Acting Brave (Fenbrook Academy #3) (12 page)

Ryan was staring right at me, his eyes locked on mine. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even look away. I knew I needed to be looking at my partner, but suddenly that wasn’t even an option.

And then Ryan was walking toward me.

Dixon looked confused. “Uh—” he started.

Ryan marched straight past him, his sheer physical size allowing no arguments.

The actor I was partnered with was still swaggering toward me, finishing right up close—
too
close. He smiled an animal smile and I saw his eyes flick to my breasts.

Ryan slapped one massive hand on the guy’s shoulder and pulled him away from me. The actor’s mouth opened and closed like a goldfish’s. “What? What are you—?”

“You’re not good enough for her,” Ryan told him, his voice low and dangerous.

The blood was thundering in my ears, drowning out the worried hubbub of the crowd.
What the hell was he doing?!

“Uh—” said Dixon. “Can we just stick to—?”

“
Back off!”
snarled Ryan, and Dixon wilted in the face of his anger. God, he was completely out of control! All that bottled-up rage I’d seen in his eyes was coming out. And the spark that had set him off was...me.
You’re not good enough for her.

My heart melted.

Ryan moved in close to me, closer even than the actor had done. But the feeling was completely different. With the actor, I’d felt myself tense as he breached my personal space. With Ryan, I wanted to lean in and drag him closer, feel that solid wall of muscle against my softness. I wanted to plaster myself to him until there wasn’t a molecule of air between us. I could feel that I was panting, my mouth hanging open in shock, my face upturned to him. Somewhere far away, the sane part of my brain was screaming at me, telling me to snap out of it. To ask Ryan what the hell he thought he was doing. To get back to the scene.

“What—” I said. “What are you—?”

“I want you,” he said.

The world stopped.

“I’ve wanted you since last winter,” he said. “When I saw you in the alley. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. Had he just said what I thought he’d said? I’d known that he liked me, but—
No! No, no no! God, I can’t! Not Ryan!
I’d led him on, allowing myself my stupid, stupid Ryan Moments and now he was telling me how he felt.

And if he did that, there was a real danger I was going to tell
him
how
I
felt.

I took a shuddering breath as I felt his hand against my cheek, his warm palm cradling it. His fingers stroked softly through my hair. “I need you,” he said. “I have to have you.”

I swallowed. “We—We can’t,” I said. I was no longer acting. I’d forgotten about the lights and the cameras and the people watching. All I cared about was
him,
this gorgeous, strong man who was laying himself bare for me. Who thought I was a real person and not just an illusion. I had to stop him, or I’d break his heart. “I can’t be with you,” I managed.

His other hand was coming closer and
God
it was on my waist, tendrils of fire spreading through me from every touch of his fingers. That hand felt like the most solid, trustworthy thing I’d ever felt in my life, like it would stay there even if everything else slipped away. I wanted to nestle into it and never break contact again. Somewhere, distantly, was the thought that
this is your big break and it’s being destroyed.
But even that didn’t seem important, right then.

“I don’t care,” he said. His face was coming closer, that gorgeous, full lower lip so kiss ably soft, his jaw set with such determination that it looked like rock. “I have to tell you how I feel.”

“I—” I looked up at him with huge eyes and now
my
hand was rising and stroking his cheek, feeling the roughness of the stubble there, gazing up into those crystal blue pools that seemed to strip away every layer of protection I had. I could feel
Jasmine
splintering and shattering, could feel him staring straight down into the black depths of Emma. And while that should have felt terrifying, with him, just for an instant, it felt...right. “I—” I wanted to say,
I
do
want to be with you
, because I did—more than anything else in the world. But the room seemed to be spinning, my brain overloading. I just stared up at him, unable to speak, and we were both silent for a second.

Footsteps brought me back to reality. I turned and saw Dixon and that’s when it hit me—I’d just blown the biggest audition of my life. My throat closed up. I looked between Ryan and Dixon, feeling as if I was going to faint—

“
Fantastic!”
breathed Dixon.

“...what?” I whispered.

“That was so natural! So perfect!” He punched Ryan on the arm. “Holy shit, you knocked that out of the park, big guy! I
love
the way you pushed the other guy out of the way. And that thing about seeing her in an alley! Perfect!” He ran his hands through his hair. “Okay. Okay, let me process this. This is a big change.” He looked at Ryan. “I mean, I’d only been thinking of you for a bit part, just to add some extra
grit,
you know? But….” He shook his head, grinning. “We have
got
to get you two together.” He clapped his hands together. “It’s crackling and buzzing, you know?”

“What?” It felt as if there were two realities, fighting against one another. The one in which Ryan had just declared his feelings...and Dixon’s reality. “
What?”
I said again.

Dixon looked at me as if I was stupid. “You’ve got the part,” he said. “Both of you. Slam dunk.” He rubbed his chin. “Actually, this solves a few things. You two can pair up for training.” He grinned at Ryan. “You can show her all the cop stuff. She can give you pointers on acting. Although, let’s be honest, I don’t think you need many. That was
amazing!”
He looked across at the actor who’d meant to have been testing with me and winced in sympathy. “Sorry, pal. I gotta call it as I see it.”

The actor just stared at him, gaping in fury.

Dixon turned to the rest of the crowd. “Okay, let’s skip ahead to a group scene with Talbot, Drum, and Malloy, arguing about whether to take in a suspect.” He started to call out names.

I walked on shaking legs across the room and out through the nearest doors I could find. I blundered along the corridor until I came to a couple of soda machines and slumped against the side of one of them.

My life was complete. My life was ruined. My life was….

What just happened?!

Ryan had just declared his feelings for me, in front of everyone. And instead of it ruining my screen test, Dixon had thought he’d been acting. He’d bought Ryan’s heartfelt outburst and my shocked reaction as some epic, ad-libbed performance and I had the part.
I had the part!

But...I had it
with Ryan.
A guy I really
did
like and who I could never show my feelings for. The most dangerous thing in the world for me would be a real-life cop boyfriend asking questions. Off screen, I had to fend him off, for his sake and mine. How the hell could I do that if we were a couple
on
screen? Jesus,
I might have to kiss him!

I turned around so that my forehead was against the cool metal of the soda machine, closing my eyes.
And how would Ryan react when I pushed him away? I couldn’t let him get close, but as soon as I lied and said I wasn’t attracted to him, he’d have to start acting for real. Would he be able to keep the part? Did he even
want
the part?

I frowned. Why had he even chosen that moment? Why muscle his way in front of the cameras and risk ruining my screen test? Unless….

I straightened up. What if I was being incredibly stupid? What if he
had
been acting? Why else would he do it in a screen test? Maybe he’d seen an opportunity because he knew me, and channeled his feelings into a performance. Maybe he wanted the part. Maybe he
only
wanted the part.

I thought about the look in his eyes, all those times when he’d driven past Fenbrook—my Ryan Moments. No. I was sure that he felt something for me, and if his feelings were even a tenth as strong as mine, we were in big trouble. It hadn’t been acting. I remembered what he’d said to me by the craft table. He didn’t know
how
to act. What would happen when Dixon realized that?

I was going to have to teach Ryan to act. A big, muscled guy with obvious anger issues. Hell, even in the screen test he’d lost his cool and marched into a scene. How was he going to handle weeks of filming?

What if you just told the truth?
Emma’s voice. I kept her crushed down so firmly under
Jasmine
that she didn’t feel like the real me, anymore.
What if I just let him in and told him everything and we were together? That would solve everything.

Except then he’d know my past. He’d know what my father had done. What I had done. It would all come out and then my life would be over. No one would want to know me. No one would want to give me an acting job. Worst of all, my dad and his friends might find out my new identity, and if they found me again then, this time, they’d kill me. They might even kill Ryan, if he found out too much.

No. No way. I wasn’t entertaining that idea even for an instant. For everyone’s sake, I had to keep him at arm’s length and hope that he could live with that.
And
teach him to act.
And
act as if I was crazy about him on screen, while convincing him that I really felt nothing.

How do you act like you’re in love, while pretending not to be?

But there was only one other option. Tell Dixon I’d changed my mind and walk away. Give up my only shot at the big time. This part was everything I’d ever dreamed of. It was
made
for me. Sure, there’d be others in the future, but not like
this!
If I quit, in all likelihood I’d be waiting tables when I graduated. I imagined myself watching the show in a year’s time, knowing it could have been me….

That wasn’t an option at all.

I banged my head gently against the soda machine. Somehow, I was going to have to make it work.

Chapter 13

Ryan

I staggered down the corridor, my head spinning, and stopped just in time. Through the windows in the next set of double doors, I could see Jasmine further down the corridor, slumped against a Coke machine.

I stood there reliving the moment.

Her hair had been like silk. I could still feel it on my fingers, the strands brushing against my calloused skin. And the smell of her. I didn’t know if it was her shampoo or her perfume and I had no idea what the hell was in it, but she’d smelled incredible, like wild flowers and warm summer days. I wanted to bury my face against the side of her neck and just smell her.

My hand had just barely pressed against her waist. My hand had only cupped her cheek. But every touch was etched into my memory: the warmth of her body against my palms, the texture of her skin under my fingers…. I could have happily stood there, just touching her—not taking any clothes off, just running my hands over her, tracing every luscious curve—for hours, maybe days.

During that long month since Hux died, there’d been a part of me that had wondered if I’d built her up into something she wasn’t. I’d only ever really met her a few times before I got Hux killed—two real meetings and then all those stupid drive-pasts of Fenbrook that probably drove her nuts. I’d been afraid that I’d made her into some sort of fairy tale princess and that, when I actually talked to her, I’d see she was nothing special.

But it hadn’t been like that at all. When I’d seen her at the screen test it had been physical and immediate...I hadn’t been able to keep away from her any more than I’d been able to stop myself marching into that house to confront the wife-beater. And the closer I got to her, the more I focused on her, the more powerful the attraction got. It was as undeniable as the anger and just as strong...stronger, maybe.

When I’d thought about that asshole actor seducing her, bedding her, then crowing about it on his fucking Facebook page to his buddies, I’d felt physically sick. When the words spilled out of my mouth, it had been almost as much of a shock to me as it must have been to her. And yet it had felt right, as if something had been released that I’d been keeping caged up for almost a year.
I’ve wanted you since last winter,
I’d said. But
want
didn’t halfway cover it. I
needed
her.

I closed my eyes.
What had I done?!

How could I have been so stupid as to tell her how I felt? I’d blundered into her screen test because I couldn’t bear to see that bastard get close to her...but what right did I have to decide who she was with? For all I knew, she felt nothing for me. And I’d nearly blown her big break!