While Steven and his hands puttered about, Faith fussed over me like a mother hen, getting me set up with a glass of Merlot in one hand and a plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit in the other. Interesting. Neither one of them were concerned I didn’t meet the legal drinking age. No way was I 21-years old. Just in case they decided to correct their error, I white knuckled the glass and settled into a brown leather chair so comfortable it felt like I was getting a little hug. That was nice because it wouldn’t be long before the inquisition began. I seriously needed to chill out, so I started on the wine right away, draining my glass before my new friends had finished their fussing.
They sat together on a big couch where he was within easy reach of my wine glass on a glass-topped coffee table next to my chair. There was a second bottle of Merlot already opened, next to the first one. No sooner were they both seated than Faith cleared her throat, giving notice that she had an announcement.
“Okay, Steven, our rules tonight are simple. There are to be no questions. In return for my asking nothing of Sydney, she has asked nothing from me. For the duration of her visit we are just three people getting to know each other for the first time. Got it?”
He looked from Faith to me and then back to Faith. “After all you two have been through, starting over seems like a good idea to me.” Then he refilled my glass before raising his. “To new friends!”
“Good,” Faith agreed.
I managed to tear my eyes away from Steven’s hands, but ended up zeroing in on Faith’s a moment later. They’d been holding hands, but really casual-like, she had let go and started patting his knee. She gave it a couple squeezes, then ended up resting her hand on his inner thigh. What the hell? Was it on purpose, something they thought would relax me? Were they as aware of it as I was? Why did I insist on noticing stuff like that?
You’re thinking again.
“So, darling, tell us all about your day.” She glanced playfully at him. Her hand had inched a little higher up, to the point where there’d be no way he couldn’t feel the heat. Heck, I wasn’t even close to them, and I could feel it!
“My day?” Steven sighed and leaned back. “Well, I spent the entire time listening to chests and checking throats. Flu season is officially in full bloom.”
“Steven is a general physician,” Faith explained, a hint of pride in her voice. “Actually, he was my doctor. I saw those saddle shoes of his poking out beneath his lab coat and decided he was going to be the man for me, come hell or high water!”
“Good thing, too,” Steven added, “because I had already reached the same conclusion about her, but I have to say it wasn’t her shoes that got my attention. It was those amazing eyes of hers. They have a way of looking into your very soul. I swear they see everything. I was hooked the moment I saw them.”
“Pooh! He actually called in all three of his nurses to witness my examination. Can you believe that? I thought he was afraid I was going to bite.” She laughed.
“Actually, I needed the nurses there so I wouldn’t follow through on what I was thinking.” He took a generous swallow of wine.
Flustered, I drained my glass. Oops! Empty again? How did that happen? Was it my second or third? I’d not even set it back down before he leaned over and refilled it. Was he trying to get me drunk? I guess I could have let the glass sit there, but the fruity flavor reminded me of blueberries and hazelnuts, and let’s face it, I had some more chilling to do. Besides, Sydney could probably handle it, considering the crowd she ran with. Claire, she’d been more the Daiquiri type. One drink and she was looped. I’d quickly learned to be really careful in her case.
I flicked my gaze once more at Faith’s hand, but it hadn’t moved. Relieved, I held my glass up high. It was my turn to propose a toast. “To love!” In one big gulp, I downed it.
The look Faith gave me was priceless. My words had pleased her, so I wanted to give her more. I held my glass up a second time, as soon as Steven had finished refilling it. “May you two treasure it and never let it go.” Down the hatch—again! I tried to set the glass back down as delicately as possible, but the darned coaster kept moving. The glass tipped, half on, half off. “Oops!” I said, righting it. I was relaxed to the point of feeling light-headed and slightly dizzy. It was then I realized I’d just downed four, maybe five glasses of wine on an empty stomach. My only food that day had been one dish of chili, because I hadn’t asked Faith to loan me some money and couldn’t buy a thing at the mall, and not once had I reached for my cheese, crackers, and fruit!
I practically lunged at a wedge of cheese, but the damage was already done. I was as smashed as any of those first times with Claire. “Last one,” I announced, holding the empty glass out for Steven’s services. That would make it nearly a whole fifth, which was a bit alarming.
Steven put some music on the stereo system. It was wonderful, a piano and guitar number that bounced off the vaulted wood ceilings and added to the dreamlike quality of the evening. Never had I felt so comfortable, possibly because of all the half-truths I’d told. For once I wasn’t pretending to be anyone but me. My only nagging thought was Lane’s note and what I’d do about it. That wasn’t really thinking about
him
, only about the note, so that made it okay.
Oops! I was right back to Steven’s hand which was right back to tracing those gentle circles, only this time on Faith’s thigh. Around and around. Back and forth. His hand told her a private, intimate story with those circles, while his mouth launched into a tale about his nurse and her dog.
“What does love feel like?” I asked out of the blue. The words were out before I remembered the new rule.
“Haven’t you ever been in love, Sydney?” Faith asked surprised.
Ooof! That hurt. Loving people who didn’t love you back didn’t count. I stared down at my shoelaces, pulled so tight they were cutting off my circulation, then shook my head. “How would I know?” It was something Sydney might say.
“Never?”
“Well, I’m not really sure. I don’t think so.”
“You’d know,” they answered together. Then Faith continued. “I hate to sound presumptuous, but if all your boyfriends were anything like Kojak, I’m not surprised. Before you can love and be loved, you have to love yourself first.”
“More wisdom from a wise woman!” Steven hoisted his glass high.
Viewed from my perspective, it was an interesting thought. Could I ever love myself? Was it possible to find something beautiful about this… this… parasitic existence? Maybe I was a catalyst for others, but that didn’t help
me.
I already knew that
I
needed the same things other women needed—I was a woman, wasn’t I? At least it seemed I was, but even that was no sure bet even though my emotional responses were proving to be right up there when it came to erotic thoughts and physical touches. And it seemed to be getting worse.
Which got me to thinking about Lane again. Oh, hell, no! I fought that down, only to start dwelling on what I was, on my beginnings. What was I? How had I come to lose my body? How does something like that even happen? What if I’d never had a body in the first place? Why couldn’t I remember? Not remembering had nothing to do with the wine… but I sure did have to pee. It was late enough so I could use the trip to the bathroom as a way of making a graceful exit. I was sure they’d understand.
“I have to tinkle,” I blurted, “and I’m really tired now. Do you two mind if I call it quits for the evening?” I was on my feet and more than a little wobbly.
Faith stood too, dragging Steven up with one hand. He gave me another ear-to-ear smile. “You’re a pleasure, Sydney, truly a pleasure. I’m so very glad you’re here with us.” Although he used Sydney’s name, I was positive it was
me
he was talking to.
“No matter what stupid things I say or do in the future, please know that at this moment you two have made me happier than I’ve ever been.” On impulse, I took their hands in both of mine. “I am
so
pleased you’ve found each other and that we’ve shared this time together.”
“You
have
forgiven me, Sydney, haven’t you? Are you saying that things could go back to how they were?” Faith seemed alarmed at my “stupid things” comment.
Yikes! Thanks to the wine I’d screwed up big time. I knew better than to speak for Sydney. Who knew what
she’d
do when she found herself living with her mom and her mom’s fiancé, and how could I know I wouldn’t be switched somewhere else before I’d completed my assignment? In any event, I needed to keep Faith on guard while I found some way to communicate with Sydney. It was probably just as difficult for her to adjust to me taking over her life as the other way around. Right now, she was undoubtedly sulking somewhere in the recesses of my mind.
“Let’s just take each day as it comes and not look behind or ahead,” I said, pulling Faith to me and hugging her. It was a good answer. I congratulated myself before I realized that, hungry as I was, I’d just walked out on a whole plateful of food.
* * *
After I’d showered and dressed for bed, Faith actually came to my bedroom and tucked me in. Was it affection or concern? She must have wondered how I was holding up after my “stupid things” comment. Either that, or she’d noticed how much I’d drunk.
“Thank you for today,” she whispered. “I work the same shift tomorrow, so come with me and this time I’ll make sure you have some spending money. I completely forgot that without your purse, you… well, I wish you’d mentioned it. Also, you
are
going to meet that young man and his sister, aren’t you?”
“Haven’t decided yet.”
“I have a feeling about him.”
“What shoes was he wearing?”
“Cowboy boots, of course.”
“Besides being a maverick, what do boots say about him?”
“He’s tough enough to fight dragons for the one he loves. He’s loyal enough to wait for you until the end of time and he’s not afraid to work hard for what he wants.”
“You read all that from a pair of shoes?”
“I’m never wrong, but I will say it’s much easier to read others than it is to read myself. My shoe theory really does work.”
“So what went wrong with you, then? I mean, the men you —”
“Shoes tell me about others, Sydney, but they can’t tell me a damn thing about myself and what exactly it is
I’m
looking for in a man. I sure hope I have that little glitch worked out.”
“For what it’s worth, I really like Steven. I hope you keep him.”
“So do I,” she said. “So do I.”
* * *
Faith suggested we spend our morning hiking, and I grabbed at the idea. Lots of exercise, very little talking, plenty of time to study her quirks and personality, but more importantly the fresh air might help calm my angry headache. I liked Faith, a lot. At the same time I was wondering more and more what had caused Sydney to revolt the way she had. As for meeting “that young man and his sister,” it wasn’t until we were on our way home from the canyon that I even had a chance to think about that. It was all I could do to keep up with a mountain goat twice my age. We were supposed to hike her nature trail, not run the darn thing. I complained (she called it whining), but it didn’t do any good. She continued to whip in and out of the green foliage at a steady trot, only now she was smiling. Who’d have thought Madera Canyon could be so colorful? It just wasn’t what came to mind when the subject was southern Arizona, where the sun had sucked up all the color along with the moisture. There was nothing washed out about the colors here, especially in November with the leaves changing.
I tried another ploy. “If you slowed down a bit, maybe I could actually pause to admire these pretty red, yellow, and orange flowers that are getting blurrier by the second.”
“The red ones are Fairy Dusters. The yellows are Bird of Paradise and I’m not sure what orange ones you’re referring to.”
“These,” I gasped, collapsing right next to a bush with delicate orange flowers. “You might as well sit awhile, too. My head is killing me, and I need to rest. Need to think.”
“Are you done thinking yet?” Instead of taking me up on sitting, she used all twenty-seven facial muscles to create as stern a look as possible. “You think too much, you know. Thinking makes you sad, so today I decided it was my job to distract you. Ten more minutes of hiking, and then we have to hurry back so I can make Steven’s favorite soup. It’s called Cazuela. I want it waiting in the fridge when he comes home from work.”
I had no idea at the time that Cazuela was nothing more than beef jerky stew, nor did it matter one iota to Faith that I was a little bit sad, more than a little bit lost, and a whole lot discombobulated. Now there was a great word! It was from her Word of the Day calendar. She was practicing throwing it out there in casual conversation so that when she used it on Steven, the context would be right.
Three “discombobulates” and one completed Cazuela in the fridge later, she was pulling my hair into a pony tail and handing me a pair of silver sandals she wanted me to wear to the mall. It was cold enough for the jackets we’d taken on the hike, but she insisted on open-toed shoes even though it really wasn’t the season for them, and she was no Willow about it.
“The ponytail will throw him off. He won’t be sure if you’re there for him or for Shae. The sandals are necessary to soften the blow.”