Adaline (The Wallflower Series Book 3) (11 page)

“I’m sorry, Adaline, but this…can’t happen again.”

“What do you mean? W-we…you told me you had feelings for me,” she grimaced slightly at the desperation that coated her words.

“I do…but I think it’s best if we remain just friends.”

Adaline felt the ground physically swallow her at his words. She didn’t know what to say, so she decided to say nothing as he reached down for his shirt after finding it in her own pile of clothes and intimates. She still couldn’t find her voice when he looked back at her apologetically before opening the door. But neither did he say another word as he made his way from her room and what seemed to her in that moment, to be out of her life completely.

Because just as they agreed, there was no going back.

The next morning, Adaline couldn’t find the energy to wake up until she heard a knock at her door. Reluctantly, she resurfaced from the sheets and opened the door to see Teagan smiling mischievously at her with a cup of coffee in her hand. The other woman looked over Adaline’s shoulder in anticipation of seeing someone else under the sheets but came up short.

Adaline cleared her throat and looked at her questioningly, “Yes, Teagan?”

Caught, she blushed slightly and shrugged her shoulders, “Oh, I just wanted to see if you wanted some breakfast?”

It was a weird question because they both weren’t morning people. And so, they rarely had breakfast together. It was what made them such good roommates to begin with.

“Umm, no I think I’m good.” When she took a step back to close the door, Teagan acted quickly and walked pass Adaline.

“Okay, I know what’s going on. You have that same look on your face Sasha did when Dmitri broke up with her. Spill it girl! It’s always a damn Vikhrov. They’re a bunch of heartbreakers, I swear!”

Adaline couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes at Teagan’s words but she immediately wiped them away and shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine. Dominic did nothing wrong.”

“What are you talking about? Did nothing wrong? Girl, you should not be looking like a dog died the morning after you lost your virginity. What happened? I swear I’ll back you up if you want to set his car on fire or some shit.”

“How do you know?”

Knowing immediately what her question referred to, Teagan gave her a skeptical look. “Are you serious? You two could have been heard down the street. It was too much for Carter. He said it reminded him of college and he was getting flashbacks,” she laughed. “But it sure sounded like Dominic can tear it up. So…if you don’t want to tell me what’s wrong, then we should at least have the morning-after talk.”

“I have no idea what you mean.” Adaline also had no idea that the two of them had been so loud last night. She felt horrified thinking of Carter and Teagan in the living room listening to the grunts and groans of sex behind her door. She hadn’t even thought of them when she took off her clothes for Dominic. Instead, she had complete tunnel vision and could only listen to the yearnings of her body when he kissed her and when his hard body pressed her into the bedroom wall. Adaline groaned in embarrassment.

But Teagan refused to allow her to dwell on it. “I’m sure you’re pretty sick and tired of hearing Carter and I. Tit for tat, Adaline. It’s cool.” The redhead rubbed the other woman’s arm soothingly. “Was it at least good? How are you feeling? You’re a woman now!”

She couldn’t help the grin at Teagan’s words but nodded her head. “Yes, it was good. But I think a woman nearing thirty is a woman no matter if she’s a virgin or not. I’m just lucky I got to choose who I lost it to.”

“…but?”

Adaline sighed, “I hoped for something more. It was silly, but I thought maybe…it was the beginning of something I’d always wanted. Not the end.”

With the realization of what she was referring to, Teagan nodded her head sadly, “It’s normal to get attached to your first, Adaline. Not everyone will have a story like Sasha and Dmitri. Don’t let yourself think something is wrong with you because a relationship didn’t form after a sexual encounter like that. It’s rare, and quite frankly, I’m sure there are a ton of guys who want to be in the position he walked out on.”

Though a part of her wanted to crawl back into bed and weep, Teagan’s words awakened something entirely different. It made her realize how much control she had last night and that it had been her decision to give of herself without promises of more. Maybe she had been foolish, but it was also empowering. And wasn’t that what this whole move to Boston was about? To take back control of her life and not allow trauma of the past to forestall her dreams of a better future?

“You’re right, Teagan. It may not seem like it now, but maybe this is a good thing. I got what I always wondered about. Well, partly. But most importantly, I stopped dreaming and started living.”

“Exactly!”

Adaline knew that this moment of carefreeness would come and go, but it was a step forward away from mourning what never was. And maybe Dominic was right. Maybe they were better off as just friends. She promised herself then that she wouldn’t resent him for not wanting her the same way she had wanted him. And she would accept his decision, even if it still hurt.

~~~~

Where the hell is Lucille?
Adaline thought to herself as she stood awkwardly beside Murphy. The three of them had made a habit of going out together after the 9 to 5 grind. Unfortunately, the number had now been reduced to two, and there was no sign of that change reverting back to the norm. Adaline had been frantically texting Lucille while trying to avoid the awkwardness that was beginning to define the atmosphere between her and Murphy.

The two of them had never been alone together. And, if she were honest with herself, Adaline knew she was grateful for that. She didn’t know what to think about his interest in her, but since Lucille had pointed it out, Adaline couldn’t un-see the signs. She would often chastise herself that there was no reason for her to complain. Murphy was an attractive young man; he signed, and he was clearly an altruistic and caring individual judging from his willingness to spend his free time teaching others sign language. He had never been anything but gentlemanly since they had met. Adaline knew it was only her unending infatuation over Dmitri that was limiting her ability to see a potential relationship with Murphy that wasn’t platonic.

“Have you heard from her?”
Murphy asked.

Just as Adaline was going to give him a shake of her head, her phone vibrated within her palm. She looked down and immediately felt guilty.

Sorry, Sick.

Two simple words. Adaline reluctantly turned to Murphy with a slight smile. “
She’s sick. Do you want to do this another time?”

Adaline could sense there was a bit of disappointment in Murphy’s voice when instead of answering, he asked,
“Do you?”

With the attention now turned to her, Adaline knew that she couldn’t simply decline his offer. If she did, he would know it was because she was hesitant to spend time with him on a one-on-one basis. She didn’t want to be the reason that he looked at her with hurt in his eyes. And really, she did enjoy spending time with him. Murphy was a sweet and quirky person. There was no need for her to fear that he would make more of their time together than what it actually was, right?

“Let’s do it! It’s Friday, and I think I need the break.
”

A large smile broke across his boyish features. Not for the first time, Adaline admired the gentleness in his eyes and the slight dimple in his cheeks. How could a supposed defect be so attractive and inviting? She loved his smile, and she didn’t want to be the impetus for its disappearance.

With a gentle hand to her shoulder, Murphy directed her into the building and went to the counter to rent their equipment. After paying for the hour, they both walked over to the designated lanes.

Adaline put her materials down and turned to Murphy with a sheepish smile,
“I’m really excited for this. I don’t know how good I’ll be, but thank you for inviting me.”

With his award-winning smile on display again, Murphy merely shrugged. A rosy tint came to his cheeks at her expression of gratitude however.
“I’m just happy you decided to come along.
”

For a moment, they stood staring at ‘one another in the small alley space. Adaline didn’t know what overcame her, but she couldn’t help the slight flip in her stomach at his intense stare. He didn’t have Dominic’s ethereal beauty, but Murphy was on a different playing field. And she liked that. At the sudden warmth in her cheeks, Adaline looked away shyly. Interrupting their moment, a glaring alarm bell notified them that they could begin.

She became surprised by the sudden cocky grin that spread across his features. His movements were filled with pent-up excitement as he signed,

“
Are you ready?”
Not waiting for a response, he took a step behind her and gently placed her hands in the correct position after giving her the bow.

“I feel like Katniss Everdeen,” she mouthed to him.

Reading her lips, Murphy let out a gentle laugh and nodded his head in agreement. “
You’re even more beautiful than she is though.
”

Adaline was shocked at his forwardness. While it was no surprise to her by this point that Murphy was attracted to her, it was completely against his character- or at least from the conclusions she’d made about his disposition- for him to be so blatant. A blush came to her cheeks and she avoided eye contact.

Murphy merely smirked, seeing the embarrassment written on her face. He stood behind her once more and showed her how to align her bow with the target. For a moment, Adaline stood with her back directly against Murphy’s chest. She could feel the heat emanating from his body and the light brush of his breathing against the nape of her neck. It became hard to focus, but she was brought back to reality when he took a step away, signaling for her to release the arrow. Shuddering at the memory, her hands shook as the forefingers on her right hand released the bowstring. The arrow shot through the air, shaking in midflight at her amateur technique.
Thwack
.

It landed far off into the upper right corner of the target.

Despite this, she turned to see Murphy waving his hands in the air, applauding her in sign language.

Adaline pouted slightly. Putting the bow down, she signed, “
That was so bad. Why are you celebrating?”

“You’ll get better. It just takes time and practice. Don’t be such a perfectionist.”
Gently, he tapped her on the nose to soften his words.
“I know the type of person you are. By the end of our session, you’ll be hitting bulls-eye after bulls-eye!”

And to her own surprise, Murphy ended up being right. By the end of their hour session, Adaline had several under her belt. She was sad to see the alarm ring, signaling that their hour was up, but she didn’t regret at all spending the evening with Murphy by herself. In-between shots she got to know him more deeply. And he was most definitely not the boring person she had him pegged. Apparently, archery was only one of his more tame hobbies. He was similar to her in that he grew up in a hearing household. However, unlike her, his parents were more than willing to become part of the deaf community; they had taken lessons along with him.

As they began to leave the indoor archery range, he continued to tell her how he had grown up with two older brothers. Despite his deafness, he had followed in their footsteps, playing everything from football to swimming.

“I was lucky being in a community that was willing to accommodate me,”
he clarified at the look of awe on her face.
“They accompanied the usual bell with lights when I would swim races. And my football coach learned a few signs to help me out. But usually I had my brothers there to interpret.”

“You’re amazing,”
was all she was able to reply.

Murphy shook his head.
“No, I was just lucky. In my work, I’ve come across too many families who lack the ability to communicate with one another because they are unable to or refuse to learn sign language. They force their children to adapt to the hearing world and never consider doing the same with the non-hearing world.”

Adaline could only nod her head in assent. It was what she had grown up dealing with. She saw it too in her work at the school.

“But I don’t want to ruin our date talking about how much that angers me.”

She looked at him in shock, halting in their stroll down the street to the parking lot.
“Date?”
she questioned.

Murphy gave her a sheepish look.
“Only if you want it to be,”
he supplied. Before she could respond however, he continued,
“Adaline, I think I’ve been pretty transparent about my feelings for you. I like you…a lot. And I would love to try to see if we could move beyond friendship. But only if you’re ready.”

Her tongue felt unusually dry suddenly. Even as she read his signs, she found it hard to concentrate on anything in particular. To her own horror, she almost felt physically ill. Not because of Murphy…but because he wasn’t who she had imagined saying those words. It would be unfair to Murphy if she said yes knowing that she was still in the process of moving on from Dominic. And so, with a heavy heart, she could only shake her head sorrowfully.

“I’m sorry, Murphy. I’m just not ready for that yet.”

Nothing could hide the look of disappointment that marred his features at her words. And, though she was afraid he would react in anger, Murphy did the exact opposite. He took her into his arms and gave a gentle squeeze. When they parted, he signed,

“
It’s okay. I don’t want you to feel guilty about not returning my feelings. I would still like us to be friends.”

“Thank you, Murphy.”

But as they continued on as if she hadn’t just rejected him, Adaline couldn’t help but wonder if she was making a mistake.