She’d told him she’d been selfish. But so had he. He’d selfishly pushed Hallie into a role she didn’t want. She wanted to be Ahn’s aunt. It had never been her choice to be Ahn’s mother.
They’d talked a long time after they’d made love. She shared her visions for their future if the Harris couple turned out okay. How involved she and Nate could be in Ahn’s life. How they could move back to the city and buy a brownstone where Ahn could have her own bedroom and stay over on a regular basis.
She’d assumed he would eventually pick up overseas assignments after he finished the documentary. She’d even talked about flying to meet him and bringing Ahn when she got older. Nate wasn’t sure why he’d let her assume that, other than the fact that she was only speculating, rather than them committing to any concrete plans.
His assignment days were over. He had too much to lose now.
Before Hallie and Ahn became a part of his life, he’d had nothing to lose. No attachments. No reason to avoid putting himself in harm’s way. His mother hadn’t even known he was alive, and David hadn’t counted. Not because Nate didn’t love his brother, but because David had his own family that always came first.
Family first.
Nate squeezed his eyes shut against an instant flashback: him standing rigid over his father’s casket, holding David’s hand, his arm around his mother’s waist to help keep her standing. He’d hated his father that day. Hated that everyone called him a hero. Hated the fire chief giving the eulogy, saying, “William Brock was an honorable captain who always put his squadron first.”
“What about family first?” Nate had wanted to yell.
He opened his eyes, shaking off that memory.
Regardless of what happened after tomorrow’s interview, Ahn and Hallie would always be his family. As for what the future held…
He loved Hallie. And he loved Ahn. That much he knew.
But he still had a lot of things to figure out about himself.
He held up the folder. “I made a few notes during my interview if you want me to go over them.”
Nate stood. “That won’t be necessary. Let’s just get this over with.”
Hallie didn’t disagree.
She headed for the door with Nate. They both knew the personal interview would tell the real story. Hallie just prayed Nate would give them a chance. He’d been stoic all day, but Hallie still suspected underneath his calm exterior there was a bubbling volcano ready to erupt at any minute.
She said a silent prayer that wouldn’t happen.
Hallie could already see the couple through the glass walls of the boardroom as Greg escorted them down the hallway, but their backs were to her. She glanced at Nate one last time before they reached the boardroom. He still had the same impassive look on his face.
Hallie would take impassive.
Jen turned around when they entered.
“From the shocked looks on your faces I assume no one told you I was Vietnamese,” Jen said.
“No,” Hallie finally said. “We had no idea.”
Jen smiled. “What a shame. I was hoping to use that to my advantage.”
Hallie liked her immediately.
“Thank you, honey,” Ben said, putting his arm around her, “for showing these nice people how incredibly tactful you
aren’t.
”
Everyone laughed, including Nate. Hallie began to relax a little.
Even Nate couldn’t deny that Ben and Jen were a striking couple. Ben was as handsome as Jen was pretty, both dressed stylishly. Everything about them said successful, polished and educated.
Greg made the formal introductions then left them alone to get acquainted. Nate and Ben did the obligatory handshake, but Jen had Hallie in a hug before Hallie saw it coming.
“I’m so sorry about your sister and your brother-in law,” Jen said when she stepped back.
“I’m sorry for your loss, as well,” Hallie told her.
“Thank you,” Jen said and nodded toward the guys. “I just heard Ben say something about the Red Sox. That’ll be a thirty-minute conversation.”
“Maybe longer,” Hallie said. “Nate’s a big Red Sox fan, too.”
“Let’s go over there,” Jen said.
They sat at the far end of the table. Jen took both of Hallie’s hands in her own.
“Now,” she said, “tell me all about Ahn.”
Hallie hadn’t felt this close to a woman since Janet.
“She’s amazing,” Hallie said. “She’s had some developmental issues due to the time she spent in the orphan age, but she’s extremely bright and the extra time Nate and I have been able to spend with her has helped her overcome most of those problems. Our goal right now is potty training. She’s doing better than I expected, and she wears pull-ups during the day, but we’re not quite there yet. Her speech is improving every day and she’s walking—no, running well. She already knows her colors and she’s learning the alphabet and her numbers. When Janet and David first adopted her she didn’t engage with people. She’s doing much better with the adults she sees regularly. With other children Ahn is up and down. Sometimes she plays with them, sometimes not. But at least she acknowledges their presence, even if she doesn’t share or join them.
“She’ll be three in February, and, according to the psychologist we’ve been working with, she’s finally catching up with children her age.”
Hallie pulled a picture from her purse. Ahn in her sandbox grinning for the camera. “Nate took this yesterday.”
Hallie watched Jen’s expression as she studied the picture. Janet’s
a sudden rush of joy
came to mind.
“She’s gorgeous,” Jen said, looking at Hallie as she handed her the picture.
“Believe me, she knows it,” Hallie said. “She’s quite the little diva. And she’s a shameless flirt.”
“My kind of woman,” Jen said.
They both laughed.
Jen’s expression turned serious. “I can tell you’re crazy about Ahn, Hallie. So I’m going to ask the obvious. Why the adoption?”
“I want Ahn to have the type of mother she had in Janet. A mother who puts being a mother above anything or anyone else. Who is one hundred percent certain she wants to be a parent. And who is happy with herself for making that decision.”
“And you aren’t a Janet,” Jen said.
“No,” Hallie said. “I’m not a Janet.”
Jen smiled. “Good news. I am.”
“What else should I know about you?”
“Well, I’m originally from New York and my parents came to the U.S. after the fall of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam War. They scrimped and saved and opened the restaurant they still run in Brooklyn. All five of us kids were born here. I’m the middle child. I have two older brothers and two younger sisters and my parents made sure we all had college educations.” She paused before she said, “I guess the point I’m trying to make is that I have a large, loving family to share with Ahn, Hallie, and they would welcome her with open arms the same way they would welcome you and Nate.”
What a blessing that would be to have a large family.
“How did you meet Ben?”
Jen glanced across the room at Ben and smiled. The love she felt was evident.
“Ben’s father introduced us, actually. I was in New Jersey working on Senator Harris’s fundraising committee and he dropped by our campaign headquarters for a visit. He was immediately impressed with me, of course.” She laughed at that. “And he told me I was the most delightful young woman he’d met in a long time and that he would like to introduce me to his son. I didn’t realize he meant right then. But the next thing I knew, he was motioning Ben over. I fell in love instantly.” Jen looked up. “And here Ben is walking in our direction now.”
“Time to switch,” Ben said, smiling at Hallie. “Nate and I have already solved all of the Red Sox lineup problems.”
He sat beside Hallie.
“May I?” he asked, pointing to the picture Hallie was still holding.
Hallie studied Ben’s expression. Wistful maybe?
He handed the picture back to Hallie. “Our first daughter would have been five next month. And our second daughter would have been the age Ahn is now. Nate asked me if I was ready to become a father, so I’ll tell you what I told him. I’m already a father. I already know what it’s like to have a father’s hopes and dreams for his little girls. And I know the type of love only a parent can feel for a child. All I’m hoping for right now is a chance for Jen and me to meet Ahn. But you have my promise that if we do bond with Ahn and we are lucky enough to have her as our daughter, she will be loved, and cared for, and treasured the same way our own precious daughters would have been.”
Hallie reached out and touched Ben’s arm, but the words were stuck in her throat.
He patted Hallie’s hand, as if to say he understood.
Genuine.
Yeah, that was the word he would use to describe her.
“Hallie explained why she feels adoption is the right choice for Ahn,” she said. “Would you mind telling me how you feel about it?”
Nate refused to lie about it. “Truthfully, I’m not convinced adoption is the best choice for Ahn. I’m still struggling with that. But I want whatever situation is going to help her live up to her potential. That’s why I’m here. I owe it to Ahn to meet you.”
He couldn’t tell if she liked his answer.
“I appreciate your honesty. And I’ll be honest with you. Ben and I have our concerns about Ahn’s age. When we decided to adopt, we had an infant in mind.”
“I can understand that,” Nate said. “Ahn’s age is a big factor for us, too. Uprooting her again could have serious consequences if we wait much longer. That’s a large part of my concern.”
“I agree. This is an important decision for all of us. There’s no room for mistakes where a child’s future is concerned.”
No room for mistakes.
Nate couldn’t have said it better.
Jen smiled at him. “Ahn is extremely fortunate to have you and Hallie, Nate. It takes exceptional people to assume responsibility for children. Regardless of whether we move forward after today, I want you to know I admire you both.”
“Thank you” seemed inadequate but it was all Nate could think to say.
As Ben and Hallie approached, Nate didn’t have to wonder if Hallie thought Jen and Ben were also exceptional people. He could see it on her face.
Hallie had asked him to keep an open mind. To do the right thing for Ahn.
Ben and Jen could very well be the right thing.
“But it really does matter when you think about it, Nate. Don’t you realize how important it would be to Ahn to have the opportunity to be exposed to her own culture? To actually have Vietnamese family of her own?”
“It’s something to consider. But I don’t think Jen being Vietnamese should automatically make her the best mother for Ahn.”
“You know I can’t stop thinking about what they’ve been through losing two babies. You’ll probably think I’m crazy but it’s almost as if Janet has a hand in this. Look at the coincidences. Ben just happens to be transferred here to Boston and is George Foster’s boss. And Liz just happens to have been one of Janet’s closest friends.” Hallie shivered. “I swear the cosmos is at work here.”
She reached for his hand as they left the office building and walked toward the parking garage. “And I found Jen’s story absolutely amazing. Her parents coming to New York with nothing after the fall of Saigon. Saving to buy their own business. Raising five kids and putting them all through college. It’s the epitome of the American dream and the exact kind of story I’d love to produce for an unsung heroes segment for the station.”
“I would have thought you’d be more interested in producing a segment on Ben’s wealthy father.”
“Very funny,” Hallie said, bumping him with her hip.
“Are you kidding me? You’d turn down an interview with a Republican senator? I don’t think so.”
Hallie laughed. “And wouldn’t Janet and David throw a fit if they knew
you
sold them out and agreed to interview Republicans as potential parents.”
“You’ve never fooled me about your politics, Hallie. You’ve pretended to be conservative all these years to piss me off and get me to argue with you.”
Hallie leaned in and kissed him as he opened the door of the SUV for her. “I guess you’ll never know for sure, will you?”
She was so relieved Nate wasn’t in a gloomy mood after the interview. And she’d been thrilled when Nate had been the one to invite Ben and Jen to dinner on Friday night so they could meet Ahn and get to know each other in a less formal setting.
For the first time since the accident, she was beginning to feel as if everything would be okay. For Ahn. For her and Nate. Even for Jen and Ben. They’d all been through so much. How appropriate if they ended up together as one family.
If Friday night went well, she would ask for a home visit to see where Ahn might be living. And if that proved successful…
Hallie suddenly turned sideways in her seat, realizing for the first time Nate simply sat there, hands on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. He finally looked over at her.
“They’re the right parents, aren’t they?”
Hallie didn’t lie to him. “Yes,” she said. “I think they are.”
“And if I need some space after Ahn is settled?”
Hallie felt the crack zigzag through her heart. She faced forward again.
“I won’t beg you to stay, Nate. But I can’t promise I will
wait
for you forever.”
He said, “Then promise not to hate me when I go.”