Across the Universe (26 page)

61

AMY

AFTER ELDER ABANDONS ME IN THE RECORDER HALL, I STAND there, alone in the dark. I’m not sure why Elder went with Eldest—I trust Elder, but not Eldest, and I thought Elder agreed with me about Eldest.

Under it all, always, deep inside of me, is a pulsing worry for my parents, a constant desire to find the killer and to protect them, as ingrained in my being as my heartbeat. A wave of fear washes over me. My leg muscles tremble, but I can’t tell if it’s because they want to run, or because they want to collapse from under me.

“Amy?”

I bite back a shout of surprise.

“It’s Orion,” he says, striding from the shadows behind the model of Earth.

“Where were you before?” I ask. “I thought I saw you ...”

Orion smiles sheepishly at me. “I was looking at the wi-com locator, just for fun, you know. I saw Eldest was nearby. I ... I don’t get along well with Eldest. I thought it might be best for me to lie low until he was gone.”

“He hates you, too, huh?” I ask. Orion nods. “What’d you do?’

“It’s mostly just the problem of my existence.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Orion brushes his hair out of his face, and I see a flash of white: a scar trailing up the left side of his neck.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Orion says, “I’ve seen you running and ... what are you running from?”

He’s the second person to ask this, but I think he means something different from the girl in the rabbit field.

“I’m not sure,” I say, “but I think I’m tired of running now.”

“Yeah.” Orion glances behind him, into the Recorder Hall. “Me too.”

“I better go,” I say, even though I don’t have anywhere to go. I just know I’m not going to stay here, stagnant, afraid to move, cowering in the shadows of unreachable planets.

“I’ll see you soon,” Orion calls after me.

I don’t run back to the Hospital. I walk. I won’t let myself enter the zone where my body’s movement drowns out my brain’s thoughts. I force my feet to go slowly so that my mind can race.

The air is humid in the Hospital garden. If I was on Earth, I would think that it was about to rain—but I’m not on Earth, and rain here is nothing but sprinklers in the sky.

“Leave off,” an elderly voice behind me says. “I can walk up the stairs on my own.” I turn, curious. This elderly voice has an inflection of knowledge and insight to it—and I recognize it. Steela. The woman who dispersed the crowd of Feeders in the City, on my first run after I woke up.

“Yes, Mother.” The younger woman speaking is not like her mother. She has the same dead monotone that Filomina used when I observed her examination by the doctor.

Steela catches my eyes with her cloudy ones, the color of milk mixed with mud. She looks warily at me for a moment more, then her wrinkled lips spread into an even wrinklier smile. Her teeth are stained and crooked, and I can smell onions on her breath, but still it’s a nice smile. It’s a true smile.

“Mother,” the woman says again.

“Shut up, you,” the old woman says pleasantly. “I’ll just be a moment.”

“All right, Mother.” The woman stands perfectly still, like a windup toy that has run out of windup. She’s not upset in the least with her mother’s rude words, and she seems perfectly at ease with merely standing.

“Nice to see you again,” I say, extending my hand.

Steela’s grip is firmer than I’d expected. “Wish I could say the same. I hate this place.”

“Mother,” Steela’s daughter says pleasantly. “We should get you to the Hospital now.”

Steela looks defeated and defiant at the same time.

“Mother.” The woman’s voice is needling, but pleasant. Perfectly pleasant. Perfectly creepy.

“I’m coming!” Steela sounds like an angry child, but she just looks like a sad old woman who is too aged to make decisions for herself.

“I’ll take her,” I say before I really think of what I’m saying. “I mean, I was going there anyway, no problem.”

The daughter blinks. “If it is amenable to you, Moth—”

“Yes, yes, it’s
amenable
. Now go.” Steela watches her daughter leave. “Frexing shame, watching your daughter become one of
them.
” I open my mouth to ask who
they
are, but Steela’s a step ahead of me. “One of them brainless twits. They labeled me crazy when I was twelve, trained me up to be an agriculturalist.” She gazes at the garden behind the Hospital as I lead her to the steps. “I made that garden. Weren’t nothing but shrubs and weeds till I came. I’ve been takin’ them little blue-’n’-white pills ever since. But I don’t mind. Rather be crazy taking drugs than empty like that. Kind of wish me daughter was crazy, too. Might like her more then.”

Empty. What a good way to describe them.

“Heard about you on the wi-com,” Steela says, taking my arm. Her grip on my elbow is strong, belying her gnarled fingers. “Don’t reckon you’re what they said you were.”

“I reckon you’re one of the smartest people on this ship.”

Steela snorts. “Not smart.” She looks up as we reach the doors. “Not smart at all. I’m just scared, is all.” She grips my elbow tighter, somehow finding the thinnest skin to dig her fingernails into. I want to pry her fingers from my arm, but when I look down at her, I can tell that she’s using me as a lifeline, and I’m not going to be the one to let her drown.

“What do you have to be scared of?”

Steela stares blankly ahead. “I’m one of the last.” She glances up at me and sees my confused face. “One of the last of me generation.” The doors slide open and we step inside, but Steela is going slowly, slowly, until she actually stops just a few feet inside the lobby. “No one’s ever come back from here.”

“Don’t be silly.” I laugh. “I left here this morning.”

Steela gazes down at my smooth arm. “I don’t forget. I’ve never forgotten any of them: Sunestra, Everard, me Albie ... all of them dropped off here by their loving, brainless families, and none of them ever came back.”

I bite my lip in worry. “I’ve never seen them,” I say, but I remember not too long ago, the woman who was being checked in. The nurse took her away. But where?

I lead Steela up to the front desk and clear my throat to get the heavyset woman’s attention.

“What?” she asks, staring at Steela with cold, hard eyes.

“Her daughter came to drop her off,” I say.

The nurse nods and starts to come around her desk. “I’ll take her up to the fourth floor.”

“But you haven’t even asked what’s wrong.”

The nurse rolls her eyes. “What’s wrong?” she asks Steela.

“Nothing,” Steela says.

“Did your daughter say you were having delusions?”

“She said I was ...” Steela starts, a worried look on her face.

“That’s not so bad,” I say, patting Steela’s hand. “Old people don’t always think straight. It’s nothing to worry about.” I glance at the nurse. “It’s nothing to go to a hospital over. I can take her back home.”

“What kind of delusions?” the nurse asks, bored.

Steela’s face grows dark. I can tell that she is really worried, really scared. “I ... I remember ...” she mutters.

“What do you think you remember?” The nurse doesn’t look up from the floppy she’s typing on.

“The stars,” Steela whispers. My hold on her hand tightens. “Earlier, when Eldest said ...”

Her voice trails off. She does not have to finish.

“But ...”

My full attention is on Steela. I can tell by the way she’s shaking that what she’s trying to say is vitally important to her. The nurse yawns.

“But I can remember that happening before. When I was pregnant with me daughter—”

“Didn’t happen,” the nurse interjects. “Lots of the grays have been saying the same. Just getting the past mixed up with the present.”

Steela bristles. “Don’t tell me what I do and do not remember!”

“Classic delusional case, brought on by age,” the nurse states in a matter of fact way. “Come with me.”

She steps out from behind the desk and reaches for Steela’s arm. Steela holds on to me tighter and refuses to move.

“Where are you taking her?” I ask.

“Fourth floor.”

My mind is racing. I need to relieve Harley from guard duty; I need to focus more on solving the mystery of the killer. But Steela’s fragile hands are shaking. I said I wouldn’t be the one to let her drown. I can afford enough time to be her buoy a little longer. Besides—I want desperately to know what is behind those locked doors.

“I’ll take her up there,” I offer. I can feel Steela sag with relief at the thought.

“I shouldn’t ...”

“I don’t mind.”

“Let me call Doc.” Her hand hovers near her ear-button.

“No, don’t bother. I’ve been up there before. We won’t get lost.”

The nurse seems reluctant, but she nods. She watches us with beady eyes as we approach the elevator. She’s clearly expecting us to make a run for it, but I just push the call button and wait for the elevator.

“We can escape,” I mutter to Steela. “I know some back ways—I can get you out of here with no one noticing.” I’m not even sure why I’m offering. If she needs medical attention, she needs the doctor. It’s just that all of her fire is gone, replaced with fear, and it’s killing me inside.

Steela shakes her head. “I can see myself standing up on that Great Room, pregnant with me daughter, looking at those stars. Can see it, clear as clear. But it can’t have happened, could it? That nurse said lots of us were getting delusional. Maybe it is me age. I reckon I should see the doc.”

The elevator doors slide open. I don’t let go of Steela’s arm until she’s safely inside with me. My finger hovers over the third floor button, hesitating for a moment before it slides up and presses the button for the fourth floor. My stomach drops as we start to rise. We are both silent.

The elevator bobs for a minute, then stills. The light indicates we’re on the fourth floor.

“Stay with me,” Steela whispers as the doors slide open.

62

ELDER

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE WAS NO PLAGUE?” I ASK, MY MIND racing. This is one of the few things all of us—me, the Feeders, the Shippers, all of us—were taught. It is the first lesson every child on the ship learns: We must work together, be diligent, or risk another Plague. It is such a part of our lives that we slap a med patch on if we even
think
we’re getting sick, and every sneeze is reported to Doc.

“There was no Plague. Sure, there’s been sickness on the ship—some of it quite damaging, honestly—but no widespread Plague.”

“But the deaths ... we’re still recovering from the death tolls from the Plague. We’re not even up to original numbers now, and the Plague was so long ago.” I think of the empty trailers in the City, of how there is still growing room for us aboard the ship, even though the Plague was longer ago than any living memory. “You taught me about this. You told me three-fourths of the ship’s population died under the Plague.” I cannot hide the note of accusation in my voice. But really, I should not have been surprised. The lightbulb stars in the room beyond are proof enough of that.

“There were deaths. But not from a Plague.”

“What do you mean?” Roles are reversed now. Eldest is the calm one; I am the one bordering on panic. How much more of my life will I discover has been built on lies?

“Come on.” Eldest sighs as if he’d rather not show me anything, but before he can change his mind, I jump up and follow him out of the Learning Center, across the Great Room, and down the hatch to the Shipper Level. His shoes tap unevenly on the tiled floor, making his limp more noticeable. He ignores both me and the Shippers who snap to attention.

The Shipper Level reminds me, in a strange way, of the cryo level where Amy was. There are no living quarters here. All the Shippers live in the City on the Feeder Level and take the grav tube here. Instead, this level, like the cryo level, is all metal. Hallways branch off into laboratories and offices, some fitted with biometric scanners and some so old-fashioned that they have actual locks from Sol-Earth. For the most part, I’m ignorant of what lies behind the doors. Eldest has never bothered to let me learn the intricacies of what the scientists and Shippers study and do. I know, vaguely, that the importance of the job is determined by where it is on the level. The offices nearest to the grav tube are the least important, dealing with things like weather manipulation and soil-sample testing. The farther down the hallway you go, the more important the research. The farthest I’ve been is about midway down, where the solar lamp research is done.

Eldest takes us all the way to the end of the hall. I’ve never even walked this far down the hall, let alone gone through these doors. I know from studying the ship diagrams what is there: the energy room, where nuclear physics is studied, that leads directly to the engine room, where lies the massive heart of the ship. Beyond that is the nav con, where Eldest said only the top Shippers go, the ones who will finally land
Godspeed
in 49 years and 263 days ... no, I mean, 74 years and 263 days—74 years. Frex ... 74.

Eldest scans his thumb on the biometric scanner at the energy room’s doorway. “Eldest/Elder access granted,” the scanner says pleasantly. I pause. I’ve never gone past this room. But Eldest keeps going to the door on the far wall. When it opens, I hear the deep growling of the ship’s engine.

I’m finally going to see the engine.

The engine room is hot, oppressively hot. I tug at my collar and push up my sleeves, but Eldest does not show any indication that he’s even uncomfortable. All around us, scientists rush around. Some hold vials or metal boxes, nearly all of them have floppies under their arms, flashing important looking charts and diagrams.

“Follow me,” Eldest says.

But I don’t.

My eyes fill up with the thing in the center of the room: sunken into the floor, and huge, is the engine.

For some reason, I never imagined the engine in the engine room. I mean, I knew the engine was there, obviously, but I never bothered to think about it. I knew from Eldest’s lessons that, in its crudest form, the engine is a nuclear reactor running off uranium. The thing before me looks almost like a test tube, although giant and with heavy metal pipes extending from its head and wrapping around it. An undercurrent of
whirr-churn-whirr
cycles over and over and over. This is the heartbeat of the ship.

“It’s loud,” Eldest grunts when he sees where my attention has wandered. “And it smells.”

I hadn’t noticed the odd scent of grease and cleaner before. “It’s beautiful.”

Eldest snorts, then stares at me more intently. “It’s not beautiful.” His gaze shifts to the engine. “It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen,” he says in a flat voice. “Do you know what kind of engine that is?”

“Nuclear,” I say.

Eldest rolls his eyes. “Be a
little
more specific, why don’t you?”

“A lead-cooled fast reactor?” I guess, remembering the engine schematics in the Recorder Hall.

Eldest withdraws the scale model of the engine, the one I last saw on his desk when I snuck into his room, from his pocket. He breaks it apart so that I can see the tiny innards. The engine is like a living thing with veins and organs and the slow
whirr-churn-whirr
of life.

“We use uranium,” Eldest continues. “The uranium goes through the reactor, then here—” He points to a small box that’s outside the test tube of the engine, connected by tubes and wires. “The uranium is reprocessed in the back end of the nuclear fuel cycle. We are supposed to be able to use and reuse the uranium over and over again, a constantly recycled fuel system.”

The key words—supposed to be—are not lost on me. “Is that not what’s happening?”

“The reprocessing part of the fuel cycle isn’t working like we thought it would,” Eldest says. “It’s supposed to maintain the uranium’s efficiency.”

“But it’s not?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No.”

“What’s happening?”

I can tell Eldest wants to look away, but I don’t break eye contact.

“The short answer? We’re going slower. And slower. At first, we were at 80 percent maximum speed, then 60. Now we sometimes hit 40 percent maximum speed, but it’s usually worse.”

“That’s why the ship’s landing was delayed? That’s why it’s taking extra years to land?”

Eldest snorts—his first betrayal of emotion since we entered the Engine Room. “Twenty-five years behind schedule? I wish. We’re not even halfway there. As of now, we’re 250 years behind schedule.”