Authors: Sue Barr
Chapter Nineteen
Tank’s heart raced while he drove through the picturesque town that
lay outside of Caleb’s ranch, The Circle K. He was familiar with the town and
the ranch since he’d been Caleb’s partner for over eight years. He recognized
the grocery mart where they probably still delivered groceries to your home.
Same old furniture store, church, local courthouse and Sheriff’s office, with a
big hound dog sprawled out front. The dog lifted its head and gave Tank a
lethargic look when he cruised by. Probably the same dog too.
A sign by the side of the road pointed to the Circle K Ranch and he
followed the shaded drive that would lead him to Shelby. His stomach churned and
he could barely breathe. Before he left Neil’s office, Neil told him Shelby had
amnesia and in the last report from Caleb, hadn’t regained her memory.
What if she never remembered him? He’d been in Special Forces and
gone into numerous high-risk areas, but what he felt crawling along his spine right
now was something he never experienced.
After cresting a small hill, he saw the house and pulled alongside.
Fear anchored him to the seat. For every mile he’d driven, a different scenario
played inside his mind. She could look at him and smile politely, because he
was a stranger. Or she could hide, because Caleb warned her not to trust
strangers. But the one scenario that gripped his heart and squeezed was the
thought that she could look at him with indifference. Not because she didn’t
remember him but because she had, and didn’t want him in her life.
He removed the photo of him and Shelby from his wallet. Already
softening around the edges, he caressed Shelby’s image with his finger. Hopefully,
he’d have the real thing in his arms today. Finally he folded the photo and
tucked it back into his wallet and stepped out of the rental car.
With a deep breath he mounted the front steps of the porch and
pushed open the screen door. Music floated through the air and he followed the
sound to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway. Her back to him, she hummed
aloud while moving to the lively beat, hair bouncing around her shoulders. She
grabbed a dish from the drying rack beside the sink and swiped a tea towel over
the brightly patterned plate.
Even he didn’t recognize his voice when he finally uttered her
name.
“Shelby.”
****
A deep, hoarse voice lifted above the music, calling my name. There
was pain in that solitary word. I continued to dry the dish and looked toward
the door. There he stood, gaunter than I remembered, his face tired and drawn,
eyes hollow.
“Hi Tank.” I pivoted to put the dish in the cupboard and it fell
from nerveless fingers, clipping the counter before smashing against the
hardwood floor. Like a movie playing in slow motion, I turned to face the man I
thought I’d never forget, but had.
I couldn’t move. I only stared. It was him, the man from my dreams.
A sensation like a battering ram pummeled my temple as the floodgates opened
and everything I’d blocked rushed in.
Every time I blinked a new memory hit, making each breath
difficult. It was Christmas and we were opening presents with my mom and Aunt Tillie.
Then blink, a different memory of Tank’s arms wrapped around me, my heart
breaking as the doctor unplugged my mother’s life support. Another blink and
Tank walked away while I cried and pleaded with him to stay.
Caleb came through the door and stood behind Tank, his face wary. I
knew I was falling to the floor because I watched them both rush to catch me
before I hit.
****
“Why didn’t anyone call me? She’s my wife.”
“You were separated. Everyone thought you were only working the
case.”
“I thought she was dead! You guys let me think she was dead.”
Lying on the couch I listened to Caleb and Tank arguing. Although
they kept their voices low, it still carried into the living room.
More memories bounced around and this time I held onto them. I saw
Tank kissing my fingers, telling me he was back for good and how he’d left to
protect me. I recalled how relieved I’d felt, but after that I couldn’t
remember anything more. Had we made up? Had I dreamed it?
They continued to argue in the hall. Should I let them know I could
hear them? Deciding against it I closed my eyes. I wasn’t ready to face either
of them yet. What I hadn’t counted on was Mrs. Cribbs.
“She can hear you two morons.” Mrs. Cribbs passed by the living
room on the way to the kitchen. “Take it outside if you’re going to squabble.
She don’t need this right now.”
Between Mrs. Cribbs ratting me out and the sound of me shifting on
the couch they knew I was awake. Both men entered the living room, Caleb
looking apprehensive, Tank devastated. Tank came over and knelt beside me and I
couldn’t help it, I flinched when he caressed the side of my face. Hurt flashed
in his odd colored eyes.
“They told me you had died.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I didn’t know what else to say.
Wouldn’t his life be easier if I were dead? He’d left me without
explanation and I meant nothing to him. Or did I? He seemed pretty concerned
for a hardhearted ex-husband. This was all confusing. There was too much, too
soon. I needed time to work through my jumbled memories.
“When can I go home and be me again?” I asked Caleb.
“Darlin’—” Tank started.
“I’m not your darling.” He withdrew his hand from my hair he’d been
stroking. “I’m not your anything.”
I laid my head back against the couch and closed my eyes. A nagging
pain pulsed behind them.
“You can go home anytime, Dix— Shelby. Your papers will take a bit
of time and your house needs to be repaired.” Caleb soothed.
“
Our
house is repaired.” Tank bit out.
“Oh.” Caleb was surprised; I could hear it in his voice. Against my
better judgement, I smiled. Now I remembered how Tank got his name. When he
wanted something, he could be very determined and single-minded and rolled over
anything that got in his way.
I guess he would have fixed the damage. The house
was
his,
after all. I’d moved in after we got married. For all I knew, he could have
sold it by now. Why would he want to stay there anyway? Where would Polly and I
watch movies?
“Polly!” I jolted upright. Caleb started forward and Tank reached
out to steady me. I swatted his hand away and swung my legs to sit. “I have to
call Polly. She thinks I’m dead!”
“We all thought you were dead.” Tank’s voice, full of hurt, washed
over me. Maybe his apology before I’d been blasted by the bomb had been reality
not a dream. I glanced down at my hands and was surprised to see them shaking.
I clasped them together and said, “Caleb, would you give Tank and
me a few minutes?”
Caleb stepped out and I shuffled over on the couch to give Tank
room. He slid in, but didn’t try to crowd me or make me feel uncomfortable. I
couldn’t look at him. What do you say to someone who thought you had died? Someone
you didn’t know if you were mad at and wanted to punch in their handsome,
unshaven face or someone you were ecstatic to see and wanted to leap into their
arms and rain kisses all over that same handsome, unshaven face.
I couldn’t look at him. I was afraid of what I’d see.
“Shelby.”
I kept my head bowed.
“Shelby, look at me.” The gentleness in his voice compelled me to
turn my head and reluctantly I raised my eyes. He was smiling, genuinely
smiling, even with his eyes. To say I was shocked would have been an
understatement. With the tip of his finger, he tapped the bottom of my chin to
close my mouth. He cupped my cheek with his hand, his wry smile tugging at my
heart.
“You are so beautiful... I needed to see you, to touch you.” He
removed his hand from my cheek and I felt a moment of loss and wanted him to touch
me again. “I don’t know what, or how much you remember and I don’t care. I’d
rather have you alive and hating me than not have you around at all. When they
buried—” His voice roughened and broke. A tear squeezed out of his blue eye.
Tank never cried.
He laughed, he joked and he got mad. He never cried. Without
thinking I brushed away his tear, and cupped his cheek in my palm. Close to
tears myself, I swallowed hard.
After a brief pause he cleared his throat. “When they buried you,
they may as well have placed me in the casket too. All of me was with you.” He
took hold of my hand and pressed it to the center of his chest. “You are my
heart. Without you, I don’t exist.”
I couldn’t constrain them anymore. Tears streamed down my cheeks
and he wiped them away, never removing his gaze from mine. He’d just bared his
soul and I was swimming in a sea of emotions.
Gathering me close he pressed my head against his chest. His
thundering heart matched mine. As we sat, his heart rate slowed and became a
steady, soothing beat. I didn’t want to leave this cocoon of silence, this tiny
life raft in the midst of all the confusion where I felt safe, truly safe for
the first time in months.
This was where I belonged. I gave my heart wings and allowed myself
to love him again.
Chapter Twenty
A lone suitcase rested at the foot of the stairs, filled with the
few belongings I’d gathered in my short time at the ranch. Caleb bought it a
few days ago when the decision had been made for me to go back home and pick up
the pieces of my former life. Tank wandered off while I said my good-byes.
Even that surprised me. Since he arrived two days ago, he hadn’t let
me out of his sight. Last night I tripped over him when I got up to get a drink
of water. He’d fallen asleep propped against the wall outside my bedroom, his
long legs stretched across the hallway. Even though I loved Tank, I wasn’t
ready to sleep with him and besides, it didn’t feel right to do that in Caleb’s
home. Also, I needed time to sort through feelings and memories that were
jumbled together like a 1000-piece puzzle.
The inevitable phone call to Polly had been an adventure all by
itself. She squealed, she giggled and she cried, all in the space of thirty
seconds. I knew she’d be camped on my front porch waiting. Best friends since
grade school, we hadn’t been apart for longer than a few weeks as kids, except when
her Daddy would take them to Europe in the summer. We talked for hours and she
filled in the gaps Tank and Caleb wouldn’t, or couldn’t tell me, about Regis.
Regis kept insisting, to anyone who’d listen, that the bomb was
only supposed to scare Tank off, but I hadn’t been born last night. The
triggering device hadn’t been on a timer. Someone pressed the detonation
button. And that someone waited until Tank was gone and I was near the flash
point.
Regis had decided that if he couldn’t have me, then no one would.
It was sheer luck I’d paused when I spotted the wire and hadn’t been any closer
to the immediate blast. Whatever made him think he had any claim on me was a
mystery. I’d rebuffed him from the time we were eight. Even as a child he gave
me chills.
The sound of banging crockery told me Mrs. Cribbs was in the
kitchen. I paused in the door and watched her washing dishes in the oversized
kitchen sink.
“Mrs. Cribbs?”
She turned, her eyes red-rimmed, and looked my way. Tears for me?
“Mrs. Cribbs. Don’t cry.”
She grabbed the corner of her apron and wiped her face. “I can cry
if I want to. You kinda grew on me, girl.” Efficiently, she turned back to the
sink and set a frying pan on the drying rack.
At first, the smell from the breakfast spread on the table made my tummy
flip-flop. I’d suffered from migraines and severe nausea the first few weeks on
the ranch, and for the most part they’d gone away. The added strain of getting
my memory back must have caused them to return, or at least the familiar queasiness
at the smell of food.
“Did Tank have breakfast?” I loaded my plate with a bit of egg and
dry toast.
“Yes. He said he was going down to the barn. Caleb’s prize filly,
Shay, is fixin’ to drop her foal soon and he can’t leave her.” She waved her
dish rag at me. “Eat now.”
Obediently I scooped the fluffy egg into my mouth and groaned. How
does she do it? I could mimic every step and my food never melted in your mouth
like hers. Maybe it was a good thing I was going home. A few more months of
Mrs. Cribbs home cooking and I’d have to increase my ten mile run to twenty to
melt off the pounds. As it was, my jeans were hard to close after a few months
of her food.
I drained my coffee, wiped toast crumbs off my mouth and pushed
back from the table. Mrs. Cribbs, scouring pans in the big ceramic farmers sink
gave a start when I tapped her on the shoulder. Awkwardly she accepted the
impulsive hug I threw around her.
“Thank you, Mrs. Cribbs.” I stepped away. “I’ll never forget you.”
She pulled me back in and gave me a proper hug. “I’ll never forget
you either. You were a pain in the
‘you know where’
. Now get. I got
things to do today.” She turned back to the sink. I heard a big sniff come from
her. A corresponding sniffle tugged at my heart too. She’d become my surrogate
mother and hadn’t even applied for the position. I vowed to stay in touch with
her.
As I left Mrs. Cribbs in the kitchen and made my way down to the
barn I realized I would miss the quiet, gentle rhythm of the ranch. I loved
being a P.I., but there was something about working with your hands and
enjoying the benefits brought about by all your hard work. It felt right
somehow.
Maybe I’d start a garden in my back yard and grow a few vegetables.
I’d wow Polly with my new culinary skills, taught to me by a patient Mrs.
Cribbs. Polly would never believe I could make something other than pasta and
salad.
The barn was still a few feet away when Caleb came through the open
door, stopping when he saw me.
“Hey, Caleb. Thought I’d come see if Shay had her baby yet.”
“No, but she’s close.”
An awkward pause hung between us. Ever since I’d gotten my memories
back Caleb had pulled within himself. And I knew he regretted telling me he’d
liked me for so long. The only way I knew how to deal with this situation was
head on. He turned to go back into the barn so I hurried forward and grabbed
his arm.
“Caleb, wait.”
He stopped and looked down at me, the shade from his hat hiding his
eyes. It took a few long seconds before he spoke.
“What do you want Dixie?” He cussed. “I mean Shelby.”
“I guess I’ll always be Dixie to you, won’t I?”
A wry smile quirked the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, you’ll always
be my Dixie.” He shifted his stance and hooked his thumbs in the loop of his
jeans.
“Caleb. You are one of the nicest men I know.”
“I know where this is going.
But you’ll always be my friend
.”
Bitterness tinged his voice and it hurt my heart. He needed someone in his
life, too.
“Yes, you will. You did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. There’s
just never been anyone but Tank for me and even without my memory he was always
there. You knew that.”
Caleb shrugged and looked over my shoulder into the distance.
Finally he gave a droll smile and chucked me under the chin like he did when he
asked me to the dance.
“Yeah, I did. But I always hoped.” He pushed the brim of his hat
back onto his head. The fine lines around his chocolate eyes crinkled when he
finally smiled. “Tank said he’d wait for you in the car. I can’t leave Shay;
she’s too close, so I’ll say my good-byes here.” He leaned in and brushed my
lips with his. “See ya... Dixie.” He turned and disappeared into the barn.
I stood there for a few seconds, a bit stunned by the sweet kiss,
then turned back to the house, my suitcase and Tank.