Addicted to Mr. Parks (The Park #2) (33 page)

My wounded soul was paralyzed. Struck by the hurt she was throwing at me. But it was all lies, wasn’t it?

I tried to swallow down the ball in my throat, but it wouldn’t go away. The more she spoke, the bigger it became. The blissful thought of Parks wanting me for
me
was slipping away and getting replaced by a thought that ripped at my heart. He only wanted me because he knew I was broken? Damaged goods?

“He’d rather fuck the fragile and leave them that way,” she went on. “Call him cruel, but that’s just the way he is. If I were you, I’d spare myself the heartache.” She glanced over her shoulder, catching Parks’s narrowing his eyes at her, but that didn’t stop her. “Wade’s
fucks
are just something to occupy his mind, and when he’s done, they get left on the shelf. But you see—” she twirled a polished fingernail around on the table, “—these woman don’t feel heartbroken because they didn’t have a heart to begin with. Therefore, my brother feels no guilt.”

She pointed at me before settling back comfortably, her dark hair falling across her shoulders. “You seem different. You seem like you’ve got a wise head on you. So do yourself a favour.” Jasmine pushed back the seat and sauntered off, smiling and waving at others as she passed.

This wasn’t me, allowing a woman to speak to me that way. But my temper wasn’t coming to me. Pain was. Emotion was.

Tears threatened to fall and expose me, so I forced myself into action and pushed my own chair back, almost running out of the marquee.

I hurried out of the tent and into the empty tree-lined lane that would lead me into the house. The trees looked stunning dimly lit, and their branches towering over my head making a romantic arch.

After kicking off my shoes, I held them against my chest and marched my way down the walkway, only to hear his voice minutes later.

“Evelyn?”

I couldn’t look at him. I knew if I turned, I would burst into weak tears. Tears were something I never did, but since being with Parks, they seemed to flow continuously.

Furiously rounding the corner, I found the door that led into the house. I had no idea which way was which, but I knew my destination was not with Parks.

“Evelyn. Answer me!” He caught my wrist and spun me around. Seeing his face brought out that temper of mine that I needed moments before. I wanted to slap him in the face with my heels, but instead I threw them at him, banging him in the chest.

“You knew,” I screamed. “You knew I was broken when you met me. Knew I was a mess inside.”

Hurtfully, his features didn’t deny it, only his words. “What are you are talking about?”

I pushed him away from me, thumping my palm against his shoulder. “Jasmine told me you’re a magnet attracted to broken women. You wanted my misery because it would mask yours? You
used
me.” Tears threatened again, and at that point I was too angry and weak to stop them.

Parks took a step back, his face pale, green eyes wide, and his tone a deathly whisper. “She said that?”

Ignoring him, I swiped at my tears. “You told her I was an alcoholic.” As soon as I’d said those words, the immense feeling of betrayal brutally knocked me backwards. My hand went to my mouth, tears falling down my cheeks. “You would do that to me? Lead me into false hope?” I couldn’t stand it. I was going to be sick.

“Evelyn.” He exhaled my name as he stepped towards me, pained to see me crying.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” I barked, harshly knocking his hands away. “Is Jasmine telling the truth?”

Running a firm hand through his hair, he cursed and threw his head back as if he were praying up at the skies for a way out.

“Well?” I shouted.

“Yes,” he said softly. “She was telling the truth.” He opened his hands as he tried to explain, but I closed my eyes on him from the pain. “But it’s not how it sounds. It’s different with you. All the other women I’ve fucked are already heartbroken in some way. So I fuck them knowing they won’t get attached. I can’t afford attachments.”

My hand was covering my mouth, my head shaking in disbelief. “I thought you wanted me for
me
. Now I know it’s just because you thought I wouldn’t get attached.” My hands flew out in rage. “Well, now I am attached. I’m attached to you so fucking much that you’ve become my addiction. Don’t you see? I don’t drink or think of drink when I’m around you because I have
you
. I need
you
. I need to be with
you
. I need to know you’re thinking of me. I need to know you want me. So now I
am
attached, are you going to throw me away?”

My words cut into him deeply. His closed eyes were hiding the pain he felt. Hiding the reaction to my words.

“Evelyn, it’s not always broken women. I’m attracted to strong women, women who don’t fall in love. You think I have time to pick up pieces of a woman’s heart? Watch them cry over the way I treat them?”

Angrily, I swiped at my tears, hating that they were falling. “Why?” I waved my hand over his body. “Why are you like this?”

“Evelyn, not now.” He tried to pull me into the house and away from listening ears, but I ripped myself away from him and screamed the top of my lungs.

“Tell me!”

“No,” he barked, his face inches from mine. “You don’t need to know my shit.”

“Fine,” I yelled. “I’m going to bed. Tell your mother good night from me.”

“I’m coming with you.” He moved his feet into action to follow me, but I swung around and shoved him back, even hurting my hand that thumped his chest.

“You follow me, Parks, and I swear to God I will raise holy hell.”

The clench of his jaw was hard, but he took a step back and let me leave.

Chapter Thirty

A house assistant took me to the bedroom myself and Parks were occupying. The room was huge, of course, the décor white and classy, with crystal ornaments. I thanked the assistant and went straight to my suitcase. Rummaging through it, I found my jewellery box, unclasped my necklace, and placed it into the box next to the gorgeous ruby, then sat cross-legged on the floor in my dress, letting the song play. Parks was extremely thoughtful. He listened. He was kind and caring. But he was also a difficult bastard. A thousand scenarios were swarming around in my head. I hated that he felt he couldn’t talk to me or tell me his secrets. What possible secret could he have?

Jasmine was a bitch, but Harriet seemed the perfect woman, wife, and mother. Intelligent, kind, warm, not a single hair out of place. However, I never got to meet his father, so that was where my curiosity was lingering. It was also lingering around Parks’s sincerity. Jasmine admitted he only fucked broken women—broken women with no heart so he could focus on their pain rather than his own. He knew he couldn’t break a heartless woman’s heart. I was heartless. He knew that. Was that why he dated me in the first place? He said I was different, but I’m not. I’m exactly the same as those other broken women. Was Sasha broken? That poor woman who killed herself? She was obviously broken. What about all the women I didn’t know about? And now me? He saw my damage and latched on to me tightly. It was true. He didn’t want me for
me
. He wanted me to forget his own life. His own damage. My reason for needing Parks was the exact same, but there was a difference. He was a heeling remedy for me. I was a cloaking remedy for him.

I changed out of my dress, cleaned off my makeup, then climbed into bed naked. Two hours later, my ears pricked up to the sound of the bedroom door handle being pushed down, shoes sauntering through the room, then the sound of him getting undressed and walking into the en suite bathroom. With his delectable presence not far from me, my body seemed to sense him. Goose bumps prickled at my skin, and my chest became tight where I was fighting to keep breathing evenly, but it was no use. The effect he had on my body was utterly profound. I couldn’t control it.

A few moments later, I felt the bed dip, then felt his supremely built body slide in next to me. I also heard the slight rumble of a growl when he noticed my naked back. Keeping up pretences, my eyes remained closed. I wanted him to think I was asleep. I was so fucking mad, and I wished I had the means to get back to London, because I would already be halfway home.

“I know you’re awake,” he breathed, his voice magnetising me towards him like it always did. Ear plugs was my only option, but seeing as I didn’t have any I was fucked.

“I’m not.” I winced, wanting to slap myself.
Nitwit!

Obviously ignoring my standoffish behaviour, he curled his hand around my waist and across my stomach before pulling me into him. His thick cock brushed against my buttocks, his hard chest against my back, and his breath tickled my ear as he pulled it between his teeth. My pulse surged, the heat he gave off sizzling my skin.

“I’m not talking to you,” I hissed, but I made no attempt to push him off me, either.

“That’s fine.” He nipped my lobe, his words breathy and erotic. “We don’t have to talk to
fuck
.” He drew out the word, saying it slowly, enunciating the
k
, making my clit tingle.

“And I want to
fuck
you. I want to be inside you. I need to feel your warm, snug sweetness cradling my big cock, coming all over it. I want to grab hold of your perfect tits while they bounce for me. I want to hear you scream my name the way you do so loud.”

Oh Jesus. My sex was damp and needing him, clenching as he spoke, beating as he touched me. I closed my eyes tight, trying to think of anything that would bring me some resilience.

Think Billy Bullshit from work.

“I’m still mad at you.” My words were weak and hoarse.

“How mad?” He cupped my arse and nibbled away at my earlobe.

“Don’t goad me into having angry sex with you.” My body hated me for that, but I promised myself to not let his cock into my lady organ. I wanted to withhold an orgasm from him. But
I
needed one.

“We can have angry sex,” he purred.

Pissed off, I slapped his hands away. “Or you can put your dick away and tell it to go fuck itself.”

He retreated on a groan. “Don’t be like this.”

Shoving the blanket off my body, I launched myself out of bed and glared down at the most difficult man I had ever come in to contact with in my life. “Are you are actually being serious? Did we or did we not have a row about two hours ago? Or did I imagine the part where you were acting a complete and utter tosser?”

Casually propping up on an elbow and bowing his head on a sag, he said, “Evelyn, I explained my situation. I thought I’d give you time to calm down, then come to bed. I see you haven’t calmed down, so maybe I should give you more time.”

My mouth dropped open, gawping at him. “You know, for such a highly intelligent man, you sure can act a fucking moron.”

His eyes narrowed. “Carry on insulting me and watch what happens.”

“Arh,” I screamed, wanting to pull my hair out. “You’re not listening to me. Your bitch of a sister just informed me on your bizarre choice women. Insulting
me
!
And you have the cheek to lay there all sexily mussed like none of this is happening?”

His jaw clenched as he finally unravelled his body from the sheets, swung his legs out of the bed, and sat on the edge with his back to me. “What the hell do you want me to say?”

“Tell me the truth. Did you only want me because you knew I was a lost cause?”

He didn’t look at me. Guilty expression hidden well. “It wasn’t the
only
reason, no.”

My lids closed instantly, because I was half expecting it. But I wasn’t expecting my chest to tighten, my throat to close, and the feeling of the utmost betrayal to shoot through my veins. I felt lied to. Swindled. Taken complete advantage of. “You know how hurtful that is to me?”

He rotated and pushed off the bed. Green eyes caught mine, but I blinked away.

“Evelyn, I never intended on hurting you.”

Automatically, I turned my back on him, wrapping my arms around myself. A gesture he knew I did when I felt unsafe and cold. It made me unapproachable.

“It’s not the intention that matters. It’s the way you’ve made me feel. I’m hurting right now, and all you can think about is fucking me.”

“Fuck,” he cursed through clenched teeth, and when I turned, he was grabbing at his hair, clearly hating the position he was in. Being called out. Put on the spot. When I was put in a position I was uncomfortable with, I would also clam up. Hit out. My temper would flare. Parks was the same, and his fear was losing control. But I was trying to get through his tough exterior, trying to get him to talk to me about personal issues. He hated that. He wanted me, his past, and his inner demons, separate. So did I at one point. But I soon realised that past and present need to collide for us to build a happy future.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” he scoffed insultingly, acting cold, distant, and like he hardly knew me at all. “I told you that’s how I felt in the beginning, but that changed. You know how I feel about you, Evelyn. It goes without saying.” His words were disbelieving, his tone almost bitter. I hated that side of him. But I also knew how to handle it.

“No it doesn’t,” I screeched. “Because unless we’re fucking, you don’t tell me how you feel. Fucking is not always the answer. I told you I need words more than actions, but I don’t think you grasp that idea. The concept is sinking in, but the execution hasn’t caught up. Clearly.”

“Evelyn, I don’t need to explain how much you mean to me.”

My stare widened towards the impossible beautiful man that I could have easily fucking strangled. “Tell me how you feel about the broken woman you tried to fix to cover up your own misery. I was strong before I met you. I didn’t need those words to make me
feel
because I didn’t want to fucking
feel.
Now I know what it means to feel
something
inside. I know how it feels to be wanted, to live again. I told you when I’d fall, I’d fall hard, and now you have become my addiction, Wade. And like all addictions, I cannot get enough. I need that from you. I need those actions. I need the fucking. I need the words. I need your everything like my lungs need air to breathe. Like my heart needs blood to function.” I craved him like a drug. Craved the side effects. Craved the way he made me think differently. I chased after what he could gift me with. Like any drug, the first time you try is just a taster, but the more you have, the more you want, and that’s what was happening with Parks. I began to need him. He was my reason for living.

He cupped at my face. His approach was soft after hearing my confessions, but his demeanour was agitated, and I wasn’t entirely sure why. “You want words, Evelyn? What about these—I fucking love you, Evelyn. Okay? I. Love. You. Is that enough words for you now?”

My eyes batted open, blinking in shock. “What?”

He took my shaking body into his arms, swiping at a stray tear with his thumb. “I have fallen deeply and absolutely in love with you, Princess. That’s why you are different. You have stolen my heart.”

My heart seized at the unexpected words he threw me, giving me whiplash. I was getting ready to take a blow. Instead, he confessed his love. Fuck. He loved me?

“You love me? You actually love me?”

He was torn. I could see it in his eyes. He hated the way I was questioning his love for me. Hated the way I couldn’t believe a man like him could love a damaged soul like me.

“I love you with every fibre of my being, and I can’t keep it in any longer. I know I can act like a complete dick. I know I’m arrogant and cocky. I know I’m domineering and controlling. But what I also know is that I love you more than anything in this goddamn world.”

He let me go and started pacing the room, gripping at his hair with frustrated hands. “Since the moment you walked into my office, I admit, I knew you were broken. And yes, I only fuck broken women to try and distract myself from my own misery. In some fucked-up way, knowing their lives were as messed up as mine made me feel better about myself. I guess. I don’t know.”

I felt the hatred he held inside. Hatred towards himself for treating those women like an experiment. Hatred towards the temper he couldn’t control. My mind was fleeting between happy and crushed, and my heart half hurting from the pronouncement that his life was fractured. How was his life fucked up? All I saw was perfection. In every way. The other half of my heart was beating with a new lease of life. I was loved. Loved by Wade Parks, and that feeling made me want to break down and cry. It was a sign of weakness and I didn’t care if wanting to be loved made me weak and vulnerable. It was sure as hell better than being strong and alone.

“Let me just…” I paused, trying to catch my straying breath. “You love me?”

Parks laughed at my shock, but he was still entwined with grief. “Princess, I’ve loved you since day one. You are a rare beauty, and I have to cherish that.”

His words sent happy tears to my eyes. He wanted me. He’d confessed his love and told me I was worthy.

Parks was by my side to wipe the tears, staring deep into my mending soul. “You are the strongest woman I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. You’ve taken so much shit in your life, so much pain, and I’ve fallen so deeply in love with you that I want to take it all away.”

Tears fogged my view, and I closed my eyes. My body shuddered as I began to sob, and the strained tone to Parks’s words as he continued to speak told me it was cutting him apart to see me cry like this.

“Evelyn Banks, you are beautiful inside and out. Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different. I see underneath your beautiful. I love your perfect. I love your imperfect. I adore your flaws. You are the only person who has ever breathed life into me, and I can’t thank you enough for that. You are my Princess, and when I say I love you, I mean I fucking
love
you. I want to take care of you forever. Let me.”

“That’s all I ever wanted.” I broke down in his arms, falling. My knees becoming so weak I couldn’t hold myself up. Parks wrapped me up into his arms, carried me over to the bed, and held me as I cried tears of distress combined with joy and relief. That flame that first ignited when we both got together had suddenly exploded, leaving something new. A new beginning. Fresh new feelings and a reason to believe in hope.

“I’ll never give up on us.” His promise ramped up my lust, my desire and ache for him became intensely clear. I wanted to immerse myself in his world and get lost, never to be found. “Don’t let the past come between our futures together.”

I nuzzled into the side of his neck. “But our pasts threaten us.”

“But I don’t want it to come between us,” he begged. “What we have here is special. I know you feel it too. Me and you have to be everlasting. Don’t let us break.”