Abby stood furious in the kitchen, looking down at the old man she held previously so high in her life. Hearing his tale of lies and deceit broke her tiny heart. It was almost too much for her. A lifetime’s heartbreak in just a year was too much for anyone to have to bear.
Her voice cracked, “I don’t wanna…” A small river of tears broke down her face as she spoke. Her little chin tightened as she sobbed uncontrollably.
Gilbert wiped his own wet eyes clear and nodded in agreement. “I know girl. I know. But Adrian’s hands can’t be bloodied with my death. He can’t kill me in anger, or that could do it. You need to do this because you know it’s the right thing to do, and because it is my burden, and my wish. I’m so sorry little girl to ask you, but this needs to happen now. I’ve got everything ready so it’s easy for you. All you gotta do is pull the trigger once, and make this old man happy.”
All Abby could muster was a half hearted nod. Gilbert pushed his chair out, and wrapped his thin arms around the girl. He leaned his head back and kissed her softly on her forehead. They cried like that for a good long time.
*****
Abby nodded over and over at the list of instructions Gilbert left for her. The sheets of paper with his meticulous handwriting were exacting, and specific. Very little was left to guess about. He had a plan, and as much as she didn’t want to trust him after hearing of his year of lies, she knew he’d come clean, and the deceit was over.
Gilbert made sure she had the exact plan perfect in her head. Once he was satisfied with her understanding of the plan, he stood up, and pulled his .45 from his waistband in the small of his back. He sat it down on the table between the two of them and looked at it for a minute before speaking, “Abby that weapon has been in my possession for about forty years. It has saved my life more times than I care to remember, and if you would, I very much like for my friend here to be the thing that takes me out of this world. If that’s okay with you, of course.” Gilbert looked up from the pistol with hopeful eyes. This was what he wanted.
Abby nodded in agreement. “Of course. I can do it. Makes sense.”
“Thank you dear. I’ve got one bullet in the chamber for me already. Kicks like a mule. I’ve already dug a grave for myself in the back, and if you wouldn’t mind walking me out there after I get changed, we can be done with this right quick. I need a nap.”
Abby’s face briefly twisted into discomfort as he spoke. Eventually she nodded painfully, and Gilbert patted her softly on the shoulder. He rose and left the room.
It was fifteen lonely minutes later for Abby that the old man reappeared. He was wearing his Army dress uniform, and he looked spectacular. The uniform was loose on him now, but he wore it with his head held high, and with all the dignity of a hero. Abby didn’t know what all the medals and ribbons were on his breast, but she knew the more there were, the more she should be impressed. Gilbert was an impressive soldier.
He looked happy for the first time. Genuinely happy. In that one moment Abby understood everything. She felt his pain of the last year acutely, and knew the whole time he’d been suffering. Making this decision and moving towards this moment with her was the single epiphany he needed to understand his life, and his role in all this. He was finally at peace.
The weight on her shoulders started to drift away as she understood her role in all this as well.
“Shall we my girl?” Gilbert asked her in his captain’s voice.
“Yes sir.” She nodded and replied in her best granddaughter’s voice.
*****
When they walked outside, Gilbert put his Green Beret on.
“It’s very important that I land on my back Abby. So you need to shoot me in the face. I know it sucks, but that’s the way it needs to be. I can’t fall on my face wearing this uniform. I need to be feet first in the grave just like this. Okay?” Gilbert gave her precise instructions as he situated himself in the shallow grave he’d dug for himself months ago. He’d wanted this moment so badly for so long.
“I understand Gilbert. I get it.” Abby wanted this over immediately. Her emotions were running all over the place, and she didn’t want, or need this responsibility. She desperately wanted to grab her radio and walkie for Adrian and her mom to come stop this, but deep down inside she knew this was happening for a reason. She gritted her teeth to stay strong.
“Okay then. One last thing.” Gilbert cleared his throat.
“Okay.” Abby looked the old soldier in the face as he cleared his mind.
Gilbert turned slightly towards her and looked her in the eyes. She’d never had a moment with Gilbert like this, where he focused everything on her. He was intense, and almost frightening in the dark of night. She’d seen Adrian and Gilbert do it a few times when they argued, or were serious, and for a moment, she was afraid the evil Gilbert had been manipulated by had taken him over.
“Abby, I can’t write down on paper how much I love you people. I was never good with writing things down, and I have never been good at saying how I felt to anyone, and my wife can certainly attest to that.
I have been a failure at this task in two ways. I have failed the evil I made a pact with, and I have failed the people I have grown to love. I am sorry for latter, but not for the former. The Devil can kiss my ass. I do not want Adrian’s nor any of your forgiveness. I understand now, in my final moments alive that I have had a role to play in all this, and like any play on any stage, some people are the heroes, and others are the villains. There can’t be a play unless everyone plays their role. I just hope I didn’t fuck up the ending.
Abby you tell him I love him. You tell him he was the son I never had. You tell your mother I love her too. She was like my daughter too. You already know I love you, and no matter what you all think of me for the rest of time, just understand I always thought to try and do my best in this, and I made mistakes, and while I don’t want your forgiveness, I do hope you can find the time and heart to remember the parts of me you loved. Make sure they know in the end, I was sorry for everything I did, and didn’t do.
It’s on you now girl. Until the others arrive to help him, it’s on you. And Abby, there are others. Two others. I don’t know who they are, or when they’re gonna get here, but The Voice knows, and I think that bastard is scared. You need to keep Adrian as pure as you can, and alive, and make sure that he doesn’t fail, otherwise we all fail and this was for nothing. I know that’s a lot for one girl to bear, but remember this one thing:
The Devil’s out to get him, but he’s got bigger friends in bigger places rooting for him. He’s chosen Abigail.
Chosen.
Plucked from the masses like a shining jewel of what we can be, and not what we have been.” Gilbert sighed and looked at his watch. It was after midnight. He closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded.
“I’m ready.”
Abby’s eyes flooded over from Gilbert’s words. She hefted the unfamiliar weight of the larger pistol and thumbed back the hammer. It was a struggle and required both thumbs for her to accomplish. When she felt the click of the hammer, she switched the safety off, and leveled the handgun at Gilbert’s face. She hung her head down at the ground and took a deep breath.
“Gilbert, we will always love you. In time, we’ll tell stories about Gilbert Donohue and how he danced with the Devil, and stopped the music before the waltz could end. I’ll tell your story Gilbert. I’ll tell them about a hero that dared to take on the Devil at his own game. I’ll tell them how much we all loved you, even at the end.” Abby gagged on her words, nearly choking on her sobs.
Gilbert smiled with eyes closed. “I’m no hero Abby. I’m just an old soldier doing his best. Now thank you for the kind words, but it is high time I let the Devil kiss my ass in person.”
“I love you Gilbert.”
“I love you too Abby. I love you all.”
Abby closed her eyes and pulled the trigger before her mind could tell her not to. The gun went off in the night like the sound of thunder. With her eyes still fused shut she heard the dull thump of a body impacting the earth below it. She dropped the handgun in the shallow grave and grabbed the small shovel sticking up in the dirt next to her. She scooped up a portion of earth and held it over him, making sure he had fallen correctly, as he’d wished.
He had. Somehow, his beret had remained atop his head. She made sure the single bullet she fired had done the job, and it had. Both the man and the weapon had succeeded in their final mission.
“Good luck Gilbert. May you find the peace in death that was taken from you in this life. We all love you.”
Abby let the Earth cover the old man one last time. When she was finished, she tamped the mound flat, and went back into the house to get the letter Gilbert had written for her. Tomorrow would be the worst day of her life, and that was saying something.
Breaking Adrian’s heart would certainly break hers too.
June 23
rd
I don’t know what to make of today. Nothing happened. God nor the Devil, or whatever power that is out there that is running this show smote us off the face of the planet today, which may or may not tell us anything.
Do they not give a shit about calendars? Or anniversaries of events?
Do they not give a fuck about us anymore at all?
Or is this just me waxing on and on about nonsense? Fucked if I know.
I’m writing this at bedtime in the hopes that it will make me tired, and I can get some sleep. Very low key day today on campus. Everyone battened down the hatches and sat still. The most impressive and ambitious thing that happened was the new people going dorm room to dorm room to acquire new goods and such for their living accommodations. When we head back to MGR tomorrow they can get their own personal belongings, but for now, the kid’s left behind shit will have to suffice.
It was amusing to see them run about on campus outside. They haven’t had the freedom of open ground in a long fucking time, and when they were outside, they literally ran from building to building like the undead were smothering the place. Of course they aren’t, and their haste and paranoia was largely pointless, but it did fetch a laugh from us ALPA vets.
I wonder how Blake and Kim are doing? Still no word from them. Hopefully they’ll be back soon with Mike. Westfield is definitely due for a water run here soon, and I’d like to at least hear about how the young couple is faring. I’ve got my fingers crossed for them and their baby.
Weird day actually. I wonder if Cassie died a year ago today? I wonder if she held out for awhile? I know she’s dead. My dreams tell me so. I hope she went quickly. I haven’t thought about her in a long time. I’m suddenly feeling quite guilty about everything again. I guess I’ll always feel guilty about it. Cassie, if you’re still out there, I love you, and always will.
But you’re gone. And I can’t dwell on the past. I need to move on. Make amends, and be the better person for the folks around me. You might’ve told me that in a dream in fact.
I’ve spent the last year doing all I can to try and survive, and help the people that I’ve met. I’ve written as much of it down here in this silly ass journal. I don’t know why I do this anymore. It’s habit now. My therapy. My history. Good and bad I guess.
I chronicle my few successes, and my enormous amount of failures. I talk about what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, and my hopes for a future in this fucked up world.
There’s a thought. What could the future be? What’s my endgame here? Where do I see myself in a year, five years, ten years?
Possibly dead, probably dead, and definitely dead is the pessimist’s set of answers to those questions. I hate to say this, but with the rate we’ve lost people at, despite our hard work and caution to the contrary, it’s likely to be the way it all ends. Well, we’re all gonna die someday.
It only matters how we live.
Abby is knocking on my door. Haven’t seen her all day. Might write more later.
-Adrian.
- About The Author -
C
HRIS
P
HILBROOK is the creator and author of
Adrian’s Undead Diary
as well as the popular webfiction series
Elmoryn
and
Tesser: A Dragon Among Us
.
Chris calls the wonderful state of New Hampshire his home. He is an avid reader, writer, role player, miniatures game player, video game player, and part time athlete, as well as a member of the Horror Writers Association. If you weren't impressed enough, he also works full time while writing for Elmoryn as well as the world of Adrian’s Undead Diary and his newest project, Tesser; A Dragon Among Us.
- Find More Online -
Visit
adriansundeaddiary.com
to access additional content. Learn more about Adrian’s world, contact the author, join discussions with other readers, view maps from the story, and receive the latest news about AUD.
Check out Chris Philbrook’s official website
thechrisphilbrook.com
to keep tabs on his many exciting projects, or follow Chris on Facebook at
www.facebook.com/ChrisPhilbrookAuthor
for special announcements.
Read more by author Chris Philbrook in
The Kinless Trilogy
. Explore Elmoryn, a world of dark fantasy where death is not the end. The story begins in
Book One: The Wrath of the Orphans
, available in print, Kindle, and online. Visit
elmoryn.com
to learn more about Elmoryn, view concept art, and much more.
Follow Chris Philbrook’s latest epic series as it unfolds in
Tesser: A Dragon Among Us
. Meet Tesser, the Dragon. He who walks in any form, and flies the skies free of fear. He has slept for millennia, but now he has awoken in a world ruled by human hands, where science has overshadowed even the glory of old magic. Follow Tesser as he seeks to understand why he slept for so long, and where all the magic has gone. Visit
adragonamongus.com
to learn more.