Authors: Nicole Falls
I stopped to hang my coat and bag in his front closet and slipped off my shoes.
“I just left from brunch with Cadence. I wanted to see you, so I figured I wouldn’t come empty handed,” I said padding into the kitchen and placing the beer in the fridge. “Good surprise?”
“Great surprise,” Ellis replied around a mouthful of chicken.
Normally I would have had a smart comment about him replying to me with a mouth full of food, but I was…hell, I don’t know what I was doing. I just wanted to be around him without any undue tension or stress. So instead I walked over to the breakfast nook and took a seat on one of the stools at the bar and watched him eat.
Ellis finished chewing the food in his mouth and said, “Sorry. I know that bothers you when people speak with a mouth full of food.”
Guess I hadn’t steeled my facial expression as much as I’d thought.
I smiled and replied, “You’re good. I get it. Cluck will make you forget your manners.”
Ellis just stared. I held his gaze at first until his eyes lingered for longer than I was comfortable with.
“What?”
“You’re different. I’m just trying to figure it out.”
“I’m me. Still.”
His eyes narrowed, “Nah. This must be a trap. You tryna get me all chicken and liquored up so my guard is down and you can take advantage of me. Mmmhmmm. I see right through you, girl.”
“You are so damn silly. What were you doing before I came? What you getting into today?”
A sly grin spread across his face and I knew I’d walked right into the line that was surely coming from his mouth.
“You. I’m getting into you, if you let me.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “That might be able to be arranged.”
Ellis put down the wing he was eating and came over to the breakfast nook. He looked seriously confused.
“Ok. For real. What’s up?”
I tried feigning innocence.
“What do you mean?”
“Woman, I been chasing your for months, attempting to woo the fuck outta you and you’ve given me the run around. Today you show up on my doorstep with chicken and my favorite brew. Now you’re offering yourself up to me.” He lifted a hand to feel my forehead. “Nope, temperature isn’t elevated. Did you bump your head in the last twenty four hours?”
“This is mad dramatic, Ellis. Why can’t you just lean into it?”
Circling the breakfast nook to sit in the stool next to me, Ellis nodded. He pulled my stool closer to his, so that his legs encased mine. One of his hands held my right hand, while the other rested on my left thigh, absently drawing circles. That light touch caused a shudder to run through my body.
“Aight. So what does leaning in entail? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve resembled a young Mike Jackson in Smooth Criminal with all the leaning I’ve been doing for the past six months while you fronted me off.”
I laughed, “Can you be serious?”
“I am being serious. So, the leaning…” Ellis prompted.
Honestly, I had no idea what the hell leaning in even looked like. I just knew that I was tired of denying myself pleasure. Tired of acting like I didn’t want this man as badly as I did. So really it was more like giving in instead of leaning in. But God, I couldn’t possibly tell him that. Fuck no.
“The leaning means I’ve given up my hoes for you.”
Ellis threw his head back in laughter. I loved watching him laugh. It was like his entire body was amused. Head thrown back, shoulders shaking as his mouth gaped open and a low rumbling laugh emerged. He got up from the stool and went back to the counter where his food was. I watched as he wrapped it all up, placing in the food in the refrigerator. He grabbed two bottles of the beer and the magnetized bottle opener. He gripped both bottles and the opener in one hand as he circled back by the breakfast nook, grabbing my left hand with his free one. He led me into the den, sitting down on the couch and patted his lap for me to sit. I rolled my eyes and chose to sit beside him instead.
“There’s my girl.”
I warmed at the sound of those words.
His girl
. God, I wish. Ellis handed me one of the bottles of beer and I took a sip immediately. Prior to beginning this liaison, I could count the number of times I had willingly drank beer. I thought it was disgusting, but Ellis soon taught me that drinking shitty national label brand domestics would have anyone thinking all beer was disgusting. He introduced me to the world of craft brewing and all of the delightful flavors of ales, sours, radlers, and stouts.
Ellis draped an arm around me and turned on the television. We sat there in silence until I finally said, “So if we’re gonna really do this I have a couple rules.”
Muting the television Ellis drawled, “Now why doesn’t that surprise me? Aight hit me.”
“Hit you?”
“Yeah, hit me with your best shot. Gimme the catch so I can talk you out of it.”
I leaned back a little, sort of shrugging his arm from around my shoulder so I could turn to face him. As I turned, he grabbed my hand to keep me close.
“Why do you keep doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“Putting your hands on me. Not letting me be further than an arm’s reach away. Every time we’re together. It’s kind of annoying.”
Ellis dropped my hand immediately. Confusion and hurt were evident in his eyes as he shifted to turn toward me.
“Is that one of your rules?” he asked, dryly.
The playful mood that had filled the room suddenly shifted. Tension eased in and I became instantly regretful of my word choice.
“El,” I said, grasping his forearm, “It’s not like—”
“Oh, it’s okay when you initiate. Got it. Next rule?”
“Maybe we should discuss this later. You seem…upset.”
“Because I am upset. So you’re not completely oblivious. Good. Next rule.”
“Nope. Nah. I’m not…I can’t do this with you like this.”
Ellis scoffed and reared back.
“Me like…hey, you know what. Maybe you should go.”
“Go?”
“Yeah I…” Ellis breathed deeply and ran a hand over his closely cropped hair. “We should probably just…I don’t see this going well right now. Can you just…look can we talk about this tomorrow?”
“You’re putting me out?”
“Yes,” Ellis said, simply. “I’m upset and trying to do the mature thing here.”
“The mature thing would be to talk this out. See…maybe I shouldn’t be leaning in if you’re going to dismiss me every time I say something you don’t like.”
“It’s more than that, Bee and you know it. You say shit to piss me off damn near day. Normally I just take it in stride. Chalk it up to Devorah being Devorah. But today…I just…can you please go? I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Or you could not call at all. I don’t have time for this hot and cold shit.”
“Hot and cold? Oh like you playing me off right now when I’m just tryna be close to you? Hot and cold like telling me you’re leaning in and then saying that when I touch you it’s annoying. Hot and cold like…Devorah, please.”
“I didn’t say—” I started, but quickly trailed off. Fuck I did say that. It wasn’t what I meant, but damnit, I had to own it.
Ellis stared blankly.
“I didn’t mean it. Like that, you know. I…I wasn’t saying your touch was annoying.”
“You work in marketing, Devorah. You’re more than familiar with word meanings and their intent. So…you meant it. And one day we’ll get to the bottom of why you meant it. But not today. Because now I’m annoyed and I’d really just like you to go.”
Ellis’ voice sounded cold and detached; almost robotic. He walked toward the front and retrieved my belongings for me. Shit. He was really putting me out. How we got from an offhand comment I thought sounded like a joke to here had me confused…and a little scared. Here I was finally ready to go all in and once again I sabotaged myself. I knew I had to let him cool off. I grabbed my coat and bag from him, quickly donning both and walking toward the foyer. I stopped to put on my shoes as Ellis watched, standing in the doorjamb that separated the foyer from the living room. I could see the hurt still in his gaze as we made eye contact. I wanted nothing more than to be able to talk this out and get over the hump, but I could tell by his stance, arms folded over his chest; legs braced apart slightly, that he wouldn’t be receptive to anything I had to say right now. Hell I didn’t even know how I would even begin to apologize. I nodded to him and turned to walk out of the front door.
“Hey.”
Ellis’ voice stopped me dead in my tracks. I turned back to face him.
“I really am going to call you tomorrow. I just…I need a moment to sort this out, Bee.”
I nodded once again and turned to leave. I was hesitant to say anything since my big mouth had caused this tension. When I got into my car, I noticed Ellis still standing in the doorway, making sure I took off safely. I lifted a hand in salute and backed out of his driveway. He nodded once in return. I pressed the voice activated command button on my steering wheel to make a call.
Please say a command after the tone.
Call Cadence Garner.
Which number would you like to dial for Cadence Garner?
Call Cadence Garner mobile.
Calling Cadence Garner mobile.
I was greeted by Cadence answering her phone with a deep sigh.
“Hey.”
“What did you do?”
“Um…hi, hello to you, too.”
“Nope, no time for pleasantries. Our plan was perfect. You had your script, the bribe, and everything was perfect. You should be face down ass up right about now instead of calling me from your car.”
“How did you know I was in—”
“I can hear the background noise. So what did you do? How did you fuck up?”
“Wait a minute. Why does it have to be me that fucked up? Why do you assume Ellis didn’t?”
“Because I know your ass lives to sabotage your own happiness. I’m not asking again. And I’m not responding again until you tell me what you did.”
“Seriously, Cade? You’re giving me the silent treatment via phone?”
Her labored breathing coming through the line was all I heard.
“I don’t. I don’t know what I did, honestly.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“No it isn’t. We were cool. I was just about to start the lean in speech that we talked about and then he flipped on me and put me out.”
“He put you out? Nah…what did you do?”
I was growing increasingly annoyed with Cadence thinking that this had to be my fault. Despite Ellis saying my comment about him touching me being annoying was what set him off, I didn’t understand why. I thought we were in a place where I could be perfectly honest with him, but I guess not. At any rate, I didn’t have time for this shit from him or from Cadence.
“I didn’t do shit.”
I briefly ran back the situation, not leaving out a single detail. Cadence remained quiet on the line.
“So you…” Cadence trailed off.
“I swear if you say this is my fault,” I started.