Absorption (25 page)

If she had blamed him or accused him he could have defended himself, but since she didn’t he could only hold her, right hand curled around the back of her head, and her soft blond hair.

When she had cried herself out there was silence for awhile. Then she asked, “How long do we have?”

Brett didn’t want to force the words out. “If we’re smart, tonight is the last time we see each other. War is ugly. People could accuse you of consorting with the enemy.”

She lifted her head and looked at him unbelieving. She had never seen a whole planet of people looking for someone to blame. Even now it wouldn’t occur to her Michael might be vindictive. He had ridden a sudden wave to political power, and already hinted he might use the relationship between Brett and Ariel for his own purposes.

Ariel asked, “Any chance the Space Force will go away when they know we won’t give in?”

Brett shook his head mutely. Ariel continued. “Kenny says a bloody war would split the Federalist Worlds, and you don’t have a genuine strategic interest.”

Was that what people thought?

Brett said only, “We didn’t want war. That’s what the negotiations were all about.”

He let her absorb the implications, including his use of the past tense.

She asked him, “Would you leave them? Stay here with me?”

Brett considered. He no longer felt destroying the Oceanian overmind would be noble. He loved this world. He no longer completely trusted his superiors.

Then he remembered his oath, and the juvenile delinquent he had been, and the officer the Space Force had helped him to become. He had sworn to obey any legal order. He hadn’t been asked to commit any war crimes, or seen indications that he would be. He remembered studying the civil wars that had covered much of the human arm of the galaxy before the Federalist Worlds had grown strong.

“I’m sorry.”

Ariel’s voice grew suddenly scornful. “Of course you can’t. You’re not just fighting for the Space Force. You’re fighting against the evil thing that stole my humanity. You like me now? Imagine how wonderful I would have been if I still had my soul!”

Brett knew she was really angry at forces beyond either of their control. She couldn’t fight against them, so she lashed out at him. Or was this something she had repressed, never tried to discuss with him because it could only lead to futile arguments?

Ariel pulled away from him and moved to the other side of the couch. He wanted to tell her she was wrong, but even now he also wanted to get her away from the hive mind. There was nothing he could say.

Ariel yelled, “Has it occurred to you the overmind set me as a trap?”

He had dismissed the idea long ago. And yet …

Brett pulled himself into a normal sitting position. Ariel was still screaming. “Maybe you gave me the benefit of the doubt and decided I didn’t realize I was a honey trap. I’ll get rid of that now. Only a few thousand people function at the core of the overmind at any one time. We’re not really like brain cells, we understand things we’re closely involved with.

“I’ll tell you something else. I remember every step I went through becoming a Neuron. Either I’m lying to you, or you don’t know what you’re afraid of.

“One more thing before you go. I wanted to show you the way people join the supermind, so you’d know what it’s really like. I’m glad we cleared this up before I wasted time trying that.”

At least for that, Brett had an answer. “I can’t do that. You’d spend the rest of your life thinking I used you. I just received a list of things I was supposed to try to get from the overmind.”

“So either someone knows everything you’ve been taught is a lie, or thinks he’s sacrificing a pawn. You sticking with them? What the hell is the matter with you?”

Ariel stood up and walked towards him. She didn’t look like she wanted to hug him again. Brett stiffened for the slap he had invited before their love affair began, but instead she grabbed the computer off his belt. She sat down about a foot away from him.

Just as he started to gently explain she wouldn’t be able to work it, she grabbed his thumb and pressed it against the fingerprint recognition scanner.

He should have stopped her then, but he would hardly have carried around classified information in his belt computer. He didn’t want to fight her, and despite everything he was intensely curious what she wanted from it.

She released his arm, and it dropped to the couch. She still wouldn’t know how to use a modern issue military belt computer. It was nothing like Oceanian technology. He watched her concentrate a little, then start using the touch sensitive pad. Either some Oceanian had the skills to give her, or could come close enough to make a good guess. Apparently Ariel understood the technical language too.

She exclaimed, “This is shit! Your engineers will find it themselves in a few years. None of it would help in the middle of a war. As far as I’m concerned you could have it.”

Brett stared at her, astonished by this description of the technical questions which had been made his top priority.

She handed him back his belt computer. “Goodbye.”

He said, “Ariel, look at me.”

She stared at him coldly.

He continued, “I won’t let the time we had together mean less because of what you imagine I’m thinking. If you still want to, show me the way.”

Ariel’s devastation drove him onward, but this morning he had already been trying to nerve himself for the final step. It might actually be easier with her by his side. Since Ariel was helping him accept Oceania’s invitation, perhaps her countrymen would not hold her time with him against her.

Or perhaps he deluded himself, increasing Ariel’s problems by delaying her heartbreak.

His fears were not gone, but the intensity of Ariel’s individuality and passion made them less plausible.

So he only needed to worry that she might become a criminal or outcast for consorting with the enemy. It would be harder to do this without her though, and allowing her homeworld to be unnecessarily devastated was no favor to her.

Her face softened. She leaned towards him. “I guess that’s what I was thinking. It’ll give us a little more time together. Neither of our governments could object.”

For a moment Brett wondered if the change had been too easy, then he shoved the thought away. “How do I start?”

Apparently he still didn’t look very calm. She asked, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Of course I am.”

Ariel looked concerned for a moment, then laughed. “You’re lying. You’ve let yourself become convinced you’re responsible for things much bigger than you. Are you still hoping our entire world will realize how steadfast the determination of the Federalist Worlds is from reading your mind? Or maybe you’ll discover the key to our defenses, turn this war into a bloodless victory. And then?”

Brett wanted to protest, but although they never talked about politics, his goals really weren’t secret. “I guess.”

“Sorry to disappoint you there. You’ll still be glad you did this though. It’s like nothing you’ve ever imagined.”

“So how do I -”

Ariel interrupted. “It’s easier and more natural than you think. Brain cells work together in groups, which form lobes, which work together to form hemispheres, which learn to communicate with each other without any instruction manuals. Now you’ll take one step up.”

“But none of those other units has any individuality to lose.”

Ariel smiled. “Soon you’ll see this is nothing like you expect. I’m putting you in charge. No need to worry about being absorbed, you’re the boss. If my analogy doesn’t make you feel better, forget the neurons, you’re about to use the most amazing collaborative software you’ve ever imagined. Start with a subject you believe Oceania should think more about.”

Brett blinked. “I’m in charge?”

Ariel smiled. “It’s traditional to start that way. Just think of something you know about that you think Oceania would benefit from considering. Soon your skills and knowledge will be indexed and other self-organizing projects will reach out to you.”

That sounded creepy, but Brett decided not to ask if he would have a choice. He had already chosen.

Brett grinned to himself. He had knowledge of the Federalist Space Force which Oceania would no doubt be happy to have. While he and the Colonel had assumed it was compromised from the day of his first infusion, he wouldn’t go with that, in case they were wrong.

Instead he said, “I know more about brain surgery than most of you do. You have many ways of resolving problems without cutting through the skull, but not as much experience when it’s unavoidable.”

Ariel nodded. “Great idea.”

Brett bit back the impulse to ask what now. He found he already knew, though he couldn’t quite put it into words.

On reflection he was surprised how much he knew about the Oceanian healthcare system, despite variation throughout the planet. Most neurosurgeons would have access to shared technical knowledge, but more was needed. Sheer physical stamina was important. A complex operation could last many hours. Brett remembered drilling through cow skulls in school, but nothing was quite like drilling through skulls backed by flesh and blood, where a slip could destroy a mind.

Virtual reality simulations were good, but not perfect. Lifists were almost as strong on Oceania as on Old York, limiting surgical practice even on farm animals about to be slaughtered in the most humane way possible.

Brett closed his eyes and remembered his first major surgery, not as observer or intern or assistant but as the doctor in charge. He could still remember his hands vibrating as the drill cut through bone.

More than just remembering, he could find the people who might need this knowledge, or make use of it. Their minds had been indexed, just as his would soon be. A few had already shared the memory with him, though their brains would be permitted to retain none of Brett’s personal history.

His eyes snapped open. It had been easy – too easy. The very naturalness of it was wrong. Brett lifted his head sharply, for once unbeguiled by Ariel’s blue eyes. She told him, “Put the experience into words as best you can. That will help you absorb it.”

“Umm, those people whose names I couldn’t quite assimilate all at once, they weren’t all people directly involved with how Oceanian medicine is practiced. They could have scheduled other people who were to be on at the same time as I was, if it seemed worthwhile. Ultimately a very professional case could be made. Not everyone is convinced, not that they doubt I have more experience with surgery than most of them, but they doubt that there’s a systematic problem that can be solved without a lot of unnecessary surgery.”

Brett thought a moment. “I recruited them for the project, sort of. I knew where to find two of them, who knew where to find the rest.”

Or ‘where’ was the wrong word, but he had ‘located’ them by …

Words eluded him.

Ariel nodded.

Brett continued, “Even though I was sort of in charge, it wasn’t like I was controlling them.”

“Exactly. After a taste or so of organizing, you start by learning to be organized, as a resource for others who can use your abilities. Ultimately you’ll do both, as circumstances warrant.”

“I couldn’t have forced any of them to do anything they didn’t want to, could I?”

Ariel changed pronouns, understanding the true drift of his question. “Nobody can force you. People do sometimes do things that surprise themselves. Being part of something larger than yourself is a heady feeling. There are stories about swindlers and forgers who become swept away in the joy of being Oceania, eagerly reengineering the banking system to put themselves out of business. In real life it’s mostly retired or captured criminals, and they sometimes get compensated for their help.”

Brett replied, “There’s something we haven’t touched here. All this talk of collaborative tools is great, and I can see that’s part of it. You’re going to tell me that there’s no single unified consciousness that people become part of? I’ve heard Oceanians talk about it.”

Ariel paused, apparently choosing her words. “There is, but if you don’t experience it firsthand I can’t describe it. It started as a sort of consensus hallucination. The people who originally founded the supermind had many different interests and purposes. They negotiated compromises, but ultimately the system of balances involves everyone who participates.”

“So now I try the other side? Learn to be ‘organized’?”

“You could put it that way. Next we’re going to index your brain. Don’t worry, it’s much easier than it sounds.”

What followed seemed like an eternity. Brett became suddenly aware of simple puzzles, which vanished from his mind when he decided how he would solve them – or didn’t. He heard short words and phrases, many in foreign languages, and brief conundrums that were swept away as soon as he decided how to think about them. Some of the tests had tactile components as well, or an element of taste or scent he couldn’t isolate.

It felt like a long time before the torrent of experiences ended, but Brett’s belt computer said only about twenty minutes. He didn’t bother to ask how he had done. “Everything is too fast, I couldn’t -”

Ariel interrupted. “You’re not supposed to. We can tell how you set about a problem before you actually start it. There’s a lot of material to be covered. You resisted. Why?”