Authors: Heather Sosbee
I
’ve only dreamt of sharing a moment like this with Ari, smelling his scent, feeling his desire for me. Any doubts I had before are gone, and I can understand that he is in a tricky situation here. He also wants what he can’t have, and I think this is terribly unfair for him.
My presence here is torturing him. Guilt and shame are mixing with want and desire, warring with each other for control. His lips are hovering very close to the vein pulsing rapidly in my neck, causing anticipation to win out above everything else inside of me.
Do it, do it, do it….
I’m chanting in my mind, encouraging him to continue by lifting my chest up to his in supplication.
I’m yours. Just do it.
“Please,” I
stammer.
“Brooke, I
—” He begins in a husky voice, his breath washing over my neck, making me shiver. My hand reaches up to grip his shirt over his chest, pulling him closer to me. I can feel him pressing into me; I can tell he’s turned on.
Holy hell is he turned on
.
A wave of dizziness washes over me with the realization that Ari has probably been waiting just as long as I have
. He’s likely wanted me like I’ve wanted him. It’s a heady rush to know that I am causing such a huge reaction in him, and it only turns me on even more. I need more.
To hell with the consequences
.
I cup and lift his head to meet my eyes, immediately getting lost in the beautiful blue. I lick my dry lips, an invitation if he would take it. His eyes drop to focus on my mouth. I think he
’s going to kiss me. In seemingly slow motion, he begins to lower his mouth to mine. My eyelashes sweep down and my eyes close.
An annoying little electronic song starts playing loudly and we jerk apart as if we’ve been stabbed with hot pokers. We both know we were doing something we shouldn’t be doing, and we’re now acting like we’ve been caught with our hands in the cookie jar.
“It
’s my phone. Lára is calling. They’re probably done working now. I should answer this.” He holds his hand up in a “just a moment” gesture, while backing up several feet away from me. All the heat that had been accumulating between us now evaporates.
A chill sets in my bones in its place. I feel almost like someone poured a bucket of cold water over me
. I’m starting to shiver as the heat leaves my body so suddenly. Wrapping my arms around myself to stay warm, I do my best to pretend like nothing has happened and head over to examine some more of the statues in the garden.
Ari is making small talk with Lára, and I can hear him telling her the places he took me to. After a few moments, I hear him begin to wrap up the phone call.
“Yeah, we’ll head your way now,” he’s saying when I finally come back to stand near him a few minutes later. “I love you too, bye.” He hangs up and slides his phone into his jacket pocket.
He
’s looking everywhere except for directly at me, and my sinking heart tells me that now it’s time to go back to pretending there is nothing between us. He clears his throat uncomfortably.
“We should head back now. The girls are cleaning up and they
’ll be waiting for us.” I just lower my eyes and nod my head, starting to walk back in the direction of the entrance to the garden. Ari follows, and we walk back to the restaurant in relative silence. We both are obviously feeling the strain from all of these emotions and it’s not the most comfortable silence.
Although, it
’s really our only option at this point, I don’t think we are able to really socialize without our feelings coming to the surface. I wonder how long we can handle being around each other like this before one of us snaps. My stomach is starting to cramp a bit from the mixture of dread, guilt, and loss that’s eating at me. Suddenly, the dreary damp weather seems to match how I feel on the inside.
All too soon, we are back at the restaurant, and I know I
’m forcing the smiles on my face and pretending everything is just fine for the sake of the girls. I give Ari a quick hug and thank him for his vast historical knowledge of Iceland. We all say our goodbyes. Emilia and I head back to her car and her apartment. She asks me questions about the day, and I tell her about everything except the almost kiss. A bit later in the evening, while my mind replays what happened with Ari, I fall into a fitful sleep.
******
Ari - Present time
My friend Gunnar answers his front door and lets me in. I slip my shoes off and head into the living room. My stocking feet makes light tapping sounds on the hardwood floors before I plop down onto the sofa.
Gunnar walks past me and sits on the other side of the huge couch. This is probably the most comfortable couch ever
, not to mention how awesome the whole apartment is in general. It’s the perfect bachelor’s pad.
Against the wall to my left, there is a projector screen covering a door that leads into a room behind it. A computer is set up by the arm of the couch that Gunnar is sitting next to
. It’s playing a documentary about space while connected to the projector. Lounging back, I place my left ankle on my knee and dive right into why I’m here.
“There
’s some serious shit going on. I met Brooke yesterday.” I take a deep breath and blow it out noisily through pursed lips. Gunnar looks at me curiously, listening. “We are in such an awkward position. Everyone is aware of our past and the fact that we cared a lot about each other.”
Gunnar is one of my best friends. We grew up together in a little town in the west of Iceland called Tálknafjörður, and
I know I can talk to him about anything without judgment.
“This girl is amazing,” I continue, with a wide smile breaking out across my face. Just thinking about her does that to me. I can
’t believe my reaction to Brooke. “I showed her around town yesterday and took her to the statue garden by the museum.” Gunnar nods, knowing where I’m talking about.
“We were walking up the stairs
and the church bells were ringing. I swear Gunnar; even our steps were in sync. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I couldn’t help feeling like it was our wedding day or something.” I continue, feeling a little foolish, “It felt like we belonged together.”
It really had blown me away just how right it had been with her. It freaked me out, to be honest. Brooke touched something inside of me and I definitely feel affected.
After all these years, she has grown on me. That may be an understatement. She has more than grown on me; she has become an important staple in my life that I hadn’t realized out loud. I can’t imagine my life without her in it. It’s even hard to imagine a world without her next to me. Where does that leave Lára?
Shaking my head in disbelief at myself, I lift both my hands, palms up, as if weighing the pros and cons of each girl. How have I gotten myself into this pickle?
“I love Lára. I do, and I want to be with her, but this girl Brooke is beyond perfect. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” I heave a deep sigh, dropping my hands in defeat.
“Brooke, she gets me. I
’m completely comfortable with her and don’t feel as though I have to censor myself. She’s beautiful, funny, sexy…shit. She has everything I want. She’s caring, and sensitive, and so smart. For having lived the shitty life she has, she’s stronger than most people I know.” I could literally continue oozing about how great she is, but it makes me uncomfortable, since I’m still dating Lára.
“What about Lára?” Gunnar asks thoughtfully
with a curious expression on his face.
“What about her? Obviously I think she
’s good enough to be dating her. She has been around forever and she has a great body. Lára is really smart too, although I think her choice of profession will lead her far away from here. That’s not for a while though. She laughs at my jokes.” I end all of it kind of lamely.
Is this really all that Lára is to me? Jokes, sex and convenience? I
’m not ready to admit that. Lára has been good to me, and I don’t want to throw it back in her face, even if just in my thoughts.
It
’s such a complicated situation. It would be so much easier if Brooke had never come. When I’m around her, well, it doesn’t get any easier. I want to see her more, but I know I shouldn’t. I’m not going to mention the near kiss to Gunnar, because I’ve already admitted enough. That was definitely a mistake and can’t happen again. I just need to see her again.
I have come to care about Brooke through all these years, and I had always thought that if by some chance we could, we would be together.
Most of me had just assumed that she’d never come. I hadn’t waited for her or anything. I’ve been happily dating Lára for a while now and Brooke has known that. At least, I think I’ve been happy.
I lift my head and
look at Gunnar. My brain is working up new schemes and ideas to better suit my inner desires. “I have an idea.”
“What
’s that?” Gunnar looks over at me with one eyebrow raised suspiciously. He probably thinks I’m going to come up with something skeevy.
Maybe I am.
“Do you maybe have room in your car for Lára, Brooke and I, for Tálknafjör?” If I could convince Brooke to come with us, I
’d have a whole weekend with her. Oh, and Lára.
I’m such a jerk.
Maybe it will be awful, but I know Brooke would love to come. I
’ve told her so much about Tálknafjörður, and she would love Pollurinn so much. Then, she could also see where I grew up. I know she would appreciate it. It’d also mean a lot to me, after everything between us.
“Yeah, it should be no problem. We have the room. Do you think that
’s a good idea?” Gunnar smiles and relaxes, as if relieved that I didn’t ask him to murder someone. “Is she hot?” he adds cheekily.
“Of course she is, and no, you can
’t hit on her. Besides, it’s a brilliant idea.”
Ari, you sly fox
.
******
I walk up the driveway to my flat and pull the keys out of my pocket to unlock the front door. Lára lives with me. I have no idea if she’s home now, though.
I step
inside and close the door behind me while I listen for any signs that she’s home. I don’t hear anything, so I head straight for the bedroom to find my laptop. I want to tell Brooke that she can come with us this coming weekend.
I empty
my pockets of my phone, keys, and random crap that always collects in pockets. I set it all on my dresser and sit on the bed. My laptop is already open and waiting for me.
I look at the screen and see that a
web page is pulled up for a university in Scotland. Lára must be looking into going some day. I know she wants to study to become a historian. She hasn’t spoken much about it lately and I haven’t brought it up. Shrugging, I close the tab down.
Opening up and logging into MSN, I see that Brooke is online. Perfect.
******
Present Time
MSN chat
marxist:
Are you around?
salemsme:
Yeah, I’m just getting ready for bed. What’s up?
marxist:
I was just wondering if you would be interested in going to Tálknafjörður with Lára, me, and a few other guys. We leave on Friday and will be home late Sunday. They have space in their car for you. They’re really good guys. I think you’d like them.
salemsme:
You’d be ok with that? You don’t think it’d be awkward or anything? I wouldn’t be in the way or a third wheel?
marxist:
I think it’d be really great for you to come with us. None of the other stuff really matters. Do you think it’s something YOU can handle?
salemsme:
Yes, I’ll come. Thanks for the invitation. Heading to bed. I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely used to the sun being up all night.
Will you let me know all the details tomorrow?
marxist:
No problem. Sweet dreams.
salemsme:
You too. :)
******
Ari
I fist pump into the air with excitement. I am so happy that Brooke is coming with us. I have a shit-eating grin on my face. My brain starts to create scenarios of how the weekend could go and I’m lost to it for a few moments.
The door to the connecting bathroom suddenly bursts open
and startles me. Lára comes out wrapped in a bath towel.
“What are you smiling so big about?” She asks, with a little
smirk of her own. Walking over to the dresser, she fishes around inside a drawer for some panties and cozy clothes.
“I just saw something funny on the internet
.” I have no idea why I lied. It just sort of slipped out. I guess I can’t tell her that I’m excited that a different girl is going to be spending time with us this weekend. Although, maybe I
should
tell her that Brooke is coming with us.
“So, um. Brooke is going to Tálknafjörður with us this weekend, I guess.” I try to slide that into the conversation as nonchalantly as I can, so Lára has no reason to be suspicious. She turns to me with an expression on her face I
’ve never seen before.
“You have got to be kidding me. Why is she coming with us? She
’s a city girl and will hate the countryside. What is she trying to do, steal you out from under my nose?” She scoffs at the idea and rolls her eyes dramatically. “Yeah, right.”
Her reaction throws me off a bit. From all the interactions between the girls that I
’ve seen so far, I hadn’t suspected that Lára would have any negative feelings toward Brooke.
I
’ve tried to keep as far away from Brooke when we are around everyone else. It’s actually rather off-putting that she wouldn’t try to put more of an effort to at least pretend she is trying to be friendly to someone she knows to be my and Emilia’s friend.
Frowning a bit, I try to come up with an answer that will soothe Lára. It sucks that I have to lie about that
, too. I watch her as she slides her panties on. I don’t even have a physical reaction to her right now as she stands across from me with no clothes on.
“It
’s not like that, Lára. Gunnar asked me to invite her. I guess he thinks she’s good looking or something.” Not bad, Ari. I could even believe that. Lára just sniffs in indifference.
“Just as long as she keeps her grubby paws off of you.” She pulls one of my old shirts over her head
and exits into the living room without another word. She leaves me alone to contemplate her behavior and the bad taste in my mouth.