Act of Will (31 page)

‘Goodbye, Gwenny,’ Audra said, very quietly, knowing it would be many months before she set eyes on her again. ‘Thanks for coming to see me.’

Audra watched her dear old friend hurrying off down the ward and she thought: Oh Gwenny, you’re being so silly. You’ll run right into Mike on the front steps of the hospital.

***

‘How’re my girls?’ Vincent asked, bending over, kissing Audra on the cheek, then peeping at his daughter in her arms.

‘We’re both blooming,’ Audra said, smiling, glancing up at him quickly. She knew from his expression that he had not found any work.

Laurette came forward to greet her with great affection and warmth, then said, ‘Mam’s sent this small fruit pie, she thought you’d enjoy it.’

‘I shall, and please thank her for me, Laurette.’

Vincent perched on the edge of the bed, said, ‘We just ran into Gwen, and she skittered off down the path as if we were carrying the Black Death.’

‘She had to get home,’ Audra told him. ‘She said something about a dinner party.’

‘I had a feeling she didn’t want to talk to Mike,’ Laurette volunteered, looking from one to the other.

‘Aye, maybe you’re right,’ Vincent said, nodding his head. ‘And I’m sure the feeling’s mutual. What could he possibly have to say to
her
?’

Audra asked, ‘Where is he, anyway?’

‘He stopped in to see a patient in another ward, he’ll be here in a second,’ Laurette told her, then said, ‘can I hold Christina for a few minutes, Audra?’

‘Of course you may, here, come along, take her from me, dear.’

Audra was glad to change her position in the bed, stretch a little. For a few seconds there was a quietness between the three of them, and Audra watched Laurette rocking the baby, cooing to her softly, holding her so tenderly. She suddenly said, ‘Vincent and I wondered—hoped actually—that you would be her godmother, Laurette, and that Mike would be her godfather.’

‘Oh I’d love to be!’ Laurette exclaimed excitedly, ‘and I know Mike will too.’ She hesitated, then asked, ‘But who’s the other godmother going to be? Gwen, I suppose.’

‘No, I have a feeling that wouldn’t work somehow,’ Audra replied, looking at Vincent. ‘Do you?’

‘I never did, and I’m certainly glad you’ve changed your mind.’ He grinned, glanced along the ward and added, ‘And here comes Mike now.’

Mike made a beeline for Audra.

After kissing her cheek and squeezing her shoulder gently, he said, ‘No need to ask how you’re feeling. For a woman who had a baby only two days ago, you look marvellous… I presume everything’s all right, no problems of any sort?’

‘No, none.’ Audra returned his smile, thinking yet again that he was the kindest man she had ever met. The compassion in his soul was reflected in those clear, caring eyes of his, and she knew he would become a successful doctor. His presence, his deep, warm voice, his concern engendered confidence; all were comforting. It’s a gift, she thought, that sweetness of his. No wonder all of his patients love him.

Realizing that Mike was still hovering over her, looking down at her as if waiting for her to say something further,
Audra remarked, ‘Doctor Stalkley was here earlier, and he says I can go home in a few days.’

‘He knows best, of course—just don’t rush it,’ Mike warned, and strode over to his wife. Resting his hand on Laurette’s shoulder, he looked down at the baby in her arms and said, ‘She’s going to be a bonny child.’

‘We’d like you to be Christina’s godfather, Mike,’ Vincent announced, ‘Laurette’s already agreed to be her godmother. So, what do you say?’

‘I say yes.’ Mike grinned at them all. ‘You’ve just got yourself a godfather, and who’s the other godmother?’

Vincent and Audra exchanged glances and Vincent said, ‘I was thinking about our Olive, Audra, how do you feel about her?’

‘She’d be perfect… yes, do let’s keep it in the family.’

Laurette said, ‘Olive will take her responsibilities as a godparent very seriously, as we will, naturally.’

‘Yes,’ Vincent agreed, ‘I know you’ll all do your duty.’ He rose, went to his sister, stretched out his arms. ‘Can I borrow my little girl from you for a minute or two, Laurette? I haven’t held her today.’

Laurette gave the child to him and he stood looking down at her as he settled her comfortably in the crook of his arm, adjusted her shawl. Her face was not red and crumpled as Alfie’s had been at birth. Her skin was smooth and clear, her features well defined. A feeling of awe crept over him as he continued to gaze at Christina and his heart twisted with love for her. He said, at last, ‘From the minute I heard from Audra that she was expecting, I felt this baby was a lucky omen. And she is. She’s going to turn out to be special.’

‘Very, very special,’ Audra added. ‘I am going to give her the world.’

They all looked at her in surprise.

There was a curious silence. Her words seemed to hang there in the air.

Laurette smiled, then bit her lip, not sure how to respond properly to this extraordinary statement.

Vincent walked towards the window with the baby, stood looking out, his silence pointed.

Mike’s worried eyes followed him. From the tense set of his shoulders, he knew that Vincent was angered by Audra’s comment. Well, it
had
sounded… possessive, to say the least. Couldn’t she have said
we
? he thought.

Clearing his throat, wanting to bridge the awkward moment, Mike said, ‘That’s a lovely sentiment, Audra.’

‘Oh, but I mean it very seriously!’ she shot back, quite sharply, in the strongest of voices, and pinned him with her eyes.

He had always known she had determination and guts, but now Mike saw something he had never seen before. There was a cold implacability in the set of the mouth and the thrust of the jaw, a terrible relentlessness in those extraordinary cornflower blue eyes. She not only
means
it by God, he thought, but she’s going to make it a crusade. And God help anyone who gets in her way; and that includes Vincent.

And so it became a driving force in Audra Crowther’s life—the desire to give Christina the world.

It was all she thought about from this moment on, and the struggle towards this goal, one which would last for over twenty years, began that summer of 1931.

The moment she came out of the hospital, Audra went back to work for Mrs Jarvis, whom she had nursed for four months before Christina’s birth. She had promised the old lady she would resume her duties after the confinement; this aside, they desperately needed the money. Vincent only received twenty-five shillings on the dole, a two-shilling increase per week now that they had a child. It was hardly enough to support the three of them.

The job with Mrs Jarvis was neither difficult nor complex; it was convenient, in that the invalid lived in The Towers, only a few minutes away from the cottage in Pot Lane.

But Audra preferred hospital work to private nursing. After only a month of looking after Mrs Jarvis again she made it clear to the old lady that she was going to apply for work at St Mary’s. She did so at the beginning of July.

There was a vacancy at the hospital in November and Audra got the job. To her enormous delight she was assigned to the children’s ward.

Audra was well aware that she had been favoured, had been given this most coveted position because of the strings Matron Lennox had pulled, the influence Mrs Bell had exerted on Matron Fox. But this did not trouble her in the least. She had the job and that was all that mattered.

By the spring of 1932, Audra was well settled at the hospital and enjoying it. Matron Fox had taken a liking to her, she was popular with the doctors, and she envisioned promotions coming her way soon. She never thought of these promotions, which she
knew
would be forthcoming, in terms of self-aggrandizement; very simply they would bring her more money, and that was why she wanted them. Money for Christina… for her clothes, her education, her future.

Although she could not save a single penny for Christina at the moment, she had every intention of doing so within the next couple of years. Audra had made long-term plans, since she believed this was the only way she would succeed, given her resources. She already had an idea for earning extra money, and she was going to put it into operation once she felt she was truly entrenched at the hospital. She was going to become a dressmaker in her free time.

Nursing gave Audra a sense of gratification, and she threw herself into it with her usual enthusiasm and energy; as she went about the wards there was a new spring in her step, a smile on her face.

But things were not happy at home.

There was trouble between Audra and Vincent yet again, and their curious marriage was once more on a rocky footing.

In a way, the rift that had recently developed between them was mostly Audra’s fault this time. Her entire
attention was focused on Christina, whom she loved with an almost abnormal ferocity, perhaps because she had already lost one child in death.

Vincent also loved his little girl, but he had overwhelming problems of his own to contend with and, being a young and virile man, he had urgent needs as well. He wanted a relationship with his wife that was normal on every level. Sadly, Audra was not merely preoccupied with Christina and her work; she now had no interest whatsoever in Vincent sexually.

She had stopped sleeping with him some months earlier, and this rankled. He was filled with frustration at being jobless and relegated to looking after the child. Audra’s physical coldness and rejection were beginning to aggravate his growing bitterness.

One Saturday evening in April, after Christina had been put to bed in her room upstairs, he decided to have it out with Audra once and for all.

He bided his time until she had cleared the table and washed the dishes. But once she had settled herself in front of the fire and picked up her darning, he switched off the wireless and took the chair opposite her.

‘Why did you do that?’ she asked without looking up, intent on mending the hole in his sock.

‘Do what?’ he asked, knowing full well what she meant.

She lifted her head. ‘Turn the wireless off… I was listening to the—’

‘I want to talk to you, Audra. Seriously,’ Vincent said, leaning forward, fastening his eyes on hers.

‘Oh,’ she said, and dropped the darning into her lap, instantly aware of his stern tone. She sat back, gave him her undivided attention.

This is exactly what he had intended. He said, ‘We have
very
serious problems, you and I, Audra, and it’s
about time we got them out in the open. No more shoving them under the rug because you—’

‘Problems?’ she cut in, looking at him oddly. ‘What do you mean, Vincent?’

‘Come on, Audra, don’t play daft with me. You know very well what I’m talking about. Our problems in bed, that’s what. You forever turn away from me, spurn me. Don’t you love me any more?’

As usual when he spoke about sex, a faint blush touched her cheeks. She exclaimed, with some indignation, ‘Of course I love you.’

‘Strange way you have of showing it. An iceberg has nothing on you.’

‘Oh Vincent, how unfair you are! Please don’t be like this. I do care for you, I do love you. But… well… I’m fearful of getting pregnant again. Look, you know as well as I do that another child would stretch our resources to the limit. We hardly have enough money as it is—’

‘It’s not my fault that the bloody country is in such a mess!’ he hissed, interrupting her, throwing her an irate look. ‘You can blame Ramsey MacDonald and his blasted Government for that! I’m not the only man out of work. There are two million eight hundred thousand of us now. And we’re not simply jobless but desperate, and diminished as men because we’re reduced to being on the dole—’

‘You’re misunderstanding me! I
wasn’t
pointing a finger, Vincent. I would never do that. I
know
it’s not your fault and I also know how hard you try every day to find something. However, if we had another child it would jeopardize Christina’s chances… don’t you agree? Don’t you
see
that?’

‘Oh yes, I bloody well see it all right. You’re planning this glittering future for her and she’s not yet one year
old. I sometimes wonder about you, Audra, wonder about your sanity.’

He jumped up, his anger getting the better of him, and strode to the coat cupboard, grabbed his sports jacket off the hook and threw it on.

‘Where are you going?’ she asked, surprised that he was suddenly curtailing their important discussion, yet relieved at the same time.

‘To my mother’s.’

‘
Naturally
. And after she’s sympathized with you, fussed over you, she’ll give you more money to go to the pub, as she always does.’

‘What goes on between my mother and me is none of your bloody business,’ he exclaimed, glaring. ‘I’ve never asked you for a single penny and I never will.’

She made no response.

He flung himself out of the house, but resisted slamming the door behind him. He did not want to awaken his child.

***

As he walked down Town Street ten minutes later, Vincent’s temper began to cool. Nonetheless, he did not excuse Audra’s attitude towards him, nor did he forgive her in his heart. If anything, he held a bigger grudge against her than before. He was not sure why, although she
had
managed really to get his goat tonight.

If I were a rich man, he mused, married to a cold, indifferent woman like Audra, I would take myself a mistress. She would be beautiful, accessible and very loving, and I would keep her in great style. Unfortunately I’m not rich, so I can’t afford a mistress.

A thought struck him. He
could
afford Millicent Arnold, who would not cost him anything except a few good manners, some sweet talking and a little of his
persuasive charm. Millie was not especially beautiful, but she had a pleasant face and a gentle nature. Most importantly, she had always had a soft spot for him, a crush on him, and for a number of years, now that he thought about it.

There’s nothing like a woman who truly yearns after you, he thought. Instantly Vincent changed his plans.