment, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I also knew Caleb was one of the best of men.
I felt better as we drove to the wedding, although the bump on my head hurt when I touched it. My doctor called and he advised not to touch the bump if it hurt. He had always been a smart ass. He also informed me I didn’t need to go to the hospital unless I fainted again, felt nauseous, or started acting irrationally. I laughed since I always act irrationally and he supplemented he meant more than usual. Then he told me to follow-up with him in the morning.
Satisfied, I smirked at Caleb. “My doctor demanded we have a good time tonight.”
“How could we not with you looking so beautiful?”
I took his hand in mine and squeezed it, a smile on my face. “You’re looking pretty hot yourself.”
We got to the hotel just in time to watch Jill walk down the aisle in her Monique Lhuillier wedding gown. I had learned everything I never wanted to know about finding the right dress from Jill. She and her mother had flown to New York City and Los Angeles to shop for the perfect wedding gown because apparently, “one must purchase the dress directly from the designer’s own salon.”
Truthfully, the silk and satin princess dress looked beautiful on Jill, but I still don’t get why anyone would spend more than seven thousand dollars on clothing that could be worn only once. Not to mention, I’m sure Jill would appear just as beautiful in a seven hundred dollar gown, because as she walked down the steps to the man she would soon marry, she positively glowed.
Caleb and I sat near the back of the room his arm possessively draped around my shoulders, while I scanned the room for my friends and family. I immediately found my brother, Seth, sitting between his wife Emily and Missy. On Missy’s other side sat Goldman.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since we’d slept next to each other after the Passover
Seder
. Hopefully, he’d keep his mouth shut about that piece of information. Even though nothing happened, I wouldn’t want Caleb to learn about it. I needed to head him off before he said anything.
As casually as possible, I took my cell phone out of my purse to send Goldman a quick text. DON’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT PASSOVER TO ANYONE.
As luck would have it, Goldman hadn’t turned off his phone for the wedding. Nor did he turn off the ringer. Ten seconds after I hit “send,” his phone beeped. I hoped Caleb wouldn’t notice. No such luck.
Caleb leaned over and whispered in my ear. “What were you doing?”
I didn’t want to lie, but I had no choice in the matter. “I sent a text to Missy. She must have forgotten to turn off the ringer.”
Goldman took his phone out of his pocket and slowly turned his head around. I didn’t want Caleb to see, so I did the only thing I could think of to distract him. I kissed him.
Even though I kissed Caleb with my eyes closed, I could sense Goldman watching us. When I pulled away from the kiss, Goldman faced straight ahead.
Hopefully, he wouldn’t do anything to embarrass me tonight.
Oh God, who was I kidding?
He lived to torment me.
Goldman put his arm around the woman sitting next to him. A grief-like sensation overwhelmed me as I realized Goldman brought a date to Jill’s wedding.
I didn’t want to analyze my reaction. It was probably just a symptom of my concussion.
I put my hand on Caleb’s thigh and smiled at him. He grinned back at me and mouthed the words “I love you.” I tried to mouth back “I love you too,” but I couldn’t. Instead, I blew him a kiss.
In my mind, I listed all of Caleb’s wonderful qualities, then reminded myself of all of Goldman’s negative traits. I scolded myself for even having a momentary lapse of judgment in thinking there could ever be anything between him and me.
Goldman had no place in my thoughts or in my heart.
An hour after the ceremony ended, the doors opened to the reception. As we waited for the doors of the ballroom to open, I tried to nab some of the hors d’oeuvres from the waiters who walked through the lobby. I never caught one.
I felt vaguely faint, but whether my light-headedness was due to my concussion or from lack of food, I couldn’t be certain. Either way, I needed to find my table and fast.
Caleb helped me walk into the ballroom and both of our jaws dropped at the sight of the décor. Unsatisfied with having a simple and normal reception, Jill had created her own Midsummer Night Dream here in the hotel. Thousands of twinkling lights covered seven foot tall trees placed around the room, as well as on what appeared to be bonsai trees on each table. Hundreds of stars glowed on the ceiling of the ballroom providing the illusion of the open night sky. I couldn’t decide between labeling it tacky or romantic. I settled on romantic and vowed to use it to my advantage.
We found our table near the dance floor and were not surprised to learn we’d be sitting with Seth, Emily, Missy, Adam, and his date listed on the table card as ‘and guest.‘ I guess I wasn’t the only one who brought a last minute date to the wedding.
Thank goodness the waiters brought a basket of rolls to the table while Jill and her husband, Jacob, who I’ve wickedly decided to call Jack, thanked everyone for coming to their wedding.
“Eating carbs again, Sara?” Seth made it a point of teasing me for every diet I’ve ever attempted. I gave him my usual “fuck you” face and made small talk with Emily.
Goldman and his date arrived to the table a few minutes after we began eating our salads. As I studied him and his date, I noticed her dress appeared wrinkled and her lipstick smeared.
“Everyone, this is Becca.” He made a point of looking right at me, a smug, self-satisfied expression on his face.
“Nice to meet you, Becca,” said the always cordial Caleb.
The bandleader announced everyone should join Jack and Jill on the dance floor to do the
Horah
. I hate the
Horah
. In fact, I have sworn never to dance the
Horah
again. The dancers hold hands and dance in a circle, usually to the song “
Hava Nagila
” while strong men lift the Bride and Groom on chairs as they hold a ribbon between them.
It may sound like fun, but it isn’t. First, the band always chooses the long version. I’ve been at weddings where the guests danced the Horah for thirty minutes. Why would I spend all that time to do my makeup if it’s going to melt off my face at the beginning of the reception? Why would I bother doing my hair if it’s going to frizz from sweating?