Adorkable (34 page)

‘You’re
overreacting about this, Jeane,’ Michael said, and he was sounding all clenched and long-suffering about it, like it wasn’t important when it so was and actually I was reacting just the right amount. ‘And I don’t really need you yelling at me right now. Kind of in a pretty bad situation in case you hadn’t noticed.’

I stamped my foot then. ‘You are not in a pretty bad situation, Michael,’ I hissed. ‘The worst that will happen is that your parents might stop your allowance and ban you from going to New York for three years. You’re a fricking legally responsible adult, why don’t you start acting like one? And when you’re done with that, maybe we can go back to talking about me.’

Michael didn’t even get angry. He just looked bemused, as if my pain and suffering hadn’t even registered. ‘We do nothing but talk about you.’

‘Oh, excuse me for being excited about being in
The New York Times.
I’m sorry if that cramps your style. God, you just can’t handle the fact that I’m not happy to simply study for my A-levels and work on my university applications like all the other boring teenagers that you hang out with. You can’t even be pleased that I’m in
The New York Times
!’

‘Of course I’m pleased for you but this is about the fiftieth time that you’ve mentioned it and it’s getting a little boring.’ Michael sighed, completely interrupting my flow even though I’d barely warmed up. ‘Anyway, I don’t get what the big deal is. You’re always in the papers. You’re their go-to girl whenever they need a gobby teenager with a hell of a lot to say for herself.’

I stamped my foot again and flailed my arms for good
measure. ‘I am
so
much more than that. You wait. I can do TV if I want to. I’ve got three production companies
begging
me to take meetings and a publisher who wants me to write a book. And why shouldn’t I have my own column in a newspaper? I’ve got plenty to say and I’m going to say it on behalf of the dorks and the geeks and the nerds and the disenfranchised, because we don’t want to be co-opted by the mainstream. We want it on our terms and nothing and no one, not even—’

‘Oh, for God’s sake, Jeane, will you just shut up?’ Michael suddenly shouted. Really shouted. Up until then, I’d been doing all the shouting. ‘What you’re doing doesn’t really matter. Yeah, it’s cool that you’re getting to do all this stuff, but you
have
got A-levels coming up and pretty soon you won’t want to dress the way you do and you’ll realise that you need to tone everything down because you’re not going to get into university or find a job or proper friends unless you stop with this whole stupid dork business.’

I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t make my mouth work and words come out of it. I’d shown Michael parts of my life that I’d never shown anyone else and not only had he betrayed me by violating my Twitter feed with a fake identity but he’d thrown it all back in my face like I’d given him a grubby pair of pants for his birthday that I’d found under my bed. It wasn’t at all like what had happened with Barney. Yeah, I’d taken him to roller derby and made him listen to Kitty, Daisy and Lewis, but I hadn’t ever let Barney see the dark heart of my dorkiness.

‘It’s not stupid,’ I said tightly, shivering as the wind whipped around me. ‘It’s what I am. Nothing else matters. Not A-levels
or going to university or getting a job. This
is
my job, this is what defines me. If I died tomorrow then at least I’d have done something with my life. Left something behind so people would know that I’d existed. Adorkable is all I’ve got.’

‘No, it’s not all you’ve got,’ Michael said, taking the three steps that placed him right in front of me. He was trying to do this piercing thing with his eyes, like he was all perceptive and shit. ‘Look, we’ve both behaved like twats and said things we shouldn’t have, but you’ve still got me. I’m not going anywhere.’

God, he just didn’t get it. He didn’t get me and I was stupid to think that he ever had. ‘I haven’t got
you
. I don’t want
you
, not after what you’ve done. And I don’t need a boyfriend to validate my existence because I can validate myself.’

‘If you just cut all this out, things wouldn’t be so hard,’ Michael said forcefully, as if he’d given the matter a lot of thought. ‘And maybe if you didn’t try so hard to be different and not fit in then I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen with you. I could make life easier for you.’

‘What a load of hetero-normative crap!’

‘What does that even mean?’

‘It means that I’m not going to give up my dreams just so I can be a B-list character in your movie. You want to know what your problem is? For once in your life you don’t get to be the centre of attention and you can’t stand it, can you?’

‘And your problem is that you can’t bear to act normal, because when you take away your ugly clothes and all the long words and all the wacky shit that you think makes you different, you’re actually left with not much – just a girl with a serious personality disorder.’

The
hipsters and the cool mums and dads with their little offspring called stupid names like Demeter and Minnesota queuing in the freezing cold to get a table for brunch all stared at us as we shouted at each other and I really felt like nothing special then. I was just a stupid girl wearing stupid, mismatched clothes, yelling at a boy who I didn’t match with either.

That was all Michael Lee was – just a boy – and I had to take away any power that he thought he had over me. Bring him down to size so he felt as small as I did.

‘Why don’t you just piss off back to your mum and dad so they can take away your TV privileges and send you to bed without any supper?’

‘And why don’t you piss off back to your festering pit of a flat and eat yourself to death, you absurd media creation?’ Michael shot back and it killed me, literally killed me to let him have the last word, but there was a cab with its light on and the only way to flag it down was to run across the road and, again, literally kill myself in an effort to get it to stop.

Much as I would have liked to have never ever seen his face again, by the time I was back at the Gansevoort, I realised that I couldn’t abandon him. I wasn’t sure he even had the subway fare and I had our plane tickets so I was forced to text him to tell him to meet me at JFK.

He was there waiting by the premium economy check-in when I turned up, dragging a luggage trolley behind me. I hated him, I did, I did, but my heart gave this happy little skip because it wasn’t used to hating him yet. My head was made of much stronger stuff.

He looked at me sheepishly as he took his bag off the trolley.

‘Hey
, Jeane … I know I should have told you about Twitter, but the longer I left it, the harder it was …’ he began, but I ignored him and marched to the check-in counter. I knew that I had to keep being strong. I was going places and you travelled faster if you travelled alone.

‘We absolutely don’t want to sit with each other,’ I told the check-in attendant. ‘I’ll pay to upgrade my ticket if I have to.’

‘Unbelievable,’ Michael hissed, but he couldn’t cause a scene because it was an airport and he’d be carted off on suspicion of being a total terrorist.

So I was whisked off to the safety of the business class lounge and, though our eyes briefly met as I boarded the plane first, soon I was tucked away in my own suite with a big table so I could switch on my laptop and start making lists and plans. Adorkable was getting a major upgrade and I wasn’t going to let the haters stand in my way.

♥ Michael
Lee has changed his relationship status from It’s Complicated to Single.

	adork_able Jeane Smith Taking a Twitter break to sort out several things made of awesome. Feel free to TwitPic me cute puppy shots though.

Dear
Michael

As discussed, this is your schedule for the next month. We will revisit this topic when you break up for Christmas and after you’ve had time to reflect on the poor choices and decisions you’ve been making.

Mum and Dad

Monday to Friday

7.30:
Feed cat. Help with breakfast, clean up from breakfast.

8.30 – 4.45:
You will go directly to school, you will stay at school. If you have a free period, you will go to the library to study. After school you will come straight home.*

5.00:
Help Melly and Alice with their homework, start on dinner, feed cat.

7.00:
Load dishwasher, then you will study at the kitchen table. As we agreed, you will not have access to TV, games console, iPod, and we have removed the AirPort card from your laptop.

If you don’t have any school work, there is plenty of admin work you can be doing for Dad.

10.30:
Lights out!

• Monday – school council
  

• Tuesday – football practice
  

• Wednesday – debating society
  

• Friday – football practice
  

* Have
thought long and hard about allowing you your extra-curricular activities but for the sake of your university applications have decided to let them stand.

Saturday

7.30:
Feed cat. Help with breakfast, clean up from breakfast.

9.00 – 12.00:
Studying.

12.00 – 1.00:
Lunch.

2.00 – 5.00:
Football match.

6.00 – 7.00:
Dinner. Clean up after dinner.

7.00 – 10.00:
You can either watch a family-orientated DVD with us or read a book. Your choice.

11.00:
Lights out!

Sunday

7.30:
Feed cat. Help with breakfast, clean up from breakfast.

9.00 – 4.00:
Family outing.

5.00:
Help Dad make Sunday roast.

7.00:
Clean up after dinner.

8.00:
Get stuff organised for school.

9.00 – 10.00:
Study or read.

10.30:
Lights out!

To
:
bethan.
[email protected]

From:
[email protected]

7th December 2011

Dear Ms Smith

I’m writing to you as regards Jeane Smith. Our records show that you are your younger sister’s guardian, though I understand from Jeane’s form tutor, Ms Ferguson, that you are currently working in the States and that both your parents are also residing abroad. However, I must inform you that Jeane has been absent from school for the last three weeks and has not completed her coursework for this period either.

Every effort has been made to contact Jeane via phone and email, as her future at the school and her plans to take AS-levels next year are now in serious jeopardy. I have no other option but to contact you and ask that you make Jeane aware of the potential seriousness of her actions.

While there have been siginificant issues with Jeane’s conduct and behaviour, her academic record is excellent and I am confident that the school can offer her support and solutions so she can resume her studies. I would be more than happy to discuss matters with you over the phone, if you would like to call me.

When you do talk to your sister, can you ask her to contact either myself or Ms Ferguson so we can set up a meeting in order to resolve whatever issues are affecting Jeane?

I
look forward to hearing from you and hope we can work together to reach a positive outcome on this matter. Yours truly

Jane Castillo

Deputy Headteacher

Michael
! How f-ing long r u being punished 4? We miss U! Heidi x

Long boring story. Might get time off 4 gd behaviour Xmas hols. Michael

So wt went down? Ppl say U got Dorkface preggo!!!!!! That U eloped to NYC!!!! Were U C-ing her? H x

J & I were just mates. But she’s totes insane. C’mon! Dunno why ppl have to spread rumours. M