Authors: NM Facile
hoping it would be time to go. I needed to get this conversation behind me.
Admittedly, I took my time getting ready. I chastised myself when I debated on what to wear. I final y gave up, and just pul ed a random shirt out of
my closet and grabbed a pair of jeans. Everything went with jeans. It didn’t matter what I was wearing anyway. I wasn’t going over there to impress
her. Sure I wasn’t. That was why I’d spent so much time trying to get my hair to do anything other than stick up al over. No real y, I was just going
over there to tel her I wouldn’t be any trouble for her.
Final y, I couldn’t wait any longer. I made my way across the hal . The space couldn’t have been more than five or six feet from door to door, yet it
felt like I was crossing the Grand Canyon. By the time I got to the door, I started second-guessing myself. My throat was dry and my heart was
racing. I raised my hand, but held off on knocking. If I knocked, there would be no turning back. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and knocked.
I heard her cal out, thinking I was Kai. I debated on just turning around, but I’d come this far. I needed to finish it. I heard her yel from further away
this time and couldn’t make out exactly what she’d said. At last I heard her at the door.
“What do you want?” She practical y spit the words out at me as the door was thrown wide open. There she stood glaring at me and it was too
late to turn back.
“Sylvia, I think we need to talk.”
There I’d said it. Now I had to finish it. I took a deep breath and waited for her to reply. She was just scowling at me. As I waited for her to say
something, I took the time to real y look her over. She looked like hel . I had seen Sylvia in many different situations; first thing in the morning, sick,
after swimming, with windblown hair, and other times as wel . At no point did she ever look this awful.
It went further than just messy hair and smudged make-up ringing her eyes. Her eyes were blood-shot and puffy, and even though they were
currently shooting daggers at me, there was stil an undeniable sense of tiredness. I moved from her eyes to her lips. They were swol en and
cracked. As I looked at them, her tongue darted out, licking them. My gaze traveled lower, taking in the faded blue t-shirt. Damn, it was the one from
our senior class trip. I momentarily remembered her asleep on the bus in my arms while wearing that shirt. I couldn’t believe she stil wore it. I
glanced down at her feet, trailing my gaze up her bare legs to the bottom of her shirt. I caught a brief glimpse of her black panties. I quickly shifted
my eyes back up to hers, before my thoughts could get away from my reason for being there.
“I don’t have anything to say to you.” She attempted to shut the door, but I stopped it.
“Then just listen to what I have to say.” I kept my tone even as my eyes pleaded with her to just listen to me.
“Why? Why should I listen to you? You didn’t listen to me when I wanted to talk to you. You never returned a cal or even a text. You just left.” Her
voice grew louder and louder with each word. “Now you expect me to listen to you? Fuck you, Quinn! You have nothing to say that I want to hear.”
I had expected tears or silence while I talked. I didn’t expect anger. I was completely taken aback when Sylvia swore. I didn’t think I had ever
heard her say that before. “I’m sorry, Sylvia.” I looked into her eyes, hoping she would see the regret in mine.
“You should be,” she sneered back at me. She tried to shut the door again, but I held it steady. I wasn’t done yet, and I needed her to hear me out.
“I just wanted you to know that I’m not here to cause you any trouble,” I said quietly. “I wil stay out of your way. I’l stay away from Reed and Sloane
too, if you want.” I real y hoped she wouldn’t want that. I let go of the door and started backing away.
“You can do whatever the hel you want with Reed and Sloane. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything you do anymore.” She was stil yel ing at
me as she stalked closer, pointing at me until she was poking me in the chest. “You. Are. No. Longer. Part. Of. My. Life.” She punctuated each word
with a sharp poke. “I don’t know why you are here now, and whatever the reason is I don’t want to know it. Just stay the hel away from me.”
The tiredness was now gone from her eyes. In its place was a flame of anger and an ember of hurt. I wanted to soothe her and assure her that I
would never hurt her again. “Sylvia, I didn’t know you were here. I swear. My mom picked out the place.”
She covered her ears. “I told you I don’t want to hear it.” Now she was just acting childish. I pul ed her hands away and she glared up at me.
“Look. We were friends once. There’s no reason we can’t be again, or at least be civil towards each other.”
Except I’ll always want to be more to
you than just a friend.
She looked at me then and the anger in her face crumbled into pain. “Why?” Her voice was so soft; I read her lips more than heard the actual
words. Her lips trembled, and she stopped it by biting her bottom lip.
“Why?” I raised my voice a little, frustrated that I would have to explain this to her. “Because we live across the hal from each other. Because we
are going to run into each other occasional y. We can’t have this ever present tension and anger between the two of us.” I motioned between us.
“Because I like hanging out with Sloane and Reed, and they are your friends, too. We’re bound to end up in the same room together at some point,
and we need to not end up yel ing like this.” My voice had reached its ful volume now, and I was yel ing just as loudly as she had been.
Her eyes were wide and starting to pool with tears. She quietly sobbed. “I meant, why did you leave?”
Fuck! Not that question. This time I knew I needed to answer her. And I needed to answer her with the truth.
The door next to mine opened and a girl peeked around the corner of it. “Not out here Sylvia,” I said between clenched teeth as I looked over my
shoulder at the girl behind the door. Sylvia nodded and grabbed my hand and yanked me into her apartment. I shut the door behind me and turned
to look anywhere but at her while I col ected my thoughts.
Even though we had been standing in her doorway with the door wide open, I hadn’t looked in her apartment. I had just looked at her. Now, for the
first time, I was seeing it. Seeing her clothes from the day before lying around on the floor. It hit me then just why her clothes were al over the floor
and why she was only in a t-shirt. My eyes flew open and I looked from the floor to her face and back to her bra on the floor and back to her face
again.
I felt sick. Beau’s smug grin the night before flashed before my eyes, and I knew why he’d been gloating. Sylvia was red, but she made no move
to apologize or pick anything up. She left the evidence of her new life laying there between us. How was I supposed to tel her the truth -- that I loved
her so much I’d had to let her go -- with the remains of her night with another man right there in front of my face? I ran my hands through my hair,
trying to calm myself down. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to push away the vision of her removing those same clothes.
Taking them off for an asshat like Beau.
“So, are you going to tel me or stare at my clothes?” Sylvia asked, annoyed. “I deserve an answer.” She was right. She did. I took a breath in
while deciding how to tel her. Should I tel her to sit down first? Should I just tel her quickly, and get it over with? Either way she wasn’t going to
understand. No one would understand. That’s why I’d never told anyone.
I straightened up and looked her in the eye. I answered quietly, yet matter-of-factly, “Because you needed to go to the University of Minnesota.”
She gave me a puzzled look. “You needed to take the scholarship.”
We were in our last week of school. Our graduation ceremony was going to be held on Saturday afternoon. It was an easy week for the seniors.
With our tests behind us, we spent the last few days of school reminiscing with the others in our class and talking about our future plans. On
Thursday, Sylvia was cal ed to the counselor’s office. She was notified that she was one of the recipients of the Governor’s Scholarship. She would
have a ful ride to any in-state col ege or university. Only five students in the state of Minnesota were chosen each year for this. Sylvia had worked
very hard for it.
When she came back from the office and told me, I was excited for her. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t. Then she told me she wasn’t going to
accept it. We had both been accepted to Princeton and planned to go together in the fal . She had been working and saving, and even though Kel y
offered to help, it stil wouldn’t be enough to cover her first year’s tuition. That didn’t even include housing fees, books and just everyday living
expenses. Sylvia had already completed al the paperwork for the massive amount of loans she would need to pay for it.
I couldn’t let her do it. I couldn’t let her pass it up. I mul ed it over for the next couple days, trying to decide how to make her see reason. She
absolutely wouldn’t hear it when I tried to talk about it with her that first day. After that, I decided I had to come up with a better plan. During the
graduation ceremony it hit me. If I broke it off with her, she would take the scholarship and go to the U of M. It broke my heart to even contemplate
moving away from Sylvia, but I knew it had to be done. It was best for her, and that was al that mattered.
Sylvia blinked at me a few times, while my answer soaked in. “You broke up with me so I would go here? You broke up with me so I would take
the scholarship?” She asked me incredulously. Her voice began to rise. “You left me over col ege tuition? Seriously? You left me broken and crying
over money?”
Well, when you put it that way...
“Get the fuck out.”
“Sylvia, wait. You don’t understand,” I tried to reason with her.
“No, I think I understand perfectly wel . You decided what was best for me without my input.” She was absolutely livid now. Her eyes were flashing
and her arms were flailing. She was amazing. “You asshole. You goddamn motherfucker. What gave you the right to decide what was best for me?”
“At the time...”
“At the time I was completely capable of making my own decisions.” She was pacing around the room now, her eyes were wild, and I was a little
frightened. “I knew what I wanted. The University of Minnesota was not what I wanted.”
“I know, but it was what you needed.” I attempted to calm her down.
“NO! It wasn’t what I needed. You were what I needed. You were what I always needed.” She stopped pacing long enough to shout that at me.
“Sylvia, please...” My pleas were fal ing on deaf ears. She was in the middle of her rant, and nothing was going to calm her down.
“Please what? Please let you decide what would be best for me? Please let you take away my free wil ? Please let the past few years of absolute
heartbreak and emptiness go like they never happened? Is that what you want, Quinn? Is that what would please you?” She was stalking towards
me again. I have never in my life seen a woman as angry as Sylvia was. Her red hair was wild with tangles and curls and her eyes flashed brightly.
“Did you feel that you needed to make my decisions for me? Was I so incapable of managing my own life that I needed you to take care of that for
me?”
I shook my head. I raised my hands in an innocent gesture, even though I knew I was anything but innocent. “Please, Sylvia. I did what I thought
was right. I was 18. I didn’t know...”
“You’re damn right you didn’t know. You didn’t know how I fel apart. You didn’t know how I needed you. You didn’t know how much I loved you.”
She let her hands drop to her sides, defeated. She looked up at me under her lashes. “You were everything to me, but I was not enough for you.” My
heart seized up. Not enough? How could she even think that? She was everything.
“Sylvia, you were...”
“Stop!” She yel ed it at me, effectively cutting me off. “No more. I don’t want to hear it. It’s been too long. My life is mine now. Apparently you made
that decision for me. Now I make my own decisions. I want you to leave.” She said this in a cold, detached voice.
“Sylvia, please...” I tried one more time, but she turned away from me. As she turned, my eyes were drawn to her hip and the way the t-shirt rode
up on it. There on her hip was the most horrendous bruise. I knew Sylvia bruised easily. She always had some bruise or another on her, from
tripping or running into something. This bruise was definitely not from her normal clumsiness. This was in the definite shape of a hand.
I sucked in a breath and asked, “Sylvia, what the fuck is that?” Like I didn’t already know what it was. My brain just wouldn’t process it. She
whipped around and looked at me blankly.
“What is what?” She asked, clearly pissed at what she must have thought was a new tactic to distract her.
I pointed to her hip. “What is that?” She looked down. I saw comprehension cross her face as she realized what I was pointing at. She tugged the
bottom of her shirt lower.
“That is none of your business.” She glared back at me with a hint of chal enge in her eyes. Daring me to say any more about it. She stil held the
hem of her shirt as she pul ed it low over her hips.
“Did he do that to you?” It was starting to dawn on me just how in the hel those marks came about. My eyes were stil wide in shock that someone
could do that to my Sylvia. I was so distracted I didn’t even catch my mental slip. She continued to glare at me her eyes no more then paper-thin