Abandoned to the Night (The Brotherhood Series, Book 3) (7 page)

She would not rest tonight. She would lie in her bed trying so hard not to think of him, of his kiss, his touch, of the way he’d once loved her.

“What of me?” he muttered. “You must have been watching me too. You must have disapproved of my antics. You brought me here in your carriage, forced me to sleep.”

“You were drunk, behaving recklessly. When you took—” She closed her eyes briefly, swallowed down the pain the memory evoked. “When you took the maid from the tavern to your bed, I knew then it would only be a matter of time before you fathered a child here.”

“I understand that now, Ivana. I understand why you lured me from the tavern. I recall following you up through the forest until you bundled me into your carriage. Although, at the time, I didn’t know you sought to rob me of my humanity. But I still don’t understand why you brought me here.”

It had not been her intention, but some things were destined to be. “Do you believe in fate, Leo? Do you believe we will recognise our predetermined path if we look for the signs, the markers?”

“If I didn’t, I do now,” he said with a shrug.

“I dreamt of you, many times. I did not know it was you until we were in my carriage and something forced me to taste your lips while you were sleeping.” Her heart skipped a beat as the vision flooded her mind. “That was all it took. Just one kiss and I knew I had found you.”

He thrust forward, hit his chest numerous times with his clenched fist. “Yet still you turned me into this.”

“As I said, you wanted to be with me. You felt the connection too. You wanted us to be together always. You might say a person could not possibly express such a depth of emotion after only a few short days. But I say, when you find the one you have lived with through many lifetimes, mortal time has no meaning, no value, no measure.”

“If I felt that way, why would I leave?”

“Because I did not give you a choice.”

Because he meant too much to her. Because to let him stay would have meant risking everything.

“It is the reason I have not helped you to remember all that happened here,” she said with some reluctance. “It is the reason I cannot allow you to stay now.”

“You want me to leave?” he said, his tone revealing his shock.

“No. I have never wanted that. But I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to leave Herr Bruhn with no means to provide for the children. I don’t want to put their lives in danger, make them targets for someone who would want to use them to hurt me.”

His eyes widened. “I can speak for both Elliot and Alexander when I say we would never use innocent children as a means to hurt you.”

He did not understand. Only one person had the power to ruin everything. Only one person could take away all the things that meant so much to her. The longer Leo stayed at the castle, the greater the chance she would take him to her bed. In that moment of wild, reckless abandonment, her heart would be open, her thoughts transported freely to the one person she desperately wanted to keep in the dark.

“Then I thank you for putting my mind at ease,” she said to placate him.

Leo sighed. “There is still one more thing I’m struggling to understand.”

“What is that?”

There were many secrets he had no knowledge of.

He rubbed his chin as he narrowed his gaze. “You were prepared to die tonight. You stood with your arms raised to the heavens and waited for me to end it all. Why?”

It was never her life she feared for.

“Because we are living a nightmare. Because I have experienced paradise, cleansed my soul in its crystal clear waters, felt the brilliant rays of happiness warm my skin.” She closed her eyes and imagined feeling the glorious moment again. But her world was dark, bleak, hopeless. “When you have lost something so precious, life has little meaning.”

“What of the children?”

“I shall always provide for their material needs. But one day, I must leave them. They can never know what I am. As they grow, it will become more difficult for me to maintain a relationship with them. To lose someone through death is perhaps easier than to be abandoned by them.”

“I understand what it’s like to feel alone,” he said. “But do not underestimate the devastation caused when someone dies. I am living proof it alters people, moulds them into a person they might never have become if not for the loss. Yet for those who are forsaken, there is always hope.”

She gave a weak smile. “Then I should be thankful your desire for answers was more important to you than your desire for revenge.”

All this talk of death and loneliness made her feel tired, weary. She needed to quench her sudden thirst and the magnificent man before her always proved too tempting to resist.

“I must retire now.” She stood, and he did too. “Sylvester will escort you to your chamber. Will you come with me to visit the children tomorrow or are we to part for good this night?”

The raw emotion flashing in his eyes pained her. Oh, how she wanted to soothe his soul. How she wanted to show him the beauty to be found in their joining.

“I will come to see the children. I would know everything before I return to England.”

An icy chill penetrated her bones.

To tell him everything would inevitably bring the Devil to her door.

Chapter 7

Herr Bruhn welcomed them into his home. A look of relief and then suspicion marred his heavily lined brow. Leo smiled in the hope it would reassure him. After witnessing Leo wielding his sword, he did not blame the man for being wary.

“It is good to see you, Frau Lockwood,” Herr Bruhn said clasping the lady’s gloved hand.

Frau Lockwood, not Fraulein?

Leo wondered why the old man had used the title. It never occurred to him Ivana could be widowed. A wave of jealousy surged through his body at the thought she had loved a man enough to marry him. Or perhaps it was simply a case of her wishing to appear less vulnerable. Such stunning features would surely attract a gentleman’s eye, although woe betide any man who sought to take advantage.

The old man’s gaze flitted back and forth between them.

“You remember the gentleman who helped me home last night?” she said putting a hand on Leo’s arm. The affectionate gesture was given purely to placate Herr Bruhn’s fears, but her touch sparked the usual warm feeling of familiarity.

“Yes, yes,” Herr Bruhn nodded as he turned his attention to Leo. “I am pleased to see you have left that sword of yours at home. I fear it would frighten the children.”

Ivana smiled. “Leo is often over-cautious. But perhaps the children might like to see a genuine knight going about his duties.”

She had introduced him in a tone and manner befitting a servant. He suppressed the need to correct her, to offer a bow and boast of his ancestral roots. When possessed with their deviant affliction, it would not be wise to draw undue attention.

“Welcome, welcome.” Herr Bruhn gestured for them to enter the parlour. The tempting smell of freshly baked bread wafted through the house. “Have you both eaten?”

Ivana nodded. “Yes, we dined before we left. I am ashamed to admit we were rather ravenous and couldn’t possibly eat another thing.”

“Ah, never mind,” Herr Bruhn said with a hint of disappointment. “The children have made bread, and I know how they like to please you.”

Leo pulled Ivana’s cape from her shoulders, pleased to hear her sharp intake of breath when his fingers brushed against the soft skin at her nape. “Frau Lockwood has eaten far too much this evening, but I will happily try the bread if you think the children will not object.”

With its dry, clumpy texture, he found bread hard to swallow, but Elliot had taught him to tolerate small quantities of food and drink.

A brief look of panic flashed in Ivana’s blue eyes. “Are you sure you can manage to eat anything more?”

Leo gave an arrogant smirk. “A piece of bread won’t make much difference.”

“Excellent.” Herr Bruhn clapped his hands but then his expression grew solemn as he turned to Ivana. “I thought you did not look well when you left here last night. Your face held an almost deathly pallor, and the damp air will only make matters worse. You should not have ventured out this evening.”

Leo felt a tinge of guilt. She had sensed his presence, had expected to meet her demise. Despite everything she’d said about being prepared to die, the ashen complexion Herr Bruhn noted would surely have been attributed to fear.

“I am fine now I have eaten,” she reassured. “And you know there is nothing that would prevent me from visiting the children.”

Herr Bruhn turned to him. “She is an angel sent from the Lord.”

Ivana’s cheeks flushed berry red, and she looked to the floor.

“Do not be modest,” the old man continued. “Without you, where would these poor children be?”

For once in his miserable existence, Leo was left dumbstruck. During all of his licentious encounters, the thought of fathering offspring had never really concerned him. Yes, at times he had sheathed his manhood as a means of warding off infection. He had mastered the art of withdrawal, knew some women soaked sponges with anything acidic enough to act as a deadly barrier.

What had once seemed like the irresponsible pursuits of an aristocratic gentleman, now felt like the vulgar actions of a scoundrel.

“Come, come through to the fire,” Herr Bruhn continued.

Ivana glanced at him as they followed the old man into the parlour. “You see. Not everyone believes I am a cold-hearted devil,” she whispered.

“Evidently, you’re loved and well-respected here.”

“Please sit.” Herr Bruhn gestured to the two chairs hugging the hearth. “I shall go and find the children.”

Leo watched him scuttle out. “How many children live here?” He glanced around the room smaller than the cupboard he reserved for his boots.

“Five,” Ivana replied from the seat opposite. “Matilda is the eldest and will be ten next month. Christoph is three and the youngest here.”

A sudden wave of panic passed over him. It had been three years since he’d visited the village.

“Christoph is not your son, if that is what’s worrying you,” she said reading his thoughts. “He will be four next week.”

She gave a weak smile upon hearing his audible sigh of relief. While some men were preoccupied with furthering their bloodline, Leo had never wanted to be a father. Indeed, Elliot would probably argue that he couldn’t even look after himself. But it had more to do with seeing his father die at such a young age. The responsibility of a marquessate proved too much for him, his heart too weak to withstand the burden.

“You can’t blame me for thinking the worst,” he said.

“Frau Lockwood. Frau Lockwood.”

Two boys ran into the parlour, and he recognised them as the ones she had chastised the night before. They stood to attention before her as though she was a naval captain and they were lowly cabin hands desperate to make a good impression.

“What have I said about running?” Herr Bruhn hurried in behind them, carrying a small boy who appeared rather sleepy. “If you trip over the rug, you’re sure to lose your teeth.”

Two girls entered the room; the younger one carried a tray while the older girl guided her to the small table. “We’ve been baking bread,” the younger girl said, her excited eyes twinkling.

Ivana smiled. “And it looks wonderful, Martha.”

Despite Ivana’s cheerful countenance, Leo could sense her anxiety. She could not eat the bread.

“It smells delicious, too,” he added. “I can hardly wait to try some.”

After introducing herself as Matilda, the older girl cut a slice, buttered the surface with care and handed it to him.

“A plate, you need a plate,” Herr Bruhn said in a mild state of panic as he put the younger boy, Christoph, down.

Matilda jumped and almost sent the tray crashing to the floor.

“It doesn’t matter about the crockery,” Leo said taking a bite of the bread.

Ivana sucked in a breath as her fearful gaze bore into him.

The bread was moist and being freshly-baked was consequently easier to swallow than Leo had anticipated. His stomach did spasm once or twice, but he managed to finish it without gagging.

“It was delicious,” he said, and they all cheered for him as they had done for Ivana when she’d nibbled on the sweet biscuit.

Ivana’s shocked expression was quickly replaced with one of utter joy. The muscles in his abdomen grew taut as his desire for her flared. He would eat a whole loaf just to witness such a breathtaking sight, just to see a smile touch her lips.

“Would you care for something to wash it down?” Herr Bruhn asked, appearing a little more relaxed in Leo’s company.

“What do you have?”

Herr Bruhn’s eyes lit up. “I have a new beer. It is clearer, not as murky as the ale they serve in the tavern.”

“Very well,” he nodded, “But just a small mug as I must see Frau Lockwood safely home.”

“Of course, of course,” he said nodding to himself as he rushed off.

For a moment, the room fell silent. They stared at each other, oblivious to the children’s gapes. Leo felt her gratitude explode in his chest, mingled with something else, perhaps respect, perhaps something more undefinable.